They had been trying for a baby for what they felt was forever. All they longed for was a second line. A second line on just one of the what felt like it must have been hundreds of pregnancy tests. They just wanted a family. And that time of the month had come around again for Zosia to pee on yet another stick, and feel the disappointment of the single line, yet once more.

When Jac arrived home that evening she found Zosia fast asleep on the sofa, wrapped up like a caterpillar in a cocoon. The TV was on quietly, with some panel show playing that Zosia often watched. She paused for a moment, seeing her wife so peaceful, before continuing through to the kitchen to dump her stuff down and get something to eat. As she popped a microwave meal in to cook, out the corner of her eye, she saw a pregnancy test on the side. Her heart skipped a beat as she glanced over, hoping beyond hope that this one would be the one. It wasn't. Her heart dropped as she leant against the kitchen sideboard to take it in.

The low buzzing sound of the microwave woke Zosia from her sleep, and she pulled herself up and into the kitchen to see Jac standing over the pregnancy test Zosia had left there. She sighed heavily upon seeing her, feeling though she had let Jac down yet again, as they both hoped desperately for that second line; that line that meant Zosia was growing their baby.

"Zosh.." came Jac's gentle voice as she reached to take hold of Zosia's hand. They paused there for a moment or two before Zosia pulled her hand away.

"I'm sorry."

Zosia sounded broken. That's the only way Jac could have described it. It sounded as though the whole weight of making this baby had come crashing down on her, and now she sounded broken. "You don't have any reason to be sorry, Zosh.. you don't. You aren't making any of this happen; you aren't choosing this." Jac said as she tried desperately to reassure her wife.

"I don't think I can do this anymore, Jac." Zosia whispered quietly. "I need a break."

"Well then it's settled. We don't have to do it anymore. We can take a break as long as you need. Or we could find another way of starting our family. It's completely up to you, darling; it's your body, not mine."

Zosia let out a huge sigh of relief before practically collapsing into Jac's arms. Tears flooded her cheeks as she clung to Jac like she was the only thing keeping her upright. The two of them slowly sunk onto the kitchen floor, where they stayed, with Jac swaying gently as she tried to comfort her distraught wife.

Nobody tells you how much of a toll trying for a baby can take on your body, or your mind. Just on your bank account. Nobody talks about how exhausting it is, how physically and mentally draining it can be. The high hopes, the disappointment, the longing. And Zosia rarely said anything either. She just wanted to give herself and Jac the family they both wanted. She didn't want people to think she was ungrateful that they had the money to spend on the many rounds of artificial insemination they had gone through with. She didn't want anyone to think she wasn't grateful for the opportunities she had. But behind the facade she was tired. She was exhausted and she wasn't sure how much longer she could do this for. How much longer could she go feeling the disappointment and the hurt that she felt every time her body had "failed" to make that baby. And the one time it had when she had to go through the pain of miscarrying, and then the guilt that she'd let down Jac once again.

Of course, Jac didn't feel anything but proud of how Zosia had handled everything, and she completely understood that Zosia needed a break from the relentless world of trying for a baby. Jac never once felt that Zosia had let her down; why would she? Jac knew as much as anyone that it was nobody's fault that the insemination hadn't worked, least of all Zosia's. She was just grateful to have somebody who loved her as much as Zosia did. She didn't need anybody, or anything, else.

After quite a while of just holding Zosia on their kitchen floor, Jac gently suggested they should get up and head upstairs to chill out in bed. Zosia agreed, and slowly hauled herself off the floor and upstairs into their bedroom. She was quiet all evening, understandably so, and barely said another word until the next day.

Zosia was already lying there awake by the time both of their alarms for work went off in the morning, but she ignored it as Jac began to get up and get ready for the day.

"Zosh?" Jac asked, gently, when Zosia still hadn't made any effort to get out of bed some ten minutes later. "Are you wanting to come in today, or shall I sort some cover out?"

After a heavy sigh, she sat up and swung her legs out of the bed. "No, it's okay, I'll come." she replied, seeming okay, but tired and weighed down. She dressed herself in trousers and an oversized shirt, and pulled on two random socks from her drawer. "I suppose we should get some breakfast or something?"