Author's Note: Back with chapter 4, gang! Super grateful for you all! Enjoy!

CHPT04:_ASSURE

This feels like such a bad idea, but I have to ask. I have to.

The galaxy has hurt Shepard. I want to try and spare her any pain possible, no matter how inevitable.

"Thane, can I come in?" I ask through the door to the life support room.

There is a pause, and then, "Give me a moment."

It sounds weak, breathless, like after a run up a hill in full, heavy armour. It makes me wince.

"Enter."

The door rushes open. Thane is sitting in a seat by the window, staring into the open expanse without so much as blinking. He seems relaxed, and his voice betrays nothing of his emotions. When I step into the room, the door shuts behind me, and for a moment, I wonder if Shepard would hate me for this.

I'm just a concerned friend. That's all. There is nothing else to this. I would never steal her happiness.

"I see you've made yourself at home," I chuckle, gesturing to the open window. He doesn't look at me, but I see a smirk flicker across his face. In his black eyes, I see the reflection of the galaxy sprinkled in them. Leaning one shoulder against the wall, I continue, "How are you finding the Normandy?"

"This ship is indeed remarkable. I'm honoured to spend my days among such talented and dedicated crew. Although, Joker is an odd human."

"Hah, don't I know it. Compared to two years ago, he's actually simmered down a bit."

"I'm sure he would have been a handful." He pauses and then clears his throat with a soft cough, burying it in his chest like I strangle my subvocals in mine. "Not that I don't welcome your visit, but is there something I can do for you, Garrus?"

I scratch the back of my fringe, just for something to do. "Yeah, yeah. There's, uh… I'd like to ask you a personal question, if I may."

Thane is unbothered, sitting exactly as he was two seconds earlier. His attention is on me without the turn of his head, an assassin taking in his surroundings without even a hint of movement. "Of course, feel free."

"What are your intentions with Shepard?"

Now Thane's head tilts a bit, listening. "Do you fear that I would hurt her?"

"Well, not intentionally," I say, leaning against the wall. "But I know how illnesses work."

"I'd be concerned if you didn't."

"My Mom has Corpalis Syndrome. Severe neurological degeneration. It's fatal… just like your condition."

"Ah, Shepard has spoken to you about my disease, then. Her confidant." A beat, as he twists one of his green hands over the other. "Rest assured, my condition cannot be spread across this ship, nor will not interfere with our mission. You have nothing to fear."

"I'm not worried about those."

Say it, say it.

"Please don't hurt Jane."

Thane's eyes shift to me – staring at me, like I'm about to split open. Can a drell hear a turian's subvocals?

"Please don't hurt Shepard. She has had a difficult life, beyond what you can read in a dossier. She has known many personal losses. She is… still coming to terms with her second chance. She spent two years dead."

"I spent ten years dead, and I too received a surprising second chance. I understand."

"This galaxy has been cruel to her, as I'm sure it has been to you. It's done enough, it doesn't let her rest, it still wants every piece of her, and it demands more. I have always wished her joy, and I just…" I shut my eyes for longer than a moment, and then open them again. "Please don't hurt Shepard."

Thane's elbows still rest on the table, but he has turned his head to face me wholly. His dark eyes flicker across me faster than I can keep track, analysing every detail, every tell, every breath. I came here to make sure Shepard would be safe, and happy. I don't know what I expected, but it wasn't a growing smile.

He says simply, "Her archangel."

"That's not even funny."

Then Thane stills, and voice shifts, "Oceans staring into darkness. I'm drowning."

I startle like I've been shot in the chest.

"A pause. Lost in a tide of memory, quiet as it takes her. The tug of her dimpled left cheek, the freckles across her nose crinkling. A smile wider than the sea. 'He is my anchor. He is my best friend.'"

I'm drowning, too, Thane; and I haven't been able to inhale oxygen without water for two years.

"You have nothing to fear. I will not harm Jane."

Thane speaks in memory. In a way that I never will.

Thane's wrong.

You capture his attention without even trying – like you did to me, when you showed me the galaxy two years ago. He listens to everyone around him, but he only ever focuses on you. And I'm sure he sees the same things I observed.

The same hidden hard laugh in the curve of your spine. The same ferocity in your eyes when you target and then shoot. The precision in which you direct us all, and the Alliance is still a fool for not ranking you higher back then. Your optimism died in space, but your thoughtfulness, your kindness, your compassion never did. And your hair still shines flaming red under the Normandy's lights.

Drell and turians aren't supposed to swim – maybe that's why we're both drowning.

Thane said I have nothing to fear. He's wrong.

In the mess hall, during a game of cards with some of the crew, is when it's most obvious. Because he completely ignores Jack's barrage of f-bombs when she loses her hand, and Zaeed throwing his hand in with an annoyed grumble. He doesn't notice Kasumi stealing one of Jacob's cards every so often without being caught, to his confusion. He misses Tali's hard inhale, through her mask and her filters, when she realises she might win this. I see these. He doesn't.

He doesn't because he quietly touches the small of your back in ways I was too scared to. A gentle guidance, a silent support. You don't flinch, or pull away – you just smile. I see that too.

Thane said I have nothing to fear, but he's wrong, because now there's many new things I'm afraid of.

Tali shoots up and slams her hand on the table, cheering in celebration. I'm glad she's back. Jacob startles at the suddenness of it all, while Jack laughs and Kasumi swears this hand was hers. You laugh too, Shepard, and I can hear the low hum of Thane's chuckle all the way from the kitchen.

And I see Thane grab and hold your hand under the table and I just, I just… shut my eyes.

Thane speaks in memory; but turians have memories too, and they burn and bleed like your hair.

When I open them again, Kasumi's still arguing with Tali, and you're still laughing. You look away from the scene, from your squadmates, your friends, and pin your oceanic blues on me from across the room. Under the ripples I see your pain healing, and joy forming where I couldn't bring any. Your optimism soaking back into you, after so long. You're brighter, like the red star is coming back to life.

Spirits help me, I'm still drowning in an ocean not meant for me.

Thane is wrong. There's so much to fear.

The Citadel. Where it all began.

We're resupplying here before we head off to investigate a Collector ship. There's a few loose ends you want to clean up, too, while we're here. You've already helped me with mine, and I'm grateful. Even if it wasn't the outcome I wanted.

Your eyes, staring hard at me through the scope. People can come back.

Not everyone can come back from the brink, Shepard. Some people shouldn't anyway. But I wish you weren't right about this one. I wish you weren't right about the turian who stabbed me in the back. I wish… that some part of me hadn't hoped for change.

– Sensat and Vortash and Butler and Weaver.

Ten lives that I lost and had to let go.

What was meant to be a resupply run has turned into a few days on the Citadel, against Miranda's complaints. And you try to spend a bit of time with each of us, but most of your time has been with Thane and his son, Kolyat.

I called Mom earlier. Her breaths sound like Thane's, now. Her hands still shake uncontrollably, and now her head too. I want to see her as soon as this all ends. I just hope I make it in time.

Tali's beside me, babbling about something or other as we wander through the Zakera Ward. It's nice to be back on the Citadel without having to worry about C-Sec anymore, and Captain Bailey seems well, though he's preoccupied by thugs and even Kolyat. I wonder if Kolyat will come to care about Shepard too.

The quarian observes something in the window. I stand with her and survey the area, eventually spotting you at the other side, taking Thane by the hand into Shin Akiba to look at weird human things. I don't think you even noticed me. And as I often have to do now, I shut my eyes until you're both gone.

Because I can't deal with what I see. I can't deal with that hurt. Not while I still strangle my subvocals, after you made the way back for me, the red star guiding me north.

Tali nudges me, forcing my eyes to open. I can hear the teasing tone in her voice, "What's wrong, Vakarian? Can't stand to see someone making Shepard happy?"

"No, no, it's not that. It's just… I just…"

I just wish it was me.

"I just want her to be careful," I answer, walking again. "I worry."

"Thane won't hurt her."

"He will, but without meaning to."

Because a year at the most… It's a matter of time.

It's a matter of time until you have to say goodbye, Shepard, and deal with that inevitable pain. It's a matter of time until you have to let go of his hand, and let the sea take him, like your eyes have taken us both. Until you taste the salty sting of a loved one's death again. And let me tell you, I'm still scrubbing the taste of yours out of my mouth.

But I am grateful for your second chance… I don't know if Thane will be as lucky as you.

Tali friendlily loops her arm through mine and tugs. I can barely see her eyes through the mask, but I'd assume she has a sad smile, because she, like many others, care about you. "The memories will be good – that's all we can ask. We can't bargain with the universe for more time."

How I wish I could do that for you.

"Come with me, I want to try that new dextro place at the Presidium for lunch! Do you think they do takeaway?"

"The reviews online said it's trash."

Her gasp of annoyed horror is enough to make me laugh. I'm really glad Tali's back.

The Collector Base disappears behind us in a flurry of fire and smoke.

By your side, we've done the impossible again, and again, and again.

The Normandy hovers around the Omega-4 Relay, while we all catch our breaths. You must make your report to the Illusive Man. Miranda reminds you of this. But all you can see is the way Thane struggles to breathe, like he can't get enough air in.

EDI voices what I can't, and then everyone watches you and Thane. You don't panic when you and Mordin check him over for any possible wounds; but I see it flicker across your starry face when you pat yourself down, looking for something in particular. Maybe a Collector took it, before we escaped the base.

But I've still got you.

"Shepard, here," I say, holding out my pack to you. "I have one for him in here."

You claw through the bag like a thresher maw possessed until you find what we agreed on. Extra oxygen supplies for Thane, who has enough presence of mind to take it appreciatively. When he stabilises, and EDI confirms that he can be moved, you look at me with the most grateful gaze I've seen in a long time.

Tali and Jacob help Thane to his feet, taking him to the medbay with Mordin in tow. You rise and square your shoulders, heading towards the meeting room behind me, with Legion moving out of the way. The gratefulness slips from your face, replaced with a contained storm. The current keeps dragging me under, where there's no air for me to breathe.

I grab your arm and you still. You turn to study me as I speak, "I've got your six."

You raise your hand and touch mine for a brief moment. With that, I'm completely submerged.

Then you pull away and head into the meeting room, with fire burning on those oceans, ready to rip tear Illusive Man a new asshole.

After a time, I walk to the medbay, passing Jack handing Joker the schematics, watching him bat away Zaeed and Grunt. Through the window, I see Dr Chakwas and Mordin moving between medical equipment and Thane, who's seated and responsive, though holding an oxygen mask to his face. Tali and Jacob stand nearby.

Turian eyes meet drell ones through the glass. Sky into darkness. That was too close.

Something slaps hard on my shoulder. It startles me for a moment, until I see your red hair bobbing by me, blood framing starred scrapes, heading straight into the medbay. Thane's eyes light up at the sight of you – as do mine. Then you're by Thane's side, holding him tighter than you ever held me.

I can't hear any words, but I see the one word Thane says: Siha.

The way you smile at him makes pain form in my chest, like shrapnel I can't pick out. It worsens when you kiss him. My eyes snap shut.

I fear for you when he is near his end, and when he is gone. He's aimed for your heart, and your brain. There will be no way back, take it from me.

I will be here when your heart shatters, Shepard. I will make a way back.

I'll protect those pieces.