"Levi, look there. Remember yer mom?" Kenny pointed out a brothel as they weaved their way through the crowded streets in the Underground City. It had been about two years since his mom had died, give or take the number of days not counted in his state of misery. The man, Kenny, was in a hurry to get somewhere, probably some gambling game where he was going to slash the throat of a gang member. Levi was coming along to provide backup if things got out of hand. He'd gotten good with a knife but still needed to work on his technique.
Kenny patted Levi's back. "Those women in there. They're just like her. They're whores. Ya know what that means?"
The scrawny youth looked down. "It means that they charge men money to play around with them. They take their clothes off and do all kinds of things to each other."
Kenny scoffed. "Still speakin' with the kiddy terms? It's called 'fucking' each other. Know what that is? Yer naked and stick body parts in each other. And when the man paying money pays a pretty young whore enough money to get her to do what he wants, he just walks away when he gets bored."
Levi nodded. "And 'fucking' is what gets women pregnant?"
"Now yer talkin'! That's what happened to get you born into this underground shithole." Kenny slipped him something into his hand. A coin. One coin that could buy him some cheap filthy sweet. "Someone put a kid into yer mom's belly and didn't even stick around for ye to be born." Kenny looked away from Levi for a few moments of silence.
Levi stood quiet too. Who was his dad? Did he look like him? Why did he leave his mom and him?
Kenny adjusted his hat. "Ye gotta promise me one thing, brat. Never sleep around with a woman ye aren't gonna stay with. Money or not. No need to bring your own brat into the Underground City if they're just gonna sit around in the dark and starve."
Levi looked around. A crowd of young children carrying bowls for the better off citizens to put money into for a chance of getting some bread that night walked by, all dirty and a few with tears in their eyes. Were their moms all whores too?
"I won't," Levi replied meekly.
"That's it, boy! We may be a bunch of bloody bastards but at least we aren't going to sleep around and fuck up a bunch of women." Kenny took Levi by the hand to drag him along faster to their target location.
…
He didn't mean this to happen. They both just wanted to have some time together a few weeks ago at the banquet. Hange had relieved him of duty since Floch was nice enough to take over his guard duty of the Volunteers. She knew that they had gotten closer over the years. But like this?
Since the last week, his heart had still not returned from his stomach. Nothing in the world seemed to matter other than what he had done. Damn it. This was too fucked up in this fucked up, cruel world.
Levi rode his steed mindlessly to the Orphanage via a backroad. The pleasant countryside sunshine was doing no favors for his mood. He had an unmarked hooded cloak on to prevent the few passersby from recognizing him. Nobody could see this, goddammit, not like this. Historia requested him to be here for this. At least he could approve of him equally.
Those words Kenny taught him all those years ago about sex and sleeping around. Why hadn't he just listened to what he said? No. He wanted to stay here with her through all this. This was all his fault for being a sleazy piece of shit. But he couldn't. What if the rest of the brass found out?
The road became smoother as his horse slowed from the ride. Barns and sleeping spaces for children, all those orphan children he and Historia saved from being without a loving place to live, seemed almost a mockery to him now, a fucking joke. He thought about that man, whoever he was, who brought him into the world and just left him and his mother to die. Was he becoming him?
The Orphanage outside was empty of volunteers, but it was late afternoon, so most of the daily chores were done. Outside the main residence, Historia's, stood Historia, dressed in a beautiful pink dress and a shawl over her shoulders. Her bright blue eyes were downcast. Levi brought his horse to a rapid halt. She barely reacted.
"Levi," Historia spoke, curtly bowing her head.
Levi dismounted. "Feeling okay still? Or are you puking your guts out?" He tried to speak as quietly as possible despite the lack of company.
Historia snorted slightly. "Oh… I haven't felt great really. More scared than sick right now. I'm not any happier than you to have to do this." She placed a hand on her stomach. "But I think he'll want to help." She peered to one of the cow barns. "He works here even after the other volunteers go home."
Just some local farmer. A normal, humble farmer who used to bully her as a child. Nice young man whose name was Wallace or Walter or something. Didn't matter who he was as long as it wasn't somebody suspicious.
Historia's eyes welled up. "Here, I'll take your horse. You go inside." She took the horse by the reins to lead it away without making eye contact with Levi. She sniffled as she tried pacing herself. The horse whickered without a care in the world.
Levi entered her modest residence and removed the hood from his head. He took a seat at the kitchen table and rubbed his temple. Damn you, damn you. He couldn't believe he was doing this.
…
Historia shut the door to the stable. She hid the saddle and reins in a small storage area where nobody would suspect to find them. Her stomach twinged. She really was the worst girl- now woman- in the world. Why had she done this?
Warmth. Ecstasy. Indulgence. Historia wasn't one to read romance novels with heavy sexual content. Maybe it was from being reminded that she was the result of such a loveless union, something she wouldn't need to have in her life since she was probably going to die soon anyways. But that night… that night was different.
She never had the time to really show the true Historia to Ymir. It all went too fast that day when Reiner and Bertholdt revealed their true selves as well. From what Eren had told her, Ymir insisted that Historia would be safer in his hands than in her own where the two Shifters were going to take her. She too had no time to explain the truth about the world outside of the Walls where they thought they were the last of humanity. That still didn't make it any easier to acknowledge that their promise to live proud lives together was broken. But things changed so swiftly when the operation to retake Maria succeeded at a high cost, something she herself played a role in despite being a mere figurehead.
Who had known that her royal blood, not just the fact that she was of a true royal family, but of a bloodline whose very blood could allow her to become a goddess if she got the right Titan or if she made contact with the Founder. It was such a fickle thing after playing Krista the goddess among her fellow cadets for three years that she could become divine if she so chose to, but she rejected it that day in the cave. But faced with the prospect of the island being destroyed by enemies who wished them to be extinct, she knew she couldn't doom all the innocent people she swore to protect. How could she let little children who were just like her as a child grow up in a world where they had no guarantee of survival or love? She would take the Beast Titan no matter the cost. She would have children. She feared the prospect of choosing which one would have to take up the burden… or she could make the best of it and teach them the truth that nobody is truly free and must choose what would make them the proudest. They would at least be free from the vow made by King Karl Fritz. Maybe they could figure something out.
But over the last year, she couldn't help but notice the protectiveness of Captain Levi as he assisted at the Orphanage with Hange when they weren't with the Volunteers. He barely spoke to her, but he was always in the distance, working away with a look of pain on his face. One day, he approached her from behind while she tended to some chickens.
"Historia," he started. She flinched. She turned slowly. His face was sullen as usual, save for his usually intense eyes. "I was listening in on the meeting with Hizuru months back. The part of the treaty with Hizuru where you have to inherit Zeke Jaeger's Titan...". The corner of his mouth twisted. She knew about Erwin. It was partially her fault.
"Oh Captain," she sighed, smiling faintly. "I know. It's hard to make amends with those who have taken so much away from us. It's partially his fault that Ymir left me that day too." He was the one who understood her pain, even better than Eren or Mikasa did. But suddenly, he placed a hand on her shoulder. She gasped. He only did this when he was very serious.
He continued, calming himself. "Do you resent me?"
Historia blinked. "N-no," she stuttered, raising her eyebrows. She didn't break eye contact with him though. "Why?"
He continued. "I told you once that we would make you do whatever we wanted to guarantee our survival. And now… those money whores from Hizuru want you to do this whole Titan shifting deal…." He mumbled on. Historia shuddered at that other time he put his hands on her. This time though, it seemed he was the one afraid of something.
"It's not your fault. I was still just a scared girl named Krista," she blurted out. "You were just doing what you thought was best for everyone. So did I." Two young boys ran by shouting in glee as they threw a pigskin ball back and forth in the distance. "If I didn't become Queen, these two would be standing in the rain all cold or without learning how to read or write. It was worth the conflict."
He relaxed a bit. Their eyes met. What had happened to the man?
"Historia. Hange and I don't want you to have to bear children if you don't want to. It's your choice, but you're still so young. We- I put a sack of shit on your shoulders and expected you to accept it. Tch." He shifted nervously. "We're going to do what we can to find a solution that won't turn you into a monster like your father or sister. The options are on the table, and-"
Historia's throat had a lump in it. She trembled. Why was he saying all this?
"Captain… you don't have to do this. I want to. This is my duty to our people on this island. I want my future children to live in peace for the time that they are allowed. I won't be like my father and force any of them to take my Titan if they don't want to." A young hen stood up from a batch of freshly laid fertile eggs in her nest. "I won't be bound by the will of King Fritz. Maybe I can figure something out with whoever holds the Founder so after me, they won't have to be sacrificed."
Levi snorted. "Tch. A treaty can't be easily amended. If you back out once you take the Titan, what will Hizuru do? They'll put an embargo on all the modern supplies that have helped the brats here to get better when they're sick. And that doesn't solve the issue of Marley…." He gestured her over to a bale of straw to sit.
That afternoon, they spoke for hours. They became frequently immersed in their conversations about the world as they now knew and the island politics. Historia sometimes forgot that she was supposed to be tending to her other duties. And it was just weeks ago that at the banquet, she longed to have his company for a little while. Floch Forster, one of the heroes of the recapture of Wall Maria, pleaded that he take over for Levi that night on guard duty for the Volunteers. She got her wish in the form of intimacy she had never felt rush over her body before.
And her wish turned into a curse.
Live for yourself. Live a life you're proud of. Make a choice you don't regret. They all sounded easy to live by, but now that this had happened, what was there to be proud of? They had both failed to live up to their duties to defend their people. But what could they do now with their own child on the way?
Historia sniffled. On those lonely nights as a little girl after her mother left her, she had consoled herself with her favorite fairytale stories which were about mothers who loved their children. She dreamed of one who would hug her and just say that she loved her. She didn't know if she wanted a husband or not, but she had since realized after maturing more that she equally had feelings for men. Still, she wanted another person to equally love the child brought into the world, somebody who could share the pain and burden with her every step of the way.
There was no way that she was taking the cotton root bark. Not because she feared that the brass would find out she had gotten pregnant in the first place and then induced a miscarriage, but because she couldn't. She wouldn't. She was not letting her child not be allowed into this world. Her mother's first words to her stung her. She wasn't going to let that happen. Ever.
But what about the people on the island? How many children were going to die or have to go to war as a result? She'd have to rely on Eren and Hange and the rest of the Survey Corps now. They would be travelling to Marley soon to negotiate with Hizuru and attend the forum for Eldian rights.
...
Historia discreetly made her way back to her residency. Inside, Levi had prepared himself a cup of tea as if he were just here to chat away instead of making a deal with her childhood bully. She felt her heart rate pick up at the thought of that. He barely reacted to her entering the house.
"Are you sure everybody has left for the day?"
"Yes. The children have been told that they are staying inside the rest of the day, and Walter is the only one who is working." She took a seat next to him.
He nodded. The intensity in his gray eyes was absent, and he seemed to ignore the tea he had prepared sitting before him. "You deserve a better man than me." Silence hung over them for what seemed like hours. They didn't look at each other. But before long, Historia couldn't take it anymore. She took his hand and guided it to her belly, still flat but soon to change.
"I still trust Commander Hange and Armin to figure something out," she said, but even she knew that her words sounded empty. One of them would have to be negotiating without even knowing what really happened that night at the banquet.
"Historia," he started, "even if they do… you need to know… we need to remember that we may damn well not be able to make this work. The brass isn't going to be skipping with glee that we fucked and then fucked the island over."
That wasn't a lie, but it seemed that he couldn't convince himself of its truth. He gazed longingly at her for the first time that day. They drew close for a kiss, one of their last possible moments together. The tears welled up in her eyes as she desired his sweetness mixed in with his strength. And he absorbed her gentleness and warmth as he kept one hand around her waist to where her… their child was now.
"Please, Levi," her voice cracked, "promise me you'll at least be here for the birth of our child. I want them to know that you aren't a piece of shit who is walking away on purpose. I don't want to be a bad mother to them. Please." She leaned into his shoulder, sobbing. "We have to make this work."
He didn't respond. He only stroked her gently on the back. She wasn't wrong. If Eren found out about this, he'd be equally pressed. He was the one to strongly object that day to her having to bear children. That brat's angry green eyes fumed with a fire nobody could put out. Why was he so damn angry all the time lately, anyways? Nobody, not even the brass, really wanted this for their young Queen, but even when she volunteered without the fear of being forced into another role, he couldn't tolerate being in the same room as them. He wondered if Historia had mentioned her idea of her being the last to inherit Zeke fucking Jaeger and bypassing the vow. If they weren't expecting a child, would that even work when she would be turned?
Historia looked out the window. The sun was beginning to set. It was about time to put their coverup into action. Then he would have to get ready to depart for Marley in a few weeks' time. Absolutely under no circumstances could they be seen together. And for now, he had to play the role that bastard his father played all those years ago in that dark, cold brothel. And she had to play a new game of pretend in order to save their skins.
They almost had to drag themselves from the kitchen to the door as they made their way to the barn where Walter was working. Levi put his hood up and trailed closely behind her. The world around them spinned without stopping for them even if they wished that it could stop only for them as it had in Historia's bedchamber that night.
At least thirty meters away from the barn, they could make out his figure using a pitchfork to move some straw around. This Walter was noticeably tall with blond hair. What would his eye color be? Hopefully the child would be born with a blue shade of eye color instead of gray. Historia hadn't taken this detail into account from years ago when all she saw of him was through the assault of stones.
Historia halted and turned to Levi. "You didn't promise me." She looked down at her belly. He sighed painfully against the reality of the situation.
"I promise."
He drew her close to him and embraced her tightly, hoping that Walter would not notice this commotion between the two of them. "I'm sorry," he lamented breathlessly. It was time to say goodbye. Possibly forever.
Historia wiped her eyes on her sleeve and stepped out of his proximity to the barn. He stayed behind, watching and waiting for the man who was probably better than he ever would be for that brat when it was born to respond to Historia's plea for help, something that he couldn't even do much about now.