Kevin and Jack are quarantining in the bunker with a fighting Cas and Dean. Jack wants them to stop fighting and Kevin just wants some damn peace and quiet. Chaos, of course, ensues.
Written for the Supernatural Quarantine Zine, Volume 1.
Bunkered Down
Jack blinked at him from across the table, brow furrowed as he took bite after bite of fruit loops. His hair was falling into his face and Kevin wondered if Jack would notice should he happen to chop it off while the half-angel was asleep.
Not that Kevin had any plans to do that. Nah. He was above such juvenile behavior.
The munching of Jack's teeth as they ground down on sugary styrofoam loop after sugary styrofoam loop echoed in the room. A slurp as the liquid slid down his throat. And then a smacking squelch as his lips came together before his next bite.
Kevin's eye twitched and he fidgeted in his chair, brows lowering as he tried to focus on the screen of his laptop. He made a couple of notations in his notebook.
"What are you working on?" Jack asked, blinking rapidly as Kevin's eyes narrowed. He tilted the bowl to his lips and slurped up the milk and Kevin's fingers tightened around his pencil.
If only he were holding scissors…
"Paper, for school," Kevin pursed his lips and nodded mutely. He focused back on his laptop. Jack continued to watch him, head tilting as he leaned back in his chair.
"I thought school was out. Dean said that's why you came home before the break?"
The pencil in Kevin's hand snapped. That one he couldn't blame on Jack.… when the hell did *the bunker* become home? And why was it accurate?!
Kevin took a breath in through his nose, "The campus closed, but classes are continuing." He pointed at his computer, "They're online now."
"Oh," Jack hummed and his head tilted the other direction. His hair flopped forward, covering his eyes. His forehead wrinkled, "Do you like schooling like that?"
"School is school," Kevin leaned back in his chair with a huff, resigning himself to yet another 'explaining normal' sessions with Jack. "I'm only taking a few classes, so it's not a big deal."
"Sam said you were taking a large load?"
"I spent most of my life studying 12 hours a day to prepare for the Ivies and a few more translating indecipherable tablets for endless hours." Kevin chuckled darkly, eyes lidded, "Seven classes at a state college is basically vacation."
Jack's nose scrunched up and his eyes narrowed, "That's nothing like High School Musical. Is that normal?"
Kevin snorted, shaking his head, "No, it doesn't." He leaned forward, closing his laptop to cross his arms over the device, "Normal is mostly relative, to be honest with you."
"Oh." Jack straightened and paused, lips pursing for a moment. He slouched forward, "So… our normal is weird?"
"Pretty much," Kevin shrugged, he grinned, snorting again as he gestured out with arms wide to point at the walls of the bunker, "This lockdown? It's the most normal we've ever been."
Jack smiled then, eyes flickering up to the arched ceiling. There was dimple action and Kevin had to suppress the urge to roll his eyes. Jack wasn't jaded yet and Kevin was *trying* not to be too pessimistic around the kid.
"How long do you think we'll all be stuck here?" Jack chirped, sounding far too cheerful. Kevin raised a brow. "Oh." Jack pursed his lips, brows lowering as he cringed, "Not that I want the pandemic to continue…or anything like that."
Kevin chuckled, his lips twitching up against his will, "You're probably immune anyway Jackie-boy." Jack tilted his head to the side again, mouth opening halfway around a half formed question.
"Damn it Cas!" Dean's exclamation cut through whatever Jack's next question was gonna be. Kevin let himself grin now. Dean stalked into the kitchen, still clad in his bathrobe and boxers, with his phone pressed against his ear, "I was suppose to go on the food run this week."
Whatever Castiel's response was, neither Jack nor Kevin heard it as they quickly fled the room.
Kevin walked towards the library with his laptop and notebook pressed firmly to his chest. Jack followed behind him, brow furrowed and pajama pants very wrinkled.
"Do you think they'll stop fighting when things go back to 'normal'?" Jack asked, using finger quotes that Kevin couldn't help but smile at. The bastard...
"Depends," Kevin sighed as he set his computer down on top of one of the shortest stacks of books. "Do you think when Sam finally gets back he'll clean his books up?"
"Definitely not," Jack shook his head vigorously and started to pick books up to shove onto the other tables. "What does the fighting depend on?"
Kevin managed to clear off a spot for his laptop, but frowned at the various teetering towers. "Depends on whether they finally bone or not."
"What?!" Jack sputtered, voice practically a shriek. Kevin winced at the sound. He glanced across the table at Jack, fully prepared to glare, glower, and mock.
Jack was standing, mouth dropped and eyes wide. His face had scrunched up in disgust and he was still gagging slightly.
"Oh right," Kevin chuckled, eyes brightening, "They're basically your parents." He plopped into his seat, grabbing his laptop as he propped his feet up on the table.
"Why would they want to…" Jack glanced around, voice dropping to a whisper, "…to 'bone.'"
Kevin hated himself slightly less for smiling at the finger quotes this time. He cracked his neck, pushing open the lid of his computer, "They fight because they can't talk about their feelings. Classic sexual tension."
"Oh." Jack sunk into a chair. He rested his chin on a pile of books, arms curling around the books in a pseudo-hug. His hair fell forward into his eyes. The puppy-like illusion was not lost on Kevin as Jack began to pout. He stuck his bottom lip out, "Should we help them then?"
"What?!" Kevin sputtered, eyes widening and mouth falling open, "How would we- no, wait, *why* would we do that?!"
"Well, then they'd be happy right?" Jack tilted his head, eyes wide and shimmering with hope and good intentions. He even smiled softly.
Kevin remembered seeing scissors in Dean's bathroom… he wouldn't miss them for one night.
"Fine." Kevin sighed, head falling back against his chair, "We'll help them be 'happy.'" He used finger quotes. Damn it.
-.-.-
Kevin should have known playing matchmaker was a bad idea. Playing at anything you know nothing about is a bad call for one, but this… this was just… torture.
"How many more movies are on the list?" Kevin rubbed at his forehead as their latest blonde protagonist drove off on the back of a motorcycle. He was on the sofa, legs sprawled out on the coffee table, wishing Dean had gone on the last food run so there'd be more chips.
Jack was staring at the screen, mouth open and eyes watering. He hadn't moved from his spot on the floor. He was nestled between the couch and the table, legs criss crossed and arms propped up as the television hypnotized him into a couch potato.
Or floor potato… whatever.
"Jackie~" Kevin aimed a knee at Jack's arm. Jack startled and immediately hit his head on the armrest of the couch. "Good thing that's padded."
"Wha-at?" Jack whined, frowning as he rubbed at his head.
Kevin rolled his eyes, "How many movies left on the list?" He groaned, cringing as he sunk further into the couch, "Cause I'm not sure how many more romcoms I can take."
"I like them!" Jack chirped, a bright smile stretching across his whole face. He gestured out excitedly, "I feel like I'm learning so much about relationships."
"I'm fairly positive they aren't realistic depictions, Jack." Kevin said, narrowing his eyes on the half-angel as he shook his head. Kevin held up a hand before Jack could launch into any sort of debate on the realism of B-list romcoms, "Let me have hope for humanity, Jackie-boy, or I'll never bother dating again."
Jack leaned forward, chin hooking on the couch cushion beside him, "I didn't know you'd dated before?"
Kevin shoved his face off the couch and relished in Jack's yelp. He smirked to himself, "So what's the plan for Operation Disaster Dads?"
"I still don't like that name…" Jack stuck out his bottom lip as he sat back up. His eyes scrunched up in what might have been an attempt at a glare, but it was more adorable than intimidating.
"And I overruled you, as I've had to put up with their bullshit longer I get to choose the name," Kevin waved his hand in Jack's face and then nudged him with his knee again, "Now, on with it, plan, what do we think so far?"
Jack puckered his lips and rubbed at his chin, "Well, in all the movies, they don't get together until some sort of confession occurs." Jack snapped his fingers, face lighting up, "What about some sort of truth potion?! Like in Harry Potter!"
"When did you read-" Kevin shook his head, "Nevermind." He raised a brow, "While I like that plan in theory, neither of us is qualified to make a truth potion, if one really exists."
"We could ask Rowena," Jack shrugged, lower lip jutting out again. Kevin shoved his face down again. "Okay! No potions!"
"How about we lock them in a room together with that dumb mixtape and let them figure it out themselves?" Kevin offered, arms gesturing out.
Jack snorted and rolled his eyes, "Isn't that already what's happening?" Kevin shrugged, eyebrow quirking.
"Oh!" Jack clapped his hands, "We could have a movie night! Maybe watching romance movies together will help them along!" Kevin blinked.
How did one tell a toddler-teenager - todager? Teendler? - that their dads had definitely watched porn together at least once?
Kevin decided 'Not' was the appropriate answer and sighed, "Well, I haven't got any better ideas and at least that way I'm not the only one suffering."
Jack cheered and rushed off to gather Dean and Cas, because apparently the movie night was now. Kevin would have stopped him, could have even, but…
"We're watching Miss Congeniality next! It was one of the highest rated on the list!" Jack returned, skipping, practically dragging both Dean and Cas into the room. He had one hand on each of their arms. "It's gonna be great!"
"Great fun, yes…" Kevin put no effort into helping, but he did stand up to stretch at the perfect moment for Jack to shove them onto the couch next to each other. That totally counted as contributing to the plan.
Kevin plopped down into an armchair as Jack returned to the floor. A few clicks of the remote had the face of Sandra Bullock on their screen.
Unfortunately, that was where the plan derailed.
"Do we have any chips?" Dean asked.
Cas sighed heavily, "No. You know full well I forgot them."
"Guess that's what happens when you go for a food run *without* the list."
Jack was pouting before the opening scene even began. Kevin took one look at his pathetic demeanor and shushed the happy couple, "Guys! Movie!"
The next two hours were very... silent.
Once the movie was over and the lovebirds had returned to their separate nests, Kevin rolled his neck to look at Jack on the floor, "Okay. Call Rowena."
-.-.-
"Kevin!" Jack shouted as he slammed open the bathroom door. Behind his, very much locked, door Kevin cackled.
The too-long floppy hair was gone!
"Why would you do that?" Dean asked him, gesturing towards Jack's head with his spatula. Jack turned wide eyes on Kevin.
"If I hadn't, we'd have another Sampson," Kevin ate his eggs, keeping eye contact the whole time, "And the shower is finally free of hair. Really, I did him a favor, the Moose Mane would not have been as flattering on him."
Dean looked up at the ceiling, shaking his head. Kevin watched Dean's hand shake the spatula threateningly before he sighed, "Don't worry Jack, it'll grow back pretty quick." Kevin grinned. "And now you can help Kevin cut his hair too." Kevin frowned.
That was not at all the outcome he was expecting.
"You know, all I did was cut your bangs a little…" Kevin ran a hand through his newly cut hair. There was certainly no danger of it falling in his face. "…better than a bowl cut, so I guess I can't complain."
Jack stuck his bottom lip out, still impersonating a lonely puddle with his cheek pressed into the wood of the library table. Kevin huffed out a breath and clicked on Zoom, "How about we call Rowena about your plan now, huh?"
And the puddle perked right up!
"I haven't talked to her in forever!" Jack practically vibrated in his seat as he moved it around the table to sit beside Kevin.
"I already regret this…" Kevin clicked on Join Room and entered in a string of numbers that - loosely translated through binary, enochian, and gaelic - eventually said something akin to Fuck Lucifer. Which Kevin immediately chuckled at because he was just weird enough in all the right ways to catch the reference.
There was something to be said for the normal of the WinchesterPlus Clan.
Not that Kevin was at all admitting to be *a part* of said loosely cobbled and traumatized together family. He definitely, definitely wasn't.
"Hello dearies!" Rowena's face took over the screen as the zoom waiting room gave way to her darkened living room. A cauldron was bubbling and steaming in the background.
"Business good?" Kevin quirked a brow, eyeing the cauldron.
Rowena smirked, holding a hand to her chest, "My customers appreciate the ambiance." She wiggled her brows and laughed before clapping her hands together rhythmically.
The lights rose to reveal a fairly bland apartment behind Rowena. Her fingers twisted around her chin as she leant forward. Kevin narrowed his eyes on her.
"It's so good to see you!" Jack cheered as he leaned into frame, practically shoving Kevin aside. "How's your virtual coven? Have you picked out a name yet? Did you get my letters?!"
"One question at a time, Jack," Rowena smiled at him, voice light and giggly, "In order though: excellent, no, and of course! You keep your eyes peeled for a response, my boy." She winked at him, "I put a little something special in there for you."
Kevin rolled his eyes as Jack actually clapped his hands together. Obviously, he was more a toddler than teenager today.
"Oh, don't you worry now, Kevvie," Rowena stuck her finger towards the screen. Kevin leaned back reflexively, "I sent you a little care package too."
"Can we get on with the plan now?" Kevin looked at Jack, brows lowering. Jack startled, wide eyes blinking slowly. Kevin rolled his eyes, looked back at Rowena, "We didn't call just to chat. We need your help."
Rowena's brows rose up her forehead, "You must be joking…" she leaned forward, hand to her chest, "There's a pandemic on, dear, you shouldn't be working a job."
"It's local," Kevin deadpanned, "Very local." Rowena crossed her arms, sat back in her chair. Her lips pursed and her brows stayed high. Kevin rolled his eyes, "We-" Kevin gestured to Jack and then himself, "-have decided it's time for the Dads to get their shit together and confess their feelings, for the good of the bunker."
"A-h!" Rowena spoke slowly, lips coming together in a point as she nodded. They split into a grimace soon after, "Bit of a hail mary play ain't it?"
"I don't know what that means…" Jack raised a hand, he looked from Rowena to Kevin, face earnest and expectant.
Kevin huffed, looked skyward, "She's saying that we're desperate and unlikely to succeed."
"Oh…" Jack's brows furrowed and then he looked to Rowena, head tilting, "Why is that desperate? Kevin said it was obvious they like each other."
"To everyone, including Dean's dead mother," Rowena snorted, shook her head. Her hands went out in a wide shrug, "They're both oblivious and utterly in denial though, my sweet. Have been for years."
Jack looked to Kevin, eyes widening with shimmery, unshed tears. Kevin glowered at Rowena and leaned back in his chair. He crossed his arms, quirked a brow, "Are you gonna help us or not?"
"Well…" Rowena tapped her fingers together, lips curling into a smile, "I suppose…" she leaned forward, sighing, "…for such a good cause, I mean…" a hand came to rest on her chest, "…I might be persuaded to…" her lashes fluttered as she made eye contact, "…offer my assistance."
"50% upfront, 50% if it actually works." Kevin responded plainly, eyes narrowing.
Rowena's lips puckered, "75% upfront, 25% if the *effects* occur." She waved her hand away from her body, "I will make no guarantees where Winchesters are concerned."
"Deal." Kevin nodded and pulled out his phone. "How much for a truth potion?" Rowena's lips spread into a smirk, "Don't forget who helped you set up your online shop."
"Oh, fine," Rowena huffed and rolled her eyes. Jack grinned at her. "I will send you an invoice once I check my spell book, for those two stubborn mules you'll need the strongest one I can muster." With a shake of her head, Rowena stood. She pointed a finger at the screen, "Jack, tell your annoying little brother there that you're my favorite."
Kevin snorted as the screen went black and they were kicked from the room. Jack's brow furrowed again, nose wrinkling as he narrowed his eyes.
"Wouldn't you be my big brother though?" Jack asked him, turning his head to meet Kevin's eyes, "Since you're older than me." He looked up then, squinting at the ceiling, "Or was she talking about height?"
"I *will* shave your head." Kevin shoved Jack away and pulled his laptop closer. Kevin grumbled to himself as Jack walked away, grinning, with his hands up. He clicked onto his discord to the Wayward Siblings server.
I'm definitely the older brother right?
The responses were quick and simple.
Only a middle child would ask that question.
How *dare* you disrespect the Moose?
You're hilarious Kev, tell us another one.
Kevin sniffed and closed discord, "Well fine then." He's definitely not paying Rowena full price now.
It takes a week, but Kevin found the truth potion sitting on his desk in a glass vial, topper screwed shut. The tag said she'd added a bit of basil and lavender for an extra kick.
"They may not need help with the love part, but we could use some luck..." Kevin mumbled to himself as he dumped the whole vial into a bottle of vodka and shook it up.
"Why are we putting it in vodka?" Jack squinted at the bottle as Kevin put it in the freezer.
Kevin rolled his neck and listened to it crack, "Because vodka is clear, like the potion, and alcohol is one of the four major food groups in this family."
"Oh." Jack blinked, then nodded as he puckered his lips in thought, "That makes sense."
And didn't that just say it all. Kevin grabbed a beer from the fridge. It was the last one. Kevin grinned and turned to look at Jack as he popped the top off, "Now, we just have to hide any other booze in the house."
It took them three hours, mostly because Dean kept wandering into the rooms they were searching. He gave them puzzled looks.
"Jack's helping me with a project for class," Kevin lied flawlessly and dug his nails into Jack's arm to keep him from opening his mouth. This was not a conversation for inexperienced liars.
Dean narrowed his eyes, "And this project has you… measuring the rooms of the bunker?" Dean glanced at the tool box in Jack's hand - filled with half-empty bottles of whiskey and tequila - and then up at Kevin's face.
"None of them are the right size yet," Kevin shrugged. They stared at each other for another minute.
"Alright," Dean sighed, rolled his eyes, "Whatever." He raised his hands and his bottom lip stuck out in an awkward frown as he backed out of the room, "Just don't break anything."
Kevin snorted, "No promises. This baby angel here is as clumsy as a real toddler."
"Hey!" Jack pouted, eyes wide with betrayal. Kevin ignored him and tugged the kid back to the library as soon as Dean was out of sight.
"And now," Kevin kicked his legs up on the table, computer open to the security footage in the kitchen, "We wait."
-.-.-
The plan did what all plans that involve Winchesters do. It went to hell almost immediately.
In this case, it went south when Dean gulped down half the bottle right before Sam called.
The brothers were halfway through an impromptu therapy session when Cas walked into the kitchen in search of water for the plant he was attempting to grow in his room.
And from there it spiraled.
"Stop treating me like some fragile doll!"
"I am merely trying to protect you from exposure. I'm an angel, Dean, that means no human virus can hurt me."
"Does it also make you incapable of following a damn grocery list?"
Kevin watched their argument with slowly narrowing eyes. Jack had his hands over his ears. When the Dads moved their argument to the garage - or more accurately, when Dean stomped off to work on Baby and Cas followed him with a scowl - Kevin snuck into the kitchen and dumped the rest of the vodka down the drain.
"What now?" Jack asked, eyes wide and lips trembling, "They're still arguing."
Kevin sighed, ruffled at the back of his hair, then groaned, "Let's call Sam."
Damn it. He was the middle child.
"You gave them a truth potion?" Sam screeched over the phone when Kevin started to tell him the story. Jack cringed when Kevin held the phone away from his ear.
"Technically only Dean drank it," Kevin told him, tutting at the phone, "And it sounded like you and Dean worked through some shit, so you're welcome."
Sam's voice did not lower and Jack's brows furrowed, "I don't think that was helpful."
"Eh," Kevin shrugged and set the phone on the table, "It made me feel better." Sam continued ranting or rambling or whatever until he realized that Kevin wasn't responding.
"You're an asshole, Kevin," Sam said in a low tone.
Kevin picked up the phone, "I learned from the best." He grinned to himself as Sam grumbled on the other end of the phone, "So, you gonna help us or what?"
"Well, what did they argue about?" Sam asked with a sigh and Kevin could picture him rubbing at his forehead in the living room of Rufus' cabin.
"Potato chips!" Jack chimed in. Kevin squinted at him, "Is that not right?"
"Dean is going stir crazy and Cas is trying to be helpful in the worst ways," Kevin translated for Sam.
Sam groaned, "You know this is a futile endeavor right? They aren't gonna do anything until they're both good and ready."
"Then we just need to get them there," Kevin narrowed his eyes on a stack of books as he began to pace. He was going to figure this out if he had to read every book in this library to find the answer.
Winchesters might be stubborn, but Kevin had translated the word of god, he could decipher a damn relationship problem.
"Have you tried locking them in a room together?" Sam suggested. Kevin turned on his heel to look at Jack, hand pointing towards the phone.
Jack ducked his head and started humming.
For the next few days Kevin watched the security cameras. He added a few wireless pinhole cameras to cover the blindspots.
"Uh, Kevin, don't you think this might be overdoing it a little?" Jack asked as he read over the detailed outline Kevin had created for both Cas and Dean's routines.
Kevin glanced up at him, well aware he looked more intimidating with dark circles, "This was your idea, Jackie-boy. Operation Disaster Dads will not fail a third time."
It was amusing to watch Jack scooch backwards in his chair until Kevin looked back at his computer screen.
"I know exactly when we'll strike."
Jack blinked, glanced at the outlines, "But they're avoiding each other."
"Exactly," Kevin grinned, jaw clenching as he gripped his pencil in his fist, "They just need an emergency for them to come running."
"An emergency?" Jack's nose scrunched up and he shook his head, "But how will we know before one of those-"
Kevin's lips curled out as he smiled at Jack.
"Oh…" Jack nodded his head. His throat bobbed as he glanced at the pencil in Kevin's hand. His knuckles were white.
When Jack screamed, Dean and Cas both ran towards it. Exactly as Kevin predicted. They rushed into Jack's room with guns and angel blades at the ready.
Their eyes landed on the Enochian script and the empty bedroom. When they turned around, the door slammed shut. Kevin's voice floated faintly through the door - a spell.
"What the hell?" Dean banged on the door. It didn't budge. And there were enough angel sigils in the room to lock in the whole of heaven.
"If you argue about potato chips again I'm going to leave you in there till Sam gets home!" Kevin's voice was deep and strained.
Dean raised a brow and looked at Cas, "I forgot how grumpy he gets when he doesn't sleep."
There was a bang from the other side of the door. Dean took a step away. "I am not grumpy!" Kevin shrieked. They heard his footsteps stomping away.
'Grumpy' Dean mouthed to Cas. He holstered his gun and sighed, "Remind me to hide the coffee somewhere new when we get out of here."
"Do you think this is because we've been arguing about potato chips?" Cas asked quietly, forehead creased as he looked at Dean. "This seems like a slight overreaction…"
"Nah," Dean huffed and plopped onto Jack's bed. He leaned back, eyes closed, "Kids just want us to kiss and make up."
Dean cracked an eye open when Cas didn't respond. The angel was fidgeting, eyes on the floor.
"I don't think they mean literally, Cas."
"Yes we do!" Jack's voice called from the other side of the door. Dean and Cas both looked towards it. The cheerfulness to Jack's voice was almost as disturbing as the manic frustration in Kevin's. "We've been trying to get you two to admit your feelings for each other for weeks!"
Dean blinked at the door, a scoff at the ready. Cas was staring at the door with his mouth hanging open.
"You're not suppose to tell them!" Kevin nearly growled at Jack. Dean shook his head and tuned out the bickering that was floating into the room.
"How 'bout we just tell them?" Dean looked at Cas, lips twisted, "I ain't getting any younger and I'd like to get out of here before Kevin has an aneurism."
"We haven't been arguing about potato chips have we?" Cas sighed, eyes rising to the ceiling as he shook his head. Dean blinked and rolled his eyes.
-.-.-
"Three years!" Kevin paced the kitchen, hands gesturing out above his head. Jack sat at the table, mouth hanging open. Kevin turned a finger on Dean's face as he spoke through clenched teeth, "Do you know how much time I sunk into Operation Disaster Dads?!"
Cas furrowed his brows, "Operation Disaster Dads?"
"Kevin picked the name because I picked the mission," Jack told him, a smile forming on his face as he looked at Dean and Cas across from him at the table. "I'm really happy for you two!"
"I am not!" Kevin slammed a hand down on the table, eyes narrowed, "How the hell did you two keep this a secret for so long?"
Dean shrugged, "Y'all are just oblivious."
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