HOPES, EXPECTATIONS AND DESIRES
Hello my dear people. I know that you may feel tired with me, but I'm here with another story ;-) This is something that I wanted to write long time ago, but still pushed it away because of other things.
Story summary: What if Charles and Elsie decided to clarify the vision of their future marriage without a mediation from Mrs Patmore? Her contribution was really funny, I admit, but there are some things that they can only say to each other, privately, without any witnesses...
Legal note: Charles or Elsie are not mine and never will be which still makes me very sad...
Times have changed recently and there was no doubt about it. Ever since Charles finally had the courage to ask Elsie to marry him, their relationship has entered on an entirely new level.
Externally nothing has changed. They were still working together like they used to do before, they were still an effectively cooperating team, keeping all the household from collapsing. They were still best friends, equals, who kept their evening rituals of Sherry, as they always did, but in reality things have changed.
Charles knew that very well. He was extremely excited about the upcoming changes. Usually change was something that terrified him to the very core. As a true English man, with conservative values, in love with the tradition, he liked things to be the way they were, but not now, not this time. Now he was welcoming the nearing change with joy, excitement and he was very hopeful about the future.
Marrying Elsie was something that he dreamed about for years...He always had difficulties with realizing, when he first started to think about that, but it was not that important.
The most important was, that after years of waiting, holding back and living with his hopes and dreams only-there finally come a day when those dreams will be transferred into reality. He wanted to rush the calendar, just so the day of their wedding could arrive faster. He felt that they already lost a considerable amount of time in their life with living for the others. Now it was a high time for them to live for themselves.
Elsie was the woman of his dreams. He always found her flawless. Her beauty, her intelligence, her kindness, her understanding to his needs, as well as the needs of others and always putting them above her own, her devotion to hard work and duties, that she had as a housekeeper, made her a walking perfection in his eyes. There wasn't even one thing that he would like to change in her.
He was in love and he only wished, that their age was the only limit, which prevented them from having a full family-that was one thing that was no longer possible for both of them and his heart ached everytime he realized that. In spite of those gloomy thoughts, that sometimes entered his mind, he was perfectly happy and the very idea of spending his retirement years with that wonderful woman, made him feel twenty years younger than he really was.
Elsie felt pretty much the same about the situation. At one point of her life, she totally lost hope for ever marrying that man-the man who had her heart ever since she could remember. There was no doubt about the fact that Elsie May Hughes was extremely independent woman. She paced through her life with her head held high, with her infrangible moral standards, usually feeling no need of sharing her life with anyone. Until she met Charles Carson, who touched something in her soul, the way that no other man ever did before and from this moment she knew-that either it will be him or nobody else..
There were quite a few men in the village, who were more then willing to take care of her-mostly widowers or old bachelors, who saw her endless advantages, but Elsie was not interested with any of them.
When Charles Carson finally popped the question, she was over the moon. After a lifetime of loneliness, her whole life was about to change and it was all a merit of that wonderful man...She wasn't going into marriage with little knowledge about her future husband, like many other women did. She knew Charles better than he knew himself and she was very well aware of his pros and cons.
Even his faults would never disheartened her to marry him, because she loved him with all her heart and besides feeling incredibly lucky, for having such a wonderful future husband, she was very willing to start a completely new chapter of her life. Having her own home, her husband and gaining so much of the things that she always wanted, but thought that she will never have...
Now all her dreams, safely put aside, a little forgotten, came alive again and filled her head with many happy visions about an upcoming future...
Their evening talks with Sherry gained a new dimension, ever since they've got engaged...Earlier on, their main topics of the conversation were mostly the household matters-the other members of the staff, the daily downstairs routines, new challenges appearing everyday and of course the problems and joys of their employers...
They ocasionally talked about the past events from their private lives too, but usually their main topics was the Abbey and everything around it.
It was different now..Totally diffferent..It started innocently one night, when they were considering the question of the cottage, that Charles bought for both of them. They wondered, where should they live for the time of the refurbishment of their house at Brouncker Road and when they've once entered the subject, there was no turning back..
Starting from that night, their conversations revolved only around their future marriage life-they were talking about everything. How to refurbish the cottage, if they should live there on their own or should they transfer it to B&B like they initially planned. They were talking about how to get to work everyday-for both of them living outside the Abbey was a true revolution.
It meant a huge change in their lives. They were wondering what should they do about the meals-should they eat them at the Abbey or was it better to have them all alone in their cottage and so on and on...
They both felt like an excited children in the Christmas morning, who were just about to open their presents-discovering a lovely surprise that was hidden in the box. The possibilities which they've gained, due to their marriage were endless..
However after a while, Charles noticed a change in Elsie...Suddenly, without a reason, she became very quiet, rather inhibited and she wasn't participating in their "marriage discussions" as eagerly as she did before...
She was absent minded and anxious and it worried him greatly, because he feared that maybe she started to have second thoughts about their marriage..Maybe she was even thinking about withdrawing...The very thought of it was frightening for him..He once lost one woman in his life and Alice was not even that significant to him as Elsie...When he thought that he could now loose Elsie, he was terrified...He wouldn't be able to take it...He simply had to know what caused such a drastic change in her behavior recently..Charles decided to ask Elsie about that this night...He had to be sure that they were on the same page about things...
He deliberatly procrastinated their evening glass that night, waiting for all the other staff to go to bed. They were both used to the constant interruptions from their colleagues, but tonight, Charles wanted to be sure that there won't be any...If he was to heard a bad news, he didn't wish anyone else witnessing this.
When he saw that Mrs Patmore finally put the light off in the kitchen and she climbed to the stairs, leading to their bedrooms, he decided to go and have a talk with Elsie, knowing, that there will be no witnesses. Usually Elsie was the last person who went to sleep, long after everyone else had gone up.
He straightened himself up, sighed heavily and went towards her sitting room.
She was very happy to see him and she received a glass that he offered her with joy.
For a moment they were talking about usual household matters, but when he directed the conversation at the topic of their marriage, he noticed that suddenly, Elsie has stiffened once again and the atmosphere in the room has changed.
He decided to take action immediately...He left his armchair, that he was usually occupying and sat right next to her on the sofa, which made her blush, in such adorable way, that he hardly stopped himself from kissing her...Those smutty thoughts have entered his mind more often recently, but he quickly reminded himself, that there is an important conversation that he has to have with her right now.
"Mrs Hughes...I was wondering..If I may ask you a question..."
"Of course you may..."
"You see...I've noticed that...That recently something has changed between us..."
"It certainly has Mr Carson...We are engaged to be married.."-Elsie smiled to Charles warmly..
"We are, but I wasn't talking about it...When we were making all those plans regarding our future marriage, I had a feeeling, that we are both enjoying it very much...That you were as keen as I was to talk about all those stuff..."
"I was keen...Very keen.."
"Exactly...And then, somehow, few days ago, I noticed that something has changed in you...You became more distant and absent minded..It's like you suddenly didn't want to plan our future anymore...Has something changed?.."-He asked that question, feeling, that his heart beat is faster than it should be...He had to know the answer to that question...
Elsie sighed deeply...So he noticed that...She was hoping that she could hide her feelings better, but apparently she couldn't...
"Yes Mr Carson...Something has changed..."
"I see..."-His mouth was so dry now, that he could hardly say another words..."Am I to understand that you changed your mind and want to withdraw from our marriage?"
"What? No Mr Carson...No, I don't want to withdraw...I haven't changed my mind..."
"Oh thank God...I was so afraid of that...That you don't want to marry me anymore..."
"I still want to marry you Mr Carson, it's just that...It's..."
"What is it? Whatever it is you can tell me...We made promise to each other to be honest and express our wishes openly.."
"We did, but this is something that is really difficult..It concerns the arrangements of our future marriage..."
"Is it? I thought that we have discussed almost everything by now..."-he smiled to her...
"We have...Almost everything...We were talking about how our cottage will look like, what kind of furnitures we want, we have discussed about our meals, our cottage duties and many, many other things, but there is one question that is still not clear to me..."
"What is the question? You can tell me anything Mrs Hughes...Present to me any of the doubts you may have..."
Elsie put her head down...She never felt so embarassed in her life before, however she was aware, that it was now or never...Either she will do it now or this burden will never be resolved...
"It's a question of our..Our marriage relations...Of our intimate relations to be exact..."
"Oh..."-Charles suddenly felt embarassed too...Indeed that was a question that neither of them touched before...Of course Charles thought about that and he had absolutely no doubts what his expectations were, but what was Elsie going to say about it?.."Go on please..."
"Well..I was wondering if...If you will expect me to...You know..To perform my wifely duties..."
"Ermmm...Ehh...Should I be honest and talk openly Mrs Hughes? The last thing I would want is to insult you in any way or made you feel uncomfortable..."
"I'm already uncomfortable, so that can't be any worse than it is now..."
"Mrs Hughes...Elsie..."-Elsie shuddered, because until this moment, he has never called her by her Christian name before..."Please look at me..."
She raised her head and blushed again...She was so lovely in that moment and once again Charles felt a great need of kissing her...
"You are asking if I want a full marriage?"
"Yes..."
"The answer is yes...Most definitely yes...I want a full marriage...I want us to be close, intimate, just as wife and husband should and not because we should and not because I think of it as a kind of duty, as you described it before, but because I really want it...I really want you...I hope that you are not offended by my words..."
"Mr Carson...Charles...I already told you once, that the last thing that I am at this moment is offended and now it's a good time to say it again...I'm not offended...I'm just surprised, that you have no doubts about it..."
"How could I have any? I love you...I want you to be my wife...I want to share everything with you...The question is, if you want the same thing or maybe you don't feel like having that kind of relations with me..."
"I love you too and I want to be your wife...I want us to share everything, I'm just not sure..."
"Not sure if you want me...?"-he suspended his voice and held his breath, waiting for her answer...
"No, it's not that...You are the only man that I love and that I want, but I'm afraid that you'll be...Disappointed with me..."
"And why on earth would I be disappointed with you?!"
"Becaue I'm not young, beautiful or appealing...And I have no experience..I've never..."
"I would never expect it to be any other way Elsie...You are a woman with standards..."
"But you've once said I was not..."
"Oh forget the old fool I was before...I was a pompous, grumpy butler back then...Now I'm a man in love, a man who finds his future wife the most beautiful and the most desirable woman in the world...How could you ever think that I would not want you?..."
"I didn't know that...I wasn't sure..."
"Then you are sure now...It is you who could be disappointed with me...I'm the old stick in the mud, who would want such a grump like me?"
"I would...Very much...And it costs me nothing to say it..."
"I think that you have already used that argument before..."
"I have, but it''s a good moment to repeat it now.."
"Elsie...I'm not very experienced in that area either...But it doesn't matter...It's not a competition...It is marriage...I want to experience all those things with you...All this wonderful closeness, that I never truly had with anyone else..In fact, I can hardly wait to experience it with you..."
"Really Charles? You mean that?"
"Of course I do...Elsie..."-he took her hand and pressed it to his lips gently..."I loved you for such a long time...And I...I won't be afraid to say that...I lusted after you too...Very much and very long...I want us to both enjoy that new things in our life...I want us to be close, as close as we are now and even closer.."
As he said that, he got closer to Elsie and before she even realized, his lips touched hers...Gently at first, so gently, like she was made of the most fragile china, like he was afraid to break her..She closed her eyes and shivered, when she felt his hands touching her face, just to keep her in the place...
His kisses became more intensified now, but still not very ardent, rather delicate and soft..The way he caressed her face and brushed her lips in such lazy and sensual manner, set her body on fire and made her tingly in the places which were dormant for a long time...
A soft whimper escaped her mouth, during the kiss and Charles smiled proudly, seeing that his actions made an expected result...
When he withdraw from the kiss she was almost disappointed...
"Charles..That was..."
"Yes? Tell me how that was? Did you like it Elsie?"
She nodded shyly and he smiled, touching her cheek gently...
"That was just a little preview Elsie...This is how I expect things to look like between us when we marry...I'm aware, that you may be afraid of that, as you probably heard dreadful stories about marital duties, unpleasentaries and other things like that in marriage..."
"I have, but I'm hoping that it will be different with us..."
"As far as it depends on me and a large part of marital relations depends from a man, I can assure you, that it will not be a duty for you...I want it to be pleasure for you...Something that you will look forward too and maybe even after a while, something that will be initiated by you too..."
"Charles...The way you talk about that...It makes me feel like I'm about to live through the greatest adventure of my life..."
"That's how I intend it to be for us...For you...Elsie...Giving love to the person that is so dear to me as you are, is the one of the most beautiful things in our life and I want to give you everything...My life, my house, my money, my love...Everything..."
"It's the same for me Charles...I want to give you everything also...I just wish that I can't give you everything...I will never be able to give you children..."
"I know Elsie...Please don't think about that now...We have passed this point in our lives and we have to accept this..We can't have a family, but we will have each other and that is something that I'm really looking forward to..."
"Me too...I feel relieved...I was so afraid of this conversation...Of your expectations..."
"You needn't do that Elsie...Oh my sweet...Didn't you notice by now that you mean the world to me? There isn't a thing that I wouldn't do for you..."
"Charles...I can't give you that much as you are giving me...You bought the house, you have savings, I don't have that much, but I can promise you one thing-that I will take care of you...As much as I always have, during our years spent together..."
"My lovely...Nobody in my life has ever taken such good care of me as you did..."
"Is that why you are marrying me Charles?"
"Elsie...You know very well why I'm marrying you...Because you are the love of my life...Because I love you, want you and because I wish to spent every moment with you...We have so much to look forward to...So many, new exciting things..."
"Charles?"
"Yes love?"
"Will you...Will you kiss me once again?"-She looked at him and there was a mixture of innocence and desire in her eyes, that made him proud..Proud, that he was able to evoke feelings like that in her with only one kiss..That was a good fortune for the future...
Without replying, he neared his face to hers and once again his lips touched hers..This kiss was a little braver than the last one..More passionate...He put his arms around her waist and she put her hands around his neck...Their lips were dancing in their own rhythm, impatiently caressing one another...
When she touched the base of his neck, stroking his hair, he moaned into her mouth and a certain parts of his body told him, that if they will continue, he may not remain a gentleman any further...
"My beautiful Elsie...You will be a passionate wife, no doubt about it, but we need to stop now, otherwise I won't be able to remain a gentleman..."
"Charles..Did I do something wrong?"
"On the contrary my love...You were perfect..Too perfect...A much as I love you and want you, there are some things that we should left after we will be married...Then we won't have to stop anything more..."
"I can't wait for that after tonight's preview..."-the way she looked at him, unable him from not kissing her again...He nibbled her lips tenderly and stopped before they could go any further...
"I think that we should say goodnight Charles...Few more moments and I will not want to return to my room..."
"I think you maybe right my love...Goodnight and thank you for making me the happiest man alive..."
"Thank you for erasing all my doubts and concerns Charles...Now I'm more thrilled to marry you, than I was before..."
They squeezed their hands and Elsie left the room...They were both unquenchable for each other, but they knew, they had to wait for the right time..The best things were still ahead of them...
That's all for today...This is how I see it...Although we never saw any of this in the series, because the series was not only about Charles and Elsie (as much as I would want it to be), I believe that they had many interesting conversations about their future marriage after they got engaged-their soppy smiles told us that..And in my head, this is how it would look like without the participation of Mrs Patmore...Hope you liked my version of events...Your comments and reviews are always appreciated. Stay safe and see you soon!