Summary: Yu Ziyuan was not even supposed to answer that early morning call. It was meant for A-Li, for anyone else, really, that wasn't her. She knew that she was the wrong one to be here with him. That would not stop her doing what she had to do, from being the person he needed her to be.
Wei Wuxian is assaulted. During the examination that follows, Yu Ziyuan learns more about him. She learns more about herself as well.
Authors Note: I am... so sorry. I really didn't mean to worry anyone or keep you all waiting for so long. I don't have any real excuse, other than working basically fulltime over the summer, and losing all the fire I had for writing anything. However, as an aspiring author who actually wants to finish the things I start, I assure you all I will never abandon a story right before its end. Thank you all for your wonderful comments and for being patient and sticking with me!
Heaven Has No Rage
Chapter Seven:
Fengmian called just moments before the doctor pulled out the anoscope.
Yu Ziyuan had barely gotten the phone to her ear before Fengmian was saying, "I'm here. What room are you in?" and while she had not thought that his voice was all that loud through the speaker, Wei Wuxian apparently heard him anyway.
"No," the boy said suddenly, and where his grip on her hand had relaxed just the slightest bit in the intermediate silence, its strength returned with an abrupt vengeance. If there had been any color left in his face, it surely would have drained in that moment, chased away by the panic lighting up in his eyes.
"Don't let him in," Wei Wuxian went on, voice loud and frantic, before it dissolved altogether into panicked desperation, "please I—I—please—"
It was Dr. Lan Yi who stepped forward, instructing him to match her breathing, to pay attention to the details of his surroundings, to focus on the feel of Yu Ziyuan's hand in his. Belatedly, Yu Ziyuan realized he was having some sort of anxiety attack.
The doctor continued to speak to him, her voice low and grounding. Yu Ziyuan said nothing, trying not to feel self-conscious over her own lack of action, feeling just as out of her depth as she had the whole rest of this morning.
Fengmian's side of the line was painfully, tellingly silent. She was just as unprepared to offer him comfort.
"Wait in the lobby," she told Fengmian, eventually. "I'll let you know where to bring his clothes."
She hung up the phone, and after a while, Wei Wuxian seemed to get himself under control. She recalled one of the articles she read earlier telling her that moments like this were to be expected. She made a mental note to further her research on the topic.
"Sorry," he said, actually sounding embarrassed, lying back flat on the table.
Yu Ziyuan squeezed his hand once. "No more apologies."
Now he was looking shocked, though she had managed that enough times this morning. She was coming to understand that if he was surprised by her, then she was probably doing something right.
"Are you ready to continue?" Dr. Lan Yi asked.
The boy took several deep breaths, and for the second time, brought his eyes to Yu Ziyuan's.
She rolled her thumb over his hand. She tightened her grip, grounding him, keeping him tethered to the world.
"You can do it," she said, simply.
And he did. He curled on his side as the doctor instructed, towards Yu Ziyuan, like a flower towards the sun. Or a freezing man towards a flame, even though he, in all his bravery, had more than enough fire within him for the both of them.
Once more, Wei Wuxian's hand gripped hers strongly once the device was applied, however this time, there was an undeniably edge of pain within the tense lines of his body. His teeth nearly pierced through his bottom lip, and his eyes squeezed tightly shut.
"You're hurting him," Yu Ziyuan snapped.
"I'm sorry," Dr. Lan Yi said, sounding like she meant it. "Do you want me to stop, Wei Wuxian?"
"It's fine," he said through his gritted teeth. Despite the way his voice wavered though, when his eyes opened again, they were dry. As if his pain had taken the tears away.
He did not let her go, though. He squeezed her hand so hard she wondered if something would break. Nonetheless, her bones held strong. There was no force he could dish out that she could not withstand.
Within moments, it was done.
It was all finally, finally done.
Yu Ziyuan marched down the brightly lit halls, but despite the confidence her steps implied, nervous anticipation churned in her gut at the thought of finally reuniting with Fengmian.
She was alone for now, Wei Wuxian making use of the shower Dr. Lan Yi had directed them to. Once she had heard the hum of the pipes running, she had left him there, following the path back up to the room the nurses had directed Wei Wuxian to. Yu Ziyuan could not bear to stand and stare at the lacquered oak door, the solid wall that separated her from the boy for too long, not when there was certainly a better way she could be making herself useful.
The necessity of it did not make her nerves lessen, however. If anything, that only made it worse. She could not delay this, or ignore it, or hide until it was forgotten. There was nothing more daunting than a force you had no choice but to encounter.
And before long, encounter him she did, only two hallways down, in the reception area of their floor.
There he stood in his entirety: tall, handsome like fine wine, even with his face stiff and unyielding, even with the dark marks under his eyes. She might even call him imposing, perhaps, if she were not formidable herself. Yet, despite her own brilliance, she could not deny the way her heart stuttered in her chest. Her tongue dried in her mouth, never mind that she had not even figured out what she would say.
She stared at him. He stared at her. Horribly familiar silence.
Then she saw the single bag dangling from his hand, packed far more fully than was probably necessary, and another article of clothing draped over his forearm. She saw the weary lines around his shoulders, the way his eyes focused on her like an oasis through shimmering heat. She saw him standing there, and though she had looked upon him nearly every day for the past two decades, she had never quite seen him look the way he did now.
There they stood, wife and husband, the gap between them ten feet. The gap between them ten thousand miles.
Yu Ziyuan, though, had learned the art of walking the distance. She approached him, coming close enough that she could see the exact shade of brown in his eyes. Close enough that he could see the same in hers. For a long, long moment, neither said a word.
It was not often that he was the one who broke the silences between them, but he did it this moment, the words bursting from him like he could bear to hold them no longer, "A-Li and A-Cheng are here."
She gaped at him for a second, letting the implication sink in. She was not sure what she should feel about that, but 'angry' seemed likely.
Before she could decide, he went on. "When I went back to the house for his clothes and insurance card—" Huh. She hadn't even thought of that. "—they were on me before I could even close the door and... and they would not be left behind."
She took a deep breath. "You told them?"
"Yes."
She couldn't really be angry, even regarding his clear lack of warning, not when a small part of her was grateful that he had done the task that she could not have done herself.
"Wei Wuxian," Fengmian began, and Yu Ziyuan only just managed to keep from rolling her eyes. He always called the boy by that name when discussing him with her. As if that particular title choice somehow fooled her about how deeply he loved his not-son. "He doesn't want to see me."
"He has been through a lot," she was quick to say.
The look on his face was an odd one. She realized that what she had said had sounded quite defensive.
Just as well, she thought as she put a hint of challenge in her eyes. Wei Wuxian deserved to be defended.
The look on his face grew even odder. His eyes bore into hers, searching deep within her, and she willed herself not to bend beneath the pressure. She had never feared any man, and that remained true even for this one in particular. She had been wary of him, though, had felt her nerves tingle just at the imaging of his judgement of her.
She wondered often what he thought of her, and had chafed at all she did not know, no matter how ridiculous or irrelevant. She had the wrong face, but did he still think she was pretty? Did he miss her at all when he was away, the way she missed him? He was devoted to her, she knew, but did he like her, even a little?
She knew her treatment of Wei Wuxian had never won her any points with him, for all that he had never really reprimanded her for it. What was going through his head at this moment? What did he think of the fact that the boy could withstand her but not his beloved uncle? What was he seeing while he looked at her? What did he think of her now?
Like so many times before, she would not receive an answer. The oddness in his face cleared away, though the pathway into his thoughts remained as guarded as ever.
"What should I do?" he asked.
She paused at that. Fengmian had never really asked her that, certainly not for anything involving the children. She offered her input all the time, could never bear to be silent when her anger and need for control took over, but he never once asked for it.
"Do not let him think you're judging him," she found herself saying. "Be mindful of what you do and do not say. He will hear all of it all the same. Be patient and listen when he speaks. Do not give him any reason to believe you are disappointed in him, or ashamed of him. Make sure he knows he can trust you, that you have his thoughts and feelings and wellbeing at heart."
He watched her again, the silence ensuing as the time ticked by. She watched him in turn, eyes sliding along every line on his face that she had watched slowly develop over the years. She watched him and wondered if he ever wondered what she thought about him.
After a while, Fengmian held out the bag of clothes. She took it from him, slinging it up over her shoulder. He then handed her the clothing he had wrapped over his arm, and it was only then that she processed just what exactly it was.
"My jacket," she said, somewhat dumbly, staring almost transfixed at the zip-up fleece, so basic compared to all the other clothing she usually wore. It was no wonder she had forgotten it, really.
"I saw it on the coat hanger." He said with a near-shrug, looking so familiar in his uncertainty. "I thought you might need it."
She slipped her arms through, covering them in warm, black fabric. She cleared her throat. "Thank you."
His gaze changed a little, reminiscent of the looks he would give her sometimes, usually when he had said or done something that had thrown her off-kilter—like now—and subsequently had her looking like a fool. Despite the embarrassing look in his eyes, though, the weariness still lingered. Neither of them would forget the tragedy that had brought them to this moment in the first place.
After another long moment of silence, her bones feeling as if they were barely holding her together, she realized she did not want to move away at all. Rather, she wanted to move closer, to soak in his warmth, to let him wrap his arms around her, to let him take over and be the strong one now.
She stepped back. She did so, because even at this moment, with the rest of his family in his reach, Wei Wuxian may still have need of her, and she would not fail him again.
"We should not be long," she said.
"I'll wait for you," he said, and she wondered just what he meant by that. If he had intended for it to sound as binding as a promise. If he had meant it for this moment, or for this dark chapter, or for all of this lifetime.
All things considered, Wei Wuxian came back from the shower relatively quickly, newly dressed in the clothes Fengmian had brought, the ones Yu Ziyuan had handed over to him in the skinny crack in the door he had made before all but slamming it shut again. Fengmian had the sense to pack comfortable clothing: sweatpants and slip-on sneakers and a jacket Wei Wuxian had zipped up to his neck.
It seemed to be doing some good for him, at least. Despite the hospital gown's attempts at preserving modesty, Wei Wuxian looked far steadier in a full outfit than he had in any of the hours before.
Fengmian sent her a text, saying that he was going to follow up with the doctor. At the same moment, a nurse met with them. He handed Wei Wuxian a paper bag containing two cartons of pills: one full of antibiotics for potential STIs, and the other for pain relief. They also advised him to take stool softeners, until his... inner injuries had healed.
The nurse then handed Wei Wuxian a sheet of paper with directions that he should follow going forward. He told him, politely pleasant, "If you experience any excessive bleeding, shortness of breath, hives, trouble swallowing, or suicidal thoughts, call the number I have written at the top of your instructions."
Yu Ziyuan jerked up, though thankfully neither of the two seemed to notice. Such a foolish response, she knew, but the nurse had said that so - casually. As if that were not the worst possible thing that could ever happen.
She shook off her unease. There was no use in worrying about right now. That was not something they would have to deal with, not this morning anyway. She reminded herself that taking one step at a time was still moving forward all the same.
"Are you ready?" she asked him, as they gathered up the few belongings they had. A needless question, but she still needed to hear him say it.
"Yes," he said.
And for the final time, they crossed the threshold out of the room.
As she held the door open for him, her eyes once again caught the spider in the corner. Amazingly enough, it seemed to have caught something, its body wild with motion as it curled around a small ball of silk, its wait finally done.
Yu Ziyuan was, absurdly, proud of it.
She and the boy walked down the halls in silence. Before long, though, Yu Ziyuan said, "A-Li and A-Cheng are here."
His steps faltered, just a bit. "Oh."
She darted her eyes back to him. She looked forward again. "They are worried about you."
After a long pause, he asked, "Do they... know?"
"They do."
She could see the ball in his throat bob as he swallowed. He nodded stiffly.
She was not sure what else to say, so she said nothing. Neither said anything at all as they passed from the hallway to the elevator and back to the first floor. However, it was only a few steps from that point when he abruptly stopped walking, held rooted to the spot as if he had failed to realize he had reached the end of his cage.
Yu Ziyuan looked back at him, quizzically, and was only met with wide dark eyes, the lines of his face dipped with distress. She turned her eyes to follow the trajectory of his gaze and saw a severe-looking young man walking in their direction.
It took her a moment, but she recognized him as Lan Qiren's second nephew, Lan Wangji.
He seemed well put together despite the early hour: his clothes well-pressed, his hair neatly combed, and his eyes bright in a way that implied he had been awake for hours, all of which she supposed could be expected from a Lan. She vaguely remembered Lan Qiren once commenting that the boy was an intern here. His employers probably loved him; she couldn't imagine that there were many other fresh from high school teenagers willing to come in to work so early in the morning, during the summer no less.
Though perhaps she shouldn't assume what he was or was not willing to do. Both he and his brother seemed like nice enough boys, but she did not know all that much about them, really. It was Fengmian who was friends with Lan Qiren, after all, not her. The only reason she knew anything about the man's nephews at all was through the rare Lan dinner parties she accompanied her husband to, and in all honesty, Yu Ziyuan did not care enough about the intricate lives of other people's children to have paid all that close attention.
That being said, she was aware that Lan Wangji was an important enough figure to her household members at least. She had, after all, picked up quite a bit of information about him from Wei Wuxian himself, who seemed to talk about this Lan in particular quite a bit from all she had overheard. She supposed she wasn't surprised by that, though. He was quite handsome for a boy still growing into himself, and clearly had the makings of a capable individual. She could see why Wei Wuxian was apparently so enamored with him.
Yet, it was not awe or admiration she saw when she looked back at Wei Wuxian. He was frozen, not so much as a breath passing through him. He was staring at Lan Wangji as if his inability to look away was the only thing keeping him from vomiting all over his shoes.
Lan Wangji stopped walking as well. He seemed not to have noticed that Yu Ziyuan was there at all. He stared solely at Wei Wuxian, and for all that she could not read his expression, the intensity of his gaze made Yu Ziyuan feel almost uncomfortable, as if she were an intruder.
Three seconds that felt more like three hours later, Wei Wuxian abruptly dropped his eyes. His body loosened enough for him to start walking again, so suddenly that Yu Ziyuan had to take several long steps to catch up.
Wei Wuxian did not look back, though she did. Lan Wangji was still staring and did not stop until they had passed beyond a corner.
"Wei Wuxian," she said.
He jerked to a stop, and she nearly slammed into him. She did not think to berate him. She stepped around him, until she was standing before him.
"What is it?" she asked. She had not quite managed to replicate the gentle voice from before, but it was certainly an attempt. It was also a tone that made it clear she would not tolerate any deflection.
Thankfully, he did not bother to try. "I—I just... he... I just—really wasn't expecting to see him."
Suddenly, like lightning on stone, a white-hot anger seared at her core. "Did he have something to do with—?"
She would not have expected that, but perhaps she should have. Monsters like Wen Chao—those who flashed their fangs and claws for all eyes to see— were rare, in actuality. No, most monsters hid behind corners and under beds and in closets. They lurked underneath pleasant smiles and sweet promises. They walked through the light so seamlessly that no one would ever suspect the black at their core.
"No," Wei Wuxian cut her off, a near shout. "No. Lan Zhan would never."
The anger had not yet entirely receded, but she still found it within herself to arch her brow, surprised that Wei Wuxian would know anything about what 'Lan Zhan' would or would not do.
Though perhaps she should not be surprised by that either. Wei Wuxian's 'crush' on Lan Wangji was no real secret in their house, though apparently whether the reverse was true was still a hotly debated topic between her children. While Yu Ziyuan had, at present, dismissed the matter as none of her concern, she had wondered idly over the concept. Just as she had thought painstakingly over her daughter's future nuptials, she had done the same for her son, and she had done the same for Wei Wuxian. A nephew of Lan Qiren would certainly make for an advantageous match, but while she hardly knew the boy, from what she had seen he was quiet and proper and probably just as uptight as his uncle. She had doubted that a boy like that would ever give a boy like Wei Wuxian the time of day.
Perhaps she had been wrong. It seemed unlikely that Wei Wuxian would be so affected by a boy he only admired from afar. It seemed unlikely that Lan Wangji would look at a boy he had no feelings for with such concern that even a stranger like her could see.
She brought her mind back to the more important matter. "What is it, then?"
Part of her expected him to say nothing at all. He had held the secret for what felt like a lifetime; she couldn't imagine why he would break it now. Yet, after a long moment—not even the longest of moments between them—Wei Wuxian finally said, "They took pictures."
Her body grew thoroughly rigid.
He went on, "They took pictures. Of me. And they—they said they would show—"
He cut off, like a hand had suddenly gripped around his throat. He said nothing else, and really, she ought not to have been surprised at all. It seemed like exactly the kind of occurrence to expect from this kind of tragedy.
"Is that why you refuse to come forward?"
Another moment, but eventually it seemed as if he realized the futility of his silence. "It's not just that."
For a second or two, she let that sink in. Then, she fixed him with a firm stare, and did not speak until he brought his eyes to hers.
"They—the assailants would not ever show such pictures," she said. "For the very fact that they are evidence of their crime against you. Why would they offer such damning information?"
He had nothing to say to that, but Yu Ziyuan knew better than to hope that that meant Wei Wuxian had seen reason.
"Wei Wuxian, do you believe I would put you through all of this, if I were not confident that we could weather any storm that came? I would not risk any part of you, not if I were not sure I could protect you."
He only nodded, shortly, almost indulgently, his eyes still on the ground. His feet resumed their journey, and though it felt as if he were walking away from her, she did not reprimand him for it. She moved to catch up, matching his steps, more than capable of keeping pace.
She willed herself to imagine being in his shoes. Wouldn't she be reluctant too if there were unspeakably vulgar photos of her on the line? Photos that could be shown to the people she cared about? She knew that she would. Yet at Wei Wuxian's age, Yu Ziyuan still had complete faith that there was nothing her parents could not protect her from. Her strength had not come from nowhere, after all.
Wei Wuxian had no such faith in her, and she knew it was fair. Still, it did not make the sting go away. Still, it did not make her any less determined to prove him wrong.
Before she could say anything else, though, they passed through the door leading back to the waiting room and were suddenly met face to face with both of her children.
For a single, long moment, both parties stared at each other. Her children certainly looked as if they had seen better days. A-Li's hair was loose and unbrushed. A-Cheng's skin was far too pale. Looking in their eyes, she realized she would not have even needed Fengmian's confirmation that they knew everything. Yu Ziyuan could see the truth shining hotly in both sets.
Wei Wuxian could see it too. He was not in Yu Ziyuan's line of sight, but she could practically feel in her own body the way his stiffened, as if he were the deer on the other side of the headlights. She could also sense the way he moved closer to her. It was slight, just the barest shift of his feet, but enough that she could feel the warmth where he nearly brushed against her.
The moment, naturally, ended. A-Li came forward first, her steps as assured as one could expect from a doting sibling, her arms raised, likely to pull him into a hug.
Wei Wuxian's answering flinch was small, barely there, but A-Li saw it just as well as Yu Ziyuan did. Seemingly at the last second, her hands lowered, and simply grabbed onto his. Yu Ziyuan had not expected him to react any other way, but part of her wished that he had accepted the hug. She wanted him to take advantage of all of A-Li's kindness.
She would not even say that it would have been forgivable for him to do so—it was what he deserved.
"A-Xian," A-Li said, in that voice she reserved only for the two boys present. Yu Ziyuan expected him to break at that moment, to let his sister pull him in so the tears he was holding back could finally fall.
He did not. But he did hold her hands so tightly that his nearly turned white.
A-Cheng was there too, hovering to the side. He seemed to hesitate, before he determinedly raised a hand and rubbed his brother's back in a way that was far gentler than she had ever thought her son capable of.
Wei Wuxian offered a smile to the both of them, so weak around the edges it was a wonder how he managed it at all. No one called him out on it, though. They let him cling to his illusion of peace. Yu Ziyuan wondered if perhaps her children were more aware of Wei Wuxian's joyful lies than she had first thought.
Eventually, Wei Wuxian's hands loosened, and A-Li picked up the hint that Yu Ziyuan belatedly realized he was giving.
"I'll go pull the car around," she said, and Wei Wuxian's face had not changed all that much, but Yu Ziyuan did not believe she imagined the flicker of gratefulness she saw along the weary lines.
A-Li turned on her heels, and Wei Wuxian followed her. However, before they reached the door, Wei Wuxian slowed his steps, peering down a hallway visible only from his vantage point. He then detoured off to the side, disappearing off where she could not see. Yu Ziyuan frowned, the slightest bit anxious, wondering if he were seeking space or an escape.
"Mother," A-Cheng said, and Yu Ziyuan abruptly realized that he was still standing there. She turned to face him, cursing herself. She had once promised herself that she would not be like Fengmian, like all the others who judged her household's children. She had promised that she would never overlook A-Cheng in favor of Wei Wuxian. Already, it seemed she was struggling to find the balance.
"What is it?"
Yu Ziyuan watched him, waiting for the words to come, but for a long while, he said nothing. He did not look well, she realized for the second time. Very unwell, in fact, as if he were about to keel over any second.
He held his ground, though, for all that he would not meet her eyes.
"A-Cheng—"
"He left because of me."
Yu Ziyuan's mouth drifted close.
"I drank too much," A-Cheng went on, as if he could not get the words out fast enough. "I was already throwing up and my head was hurting and... he said he would run down to the drugstore and get some medicine for me."
Ah, Yu Ziyuan thought.
A-Cheng paused, only to swallow as best he could around whatever lump had suddenly lodged itself in his throat. "I knew he had left but... One minute I was awake and the next I was asleep, and when I woke up, he was still gone and—"
He cut himself off. There was nothing more to say.
Yu Ziyuan let the silence stretch. She did not even need to wonder how she should feel about his words. She knew that the answer was 'angry'. She was angry. Wei Wuxian had lied to her, for one. For another, how could she possibly abide by her own son being so irresponsible? It was not as if he was unaware of the duty he had been meant to fulfill. For all that Yu Ziyuan had not cautioned them, but rather A-Li had, he was well aware that the two of them were to always "stay together." He had failed at that, and if he hadn't, then this tragedy might not have happened at all.
'You should have been with him. You should have never let him leave,' she wanted to say. 'Just as I expect him to watch out for you, you should have been watching out for him. I have never been more disappointed in you.'
She nearly did say it, but in the end, she didn't. She didn't because it wasn't fair. She didn't because whether it was true or not did not matter. She didn't because what good were should-have-beens now?
"Why did you not call me?" she asked instead. She had not forgotten that it had been A-Li he had called, after all, not her.
He took a deep, shuddering breath. "I didn't know how you would react."
And it hurt to hear, it really did. Had he mentioned to her that Wei Wuxian was missing, or if Wei Wuxian had called for a ride from a place he should never have been at, she would have been angry. How could she not have been? For the boy to worry his family and put himself in blatant danger was something any woman, any mother would be angry about.
Yet why was it that her children somehow thought that she was so unreliable? Why was it that when an emergency happened, none of her children thought to come to her? A-Cheng hadn't watched out for Wei Wuxian, no, but what room did Yu Ziyuan have to talk when she hadn't watched out for any of them?
It had all made so much sense to her before. Why should she have fought their fears for them? Why should she have wiped their tears or kissed their injuries better? Her parents had never done that for her, and it was not long before she realized she didn't need them to. She learned to dust herself off. She learned independence. She learned the value of strength. She learned that no one would fight harder for her than herself. She had trusted that her children would learn the same thing.
Yu Ziyuan did not like to be wrong, so she simply never was. Every word she said was calculated, meant to portray whatever message she was giving. But she had been wrong in this, somehow, someway. There was no explanation for why her family thought so little of her. So, what was it? Was it her delivery that was wrong? Or was it the message itself? Likely not the latter, because her children had learned strength, just not through her guidance. Yu Ziyuan had thought she had prepared them for the world, but she hadn't really. Their strength was in spite of her really, not the other way around.
Her breathing stuttered at the flash of hurt in her chest. A-Cheng watched her with eyes that were far too expressive, but he did not hide from her, did not falter when he might have otherwise before. She always thought that Wei Wuxian was the strongest of her household's children. She wondered now if that was true. He was strong of course, stronger than any boy his age should ever have to be, but what about A-Cheng and A-Li? Was A-Cheng's loyalty, his steadfastness, fiery soul not amazing enough? Was A-Li's ability for kindness in the face of such evil not a power worthy of praise?
She couldn't manage to bring her eyes up from where they had fallen to her son's shoes. Her overlooked son, whose accomplishments seemed so pale in comparison to his brother's. Her insecure son, who as far as she could tell, had never had a friend that wasn't Wei Wuxian's first. Her precious son, who was the moon while Wei Wuxian was the sun, the one that could not shine without the other.
And how did she help him? Belittled the talents he did have for not being good enough. How did she help any of them? Pitted them against each other as if love was a competition that could be won or lost. How did all the things she had done compare to all the things she hadn't done? Never supporting them when they needed it, never holding them when they needed to be held, never saying what they needed to hear from her, never being the person they needed.
Finally, she tipped her head and looked up at her son. Like Wei Wuxian, A-Cheng was taller than her, too. It seemed so wrong that a child could ever outgrow their mother, yet here they were.
Trying not to think too hard about it, she reached out and laid a hand in his hair. The movement was awkward, and the moment she did it, she wanted to snatch it away, but she didn't.
A-Cheng went rigid underneath her palm, his whole body somehow tensing even more, like he was bracing for a hit. It wasn't right, because she and Fengmian had hit their children, but not overly often, or severely, or even on their faces like her own parents had done a few times to her. She did not think it justified the tension, but perhaps it was not about that.
Perhaps Wei Wuxian was not the only one who needed her to do better.
She rubbed the back of his head, her hand brushing through his frizzled hair. The motion was stilted, awkward. She had not done this, not since her children were small enough to fit in her arms, perhaps small enough that they would not have remembered. Even then, it had only been when no one was around, because somehow, some way she could not even fathom now, she had decided that it was shameful for a mother to show that she loved her children. Even now, it was not a caress, not the soothing hand of a mother that could wipe away fears just by force of womanly will.
It was firm, though. It was real. It was her.
"No matter what could have or should have been done," she said, "there is no excuse for what Wen Chao has done."
His eyes found hers, so desperate for her that if had stepped into the cradle of her arms at that moment, she would have certainly let him.
"Your actions were wrong, as were Wei Wuxian's, but there is no point in blaming yourself or him. It was not your fault," she said, and she meant it.
His lip trembled, and his eyes shined. "Mother—"
"No tears," she said, but not unkindly. "Later, but not now. Wei Wuxian needs you to be strong now."
And just like that, she saw the steel build up under his skin. She hadn't expected him to be capable of anything less; he was her son, after all. Perhaps that was not always a good thing, but right now, it was one of life's greatest blessings.
Out of the corner of her eye, she caught Wei Wuxian's sudden return. She remembered then that he had gone off on his own, though apparently not in an attempt to run away as she had feared.
Her mouth was open, prepared to ask where he had been, when she noticed the can of cold coffee in his hand. She idly remembered the crumpled bills salvaged from his jeans' pockets; the money he had presumably saved for his drugstore trip the night before.
The hand of his holding the coffee abruptly shot out. She spent several seconds wondering just why exactly he was presenting such a thing.
He cleared his throat. "It's, um, for you."
Oh.
Visible from the corner of her eye, A-Cheng made a terrible effort in appearing as if he were not witnessing something extraordinary.
They both were little fools, Yu Ziyuan thought as she took the can from him.
"You did not have to do this," she said.
"Just a small thing," he replied, and though he did not quite smile, there was a sheepish lightness in his eyes. She realized he had made something almost like a joke. With her.
"Thank you," she said, because he was not the only one who could be grateful for the small things in life. She cracked open the can, and guided both boys back out into the light of day.
TBC
I hope it doesn't feel like I'm dragging the story along with all these abrupt chapter splits. It just ended up... being... so... long. The next one will definitely be the last, though, and definitely won't take as long to drop as this one did (apparently being in a school setting inspires me to write more). Thanks again for reading!