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The legendary sannin all dumbly looked at on another, having a reunion of sorts. An awkward reunion, or at least that's what Orochimaru made out of the situation.
Maybe it was the fact this reunion had occured within The Leaf's red light district. The very same ninja village that he himself had betrayed and fairly recently killed the third hokage- The Leaf's military leader.
It wasn't surprising in the slightest to Orochimaru to run into Jiraiya inside a whore house/brothel, but why Tsunade was here, he didn't know nor he didn't care enough to wonder why.
After a few seconds of an awkward silence, Jiraiya spoke up, "What are you doing here Orochimaru?" His arms crossed as he levelled as harsh glare upon his former teammate turned traitor.
The snake sannin couldn't help but roll his eyes at this. "What do you think people do in whore houses?"
"Have sex with whores." Jiraiya answered as if it was a 1st grade math problem.
"Yes. Now you know why I am here. So toddle-oo." Jiraiya placed his hand in front of Orochimaru, blocking his path. "First of all, don't ever say toddle-oo again, you sound like a lonely crazy cat lady who got high off of catnip. Second of all, you're not leaving, not after the shit you done. Third of all, and most importantly, why are you here? There aren't any man whores that work here, and I know you're aren't interested in women, so why are you here?"
The harsh edge to Jiraiya's voice, much like Jiraiya being at a whore house, wasn't surprising to Orochimaru in the slightest. Whenever Tsunade was around all Jiraiya could do was act like a Macho man to impress her. This only served to show that Jiraya didn't know much to Tsunade besides her breasts. If she feel in love with a humble spirit like Dan Kato, then tough guy act was completely unnecessary. Not that Jiraiya will ever realize that. Only ever seeing the outside rather than the inside.
Some things never change.
Letting out an exasperated sigh, Orochimaru advertised his irritation with the entire situation. But hey, if Jiraiya was going to irritate him, why not give him a taste of his own medicine? Even things out a bit? "Man whores? I mean you're here now Jiraiya."
"Wh-what?" Jiraiya spluttered. He was the gallant toad sage! He? A man whore? "When did you become a comedian? Me? A man whore? Someone as respected as I?"
"You heard me Jiraiya, you're a man whore. Respect? Good luck with getting that while living as a degenerate pervert. Now back to you being a man whore, you constantly going around everywhere throwing yourself at women so you can get laid. No matter who it is, if she looks hot, there you go throwing yourself at her. Even if you don't know her name, that wouldn't stop you. You know who do such things? Man whores. Even ask Tsunade, I'm certain she'll agree with me."
The slug sannin's nod lead to two things. Orochimaru feeling satisfied with himself putting Jiraiya in his place, and Jiraiya's world completely shattering. His beautiful hime thinks that he, Jiraiya the gallant to be a man-whore. Truly a fate worse than death.
Eyes burning with a raging fire, the toad sage scowled, "Well at least I'm not a pedo." If he was going down, so was the snake bastard.
Orochimaru being a traitor or the one who killed their sensei (the third hokage) didn't matter anymore. A man's pride was everything! And during the month of June, it was a pride month! The month where a man's pride shoots up to unprecedented levels.
On pride month, one does not simply attack another man's pride. Such an act is truly a felony upon felonies.
"OH FOR THE LOVE OF SCIENCE!"
"Don't you mean for the love of god?"
Orochimaru snapped his neck to the left at disturbing speed, eyes boring into the random passerby, "HOW ABOUT YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP? AND FUCK GOD. BASTARD AIN'T EVEN REAL!"
Orochimaru's verbal explosions shocked all those around, especially Jiraiya and Tsunade as they never Orochimaru this angry before.
Turning back to Jiraiya, he continued his rant. "FOR THE LAST TIME I'M NOT A" Orochimaru was cut off by one of the whores nearby, "Sir, could you please"
"YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP HOE AND GET BACK TO FUCKING WHO EVER IT WAS THAT PAID TO FUCK YOU!" The whore was long gone. Angering one of the sannin was nothing short of a death wise.
"NOW JIRAIYA FOR THE LAST TIME I'M NOT A PEDO. IF THIS IS ABOUT ME WANTING SASUKE'S BODY, I WANT TO TAKE HIS BODY SO I CAN HAVE THE SHARINGAN AND TO HAVE A YOUNGER BODY. I DO NOT, AND I REPEAT, I DO NOT HAVE SEXUAL ATTRACTION TOWARDS HIM. YOU ON THE OTHER HAND ARE WAY MORE PEDOPHILIC THAN I AM!"
"No I'm not." Who was Pedomaru to tell him that he is a pedophile?
Taking in a few breaths, calming down in the process, Orochimaru proceeded. "Remind me Jiraiya, who was it that had a 12 year old boy uses the transformation and transform as a naked 12 year old girl?" Jiraiya's eyes widened as he felt Tsunade's glare of upon him. "And you told said 12 year old and I quote, "In my presence, you must always keep that form.""
Jiraiya couldn't find any words to say as he felt his heart pounding in neck. The room's temperature seemingly taking a nosedive as Jiraiya's body was frozen still, unwilling to move a single inch. His legs becoming like spaghetti as he fell to his knees, falling onto the hard rigid floor.
Tsunade's burning glare didn't give any warmth, only give off a premonition of a future beatdown.
In other words? He was fucked.
Orochimaru looked upon the shattered man, quite satisfied, and just when he took a single step to excuse himself, Tsunade was now the one blocking this path. "Orochimaru, as the recently appointed fifth hokage, you are under arrest." A poke to her back of her neck widened Tsunade's eyes as another Orochimaru appeared behind her, kunai pressed against her.
"Wait, soo we have been here all this time with a damn clone?"
The second Orochimaru nodded, "Always has been." He said with a vicious smile.
"OMG IT'S PEDOMARU!"
Orochimaru veered around to face to face with the young Uzumaki who had just appeared. Much like Tsunade he didn't care why this brat came to a whore house, but unlike with Tsunade, Orochimaru slapped the goofy out of him. Because fuck him.
With his clone melted away into mud as the original disappeared in poof of smoke, Orochimaru left behind a confused hokage, a weeping man and a knocked out brat cough cough little shit cough cough.
The end.