Enjoy!

Ibrahim

Chapter 62

The Desires

"There is another party coming up," said Raoul, as the coach pulled away from his estate, both of us within the carriage's confines. Even now, he insisted upon seeing me home as well as escorting me there, despite the odd looks from his brother. "And you are, of course, invited by me."

"Wonderful," I responded, crossing my legs and winking. "The first was such a success."

He laughed. "Well, depending on the perspective, it actually was."

True.

Tonight, again, brought about no useful information. Philippe and Stephanie barely spoke to one another, much less behaved like lovers. Philippe was more romantic with me than he was with her. And he wasn't romantic with me at all - praise Allah.

"Do you ever wonder," he said then, "what it would be like to...simply...fade into anonymity?"

I didn't have to imagine, but nonetheless asked, "What do you mean?"

"To wake up and simply...be no one." He regarded me. "Perhaps it's different, being nobility. Perhaps you don't know what I'm saying."

"I can imagine," I said.

"All of Paris knows my name. All of France."

"Is that a bad thing?"

"It's...uncomfortable." He looked out the window to the darkness beyond. "One toe out of line and my name is in the papers."

"So then keep your toes in line. Or do a good job of keeping them hidden." I shrugged, but I knew precisely what he spoke of. I couldn't so easily explain how without making up another backstory, and I simply didn't feel like it tonight.

"It's not so simple," he said.

"Of course it is. Buy shoes that don't expose any of your feet-" When he glared at me, I sighed and nodded. "What is not so simple about it?"

He stared down at the floor, where his toes were, in fact, hidden by expensive leather. "What if it's...something difficult to hide?"

"Like what"

"Like..." His fingers curled. "What if I want to marry the wrong person?"

"Someone out of your station?"

I wasn't a fool - I knew what he was getting at, even before the long, tense silence that immediately followed. But I wouldn't embarrass him by saying it aloud.

"Then," I continued, giving a nonchalant shake of the head, "keep the lover a secret. Or forget about them and marry someone in your station."

"What if I'm not...attracted to anyone in my station?"

"Then, as I said, keep it a-

"I don't want to keep it a secret." His voice was cut with a sudden sharp edge. "Liking those...out of my station - it's exhausting to keep it a secret."

Upon uttering the words, his famous blush returned. He refused to meet my eyes. I knew what he was thinking: he'd said too much. I wanted desperately to quell that fear - his mental pain was unbearable to me. It was more than simple human-to-human sympathy. It was something else. I wanted, really, to reach out and touch him. But I wanted him to make that first move. I would let him lead in whatever it was that existed between us.

"I actually do know exactly what you are talking about," I said gently.

He snapped his eyes up, going still, a pale statue. "You do."

"Yes."

"Sorry-" He leaned back, examining my face, hands clutching his trouser legs. "I want to - please just allow me to clarify. You...only like those who are out of your station as well."

I smiled softly. "I like everybody, actually."

A moment, and then a slow blink and nod of understanding. "I wish I could like the people I'm supposed to like." His brows stitched. "I feel...often, I feel cursed."

My smile turned rueful. I swore I remembered Izad saying something similar before ending our relationship.

"At least," he said, "you can choose someone you are meant to be with."

"Ah," I whispered, "perhaps my eyes do, perhaps my senses react the same, but somehow my heart continues to make the wrong choice."

He looked away quickly, like he'd been struck. But gently. A look of warmth was plastered to his face.

The remainder of the ride was silent.

Only when the coachman opened the door to let me out did he say:

"I don't think it's the wrong choice, Egyptian."

I met his eyes. "In truth, neither do I, Vicomte."