AN: Pointless, but it made me laugh. I hope you get a smile, or at least an eyeroll, out of it.
Born 100% from a comment by the fabulous Timelady66 that I simply couldn't ignore!
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The wannabe mage stood on the banks of the river, thin shoulders hunched forward defensively. "Stay back, Hunters!" he called in a wavering, reedy voice.
All in all, Ed Lippenstein didn't cut a very imposing figure. He was almost as tall as Dean but nearly emaciated, which was glaringly obvious because he was bare-chested for some reason. His graying hair was flattened on one side and standing up on the other. His hands were flung dramatically out with one palm toward Sam and the other toward Dean, arrayed to form a loose triangle, with Sam about 15 feet from Lippenstein, with Dean maybe 30 feet from either of the other two men. Sam couldn't see his brother's face, but he imagined it was just as unimpressed as his own.
"Just give us the doll and nobody has to get hurt," said Dean more evenly than Sam would have expected. This guy had led them on a merry chase across three states, proving to be surprisingly good at hiding for someone so bad at murder.
Lippenstein had unearthed the ancient fetish and was using it to sic animals on people he felt he'd wronged him. So far, the worst thing that had happened was one guy ended up in the hospital because he'd fallen and broken his wrist running away from the flock of ducks Ed had sent after him.
So they really didn't want to shoot the loser, and they didn't want to track down the little ivory charm if it went into the water. And most of all, they didn't want anybody more competent than ol' Ed to get their hands on such a potentially dangerous artifact.
"You can't have it!" shrieked Lippenstein, rearing back so the charm, affixed on a black cord around his neck, bounced against his concave torso. He pointed at Sam, shaking spastically. "Get back! I'll, I'll send an animal to attack you!"
"Please don't," answered Sam flatly. He moved closer toward the river, drawing more of the man's attention. He didn't bother to draw his gun.
"Remember, you brought this on yourself!" Ed practically screamed. He waved his arms like he was conducting a wild symphony and intoned the magic words, then pointed at the surface of the water.
Sam wondered idly what kind of animal Lippenstein would call this time. Alligator? Poisonous snake? But no. The surface bubbled and up came...a very bored beaver.
Sam watched curiously as the creature heaved itself up onto the bank. It looked up at Lippenstein and seemed to grumble. Then it waddled over to Sam and sniffed his boots doubtfully.
"Attack him -- aaah!" Ed's complaint turned into a horrified wail as Dean tore the charm from his neck. Dean literally held Ed away from him with one hand as he dropped the necklace, doused it with lighter fluid, and lit it. The flame flared and the heat quickly cracked the ivory.
That easily, the fetish's power was broken. As if his strings had been cut, Lippenstein crumpled to his knees and began to whine about how they'd ruined his life.
The beaver shook as if shedding something unpleasant, hip-checked Ed so he fell on his face, and waddled back to the bank, slipping into the water.
"Well, there's just one thing left to say," said Dean, with a half smirk that had Sam wincing.
"And what's that?" Sam asked, knowing better than to ask.
Dean's grin widened. "Dam."