Took me almost a week to get the motivation, enjoy the expansion of that little crumb...
"Wow." Adam whistled when Kim opened the door. Even though he had a key and often just came and went he did the right thing and knocked. Tonight was a little different. "Amazing."
Kim blushed. He still had the power to make her weak at the knees. Every girl liked to be made to feel like they were the most beautiful person in the world and Adam made her feel like that regularly.
It was strange place they were in and they were both trying to work their way through the weeds and noise around them. It didn't help that time was limited and they rarely got time alone together to talk about it. That was one reason they'd made the effort tonight to go out for dinner.
Going out for dinner over the last few months usually meant pizza, burgers or sushi train and home in time for their little human to get to bed. Whenever Kim could she didn't want to use the babysitter for anything other than work so it had taken a lot of convincing on Adam's part to get Kim to agree to book the babysitter and come out for a late dinner.
Kevin had begged Adam to come for a drink so he could talk to him about his real estate plans which worked well for Kim. It meant she could sit down and talk to Makayla about her day at school while she had dinner and get her into bed.
Makayla had been very cute and helpful, sitting cross-legged on Kim's bed and giving some insightful running commentary on her choice of outfit. Basically it amounted to what Adam would like or not like. "What about what you like?" Kim giggled when Makayla rejected the fourth dress.
"Nuh ah… I like what Adam likes." She hugged her platypus tighter. They were as thick as thieves lately and watching Adam effortlessly step into the role she had asked him to consider had been beautiful to watch. He had been already filling that role to some degree but formalising it had taken it to a whole other place. "His favourite colour is blue…" she chewed her lip for a moment. "But…when I painted his nails he really liked pink."
"He did like the pink." Kim chuckled. "I think he liked having his nails painted."
"It was fun."
Kim held up two dresses. "So blue or this red? I don't have pink."
They decided on a blue wrap dress and some strappy heels. She pinned her hair up loosely and put on make-up, which felt nice. It had been a long time since she had got to put any effort into dressing up. It felt like months in casual clothes and track pants at home.
"You look so pretty." Makayla sighed. "Adam's gonna love it. I miss him."
Adam had gone back to his place a couple of weeks ago. He occasionally still crashed on the couch if they'd been having a movie night and on weekends but mostly he slept at his own place. The couch wasn't good for him, it was a decent size to sit on but not for someone of Adam's size to sleep on and he was waking up with headaches most mornings. Makayla had been a little heartbroken, she loved waking up and seeing him in the kitchen and Kim had missed him being around as well.
It wasn't like he wasn't constantly at their place though, he was basically there all weekend and had dinner with them most nights if he wasn't working. They'd fallen into this groove easily and getting out of the rut meant that someone had to take a leap of faith and they were both waiting for the other person to make the call. They were dancing around each other, too scared to rock the boat and worried that things would change.
"Me too." Kim held her cheeks between her two hands and kissed her forehead. "Thanks for your help."
Makayla scrambled off the bed and followed Kim out of the bedroom. "Why can't you have dinner here?"
"It's nice to just sit and talk to each other." Kim explained. "It is something that adults that really like each other do."
"You see him everyday at work."
"It's not the same. We are at work, we are busy and don't get time to just talk. I like talking to Adam."
"Do you really like Adam?"
"I do."
"He says he loves you long time." Makayla cooed. "He told me that."
"Did he just?" Kim wasn't surprised. She had learned that Adam had talked to Makayla a lot when she was in hospital, perhaps a little too much it seemed.
She nodded her head enthusiastically. "I'll be really quiet."
"Nice try." Kim shook her head. "Adam said he's got big plans for you tomorrow and you need to be up and ready early, so how about we get you into bed now."
"Can't I just wait and see Adam? I want to know what he's wearing."
"You do not. You just want to see him."
Makayla did wait up and squealed when Adam knocked on the door. "She does look beautiful doesn't she?" Makayla gushed when Adam whistled. "I helped."
"Of course you did." He smiled at Makayla as he stepped inside but dragged his fingers over Kim's hand as he passed her by.
While Makayla did her best to drag things out they did manage to get out the door on time for their reservation. Adam steered Kim towards the elevator. "You look beautiful."
"Thank you." Kim blushed. "New shirt?"
"Yep. I thought this moment demanded it."
"What moment is that?"
"Like a date. This is a date right? I'm calling it a date." He held open the door for Kim and followed her out to his jeep. "How was your afternoon anyway?" Kim had left early to pick Makayla up from school. They had wrapped up the one case they were on and Kim was always way ahead on her paperwork so Voight let her go while they had to stay back and try and catch up.
Sliding into the front seat he pulled out into the traffic, although this time of night was minimal. "Well Makayla talked at me for an hour. She had a good day at school. She's been invited to her first birthday party."
"She's gonna love that. It's not Shelby is it? Her mother is a little intense."
Adam had entertained Kim with many a rant about his wild ride through Makayla's school. He complained that he felt like a piece of meat, even though half of them were married. 'I felt violated.'
"Anna's."
"Oh she's nice. I liked her."
"How's Kev?"
"Well he's gonna be broke soon, he's still all over this real estate thing. Wants to do it without the badge, I don't know." Adam shrugged as he waited for the lights to turn green. "If this is what he wants then I guess I better learn how to paint shit."
"That I'd love to see. The blind leading the blind."
"You just want to see my plumber's crack."
Kim didn't respond, she turned her head slightly and smiled. It wasn't an altogether unpleasant thought. He'd always had this hold on her, he'd always held some power over her, something that she just couldn't shake off completely and now it was getting harder to ignore.
Adam helped her out of the car and held her hand until the got to the restaurant and then steered her to their table with a hand firmly in the middle of her back. "Well your Dad did one thing right."
"Yep, good for him."
It hadn't really come up much and Kim knew that Bob was at least trying to reach Adam but he had been reluctant to get involved again. His sister Kate had also been on his back. "Have you talked to him lately?"
"Yeah. It went as well as you'd expect. Not his fault, he was in a jam blah blah." Adam waved his hand. "Seems to have forgotten that he put me in the gun and could've put you in the gun by default."
"I can find my own trouble."
"Oh yeah. Quite the pair hey?" Adam winked. "Match made in heaven."
Kim sat back a little while the wait staff filled up their wine glasses, she clasped her hands in her lap and Adam could see the tension in her shoulders and he tried not to read too much into it. They were in a good space, or so he thought.
Holding up her glass she waited until Adam clinked his against her wine before taking a sip. "Thank you."
"For what?" Adam asked cautiously. "Dinner? I've been looking forward to this all week."
"Me too." Kim set her glass down and shifted it a little to buy some time. "What are we doing Adam?"
"Having dinner. Being us. You know this works for us, this is where we are happy."
"It is." She hummed. "I've always been worried that if we changed things then things would change."
Adam furrowed his brow, he wasn't really sure if he wanted to dive into this now. He just wanted to have a good night, like they used to have. "Makes perfect sense. What are you trying to say?"
She sighed. "You've been around, for months now, you are part of our life, our family and I really like that, I love what we've created."
"But…"
"But nothing." Kim shook her head. "Don't worry about it."
Adam wasn't going to not worry about it though, He'd had enough of this. He'd just accepted her version of events for so long, always wanting to do the right thing and not put pressure on her. He was done with that. "I will worry about it. So spit it out, or I will tell you what I think and lay my cards out. Actually, I want to hear you first. I want time to formulate my rebuttal."
"You're funny."
They were interrupted by their meals arriving and it gave Kim a little bit of time to settle herself. Adam chose not to speak, he started his meal and waited for Kim. "I love what we have, I love our family, I love that Makayla adores you. I adore you."
Adam found it hard to swallow his mouthful of food. He felt like the hammer was about to fall.
"But I need more."
"Okay."
"I need more from us. We are doing it all, we have such a good groove going on that I was scared that if I said I wanted more then everything would change. Now…" she paused. "…I think the only thing that would change is that you and I get to sleep next to each other every day."
"Are you saying what I think you are saying?"
"Perhaps."
"You want it all…." He swallowed hard. "…with me?"
"I do."
"Like sleeping together on the regular? The bad banquet hall, the picket fence, all that?" He was a little stunned. These talks never went his way and he didn't know how to deal with it but one thing he did know was that he was happy. Kim was amused but not surprised that he remembered that conversation, he remembered a lot of things, not where his phone was or keys most days, but every word Kim had uttered about them not being together he recalled with pinpoint accuracy.
"Yes, all that."
"Like live together? Like I don't have to sleep on the couch?" It wasn't sinking in. "Like you'll give me a drawer to put shit in, not just a bag on the floor of your closet?"
"Adam." Kim sighed.
"Yes. Yes." He grinned. "To all of it. Yes."
"I've really appreciated everything you did for me and Makayla. I know it hasn't been easy and I was probably a little unfair asking you to step into a role that we'd never talked about but you did it without question. Why?"
"Why? Why what?" He sat back in his seat and took a mouthful of his wine. "I think you've always known why, that's why you asked me. You knew I'd do it because I love you, I love that kid and I am happier around you, both of you."
"And I trust you. I knew I let you down with your Dad and I was scared that all when all that happened, that perhaps I had been wrong about it and how did I get it wrong because I was trying to protect myself and Makayla."
"From me?"
"No, from myself. I've always tried to control everything, and that included not getting hurt. So if I did the walking away you couldn't hurt me, I was in control. So letting you get too close was opening myself up to get hurt and I just couldn't do it."
"Makes no sense."
"It doesn't, it didn't. I didn't even know I was doing it because in my mind I pushed, you stepped back so therefore I was right. It was a cycle and it worked for me." Kim struggled to make it seem rational, probably because it wasn't. "I never wanted to rely on someone else to make me happy."
"I don't rely on you to make me happy, I just like that you do." Adam sensed her nervousness and anxiousness and wanted to get out what he was feeling. "I've never had the stability you have given me, at times and I didn't understand the back and forth. I am not going to lie, it hurt and it made me doubt myself. Taking care of Makayla when you were hurt, I didn't do it to prove myself to you, not entirely, I did it to prove it to myself. If I believed in myself and that I could do it then you'd have no choice but to believe in me."
"I did believe in you."
"Doesn't matter. I had to believe in myself. This job has always been my family, my life. I want more than that now, it's not the be all and end all. You and Makayla have given me that are that be all and end all that I crave, that I want."
Kim suddenly dropped her knife and it rattled on the plate making him jump. "Sorry." She gasped.
"What is it? Are you okay?"
"It's nothing." She reached for her glass of water and Adam saw her hand shake.
"Kim." He cocked his head. "Talk to me."
"I just thought…." She stuttered and placed the glass back on the table, worried she was going to drop it. "…there was a man, over there, he looked at me like he knew me. I guess I'm just still a bit…." She couldn't finish and Adam swung his head around to see who she was talking about. Instantly he knew the man she was looking at and what she thought. It had been their constant companion for a few months now.
This had been an ongoing struggle. Roy being out there somewhere wasn't helping Kim put her violent attack behind her. He often caught her, they were the briefest of moments but she would retreat into her fear for tiny periods of time. In front of Makayla and the team she was steadfast and immense but he saw it and felt it. He felt those moments and would just touch her, whisper a word in her ear when she emerged and let her know he understood. He never made a big deal of it, not at work or home. He'd cover for her. On more than one occasion he'd suddenly started acting the goat in front of Makayla just to give Kim the time she needed to get through it.
"It's not him." He placed his hand on hers to steady her fears. "Do you want to go?"
"No, no. It's stupid. It's fine. Let's just enjoy this dinner. I'm not going to live like this." She straightened her shoulders. "So, how are we going to do this?"
"Well, I'll bring my clothes, my rug, my coffee machine, my sports magazines and my very precious self." Kim laughed as Adam rattled off his list. She knew he'd be all in but logically it wasn't as easy as that. Adam had a lease, Kim's apartment wasn't big enough for the three of them. They had been tripping over each other already while Adam had stayed while she recovered. So they agreed to start looking for a bigger apartment and did discuss how it didn't go so well last time. Adam pointed out that Al and Michelle were with them at the time and managed to drop in how much he hated Roman. They didn't have those issues now.
He changed the subject away from last time and focussed on what they needed now. "Well then there is my awesome shirt collection."
Kim waggled her finger up and down pointing to his shirt. She really liked that color on him. 'Have I told you how much I like this one?"
"You did. I bought it just for tonight." He winked and ran his hands down the front of his chest to smooth it over. "You like it? Turns you on?"
"A little bit." She blushed. "Are you staying tonight?"
"Depends. Am I on the couch?" Kim shook her head and smiled shyly. "Then yes."