Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction using characters from Bungou Stray Dogs, which was written by Kafka Asagiri and Illustrated by Sango Harukawa. I do not own any of the canon characters here. I only borrowed them.
A/N: You know that feeling when you're down, and all these pain-in-the-ass thoughts keep bothering you at 3am? You take a pen and a paper, and just write a goddamn agonizing stories. I tell you, it helps me sleep better. Anyways, pain is pain, and we're humans, so it's okay to not be okay (Me reassuring myself) I hope you like this story. I'll update my other works, so for now just enjoy this I-don't-know-whether-it's-good-or-not story that I came up with last post midnight.
The world must be really against you now, and that's for sure. No wonder it was raining hard outside, with thunders and lightning clashing together, making louder roars as though it didn't want you to utter a single sound. Even as far as to throw strong winds that made the scene more gloomy than ever. A sinking feeling has plagued you day and night. You knew right away something foreboding and inevitable will happen if you don't do something about it right now. So here you are, in his house, standing in the middle of the room, waiting restlessly.
So it's come to this? You laughed in utter disbelief as you were shrouded in both pain and anger, like all of this is new to you. But what more can you expect when you knew as hell the both of you will end up like this. Gut, it's all about guts, and you were right… he's no longer the same person you've loved before, he's not in love with you anymore. The recent days you spent together with him became so ordinary compared to what you both shared from the past. It was dull and held no meaning at all. So what the hell are you still doing here? It's unlike you to ignore the reality and be oblivious to it just so you could lie to yourself it's still fine and perfect.
Yeah, I should have known back then, you thought as you bit your lip to suppress the imminent gush of tears that you so wanted to defy.
"What are you doing here?" Dazai said when he emerged from the front door. His surprised face made you laugh, bitterly.
Why? Don't you want me coming here anymore? You thought as you stood there begrudgingly.
Being an open-book has its own bad sides, just like now. Your face must have given away because his expression turned solemn in a second.
"Am I not allowed to be here anymore?" You gave him your best glare.
Dazai glared back. "Don't start with me. I've had enough of what you did last night. I haven't forgiven you yet, and I'm warning you, if you're going to start another one again, I will have to-"
"To what?" You scoffed as mixed emotions were brewing up inside you. Choking back your tears, you turned pain into hatred, and raised your voice. "You're going to break up with me so you could be with that snake?"
"Think before you speak," Dazai glowered, balling his fist in fits of anger.
Your body trembles in rage, but you held back, and scoffed instead, "so now you're threatening me? Why? For speaking ill about her? Honestly, who's more important? Me or her?"
"That's not the issue right now," Dazai grumbled.
Liar, you just didn't want to answer me, you thought furiously. So you said, "so what's the issue? I only did what I needed to do, preventing her from taking you away from me. Was that wrong?"
"You slapped her in front of my colleagues!" Dazai snapped.
"Because she's flirting with you! And in front of my face!" You yelled back as you grew more and more upset with him every second.
"You misunderstood her!" Dazai said, enraged. "She's just being friendly!"
"Don't try to defend her!" You spat out. "Don't try to show me how much you cared for her than to me. I know what I had seen and the way you're acting right now made me think you know it too, you're just pretending, or maybe you like it too!"
"That's it! If you're not sorry, get out of my house right now!" Dazai fumed, "and don't come back unless you regretted it."
The sound of the storm was so loud that it overshadows the angry shouts and grumbled noises within the room, however, it didn't lessen the fight, much to your surprise. Instead, it only intensifies the argument between the two of you.
"No," you said, defiantly. "We're not done yet, you haven't prove me wrong-" you paused as threw your hands in the air, "-you could have told me the truth! You could have said you already found someone! But instead… instead you made a fool out of me-you lied straight to my face. You dragged this for so long!" The loud anguish cry you let out silenced everything inside, setting up a heavy air around the room that was too much to take.
Dazai frowned. "Then let's end it," he spilled without second thought. "Since you've been dying to know, so let's end this-"
"Am I less important to you now? Do you still want me?" You whispered with a sad hopeful look on your face, but his stoic expression didn't changed. "So that's it?" You mumbled too softly when you learned the answer just from the look of his face. "All I wanted was for you to prove my claims wrong. I wanted you to put a stop to my dreadful nights. I wanted you…" you half-smiled, bitterly, "…I wanted you to fight for me, but instead, you chose her. Should I expect more?"
Dazai sighed, letting his guard down. The man you used to know was long gone now as his once warm eyes suddenly became cold and unfamiliar. "I gave you a chance," he muttered, his words were calculated yet unwavering. "If you just let me sort my thoughts right now, this wouldn't end as bad as we thought-"
"And yet it did," you said abruptly, "that's why it came to this, because you, yourself, are a coward." Your bitter tone was sharper than any knife you held so far. "We wouldn't have come to this if you had said to me from the start that you are sick of me. That would at least relieved me from this pain. I would have been freed, Dazai. But you chose to be selfish."
The conflicting emotions you held so far began to explode one by one, and the first thing that came out was your disappointment next to your stubborn tears. You knew it already, you prepared for this, but reality's grip was too stronger than you've ever thought.
"I wanted you to take it back…" your voice quivered, "yet I'm afraid we couldn't bring back what we had before. Our relationship was long broken, it cannot be fix." You began to lose your confidence and all the brave front you put up earlier began to crumble into pieces. Now, what was left was your exposed, vulnerable self.
"You're right," Dazai reasoned briskly, "and I'm sorry." His unchanging cold eyes didn't lie as he remained impassive before your eyes. His words were flat and empty, like you've been stabbed with a sharp ice.
As he turned around to leave, not just you, but also all the good memories you both had shared for the last seven years, you ran towards him with arms wide opened.
Despite the pain you felt inside, you still cling to hopes as you wished for miracles that might turn back the time to where it all began. Trembling, you said, "no, please don't do this, Dazai." Wrapping your arms around him, you begged profusely. "Don't leave me. I can't live without you."
"It's over," Dazai said with a curt, almost pitiful smile that stretched out from his stiff face as he unfastened your arms around him. His uninviting back left you with no choice but to crumble to the floor and cry helplessly.
You don't know whether it was the storm that makes you tremble, or the cold shoulder he gave you as you break down and cry. You don't know anything anymore. Rather than reaching out for him again, you chose to wallow in the harsh reality that was presented to you. The only person who swept you off your feet was also the one who left you in a heartbeat.
And as you sat still on the floor, you thought, So I just wasted my seven years with him only to be replaced by his acquaintance. He's not even fazed at all… not even an ounce of shame, or guilt. Where did it all go wrong?
Completely broken, you remained frozen in place and began to accept the fact that you are no longer his lover. Though it made no sense, you came to realize his last words made you feel somewhat relieved. Maybe expecting it beforehand made it less painful. Or maybe you just have had enough from doubting him that you lose faith altogether, and that the truth gave you a break from all of it.
With your last remaining dignity, you mastered your strength and wiped away the tears from your cold cheeks, then you stood up from the floor, feeble yet controlled. And before you close his door, you uttered your one last goodbye to the vacant, dreary space you once loved. Finally, you walked out of his house, never coming back.
Walking alone through the stormy weather, you wondered how it came to an end when all you did was showered him with sincerity and love.
I should have listened to my friends instead of pushing them away, but what more can I say, it's over now. As always, regret comes at the end. You laughed bitterly and walked away from his dreadful place.
The small silhouette of his house seemed dismal from the distance as you took one final look, and you realized everything has changed, that you don't know what lies ahead of you in the future. Still, you decided it's okay to feel down while taking solace under the gray clouds. Through the rain, only your forlorn face remains passable for the cold, depressing night the longer you stayed sheltered beneath all the heavy raindrops without much care.
Down and completely drenched, you stopped your tracks and slowly raised your head, facing the night sky as you looked up. You then breathed the cold air with closed eyes while biting your lip, thinking, we're really over now, just like that. Now I know, no guy wants to be kept, and it's up to him whether he will stay or not no matter how much love you gave him.
The raindrops made it look like your crying, even though you aren't. But who cares? Nobody's in sight anyway. It's just you, cold and abandoned. You smiled tightly and thought it's alright, you'll get over it, just like this storm, it will pass the next morning, though, as far as you hated it, you probably will think of him often when it rains, but it's okay, because storm doesn't last that long.