"Ianto?"
Ianto looked p from the paperwork he was filing to find Andy in the doorway. A surprise within itself as he seldom even came down here. "Hey."
"Busy?"
"Not particularly, just filling in time before Jack calls it" Ianto leaned back against the desk "You know… Pub time."
"I'm OK in here?"
Ianto canted his head unsure what he wanted and nodded as he watched the Heddlu officer slip into the room and sit on a crate, looking around with mild interest. "Andy… how did you get in"
"Gwen" he shrugged like it explained everything and in a way… I guess it did. Ianto went back to filing for a moment or two, one eye on Andy then he stopped, sighing softly as he turned to him and gave him a searching look of question.
"What's it like?"
"What?"
"Being in a same sex relationship."
Ah. Ianto hadn't expected that either, now sitting on the edge of his desk to look at Andy and collect his thoughts.
"It is like… living in a world where everyone tells you the sky is green but you can clearly see it's blue. You smile and nod and go about the day pretending it's green for everyone else but deep down… it's blue." Ianto said softly "then one day, someone says softly to you 'is it blue? Do you see it too?' and you realise you both have the same view."
Andy stared at him then shook his head to show that it did not help.
"OK. It's… ignoring looks. Stares. whispering. Some even openly leering or screwing their faces up to say nasty shit like you are doing something lewd in public by just holding the hand of the one you love. It is constantly saying 'no... I am with him' and pointing at the idiot leaping around like a Labrador. It is knowing some judge me simply for who I love." Ianto stopped and considered then added "It's knowing he is there for me. A warm hug or soft kiss… moments when he says 'no…I am with him' and points at me. It is knowing someone sees me.. deep into my broken bits and finds something golden. Like those bowls, ya know. The Japanese Kintsugi bowls where they take a broken bowl and join it back together with gold in the cracks. It is all the more beautiful for the imperfections. That is what it is like for me. Jack is the gold in my broken parts, holding it all together. He knows I am broken and does not try to hide my cracks… he lives in them so I am whole."
"But you've not told Rhiannon."
"And most likely I won't either. She made it clear the first time she suspected that I was Bi that she was not interested. It hurt, I will not deny that it hurt but… that is her deal. Not mine. She can live her best life, I am busy over here!" Ianto shrugged.
"So… being in a same sex relationship is like … having your hair on fire and pretending it's not even if they stare so hard you feel the burning" Andy frowned making Ianto roar with mirth at him.
"Fuck mate I hope not!" he chortled "Jack would love that analogy. I guess… I guess it's the ultimate test. How deep is your love, how strong it your heart, how shiny your backbone. Some go their entire lives hiding their true selves… can you imagine that? Never letting yourself just… be. No. Love is not about the sex of your partner… not even about sex. It's about to souls that connect, that hum to the same forgotten tune. It makes no difference to me if the vessel housing that soul is male or female… although… Jacks' vessel is definitely more of a Carnival Fun House Attraction than just your common old garden variety jungle gym."
Now Andy was laughing as Ianto leered, then laughed too as he added "Just being able to say what I think. Sit and watch TV and not have to say what I think … to vent after a bit of road rage or find the bed turned down already… normal… couplesy things… that's what it is all about. I can handle the barbs, the sword cuts from those that swing their nasty at us because I win. Every time I know I win. They cannot slay this dragon … I am welsh ya know. Jack is my knight in shining armour and we found love in a strange place… now nothing can touch us. If we remain true to one another… it matters not what arrows or spears others chuck at us. He will protect me. I will protect him. That is what a same sex relationship is. You bleed… I bleed. You laugh… I laugh. You cry… I kill something."
"It's so much more work … I mean… you see a man and a woman on the street and you don't look twice… see two men or two women holding hands and you instantly go there in your head… ya know?" Andy looked uncomfortable now and Ianto grinned.
"And that is their problem… not yours. They have broken bits in their souls and no gold" Ianto said softly then asked "So… who is he?"
"What?"
"Come on… who is he?"
Andy blushed as he started do describe the young officer that had asked him to for a beer and seemed… to like standing super close.
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"What did Andy Pandy want?" Jack asked as he sat on the edge of the bed and did the one thing Ianto hated the most. He removed a sock and sniffed it, stared at it like it ws an alien life form before chucking it at the clothes basket… and missing of course.
"someone asked him out and he's nervous. His first boy" Ianto replied as he ignored the sock and tried not to look as its partner got the same interrogation.
"Oh… I didn't' know he was on our team!"
"Yeah… he's always been curious… always wanted to explore that side but scared of what others thought. Scared that he might be treated differently." Ianto slid off his boxers and folded them neatly.
"Well… he will be. He will learn words he didn't' even know before… humans have such an am axing dictionary of nasty taunts for our lot" Jack stood and walked to the socks on the floor, stomping on one as if it was escaping before bending down to pick them up. Ianto took the moment to look at that arse on display and he had a sudden memory of his hand sliding around that arse in the shower before they left work, both men's hair still wet from the clean up.
"Will it ever be any different?"
"We can't wear our sexual preference on our sleeves. Black people are black. White are white. Asians are Asian and gays are gay. We are born like that, it is simply how we are. Those who are forced to display themselves due to genetic makeup must suffer the barbs and taunts everyday and believe you me Ianto… it still exists even in my time. As long as there are small minded arseholes… there will be bigots. There will never be a time or place where everyone loves everyone. Being gay is something we can't help either but it's a choice to show it openly. To be brave enough to hold hands in public, to kiss that someone on the lips when happy… that is hard too. The fact we can be more covert is great for us… but not. We are lying by omission. Until people start to fly their freak flags… there will always be those who believe it's not real, not true. Will try to burn our flag down."
"And you? Captain Freak Flag Underpants?"
"Fuck them and their horse they rode in on" Jack shrugged pulling Ianto in and kissing him on the lips "I don't care about others. Fuck them and their sad little lives. You know… a lot of the anger and nastiness is unrequited love. They are jealous that their own lives are sad because they did not find the strength to be themselves. Loveless marriages with bitter parents, fighting in hushed tones the kids still hear in the other room as infidelity or growing hatred of themselves and one another cripples then all, poisoning the entire household. Fuck that. No. They did what was expected, what was accepted. Look how that turned out for them. No… I want to cannon ball into the pool… I want to lay under the stars with a good whiskey… naked… and watch the night sky move around us … I want to run through the fountain at the mall in my bare feet while you hold my boots. Not because I can... but because I know it's something that makes me happy. You. You make me happy. I want you. Every day.. always. You. Your vessel is acceptable too… awwww."
Ianto threw his shoe, catching Jack on the shin and Jack launched himself at him, tousling on the bed as they giggled like idiots, the wrestling turning to kisses as it usually did.
"And for the record... you are the gold in my cracks too" Jack whispered as he nuzzled Ianto's neck "and you still had your coms on form the dinner orders. Everyone heard. Owen was almost physically ill ya know."
"Oh god" Ianto groaned with horror.
"Don't worry… come on… the Fun House is open for business."
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For Harkstiel who found her gold xxxx