The fireplace's gentle crackling was almost enough to drown out Mario and Peach's increasingly loud conversation in the kitchen. Luigi squirmed in his seat. A relaxing bit of reading before bed was quickly turning into an all too familiar situation. His gaze strayed from his novel, a thrilling mystery set in an old mansion, and tiredly made its way around the room. The flames from the fireplace casted long dancing shadows on the library walls, perusing Luigi's extensive collection of literature. Encyclopedias, novels, scripts, poetry, this little nook had it all.

Laying back a bit in his chair, stroking the old cracked leather armrest, he waited hopefully for a break in Mario and Peach's argument.

When it didn't come, he sighed and dropped his book on the side table. Quick interference was key, or they would wake up the whole castle. He reluctantly stood up, stretched and made his way out of the library.

Outside was barely lit by the dim light coming from the kitchen. He walked past the bedroom doors peppered throughout the hall, keeping to the right to avoid making the old floorboards creak. Stopping right before the corner to the kitchen entrance, he listened in to see what he was up against.

"You need to realise that I'm fully capable of defending myself."

"And I really do believe that, but he's a monster! A big one! With an army! And I would really love to just relax for once! If you'll just hear me out..."

Silence...

"Our anniversary is so close…"

That was his cue. He rounded the corner and stood in the doorway.

"That's all you ever-"

Peach interrupted herself when she saw Luigi come in. Leaning back on the counter, she quickly turned to see who had caught them off guard, Mario's pale face materialising into view behind her. There was something particularly awful looking about him today. The bags under his eyes were worse than usual; he looked like he hadn't been sleeping very well. He waved an unenthusiastic greeting. "Uh. Hi Luigi."

"Hey."

Peach looked between both of them and sighed, touching her fingers to her forehead. "This is an awful time to be having a conversation like this. I'm sorry Luigi."

"Don't apologise to me, you know I'm usually awake at this time. The others though…" He shot a glance of exaggerated worry at the darkness down the hall.

"Yes, yes. Of course." Righting herself, she grabbed the mug of tea she had set on the counter and opened the spice cabinet. She plonked two sugar cubes into the mug and made her way to the kitchen entrance, turning her head back to Mario as she rounded the corner.

"I'll be in bed when you're ready."

There was nothing but silence from Mario as she slunk back out into the hallway. When they heard the master bedroom door creak shut, he leaned back against the counter and put his head in his hand.

"Mamma mia."

"You guys really pick your times, huh?"

"She started it!"

"It takes two to argue Mario."

Mario absently waved him off. "Yeah, yeah whatever."

Luigi let him fume for a little bit.

Mario had taken his hat off sometime during his and Peach's little spat. He had been anxiously wringing it since she left. Something was clueing Luigi in that this was beyond one of their usual petty lovers' quarrels. His brother was clearly bothered. Disturbed even, it seemed.

"What's up?"

Mario shot him an unsure glance. "Do you promise to hear me out?"

Oh boy, here we go.

"Sure."

"No, really Luigi. Do you promise?"

"Yes, yes. I promise."

"Ok, this is going to sound a little crazy, but just stick with me." Mario fished some crumpled papers out of his overalls' back pockets and laid them on the counter. After flattening them out with his hands, Luigi could see they were calendars. Seemingly random dates were circled in red marker across all the pages.

"I've been keeping track of every attempted and successful kidnapping pulled off by Bowser for the last three years." Mario's voice wavered a bit as he pointed at the first page he'd laid down, last January. The 16th had been circled.

"What's the 16th letter of the alphabet Luigi?"

"This is really something we're goin-" He looked up, ready to tell him off, but for once, Luigi was shocked by how sincerely distressed his brother looked.

Begging, Mario placed a hand on his shoulder. "Please. What's the 16th letter in the alphabet?"

Luigi stuck his fingers out and started to count.

"Uh, P."

"Alright. Now what's the 5th?" Mario was gesturing at the calendar for February.

No need to count for this one.

"E."

Pointing at every calendar page in order, Mario started asking Luigi the alphabetical equivalent of every date. There was one circled per month.

"First?"

"A."

Wait, was this...

"Second?"

"C."

Yeah. It was.

"Eigh-"

"H."

Mario's hands we're wide open at his sides and his eyebrows were raised.

"See? You get it right?"

Luigi had started picking at his moustache. Mario was right, this did seem crazy, but what were the chances?

"What about after the dates you showed me?" Luigi asked, looking over at the calendars further down the line.

"It repeats. P.E.A.C.H. Over and over again. Bowser's been doing this forever. And it's all been planned. Every. Single. Time."

He was right, Luigi could see the pattern in the earlier and later calendars.

Mario was running his fingers through his hair. It looked a little bit thinner than usual.

No wonder he seemed so stressed out.

"Peach doesn't want to listen to me. Every time I bring it up she tells me to lay off the conspiracies. She says, "Listen Mario, I think I'd notice if there was a pattern! I am the one being kidnapped after all!" He was wildly gesticulating with his hands now, pantomiming his conversation from before.

His gaze turned grim and he locked eyes with Luigi. "Do you know what day tomorrow is?"

Luigi shrugged.

"The first. Last month, she got taken on the eighth."

"Bowser's going to take my wife away from me again tomorrow and there's nothing I can do about it. I'm tired, Luigi."

As much as Luigi didn't want to believe it, as much as he wanted to pretend it was a crazy coincidence, it was difficult when three years worth of proof was laid out in front of him. To think that there had been order to Bowser's chaos this whole time…

And if Mario was right, King Koopa would be making a move tomorrow. Luigi racked his brain and pulled at his moustache even harder. He accidentally pulled a few hairs loose and muttered, "If only we could send a fake Peach out or something."

Mario's eyes lit up. "You're a genius. Stay here."

He was out of the room before Luigi could stop him. And back in so fast that he hardly had time to process one of the biggest wigs he'd ever seen being carried into the kitchen. It was one of Peach's show wigs. If she was too tired to have her own hair done, she'd throw one of them on before making important appearances. They were so high in quality that you could hardly tell the difference. This one already had a fake crown pinned onto it. With the princess' tendency for getting abducted, she had decided it was smart to keep away from wearing the real one at high profile events. It was expensive.

"Put it on." Mario pushed it into Luigi's arms.

"What?!"

"Put it on Luigi. Do you want me to try it on instead? Look at me! Bowser will be able to tell I'm not Peach the second he sees me!"

"Uh, uh... Ok."

Luigi took off his cap and tossed it onto the counter. Despite looking so light, the wig felt very heavy in his arms as he lifted it up and on to his head. A few loose strands brushed his nose. He sneezed.

"Yeah, yeah, this'll do nice. I'll get you one of her dresses. If it doesn't fit we'll figure something out. This thing's so puffy I can barely see your moustache. I'll get you a veil just in case though."

"But Mario, I-"

"Listen up, Peach never wants me to close the curtains all the way at night, or she has trouble waking up in the morning. I accidentally shut them completely once and she stayed in bed for an extra three hours. That's what I'm gonna do tonight." Mario had started pacing back and forth, pointing matter-of-factly at the ground every now and then.

"She's really dedicated to taking ridiculously long early walks alone in the garden. Bowser's been taking advantage of that forever. That stops now. Tomorrow, you're gonna go in her place. Sniff some flowers, watch the birds, act princessy. If you see him, you sound the alarm. We get you out of there and give Bowser a beating he'll never forget. If he doesn't show then, I'll tell everyone to be on high alert for the rest of the day. We won't let Peach out of our sight until the sun goes down again."

"I-I don't wan-"

Mario was suddenly grabbing Luigi's hand and cupping it with his other. A look of deep sincerity had overtaken his face.

"Thank you, Luigi. You don't know how much this means to me."

He gulped. "Uh. You're welcome."

"Get some shuteye, you're gonna need it. I'll come wake you up tomorrow."

And before he knew it, Luigi was standing alone on the kitchen tile, wearing one of his sister-in-law's wigs and regretting ever getting out of his armchair.