Author's Note: Aaaand we're officially at the halfway mark! I'm grateful you guys are enjoying this fic, it means a lot :)

CHPT06:_ASUNDER

The Normandy's jumping back to the Citadel a lot these days. Busy war, busy times.

The crew all have small jobs here. I'm with the turians at the refugee docs again, surrounded by constant pain. Liara is with her Father. Kaidan and Steve are checking the shops for new equipment. I dunno what Tali and the others are doing – but you've gone out with Thane, and Kolyat. A well deserved, small break before things get tougher.

I now you know now, how little time Thane has left. You came to me after our last Citadel trip, fists clenched. You couldn't form words, but it was written across your face. Knowing these days are his last.

Humans don't have subvocals, and you still don't need them anyway. Your grief follows you.

I see you passing by, your gaze fixed on the drell on your arm. Your red hair bounces with every step, and the bags under your eyes are less pronounced. The stars on your face seem brighter still, but I wonder if it's to comfort a dying man. Thane laughs at something you said, and Kolyat shakes his head; and I'm glad, Shepard, that you have this joy in dark times.

But he presses a kiss to the back of your hand and I have to shut my eyes still.

"Vakarian, sir," a turian soldier starts, snapping me from my mood. "Any news from Palaven? We haven't heard anything from the Primarch, so we're just…"

"I understand your concern," I say, turning to face him with a nod. "As expected, the Reapers aren't holding back, nor are they tiring. The Krogan have just arrived from Tuchanka, armed to the teeth. With their help, the tide should start to turn there soon. Civilian evacuations are continuing."

I'm lucky. Dad and Solana got off world, but many other families didn't. I still miss Mom. I even miss Mordin – the only reason Palaven's being slowly relieved of pressure.

The soldier says something, but I don't hear it, watching you, Thane, and Kolyat pass from my sight. Your smile never lets me forget that my lungs are filled with water. I can only hope this isn't the last time you spend good days with him.

When the time comes… When it comes, I'll be there. I just hope you'll let me stay.

Thane's hit.

He stumbles and clutches his bleeding stomach and he's hit.

Your voice, sundered, "Thane…"

He falls and struggles for breath more than I've ever known.

Your face splits in two for a fraction of a second – but a fraction of a second is all it takes for me to notice. Fear, for what youmay lose. Rage, for what may come. It's the rage that takes over, burning like the sun, running after Kai Leng – a red and grey blur that goes out of my sight, deeper into the Citadel that's far too bright in such chaos.

I run and crash onto my knees in a skid that my joints will hate me for later.

You can't be here. But I can be here for you.

Thane's hit, and every breath is like a burden too heavy for his wounded self to bear. Kepral's, water in his lungs, systemic shock. "Hey, hey," I say softly, fumbling for medi-gel, "Thane, you're going to be all right."

"Siha…"

"She is all right."

"Garrus."

He looks at me straight in the eyes. Darkness into the sky.

"Take care of her."

"This isn't over."

"You know it is."

And it's weak and crumbling and I don't know how long I can hold him together for you, Shepard.

I shake my head, hissing, "I'm not giving up on you." He pushes me away as I try to get the stupid medi-gel onto his stupid stab wound. "No way. Not after everything you have done for Jane. How much you mean to Jane. No. No!"

And then Thane looks at me as if he's really seeing me for the first time.

A loyal turian blindly following his Siha's every step. The shadowed side of a heart.

He smiles, "Shepard will be well protected in your hands, Archangel."

My throat tightens, "Always, Thane."

The wounded drell finds enough strength to push me away again, hard onto my side. He stands, bleeding, and grabs his gun. I can hear Tali behind me, pleading with him to stand down and rest, but he doesn't listen and staggers after you, leaving a red trail. Tali yells at me about the councilors and we follow the crimson dots, hearing gunfire up ahead.

Personal feelings don't normally get in the way of my missions… but it's Thane. It's you.

When Tali and I arrive, Thane's slumped against a wall, talking with you. Then Bailey's voice interrupts – the mission has to come first. We all know this, even though I can see you raging against it. Bailey points out the cars, and you jump straight on it, Tali following.

I look back at Thane again. He just nods.

Then I don't see him at all, speeding away to the Presidium.

You're gripping the wheel so hard that I think you might actually break it. "Shepard –"

"I'll kill him," you seethe. And you say nothing more.

A crash, a standoff, and one dead Udina later, you disappear into private room in Huerta Memorial. I won't intrude.

I'm in the waiting area with Tali. She's pacing by the window, where I had stood; and I'm sitting in the same seat he'd been. We exchange nervous looks with each other – I can tell by her body language that she feels helpless, on the edge of grief. And I just… just… pray.

All I can think about is you.

"You have always been there for Shepard."

My eyes snap back to Tali.

"Right from the start, you have never wavered. Not with the geth, or Saren, or the Collectors, or Cerberus. You have always had her six, even when it pains you most. Your loyalty is unparallel. From the Normandy to Noveria; Ilos to Illium; Horizon to Haestrom."

I shrug, "It'll take more than the damn Reapers to split us up."

"Don't think it is unnoticed. Thane saw, and remembers. And she saw, and will remember."

We say nothing else, because we don't need to.

Your red hair catches the clinical lights of the hospital, a blood red glean instead of the usual flaming one. Your fists are clenched and trembling by your side as you march out of the room, holding your breath and gritting your teeth.

It's over.

Kolyat doesn't follow you out, and neither does Tali. But I do.

You head straight through the exit into the corridors, a one woman army on a mission to be alone. But I won't let you be alone, because you never have been. I will not let you sink – I learnt long ago how to breathe underwater, and I don't know anything different anymore.

But there's some pains I can't protect you from. Some things I can't stop from breaking you. No matter how much I want to.

Swallowing, I grab your wrist softly, "Jane."

Your jaw's wired shut, and the screws won't come loose. In the silence, I hear your harsh breathing through your nose. And then you raise your other hand and slam it against the wall. The force radiates against the metal, and up your bones and muscles, like an echo of a breath.

Pain is inescapable. Pain is inevitable. Pain is the only constant.

Your heart shatters. There is no way back now, no way back yet.

But I'll make a way back for you; and I will protect those pieces, because I promised.