Sammy climbed into her car and sat there in the suffocating heat for a moment while she looked up at her porch. She kept telling herself she'd be back and everything would be fine, but the other half of her knew that even if she made it back unscathed, nothing would really be the same. She flashed back for a moment to that night after her late shift at Rico's, when Lee had gotten back from a job and shattered his beers, and she had offered him some company and a drink. If she looked hard enough, she could see the both of them standing there, Lee at the bottom of the steps and Sammy at the top, smiling and inviting him inside. It was so simple then with the both of them. It was new, invigorating, something safe and fun. She blinked and the image flitted away, disappearing into the mirage caused by the heavy sun. Sure, it was easy then, but so much had happened since that night. That was just how life was. He was still there, though. For now at least.

She turned the key and the car hummed to life. She tried to shake away the thought of losing Lee, but it was weighing hard on her shoulders. Maybe she was still having feelings about everything that had happened surrounding her first mission, but at the end of the day, Lee was the one. Life without him seemed so impossible now, even though she had gone for so long before him. Being with him was the breath of air she hadn't known she needed. When she pulled out of the driveway, she felt a pang of fear that she'd never be able to breathe again.

But she was doing this for Bee. He would understand eventually. She knew he would because if it had been any one of his friends, he would've left the second he got the letter.

She put the car in drive and took off down the road, leaving the house and all of its illusions behind her. There was a lot depending on the choices she made now. She just hoped that when she got home, those walls would still feel right, and Lee would be there waiting.

—-

Tool was sitting and minding his business while Barney avoided his problems. The man was one stubborn piece of work, but he was a helluva good shot. So was Sammy, though. No wonder why they were starting to butt heads.

He was about to stand up and return to his drawings when the door opened and Lee and Gunner clamored in. Lee was huffing and puffing about something and Gunner was chuckling.

"That's it," Lee said, shaking his head and moving towards Tool and Barney, away from Gunner, "my couch is empty tonight. Understood?"

"Your couch?" Gunner frowned, pausing where he stood and holding his arms out. "I think it's Sammy's couch, Krampus."

"Krampus," Lee repeated with a roll of his eyes. "This guy."

"All I was saying-"

"Alright, alright," Barney grumbled, holding up a hand to stop them both from continuing. He gripped his beer in the other and shook his head. "That's enough."

Lee looked down at him and quirked a brow. He'd been noticing that Barney had been distant lately, and he would usually have a few beers throughout the day, but he looked downright miserable sitting there at Tool's table. Gunner noticed too, and they both looked towards Tool, who just shrugged and stood up to head back to his work.

"What's got your knickers in a twist?" Lee asked, pulling a chair out with a screech before he dropped himself into it.

Barney glared at him from under his brows. He knew he was being obvious about it, but he still wished they wouldn't ask. He let out a breath and adjusted himself in his seat.

"It's nothing," he said eventually, spinning the beer in his hand. "Just some old business. Nothing important."

"If you say so," Lee said, looking back up at Gunner, who was frowning down at Barney, his blonde hair messy from sleep over his forehead.

"Where's Sammy, anyway?" Barney asked, looking between the both of them. Gunner pressed his lips together and let out a breath. Lee scratched his neck and sighed.

"Called out for today," Lee said. "She said she needs some alone time."

Barney raised his brows and leaned back in his chair. He had a feeling that there was a bit of contention in that statement, most of which would be towards himself.

"If that's what she needs," Barney said.

"What she needs…" Gunner echoed, pushing his hair haphazardly away from his face, revealing the sheen of sweat that was already dotted over his forehead from the morning humidity. "That's rich."

Lee looked up at Gunner and Barney bit his tongue. Lashing out wouldn't do him any good. It would just lead to more questions that he didn't feel like answering.

"I don't need to explain myself to you, Jensen," Barney grumbled, pushing back his seat and grabbing his beer as he stood. "I always do what's best for all of us. The needs of the many, right?"

Gunner huffed and sucked in his cheeks. He didn't like being lectured by Barney, or anyone, really. He could usually bite back his response, but this time, his blood was boiling hot under his skin.

"What about Sammy's needs?" He asked, staring daggers into the back of Barney's head as he walked off. "She's one of us now, isn't she?"

Lee felt another pang of jealousy in his chest. Shouldn't he be the one fighting for what Sammy wanted? He furrowed his brows and wondered if he really thought that Bee was dead, or if that was just what he told himself to keep Sammy where he could see her.

"Gunner, what the hell is this about?" Barney asked, irritated, his face hardened as he turned and met Gunner's eyes. "Because last I checked, you voted with the rest of us."

"I voted the way we always do. With what you want," Gunner said, waving him off and glancing towards Tool, who had his head tilted towards the budding argument. "Usually you know what you're doing. This time-"

"This time what?" Barney asked suddenly, raising his voice in such a way that caused Lee and Tool to snap their focus onto him.

"This time you were wrong!" Gunner yelled back. "What the hell is so bad that you can't see that?"

"Watch your mouth, Gunner," Barney growled, knotting his lips up amidst his stubble. His chest was heaving with his every breath. Gunner didn't falter. He didn't flinch.

"You've never backed down from a fight before," Gunner said, taking a step towards the table between them where Lee sat, his fists itching to flip it. He refrained. "Even if you thought it was suicide, you never backed down."

Lee clenched his teeth and swallowed. He saw more of the guys arriving in the corner of his eye, but he was too focused on how hot his skin felt suddenly, and how tight his chest was. He wanted to punch Gunner, or maybe Barney, or maybe both of them. He couldn't decide.

"There are some fights worth leaving in the past," Barney said, jutting a finger out towards Gunner. "You of all people should know that."

"Alright, alright," Tool said, finally, standing and holding out his hands. "Let's take a second and talk about this-"

"You worry so much about your big black heart," Gunner snapped, slamming his hands down on the table in front of Lee, who didn't flinch. "You ever think you made it that way yourself?"

"If you wanna help Sammy so bad, then go. You go and get yourself killed," Barney said, shaking his head. "You both have that in common, don't you?"

Gunner wrinkled his nose like an animal about to strike. The table skidded as he gripped the edge of it, and the rest of the guys, watching on from the outside, tensed suddenly. Tool shook his head and sat back in his hips, irritated that there might be another disaster in his shop.

Lee was looking up at Barney with uncertainty. The man he knew- Barney Ross- was never like this. He glanced up at Gunner, who was just about ready to strike, and wondered why he wasn't the one trying to punch those words back into Barney's mouth.

Gunner slapped at the table after a moment and it slid forward a few more inches, just far enough that Lee had to slide his chair back and out of the way. Sweat was pooling on Gunner's brows and chin and nose, and it was dripping down and collecting on his shirt. His greasy hair reflected the light and he snarled, shaking his head at Barney. He gripped his arm suddenly, holding it twisted to the side towards Barney.

"This is what we are to you anyway, right?" Gunner sniped, spit flying from his lips as he spoke. He ran his hand over the tattoo that they all wore and kept his eyes tight on Barney. "Expendable. It's more than just a name. How many of us have you branded? How many of us have you gone through?"

Barney let his head sink back in his neck and looked down his nose at Gunner. His upper lip twitched and flicked like he wanted to say something back. Lee looked down at his own tattoo then and furrowed his brows.

"Get out," Barney said, struggling to keep his tone even and voice low. They all shot their eyes up to him, even Tool, who was still shaking his head near his desk. "Get out, Gunner."

Gunner looked at Barney for another long moment before he turned his attention to Lee. He shook his head at him, his blonde hair swaying around his head.

"This should be you defending her," he said, pointing a finger at him. Lee stood suddenly, his fists clenched at his sides, and his right hand twitched as though in search of a blade. Gunner noticed. "When Biffo was out for your blood, you told me to protect her. I've been doing that ever since, but from what?"

Lee let out a low grunt and lurched towards Gunner then, his knuckles making one sharp connection with Gunner's cheekbone before Tool had him gripped around the chest and yanked him back against the table. He tripped for a moment and struggled to find his balance, grabbing at the table for support while he tried to shove Tool away. Caesar and Toll were half outstretched for Gunner, but he wasn't fighting back. He had one hand pressed to his cheek, which was cut just beneath his eye, his hair a curtain over his face. After a second he pulled his hand down and wiped the blood on his jeans. Then he shook his head and turned, not bothering to say anything else before he slammed the door shut behind him and left the Expendables behind.

—-

Sammy was well on her way to Cap's foxhole in the city when her phone rang. She looked down at it on instinct and then cursed herself for not leaving it behind. She was expecting it to be Lee, but to her surprise, it was Gunner.

She looked down at the phone for a moment before flicking her eyes back to the road ahead of her. She knew she couldn't answer. She was basically undercover now, hidden away in a world functioning in the undertow of the rest of society. She had lived a lot of different lives already, but this one would be a challenge. She knew that. She was ready for it. Or so she thought, until she saw Gunner's name on her phone screen and her heart lurched with sorrow. They would be okay. Bee needed her.

She let out a shuddering breath and lowered her window, and then she chucked the phone out and watched in her rear view mirror as it cracked and skipped along the pavement behind her. It didn't take long until it was out of view, just a speck on the road that would be reduced to a fine grain before the day was up. It was too easy to leave a life behind, she thought. Or maybe she was just really good at it.

—-

Cap was sitting in the kitchen on her laptop with her big messy hair tied into a loose ponytail at the top of her head. The curls danced around her like a crown, bobbing as she breathed and moved. She glanced over the top of her laptop towards the living room, where Angel was pacing back and forth on her prosthetic. She'd picked up on it fast, but Cap could see the struggle in Angel's eyes. There was pain there. Uncertainty. She wished she could go back in time and take that bullet for her, but thinking like that was useless when all she ever had was forward momentum.

"Hey!" Bones cheered, her voice muffled by the thin walls between them. "That's good! You've been at it for two hours. Wanna take a break?"

"No," Angel said, turning swiftly and heading in the opposite direction of Bones. "I'm fine."

"There's nothing wrong with taking a break," Bones tried, following after her. "Five minutes, even?"

"Five minutes is the difference between life and death," Angel said, wagging her finger at no one in particular. "And I'd rather face that standing, thanks."

Cap rolled her eyes and looked back down at the screen. There were jobs begging to be bid on, but she knew she was in no place to take anything on other than a trip to the pharmacy. Solo missions were never really her thing, even before she had Bones and Angel at her sides. She tapped the pads of her fingers lazily on the table and blew out a short, heavy breath. A few of her curls got picked up by it and flew momentarily towards the ceiling before they plopped back down around her.

They were running on fumes. Cap figured she could squeeze out another months worth of rent, but if she didn't start working soon, they'd have nowhere to go. Every time she thought about leaving them her chest would get tight and stiff. They were her family. They'd seen her through it all. She'd almost lost them once, and that had been enough to nearly kill her as it was. She rubbed her palms against her face and closed her eyes.

—-

The Hospital

Barney was talking to Lee across the waiting room. Cap didn't know why she cared so much. Maybe it was because if the Expendables weren't there she would be alone. Luna and Maggie had said their goodbyes and wished everyone the best. Cap hadn't expected them to stick around, especially not after missing out on the payout they were promised. She had a lot riding on that chunk of change herself.

But she couldn't think about that. Bones and Angel needed her full attention. She rubbed her hands together and let her head hang between her shoulders, deadweight over her chest. Her hair was a matted disaster and her skin was covered in a solid layer of dirt, sweat, and blood. She didn't look too different from some others in the waiting room, who were either Expendables or who she assumed were just people that'd survived car accidents or other common things. Her ears were ringing, mostly from grief, and she tried to shake herself back into silence. She hated that damn ringing. Every time she twitched away from it, her hair tugged at her scalp, itchy and tangled against her skin. She reached up a hand to absently detangle it, her fingers narrow and weak from lack of sleep and dehydration. She tried to focus on telling herself that everything would be alright.

Bones would live. Angel would live. Her family would be whole.

"I'll sit with her then," Barney said, his voice picking up and carrying all the way over to Cap. She glanced in his direction and waited.

"I should be in there. It's my job," Lee said.

"Your job is to do what's right by her. Not what you want to do," Barney said with a shrug. "Sometimes those things overlap. Sometimes they don't."

Lee pressed his lips into an irritated solid line and sunk down into a chair behind him. Barney watched him for a moment before he rolled his eyes and looked away. He noticed Cap watching, and she instinctively drew her eyes down, one hand still toying with her messy hair. She tugged too hard at a knot and winced, her fingers stuck in the curls for a moment as she worked them apart.

"Any word?"

Cap snapped her eyes up and found Barney standing just in front of her with his fingers tucked into the loops of his belt. She swallowed and shrugged.

"A lot of people here," she said numbly, looking around at everyone who would be missing somebody the same way as her.

"Doesn't make it any easier," Barney said, shifting his jeans up as he sat down next to her. He flicked his thumb in Lee's direction. "Wanna see Sammy, maybe?"

She looked up at him with a dumb stare plastered across her face. She let her hand fall from her hair and brushed the grease and dirt off on her pants.

"I don't wanna miss anything…"

"Right. No pressure," he said, scratching at his wildly growing stubble and looking around. "I just thought that seeing her alive might give you some hope."

Captain looked him up and down for a second before she scoffed and gave her head a gentle shake. Her hair bounced around her and the fluorescent lights caught the sheen of anxious sweat on her cheeks and reflected off her eyes. Barney raised a brow, confused, and held up his hands between them as if to say "what?"

"Nothing," she said, standing. "Hope. That's… That's funny coming from a guy like you in a world like ours. That's all."

Barney pressed his lips together and bit the inside of his cheek. Cap clearly had an idea of him- or men like him- in her mind already. But what was life without a little bit of hope? Even his festering black heart could feel a flutter of hope once in a while. Hell, he was feeling hopeful right at that moment, but maybe that had something to do with the way she flicked her hair from her face and forced a crooked grin. Or maybe it was that same sinking feeling as before, the feeling that he'd known her forever… or someone like her. Did she feel that, too?

She was too busy worrying about Bones and Angel and her next step to pay much attention to Barney Ross. Her fingers twiddled anxiously at her side and Barney glanced around to see who was still there. Then he took her wrist in his hand and gripped it tight. Not tight enough to hurt or leave a mark, but tight enough to ground her where she was, back down on earth where she needed to be. She looked up at him, alarmed, but his face was softer than usual and he sighed.

"Just come see her," he said, his voice low. "You won't miss anything. And even if you do, my boys will let you know the second we come back."

Cap blinked for a moment and then let out a shuddering breath. She nodded. Barney let go of her wrist, and she pulled it into her own opposite hand while she studied him. He lead her away from the waiting room and towards the ICU, which was just a big circle with nurses and doctors rushing around it, like some kind of track of death. The people that weren't moving looked exhausted and worn out or they were hooked up to tubes in the beds. They were surrounded by mechanical breathing, beeping, and the distant sound of an automated voice over a loudspeaker. Code blue, code blue-

Barney stopped outside a room and looked over his shoulder as Cap came to a gradual stop. He lead her inside, and laying in the bed connected to some monitors was Sammy. She was knocked out, her breathing soft and steady, and her hair was chopped short and uneven and there was gauze wrapped tight around her head. There was a pulse-ox on her finger, which was thin and tanned and clean. Her hands were resting daintily over her blanket and there was a tube tucked over her ears and resting beneath her nose. The monitor showed her heartbeat, visualizing every pump and pull of life inside of her. Cap watched for a moment before she pressed both hands to her face and started to sob.

Barney didn't realize she was crying until he turned around and saw her shaking. He stood there for a moment, dumbly looking around, wishing Sammy would wake up and somehow be well enough to deal with it instead of him. But there was nobody else. He sighed.

"Hey, uh," he tried, stepping closer to her. She waved him off, her shoulders bobbing drastically, and he pressed his lips flat and shrugged his shoulders up to his ears.

"Don't-" she said, and he was alarmed at the shrill vibrato in her voice. He swallowed, his own eyes wide and uncertain.

"Cap, look, I didn't mean to-"

She wiped at her eyes and Barney was sure he saw her smiling. He listened for a moment, and he realized that he couldn't decipher if the sound she was making was a cry or a laugh. He didn't have to wonder for long.

"Don't say anything," she said, pulling her hands away and revealing her swollen, pink cheeks and the dimples that stretched across them. "This is so stupid. Isn't this so stupid?"

"Uh-" Barney tried, glancing back at Sammy, who was knocked the hell out and facing a nasty concussion. He didn't think it was that stupid, especially because he was the one that had to deal with Lee.

"She's the baby!" Cap cried, but she winced against the volume of her own voice and checked over her shoulder to make sure nobody had looked her way. "She's new! She was the one everybody was worried about, the one nobody wanted in the field yet. I mean, you know. You know!"

Barney blinked aimlessly. Yeah, he knew, sure.

"But now she's the one that's fine," Cap went on, moving swiftly to the bedside and looking down at Sammy as she slept. "Hell, she saved us. I mean, she definitely saved Angel."

When she said Angel's name, her manic laughter faltered and her eyes went cold again. She swallowed and blinked and placed her hand over Sammy's. She was steadily crying the entire time, but now the tears felt desperate. One fell from her cheek and onto Sammy's sheet.

"Call name Gogh. Short for Van Gogh," she said. "An artist. Probably crazy enough to cut off her own ear. And, I bet…" She hesitated, looking back to Barney and letting her hand fall away from Sammys, "I bet nobody would appreciate the work she did until she's gone."

Barney watched Cap carefully. He felt a pull towards her, something like gravity, and he didn't realize how close he had gotten until his arms were stretched around her back and her head was against his chest. Her hair was frizzy and in his face, but he didn't care. He closed his eyes and sighed into her, feeling her body relax.

"But she's not gone," Barney said, looking down at Sammy over Cap's head. "She's still here, and so are they."
Cap nodded. Bones and Angel were still alive. They weren't gone, so it wasn't time to think like they were. It was time to put all of her energy into them getting better. She could hear Barney's heart beating, and noted that even if he said his heart was cold and dark, as long as he was alive, it would never sound that way.

Vietnam, 1971

Lucie's head was resting on Barney's chest and her fingers were tracing loose circles along his skin. He had one arm wrapped around her, holding her tight against him, and he was looking up at the ceiling of his small tent and listening to the noises of the jungle. She was focusing on his heartbeat, which was slow and steady under her ear, a cadence for her own breathing to follow. He had never felt the way he did then about anyone before. It was like having her in his arms was all he needed for the universe to make sense. Maybe they were small and infinitesimally unimportant in the grand scheme of things, a tiny nanometer in light years of existence, but with her skin pressed to his skin, that didn't matter. If the universe had given him a purpose, he figured, it was her.

She sighed contentedly against him and he tightened his grip on her just slightly. She was half-asleep, her hair a mess around her head and just down her back, her shoulder coming to a sloped point near her ear. Their legs were intertwined under a thin army-issued blanket, and the dirt was a hard bed to sleep on, but Barney couldn't imagine himself anywhere else. A five-star hotel in the most romantic place in the world would have nothing on holding her close with the jungle outside their sheets.

He couldn't wait to be back in the states suddenly. He let his mind wander to the future, to the potential, and he could see himself holding her like that in their own bedroom one day, a few hours before her shift at the local hospital started. He liked the idea of building them a house, of making their home with his hands. He could hear, however distantly, the sounds of children laughing and running around on hardwood floors. Maybe he'd have a son, and Barney would find him with his little feet slipped into his giant boots, all wrapped up in his hot weather camouflage jacket. Or maybe a daughter, who'd find his dog tags and wear them around her little neck while she played out in the mud making potions and pies. Or maybe both. Why not both?

He tilted his head towards Lucie and left a gentle kiss on the top of her head. She didn't stir. He knew there'd be a bit of trouble if they got caught together come the morning, but that was a problem for later. He was happy with his fantasy for now. She was there in his arms, motionless except for the breaths leaving and filling her body.

And Barney Ross felt right with the world.

—-

Present Day

Lee was nursing his sore knuckles and waiting for his anger to subside before he tried to deal with any of the things that were really bothering him. He pictured Sammy at home, maybe asleep in their bed, and he felt a rush of shame knock into him. She would ask what happened to his hand, and he'd have to tell her that he'd punched Gunner in the face for doing what he should've done. He should've taken her pain over Bee more seriously instead of dismissing it for his own fear. He closed his bad hand over the top of his head and sighed.

"Barney," he called, standing up straight from where he was leaning on the counter. Barney turned the corner then, a miserable, haunted look hanging over his face.

"Yeah, Lee?" He asked.

Lee looked him up and down. This wasn't the Barney Ross he knew. He let himself be blind to it because it got him what he wanted- Sammy here where she was safe from the world. But it wasn't doing anyone any favors to let it go on any longer.

"We gotta talk about Bee," he said, meeting Barney's eyes and leveling his stare. Barney had a signature Look about him that said he was in charge, but Lee had an I-dont-give-a-shit attitude that matched it well.

"We do, do we?" Barney asked, visibly irritated.

"You know I'd die for you," Lee said.

"What's that gotta do with anything?" Barney huffed.

"It's gotta do with whatever made you say no."

"Lee, no offense, but you don't really know what you're talking about."

"I know that if Bee really is out there, and she dies when we could've saved her, Sammy will never forgive any of us. Or herself."

Barney dropped his head and pinched the bridge of his nose, his other hand propped on his hip. His hair was greasy and caught the light and Lee could make out the scars that mangled his body.

"What happened to keeping Sammy safe?" Barney asked.

"Is she ever gonna be safe with me in her life?" Lee asked, holding his arms out in a weak shrug.

Barney thought for a moment. Were they just fooling themselves to think they could ever keep anyone they loved safe when they were who they were, when they did what they did? Somebody like the Major was bound to come along eventually.

"You love her," Barney said.

"With everything," Lee affirmed.

"If you lose her…" Barney tried.

"If I lose her, I lose everything that I am," Lee finished. "But if I lose her while trying to make things right… while trying to do the right thing… Then-" he sighed and shrugged again, this time quicker and harder, "-then I lose everything for a better reason."

"You wanna leave, don't you?" Barney asked, meeting Lee's eyes again and swallowing. Lee waited a beat before he nodded.

"I'd be an idiot not to," he said. "Life's giving me a chance here, Barns."

"So what do you want?" Barney asked. "One more mission for the road?"

"One more mission for the road," Lee echoed. "And tell me what's making your big black heart even bigger and blacker lately."

Barney watched him for a long moment before he chuckled. Lee couldn't help but smile back. Barney held up his fist and moved towards Lee, and after a second Lee did too, and they knocked each others hands as they silently laughed.

"Come on, then. Let's tell the guys that we got some work to do."

"Wait," Lee said, taking Barney by the shoulder and stopping him before he could make a move. "I'm serious. What's got you wound up so tight that you're gonna burst lately?"

Barney swallowed and chewed on his lip. Then he nodded, slowly at first, but faster as the thought settled in his mind.

"I should tell the group," he said, patting Lee's hand and pulling himself free. "Come on, Christmas, let's go."

Lee followed behind him and stretched out his fingers. He knew he should apologize to Gunner, but that wasn't the most important thing on his mind. The most important thing was how the hell they were gonna find Bee, if she was alive, and how he would keep Sammy safe from the mess if she was. His gut felt a little twitchy about it all, but he pushed the feeling down. He had work to do.