August Writing Challenge – See the art that serves as the prompt on the Facebook JE Fan Fiction Group.
Just borrowing the characters.
4 Step Program
It was a normal day in Trenton, that had started out like any other. A good night's sleep, waking up refreshed, a good breakfast, grooming, and tackling all the tasks on my agenda for today. There was nothing to warn me that the shit was about to hit the metaphorical fan, and that before the end of the day I'd be enacting the emergency plans I hoped I'd never have to execute. I was in the middle of a workout after a long morning of running around when the door slammed open. I froze, wanting to assess the threat before facing the intruder. I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw Stephanie enter the kitchen. She tossed her messenger bag on the table, dropped her gun into the Brown Bear Cookie Jar and slumped down into a chair at the table.
She didn't immediately greet me, and that's when I started to get a little nervous that maybe something had gone really, really wrong. Her ponytail was frizzy and messy, her eyes were puffy as if she'd been crying, and when I looked even closer I could see scrapes and scratches on her arm. OK, stay calm, you don't know the whole story, she still looks like she's in one single piece. Breathe.
She still hadn't spoken, which made me incredibly concerned and extremely angry and whichever fucker hurt my girl. My eyes searched for additional details, and I was relieved to see an ace bandage wrapped around her upper arm – that wasn't another gunshot was it? – and another large bandage covering her elbow. OK, that was good, it meant she'd seen Bobby already.
I heard the trademark rustle of a bakery bag, and I breathed a sigh of relief. She took a generous bit and placed the Boston Crème on a napkin on the table. And didn't pick it up again. She chewed quietly and swallowed.
Five minutes passed.
Then, ten minutes.
The donut sat untouched on the counter. Red alert! Steph wasn't eating a Boston Crème – she was just staring at it, and she hadn't spoken for nearly 20 minutes. Yes, she is totally wrecked, and this is an actual emergency. Thankfully, I've been planning for this for quite a while. Time to execute, because Rex fixes wrecks.
Step One: it was time for me to make my presence known.
Slowly, I eased out of the Chicken 'n Stars can and waddled over to the glass. Damn these short little legs. I stretched up on my hindlegs and used my front paws to scratch the glass to get her attention.
"Hey, Rex," she said.
She broke off nearly half of the Boston Crème and dropped it into the top of my cage. Holy cream this was a dream come true! No! Focus! Steph clearly had a very bad day, and I knew what I needed to do to get her cheered up. I've spent a fair amount of time observing, and I've had this plan in my back pocket for just such a time as this.
Step Two: Get her talking. I sat back on my haunches, ignoring the donut and staring at her, waiting. I worked really hard to ignore the call of the cream just inches away. But I didn't need to go into a sugar coma just now. It shouldn't be long now, if I maintain eye contact. Four, three, two…
She blew out a sigh. "I don't understand why this shit always happens to me! I've been exercising, I let the guys at Rangeman train me, I even had my gun, loaded and everything. I took Mooner in today, and then I lucked out and spotted Charlie Tomper driving into Hamilton Township – he's the one work 3k for me! I tailed him out to a strip mall and apprehended him on his way into the porn store. I didn't even break a sweat or have to run at all. He was somewhat cooperative and didn't make me wrestle him into the car."
She was picking at the donut but wasn't actually eating it, and I thought maybe if I ate some, she'd get the hint and follow suit. So, I toddled over to the donut and tore off a piece from the top, taking care not to get any with cream on it so I didn't lose my shit and forget I was on a mission. I took my snack back to the wall and stuffed it into my cheek pouch. Stephanie always loves it when I do that. It worked and she took a small nibble of the donut before continuing her tale.
"And then we're walking into the PD and fucking Joyce Barnhart comes careening around the corner of the impound lot, crashes into my car, clips the side of two cruisers and crashes into the window that freaking explodes all over me. I ended up with glass in my hair, a giant fucking shard of glass in my arm, and scratches all over. Joe showed up then, and won't shut the fuck up about how I'm such an embarrassment and need to just give up this job I can't do. I told him to shove it up his ass. I hope you're not going to be too upset if he's not around again. We're done for good. Of course, the tracker on my car reported a collision, so Bobby and Hal showed up before I could make a getaway. Which I guess was good because since he stitched me up, I didn't have to go to the hospital. But I have 27 stitches, Rex! 27! On a takedown that had gone textbook perfect. My life is a total mess!"
Well, it's safe to say I'd successfully accomplished Phase 2, and it was now time to move on. I needed Stephanie to spend some time in her "thinking position" so I blinked twice, twitched my whiskers, and dragged the rest of the donut over to my soup can. I backed into the can and pulled the donut against the opening, effectively trapping myself inside with a delicious cream donut front door.
I'd like to tell you I immediately put Step 3 into motion, but I'm a weak hamster and I ended up sucking the cream out of the donut and spending an hour in a sugar coma. Good thing for me, my girl always falls asleep in her thinking position.
I quickly pushed the remainder of the donut out of the way and gathered my supplies. I scooted my food bowl up to the side of my wheel and wedged it below. Then came the soup can. I rolled it to the side of the cage, stood it up on end and pressed it in tight to the other side of the wheel. I tested the wheel, and it didn't budge. I quickly made sure the bedding was completely spread out, and there were no lumps or burrows where Stephanie could think I might be hiding. Seeing none, I was ready. Carefully, I climbed up on to the top of the now stationary wheel and took a flying leap. It had been a while since I'd had to exert this amount of physical activity, so when I hit the ledge on side of the cage, I was slightly surprised, but I held on tight. It was a bit of a cluster fuck of a scramble, but I made it and toppled gently down onto the counter. I glanced into the aquarium, and it was clear that it was empty. Phase 3 was a go.
I trotted across the living room, slithered into the front closet and hunkered down to wait.
About an hour later, I knew things had progressed nicely. I heard every cabinet in the kitchen open and close.
"Oh, no, no, no, NO!" she muttered. "How did he even get out? Oh, God, he jumped off the top of the wheel! REX! Where are you?!"
OK, so now I felt a little bad. I didn't want to put her though more today. But I knew she'd forgive me once he was here, so I stayed the course. As expected, after about 30 minutes of searching, I heard her make the call.
"Can you come over?" She choked back a sob. "No, I'm fine. But Rex is gone! I can't find him anywhere." She sniffed and her voice broke. "Thank you."
I knew I only had about 10 minutes left. I could tell from the muffled chatter Steph was inside her bedroom, probably looking under the bed, so I quickly darted across the floor and hid under the coffee table. I heard the front door open and close, and I knew the plan was almost complete.
"Are you ok?"
"No, I'm not ok! Everything is a mess. I got 27 stitches today and lost the only living creature I'm responsible for. I'm a threat to everyone and everything I love!"
I couldn't exactly make out what he said, but I could hear him murmuring in Spanish. Good, that always seemed to calm her down. He waited patiently while she just cried herself out.
"I'm sorry I'm such a wreck. I just want to forget about today."
That was a perfect opening for Step 4 if I ever heard one. I quickly scurried out from under the table and across the living room floor, pretending to be spooked like I didn't know exactly where I was going. But I had to make sure he saw me.
"Hey, look! Isn't that Rex?"
She whipped her head around and shrieked. "Rex!"
She hopped up and quickly scooped me into her hands. He followed her into the kitchen, and when I was safely inside the cage, he pressed her against the counter.
"You're not a wreck, Babe." Kiss. "You're fierce." Kiss. "You're beautiful." Kiss. "You're determined." Kiss. "You made a great capture." Kiss. "And I can make you forget all about today."
She jumped into his arms, wrapping her legs around his waist. He carried her into the bedroom and when I heard her signature moans a few minutes later, I knew that was my cue to head back into my soup can. Afterall, I still had that Boston Crème to enjoy! Today's 4-step program was a success.