The barn looked beautiful. So rustic yet classy, warm, yet sophisticated, so April. He was doing the right thing. She deserved this, the happily ever after with a church-loving man who didn't come from an extremely complicated family. Matthew was good for her. She would be happy. She deserved happy.
"Aw! Mint to be!" his thoughts were interrupted as he watched his girlfriend fiddle with the boxes of butterflies. Right. Girlfriend. He was happy too, he would be happy, they would be happy.
"Let's get inside," he smiled down at Stephanie. She was beautiful, the silvery-blue of her dress a stark contrast to her clear, deep skin. She was smart, a great help in the OR. She was everything a man was supposed to love. She wasn't annoying, neurotic, high strung, she wasn't April. And that was the problem.
Clearing his throat, he settled into his seat, watching as his friends and colleagues found their space around him.
"I'm so excited!" he heard Callie exclaim, "The dude is literally a male Kepner, they're gonna be so happy!"
"Gross," Alex muttered, "We don't need more Kepners".
"Well, judging by how excited Matthew looks," Stephanie smiled, "There will be many more Kepner-Taylors soon, if you know what I mean."
Jackson felt sick. He felt physically nauseous. The idea that his April was going to be with that man… he couldn't think about it. Maybe they'd move. Once they got married, they could move to a perfect town and have perfect kids and be perfect together. And he'd find a way to move on, without her. He could do it… right?
He felt Stephanie get up before his ears heard the music. He didn't want to see her, but his body seemed to move without his consent. And then he saw her. She was ethereal. The white floral lace danced over her shoulders before wrapping around her body, the same way his arms once did. It trailed to the floor, enveloping her perfect figure. He tried to keep his eyes on the floor. He knew if he looked up, there's no way he would make it. But he had to, he peered into her auburn eyes, and saw his feelings mirrored back at him. I'm scared. This is right. I want you. But this is what's right. I miss you. We have to do this.
His heart continued to shrink as he looked up and saw the paramedic staring at his bride with so much love and pride. She was his now. She took his hand. They faced the minister. Jackson no longer mattered.
If you love someone, you tell them.
He heard it. Loud and clear. But it was too late, it was too late, there was nothing for him to do now.
Even if you're scared that it's not the right thing.
It can't be the right thing. It would hurt so many people.
Even if you're scared it will cause problems. Even if you're scared it will burn your life to the ground.
His heart started to pound faster than ever before. He was truly running out of time. His vision grew blurry, and all he could see was that tell tale flash of red that haunted all his memories. Intern year, there she was, being as annoying as ever. After the merger, always at his apartment with their friends, baking cookies or drinking beer. After the shooting, holding his hand through his nightmares. When they moved into Meredith's, helping him set up his new home, reminding him he still had her. When he was with Lexie, giving him crap in a way that showed how much she cared for him. When he broke up with Lexie, letting him cry on her shoulder as she reminded him of how much he was worth. At the boards, when she kissed him, and he felt like he had never been kissed before. When they had their first night together, and he realized that he had been blind to what had always been in front of him. She was in his every thought. She wasn't going anywhere. He didn't want her to.
You say it, and you say it loud. And then you go from there.
"I love you, April."
He heard the gasps, was vaguely aware of the looks of horror being shot his way, but they didn't matter. All he saw were her auburn eyes that stared into his. And then her red hair, bouncing up and down and she stumbled towards him, and then she was in his arms.
"I love you".