"Daddy, I want a puppy!" Leia Loud has been saying and saying for the past month. Every day and every night.
It's enough to drive a father mad, Lincoln Loud can assure you. Least the other children can vent their frustration through sibling rivalry and his lovers can leave for a girl's night out. He, on the other hand, is left as a trapped and powerless victim.
The request is worse than her infantile cries, cause she's doing it on purpose! She knows what's she's doing!
Lincoln made himself a drink to calm his nerves. Having gone from making his kids a bottle to one for himself. But as he tried to raise the glass to his lips, his hand was shaking. And then came those damn words.
"Daddy, I want a puppy!" She yelled, causing him to drop it. Scattered glass and spelt jack all over the floor.
That was the final straw.
"Alright, fuck it!" Lincoln clapped his hands manically, "Let's go get you a puppy!"
"Really?!" Asked the young preppy, bobbing up and down with excitement.
"Really, Dad?" Lincoln's son, Lyle asked from the other room, "You sure that's a good idea?"
"Sure." Lincoln raised his watch, "I mean, I'm sure the shelter is about closed but lets get going."
"Yay!" Leia cheered, running off, "I'll be in the car!"
As Lincoln passed the puddle of Jack Daniels, he sobbed at what he got himself into.
Lyle only sighed, the long haired boy concerned about his father.
"He's losing his mind and we're suffering for it." Said Lupa, Lyle's white haired sister appearing right behind him.
"Aaaah!" Lyle screamed, falling off the couch.
(One, grueling car ride later...)
Fortune favors the bold, they say. The two Louds got there right as the poor smuck was about to lock up.
"Sir, we're literally about to shut down here." Said the employee, clearly wanting to go home.
"It'll be quick, I swear, pal!" Lincoln pleads, "I don't want to be here as much as you do."
"I want my puppy, Daddy!" Leia squalled.
The employee took pity and allowed them through. Lincoln stood by as Leia roamed and searched for her desired poochie.
And then came the words: "This one, Daddy! I want this one!"
Lincoln walked up to the cage, to check out the mutt. And honestly, it ain't no dog.
No, it was too huge to be a dog. It didn't just occupy the cage, it overfilled it, pushing up against the bars. It was shaking its head as if trying to shake it's fur dry. But it wasn't water flying off. It was dried, red gunk, still clinging to the hairs.
But the biggest sign...dogs don't wear sneakers.
"When can we take him home, Daddy?" Leia as she was petting it by the muzzle.
In the state he was in, all Lincoln could say was..."Oh fuck."