"Aaaaaand all done!"
Edith Dipper, a fairly new mother, fastened her little one's diaper with a gleaming glow radiating from her face.
"There we are!" she cooed. "That's a fresh new fuzz muffin!" She nuzzled her son's plump fuzzy tum with her nose. "Are you such a fuzzy fuzzy muffin, Warren?"
The baby Lombax cackled and grabbed his mother's face with his tiny hands. Edith lifted her head and let him grasp her fingers.
"I can't believe you're six months old today," she said. "I'm not ready for you to get big." She stood herself up up. "Alright. Let's get that new outfit on that your daddy got you."
Edith picked up an yellow onesie and dangled it in the air.
"That Kaden sure has a sense of humor," she said. "You'll practically be naked in this."
Warren lifted his arms after the oneself. Edith giggled in awe at the cute spectacle. It was the perfect life: a doting husband, baby boy, a stable home and income, and lovely neighborhood. She slipped Warren into the humorous onesie. She transferred him from the changing table to his crib.
"Mommy's going to brew coffee, okay, pumpkin peet? I'll be right back."
She kissed him on the tip of his head then entered the kitchen. As she approached the coffee pot, her ears perked in the direction of the window. The neighborhood was being louder than usual. She walked over and pulled the curtain back. What she saw she thought could only happen on the big screen.
The neighbors were running in terror; fish piloting robot suits were hunting and shooting them down. Houses and lawns were on fire. At the helm of it all was a scraggly small creature piloting a palanquin like machine.
"Percival?" She murmured.
Suddenly, the palanquin fired a laser cutting the kitchen in half. The roof collapsed above her. The tile and rubble left her helpless on her stomach.
"Ahhh!" She cried. The baby began to cry having been frightened by the commotion.
As much as the stone pressed against her back, the pain couldn't counter the maternal instinct coursing through Edith's body.
"Warren!" she shouted. "Mommy's coming! Don't worry!"
She pushed up from the palms of her hands. However, her prison wouldn't budge. As she made feeble attempts to free herself, the palanquin's steps drew closer and closer. Edith lifted her head to the right as high as she could. There was Percival Tachyon, a fledgling Cragmite scholar brought up by the Lombaxes themselves.
"You must be Edith," he said with a kooky grin. "It's a pleasure to meet you."
"Percival," Edith gasped. "You can't really mean to do this. Alister believed in you."
"I know," Tachyon said. "Funny, right? You Lombaxes should've paraded yourselves as legendary comedians."
"But it's true!" Edith pleaded. "It's not too late to stop this! You can still lead a good life and be loved!"
"Oh, but I already am. Becoming emperor of the universe automatically makes me loved. Speaking of…."
He dabbed his finger over a button, making the palanquin lift a leg above Edith's head.
"I'm going to be practicing my autograph and your precious husband will be the first recipient."
He pressed the button again. The leg began to plunge towards penetrating Edith's skull. All she could do was watch and feel her eyes gape at the inching doom. However, before it could touch her, a portal opened underneath her. The second she fell through, it closed back up at the same time the leg crashed through the floor.
"Huh??" Tachyon hopped off the palaquin and scuttled to the scene.
"Wha-- I don't understand," he said in a mix of astonishment and frustration. "Where did she go?" He tried to lift the rubble himself to investigate.
"Hnnnnng!" He grunted. "Nyyyyyyyyng!" He tried again, but with his back.
"Come on, you supposed anatomically useful body component! This is what we trained for!!" As he slipped and slid on his feet to try to lift, one of his minions arrived with a report.
"Sir?"
"What is it??" Tachyon bawked. "Can't you see I'm in the middle of very important self fulfilling work??"
"Duly noted, sir," they said. "But I need to inform you that Kaden is fast approaching and will arrive in under five minutes."
"BLAST!!"
Tachyon stopped and stomped.
"I can't just leave the scene without a body to show for it! Is there any spaghetti and sauce in the fridge?"
"Sir, that is the oldest recorded prank."
"Just check! And go silence the kid while you're at it!"
The minion went to raid the fridge while two others headed towards Warren. By chance, there was indeed what Tachyon was looking for.
"Yes!" Tachyon cheered. "Excellent! Give it here!" He snatched them from his servant's metal claws. He ripped the lid off the sauce jar and poured the contents into the hole in the floor. He lathered the rest on the palanquin's leg.
"Yeeeeeees," he shuddered in ecstacy. "Sweet, delicious bloodshed." He then spread the cooked spaghetti to make it looked like dragged and dismembered brain. He smiled as the baby's cries came to a close.
"Minus the lacking of time to practice my signature, all has gone exactly as I wanted."
As he boarded the palaquin once more, the remaining minions emerged with Warren, alive and sucking on a bike. Tachyon gawked at them, incredibly flabbergasted.
"Um, excuse me," he said. "Why is the little waste pile still alive?"
"We thought it would be a waste to just kill him," one said.
"You could raise him to be your right hand man," the other suggested.
"Do I look like the kind of evil emperor that would chance taking in a child of a race I destroyed and them figuring it out and turning on me later??" Tachyon wailed. "Just drop him!!"
But before the minions could take any action, Kaden swooped in and smashed their helmets open with his omniwrench. He grabbed his son and clutched him tightly to his chest. Tachyon rolled his eyes as the fish bodies writhed and gasped on the floor.
"This is what happens when you act noble," he said. He turned his palanquin towards Kaden.
"By the way," he said. "I said hi and bye to your wife. She said the same. So… hi and bye to you, too."
He rode away, laughing at his triumphant exit remark. Kaden spotted the saucy mess he left behind. He dropped his omniwrench.
"No," he choked. "Edie…." His feet stood at the edge of the pool of red. He fell to his knees. "Edie, please…. This can't be happening." A lump rose in his throat as he started to cry. He held his son closer to him, desperate not to scare him, but he couldn't contain his sorrow of what he lost. In the background, the minion that helped with the crime scene, also broken and body-less, stared in complete bewilderment.
"I can't believe that worked," he mouthed as he finished his final breath.