Another Love- Tom Odell

Rating: K

The car drive was silent, he knew there had been a series of really hard days for her and seeing her sitting on the floor in the middle of that empty corridor, surrounded just by tons of documents broke his heart. During the past weeks he had managed to get to know her better, their trip to Moldova had been a way to spend some time together and develop their work relationship as partners. He knew she had been through a lot in the past years; firstly her kidnapping, then being tortured with whatever sharp object could give her all those scars on her back, and mostly kept underwater, which gave her a probably life long phobia. Seeing her sitting there alone made him want to do something, she was once again loosing herself into this case. If there was something that he had understood about her in that short amount of time was how much she wanted to close it, to know what really happened to her. Firstly she was investigating alone and it was also the reason they met. She had rejoined the bureau and chose the case he was working on just because she wanted to get informations and as far as he knew she was investigating with another detective who got killed. He didn't want her to be in danger. He cared about her, a lot; that's why the first thing he did when he saw her sitting there was to bring her somewhere else so she wouldn't have lost herself in those tons of papers again. They had to wait for their colleagues to crack the files, waiting there and overthinking about the whole situation was useless.

He wanted to bring her somewhere, he didn't really know what he was looking for, but some place where she could get distracted, somewhere quiet. His mind suddenly thought about a place. It was his place. He had been going there to spend some time alone when he needed to; after leaving the navy and coming back to Boston he had a lot to process and he loved to spend his time there. He had never shared it with anyone, never got there with someone else, but she was different. If his place could give him some kind of comfort, had been able to cure his tormented soul, maybe it could have helped her too. He hoped she could understand that he cared about her, she wasn't alone, he was right there with her if she needed him. He felt something for her, something that definitely went beyond a simple work relationship. Holt was right, mixing work and private life was dangerous, but he couldn't help it, you don't get to choose for who you start falling for, it just happens.

As he was driving through the well known streets to get to that field he just regretted the night was quite cold, maybe it wasn't such a good idea, but he didn't know where to bring her otherwise. He kept looking at her with the corner of his eyes; she was laying her head against the definitely cold glass of the car window, thinking about something he clearly wouldn't understand. Even thought she looked so similar to the Emily that was sitting alone in that corridor, he knew she wasn't. She was just lost in her thoughts, they might have been about the case or something else, but the good thing was that she didn't have the opportunity to check files for informations and overthink about it once again. He wanted her to be alright, to feel free for a couple of hours, he would have stayed with her all night if she had wanted to.

He stopped the car and helped her outside, he took the beers they had previously bought at the supermarket. She had just nodded when he had asked her if she felt like drinking a beer; she had followed him silently through the store and she had said something only when she had offered to pay of them. He told her it was his treat this time, saying she could have payed the following one. She nodded and gave him a smile, both letting the thought of spent another night together sink between them. He sat on the front part of the car, telling her to do the same and sit next to him, he didn't stop the radio from playing, it was giving some kind of atmosphere and it seemed nice. The field in front of them was foggy, cold, but yet having her by his side warmed his heart.

"So, what's so special about this place?" she asked as she uncapped one of the beers, drinking a good amount of the amber liquid.

"It's quiet, it's no where" his answer was whispered, like he wanted just her to hear it, even though no one was around.

She really appreciated it, he was being so sweet with her. She did really need a break, the case was consuming her, she was feeling exhausted; knowing Cal she had to assume he would have brought her somewhere calm and quiet. She felt her heart skip a beat thinking about him, it had been a while since her heart did it. She surely felt something for Tommy, some kind of attraction, but nothing too serious. She was searching for some normality and at that point she was sure Tommy could give it to her, but she was wrong. She was fighting an internal battle against herself. She really wanted to be able to learn to love again, to love someone like she used to do years before with Nick. Maybe even more, maybe even better. She didn't know if there was a deeper love than the one she had felt before. She had always been a one and done type of girl, when she found Nick and they got married, she was genuinely so happy, she couldn't have imagined herself with anybody else. When she found out she was pregnant her life changed forever, it had brought her new fears but also the reassurance that she knew Nick would have been by her side forever. They were just trapped into their happy bubble: her, her husband and their beautiful baby boy. But even the most beautiful and perfect bubble could suddenly burst if something sharp comes into its way, her sharp object was that case. That case she had been investigating on since she came back, her case. There had been nights where she couldn't sleep, she just laid there,surrounded by nightmares of what happened and nightmares of what could have happened if she hadn't closed that case as soon as she could. She was trying to go back to normal but she just couldn't. Her life had been a mess, she was scared, everything in her life got ruined by those six years that she couldn't even remember.

She had the perfect life, she believed Nick would have never left her, that if she had got kidnapped he would have never lost hope. That's what he had promised her when they had exchanged those rings at the aisle. Till dead do us apart. Of course at some point she was declared dead, but the most selfish part of herself believed he would have waited for her, because him and Flynn were the focus of the few random memories of her captivity she still remembered. When she came back the world had crumbled underneath her feet, she had been broken both physically and emotionally. Not only she had PTSD, but also a broken heart. She had been crying herself to sleep for months after discovering Nick had remarried another woman. The sadness that filled her heart after that night they spent together was way more painful than any torture she had experienced. She loved him, she really did, but now she didn't want to be broken anymore. She had understood that both her and Nick had changed a lot during those years and now they couldn't work anymore, but even if she tried to love someone else she didn't succeed in it, or at least she was too scared to do it.

Tommy had been great, but not really what she was looking for, their relationship started in a bad period of her life, moreover she was investigating on the case while using drugs, not really the best way to start a relationship. Now Tommy was dead and she felt really bad for him, he didn't deserve it and it was her fault. She was broken, but deep down inside she felt something whenever her and Cal got near, when their hands touched. She felt better now, she still had a couple things to work on, but she so wanted to be able to love again. She was ready. During their trip to Moldova her and Cal got closer and she really started to feel something for him. She wasn't sure it was love, being able to love agin and wanting to were definitely two different things. But it was a start. With Tommy she couldn't really let herself go, everything reminded her about the fact that she had everything she wanted, and now she was searching for that everything again. Tommy was a nice guy, but he wasn't that everything she was searching for. She wasn't sure Cal was, but he could at least be something. To reach the level of normality she used to have before being kidnapped was hard, but she waned to give it a try.

She looked at him, his gaze seemed lost into something she couldn't quite figure out. He looked so handsome, she would honestly give him a chance if he had wanted to, she didn't know if he felt that feeling too, that spark, that shiver down his spine when he touched her hand. The feeling she couldn't quite name, she didn't want to. She had been broken for too long but still scared to be broken again now that she was starting to put all the pieces back together. The internal battle she was fighting against, grew even stronger the more she thought about it. On one hand she had her want to try to have something real, something she would like to have with him, but on the other hand she was scared of being broken once agin.

He knew she was looking at him, he could feel her eyes on him. He wished he knew what was going on in her mind, but he didn't want to ask. She had never been that open about her personal life and most of all about her feeling. He couldn't deny he felt something whenever she looked at him, a tingling on his skin he had never felt before; well, he did sometimes, but not for just a look. He had this feeling whenever she was near, this shiver in his body, this constant feeling of needing to protect her. He clearly remembered when they were captured and he was ready to punch an armed guy when they opened the doors of that truck; he had stopped just because another guy caught her and was pointing a gun to her neck. If that man hadn't had her he would have kept going with his punches, until his hands hurt, and even when they had, he would have kept going if it had meant she would have been safe. He would have gotten himself even in the biggest argument of all times, he would have dealt with being called however people wanted; he knew that sometimes words could hurt even more than actions, but he would have done it for her, even if he would have lost.

Hearing the song playing in the background made her heart swell, she hadn't heard this song in ages. She had always loved music, it was her favorite song six years before, now she wasn't really sure about it. Since she got back she still had to listen to tons of songs she wasn't updated on, and delated a lot of songs from her playlist. It was a common thing, to connect a particular song to a person or to a specific moment in your life and she used to do it too. After everything that happened with Nick she found herself almost emptying her playlist, she had never noticed how many songs reminded her about him, it was like she had dedicated every love song she knew to him, after all she couldn't blame herself, she thought they might have been forever, it had been legit for her to do it.

"I love this song" it slipped out of her mouth like a whisper, without her control.

She heard him chuckle and standing up, heading toward the car to get the music higher. They were in the middle of no where, no one would have noticed or complained about it. She got up almost unconsciously, her feet moving on their own. She looked back at him and their eyes met, she gave him a smile and he smiled back at her. He was so handsome in his leather jacket, it matched hers. If anyone would have seen them they would have thought they did it on purpose, that they might have been a couple of riders or two members of a rock band. In every case, the fact that people might have thought about them as a couple made her heart skip a beat. She wondered what kind of person Cal was in his private life, as a partner; she already knew he was sweet and caring but she did really want to know him even better. She wondered if he was the kind of man who would buy her flowers for their first date, or maybe he would have been so nervous to even forget where he put the car keys. Honestly she was sure he was great, he was already amazing as a work partner, she couldn't even imagine how kind he was as a life one.

As she listened to the music in the background, her feet started moving on their own in a dance she wasn't even sure about. She had never been able to dance, all she did was to jump here and there, moving her hands and her head. She might be looking like a fool and probably being ridiculous but she didn't care; she felt good around him, she knew she could just be herself and he wouldn't have judged her, he never did. Her mind was telling her to just get near to him, take his hands into hers and dance with him. She shivered remembering the feeling of their hands touching; when he grabbed her hands tightly but at the same time so softly, kissing them while she was trying so hard to breathe in that tunnel. At the time she didn't have time to think about it, she just really appreciated his kid action, but when he took her hand some hours before to help her get up from the floor at the bureau she felt it.

"You did good in Moldova, I'm glad you were there" she heard him say.

It was the last thing she wanted to think about in that moment, she just wanted to relax, to feel alive at the beat of one of her favorite song, a song that maybe will, from now, always remind her of that moment. That moment when she got to spend some alone time with a man she felt something for, but was still too scared to admit it, too scared of being rejected, too scared to feel broken again.

"I don't wanna talk about it... I don't wanna talk about any of this shit!" she screamed, throwing the bottle far away in the field.

She let out a scream, throwing that bottle as hard as she could, wanting to throw away all her fears, all her insecurities, everything. She really wanted it to be that simple, to just make all the bad things she didn't really want to deal with vanish as easily as that bottle shattered on the ground, going into a million pieces that were impossible to put back together. Actually she didn't know if she wanted to forget everything, but just stop all her insecurities and what being kidnapped let to. She was sure that everything she did, everything she went through led her in that moment, in an isolated field, during a cold and quite foggy night, with Cal. As much as it sounded weird, she was happy about it. She knew that maybe if no one would have captured her she might have been somewhere better, maybe in a fancy restaurant with Nick, having a good dinner, or in a foreign place having a vacation during some days off. However, just knowing that she was there with such an amazing man as Cal made her happy; even though that happiness was stopped by her fears. She didn't want to be scared anymore, she couldn't let some damn fear control her life.

She let out a scream, not really controlling it, throwing her middle fingers through the air. Sending to hell that bottle like it was filled with her worst moments in life, everything that made her sad, angry and anxious. She didn't want it anymore, she was tired of everything, she wanted to live a normal life or at least have a peak of normality after a really long time. She had tried to, but everything went wrong; now she was feeling way better, she knew she wasn't really ready for a total normal life, but she wanted to try again.

Screw her fears, her insecurities, everything. She saw him heading toward the car, not really knowing what he wanted to do, but she took his hand. A sudden shiver went down her spine as she reached for the radio, making the music even louder. It was almost midnight but as she thought a few minutes before, no one would have cared. His hand was so soft and she pulled him with her, walking backwards and giving him a big smile. He gave her a confused look, what was she doing? He wanted to shoot some bottles with her but it turned out she had other plans. He wasn't really sure what her plans were but he was intrigued and he surely wanted to find out.

She started to dance again holding his hand, in her mind it was a ridiculous dance, but honestly she didn't care, she was having fun and she needed to stop overthinking. She looked up at him and she saw a smile on his face as he started to dance with her. He didn't usually dance, he was never able to, but it was just a different way to blow off some steam. They didn't have to take part to a dancing competition, no one was watching them, they were just having fun.

Looking at her he couldn't help but thinking he would have liked to see her like that more often, so carefree, so happy. He wasn't sure about it but he swore he could hear her sing while they were dancing, the music was too loud but he heard her. He felt a big smile appear on his face, he wished he could sing along with her but he had never been able to sing and honestly even if he could he wouldn't have; he really enjoyed listening to her, it was definitely something that might have happened just once in his whole life, having the honor to hear emily Byrne sing and dance in front of him.

She looked up at him once again and she saw his green eyes staring back at her, a sudden flush rose to her cheeks knowing he might have heard her, but his smile warmed her heart. Maybe all she needed to do was to stop thinking about what could have been, to all the tears that had flowed her face in moments of deep sadness where she couldn't help but think about her past, about what happened to her. If she wanted to fall in love again and feel every part of that emotion she had to flow all her feelings into what could be, thinking about her future. She knew it wasn't easy, but admitting it to herself was a start; she definitely felt something for Cal, something she was sure how to name but eventually felt too scared to do it, and it was ok for now. She promised herself she would have told him, or at least made him understand it. The scariest thing was to feel broken again by his rejection but, on the other hand, she knew that if it was love that she was searching for and he was feeling it too, he wouldn't have complained on taking things slowly, because when you love someone you love them for who they are and you put their happiness before your own.

She still had a lot to prove to herself, a lot to live for; she might have wasted all her tears crying for another love but she could see by the look on Cal's eyes he felt something too. She was done waiting, done to be hurt, she could be happy, she wanted to.

-The End-