A/N: Hope you guys enjoy this. I also posted this to AO3 but I still haven't figured out how to link anything here yet. This is based on the Fatherhood movie on Netflix. I saw it last weekend and knew I had to write this and see if others liked it too. I just hope you all enjoy. Please let me know if you think I should continue!
If anyone knew death and sorrow and the heart squeezing agony that came after, it was Sasuke Uchiha. His own family had been murdered, torn from him when he was very young. Sasuke might have understood why his brother had done so now, but for most of his life, the white hot rage simmered beneath his skin.
Death and pain followed him from a young age. He'd watched strangers, classmates, and even some of his friends die in the great Shinobi war. When the war ended, Sasuke had seen what destruction an ego could cause with his own eyes, on his road for redemption. He'd seen it all, he had thought. How wrong he was.
Taking a deep, shaky breath, he realized he was still standing at the podium, the crowd staring at him, waiting for him to say something. Anything. But what could he say?
Suddenly it felt hard to breathe, and he couldn't swallow past the lump in his throat. As his eyes misted over, he looked down, forcing himself to pull it together. He wasn't going to lose it up here. Not right now. It would have to wait.
These people were waiting for him to talk about her, to bring memories to life. The memories came, but he didn't want to share.
"The baby's not due for another two weeks," Sakura said, worry lacing her voice.
"Your amniotic fluid is low," Tsunade, their doctor, Sakura's mentor, and friend advised, glancing over the paperwork laid out on the desk in front of her. Sakura was the best doctor in all of Konoha, after Tsunade herself, who taught Sakura everything she knows. They trust Tsunade. "She's still breached, so I think we should schedule a cesarean tonight."
"For tonight?" Sasuke asked, confused as to the quickness the conversation was taking.
"She's a healthy size, so there wouldn't be any problems delivering her now," Tsunade assured them as she took off her glasses, letting them dangle around her neck.
Sakura glanced at Sasuke, her green eyes worried but excited, the emotion reflecting his own. Panic might be more apt to describe what Sasuke felt. There were still things in the nursery that needed to be set up. The crib for one.
"So we're doing this?" she asked him, reaching over to squeeze his hand.
"We're doing this," he agreed. His palms were sweaty, and his heart was about to burst from his chest. They were going to be parents. Of course he always knew they were going to be parents, but he thought he had two more weeks to come to grips with that. Now, it was happening in mere hours.
The rest of the day passed in a blur. If anyone asked Sasuke what they did between the visit with Tsunade and their scheduled time back at the hospital, he couldn't tell you. Before he knew it, he was in the operating room holding Sakura's hand as Tsunade and Shizune did their magic to bring his and Sakura's daughter into the world.
Even though Sakura's pink hair was pulled back into a hair cap and tubes were in her nose, Sasuke thought she was the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen. She was his teammate, his friend, his wife. His lover. And she was about to make him a father. The love he felt warmed him in a way he had never felt before. This was what he always wanted in his future. This was it.
His road to redemption led him to this moment. For the first time in his life, he started to believe Sakura in all the times she said he deserved to be happy. They both deserved this feeling.
Sakura was calm as Tsunade worked, smiling up at Sasuke. He gazed into her green eyes, trying to convey with his own everything he was feeling. She squeezed his hand in understanding. Of course she knew what he was trying to tell her, she always did.
Suddenly a cry broke the air, and both their heads snapped forward, Sasuke, still gripping Sakura's hand, looked over the barrier they had made over Sakura's stomach so she couldn't see the operation as it was happening. Tsunade was holding their daughter in her hands, all covered in blood and fluid. The umbilical cord was still attached, and Shizune offered Sasuke the chance to cut it. Squeezing Sakura's hand, he accepted.
Shizune took the baby to clean her up. Sasuke turned to Sakura, picking up her hand again and leaned in, placing a kiss on her forehead before leaning his own against hers and whispered, "She's perfect. Thank you."
"Are you ready to hold her?" Tsunade asked as Shizune came back over with the swaddled baby.
Sakura was still cut open so Sasuke held their daughter for the first time. Her eyes were scrunched closed, and Sasuke couldn't stop staring at her head of dark hair, her little button nose, and her chubby cheeks. He had helped make her; how did he get so lucky?
Turning to Sakura, Sasuke leaned down so Sakura could see their baby, too. Sakura smiled and reached a hand out, tracing a path from the baby's forehead down over her nose and to her chin. "You were right, Sasuke. She is perfect."
Later, Sakura's parents arrived in their room to see their first granddaughter. The happiness emitting from their room was almost more than Sasuke could bear. This was a feeling so foreign to him. He had almost forgotten what having a family felt like. He wished his own parents had lived to see it. He knew mother would have made the best grandmother.
Sasuke took Kizashi and Mebuki down to the children's ward to show them their baby, Sarada. He and Sakura had come up with the name weeks back but wanted the name to be a surprise until after she was born.
Sasuke wasn't particularly close with Sakura's parents. They were always polite with him, but he always felt they never quite approved of Sakura's choice for a husband. Still, they set aside all of that and treated Sasuke as a son, hugging and congratulating him. Kizashi cracked jokes, to which Sasuke pretended they were funny, but mostly, they just watched her. The light of his life. He didn't know you could love someone you had known for only a few hours as much as he did.
Leaving the two grandparents fawning over their granddaughter, Sasuke returned to Sakura's room for the last bit of alone time the two would have in quite some time now that they were a family of three. He had a gift for her he had been wanting to give her. Taking the small box out of his pocket, he sat gingerly on the side of the bed and handed it to her.
"Sasuke, you didn't have to get me anything," she told him, though she was smiling and he knew she was ecstatic. Sasuke wasn't the most affectionate husband, but he wanted to be better. He wanted to give Sakura all of the things that she deserved.
"I know I didn't have to," he told her, opening the box for her to see what was inside. "I wanted to." It was a necklace with the Uchiha fan dangling at the end.
"Oh, Sasuke, it's beautiful. Thank you." Her eyes misted up, and Sasuke's heart swelled.
He grabbed the necklace and motioned for her to lean forward so he could put it on for her. She reached down and grabbed the fan and just looked at it.
"I am so happy," she smiled up at him.
"Me, too."
"I love you."
"I love you, too." Sasuke leaned in and kissed her quickly on the lips before he leaned back and asked how she was feeling.
"A little sore-"
"How are you doing?" Came a nurse's voice as they rolled in a wheelchair. "Ready to go see Sarada?"
"Yes!" Sakura's eyes lit up eagerly as she tried to scoot over on the bed, the movement causing her some discomfort.
"Alright," the cheerful nurse put the wheelchair into place and helped Sakura swing her legs over the side of the bed. "Sasuke, if you'll help me transfer Sakura to the chair, we'll go pay Sarada a little visit. Now she's going to be a bit wobbly, so we'll take it nice and slow."
Sasuke stood up and came around the side of the bed to do just that. As the nurse took one side, Sasuke took the other, his shortened arm under her arm to help lift her up, and his good hand held her hand reassuringly.
As Sakura was pulled to her feet, she stopped for a moment, frowning. "I feel light headed," she warned them.
"Take your time," Sasuke told her.
And then Sakura collapsed to the floor, and Sasuke had to pull her back up. With the help of the nurse, they placed her back on the bed. Sakura's breathing was strained, like she couldn't get enough air into her lungs.
"What's happening?" Sasuke demanded of the nurse.
"The nurse tried to get Sakura back into the bed in a sitting position, moving her head to the side. "She's having trouble breathing. I need to get some help." She rushed to the doorway, calling out for help.
"Sakura," Sasuke was still holding Sakura's hand, and it was rigid and tight. She was not responding to his voice. Her eyes were closed, her chest rising and falling rapidly, trying to get oxygen. Where was Tsunade and Shizune?
"Sakura," his voice panicked, he reached for her face, cupping her cheeks, the back of her head. He just needed her to open her eyes. Turning back to the nurse, he wanted to shout, but he kept his voice as level as possible. "What's wrong with her?"
But the nurse was giving orders to the people rushing in. A couple nurses pushed Sasuke out of the room, Sasuke was having none of it, pushing his way back to Sakura's side. "Sir, you need to wait outside." More nurses were pulling him away from Sakura, pushing him towards the door. Finally Shizune and Tsunade showed up. Tsunade hurried straight into the room while Shizune paused to tell Sasuke he had to give them room, and she shut the door behind her.
Standing alone in the hallway, he listened to Shizune and Tsunade barking orders to the other nurses. He couldn't make out every word, but he was listening to the tone. Tsunade started out firm and professional, but he could hear the panic creeping into the words.
Sasuke tried to tune it out. No. He couldn't handle this alone. Sakura would be okay. Tsunade was the best damn medical ninja in the country, hell, maybe the world. She'd fix this. She'd fix Sakura.
Pacing back and forth, Sasuke wondered if there were signs he should have been looking for. Weeks ago, Sakura had gone over the different things that could go wrong during the birth, but Sasuke hadn't wanted to talk about such things at the time. He should have listened. Sakura was the most prepared person he'd ever met. She would have prepared for this somehow.
Suddenly, Ino, Naruto, and Sakura's parents were walking down the hall. He saw them at a distance. They were talking animatedly to each other. The Haruno's filled Naruto and Ino in on Sarada as they walked. Turning his back to them, he stared at Sakura's door, willing someone to come out and tell him what was going on before they arrived.
Then the door opened, and Shizune stumbled out, Tsunade behind her. Shizune stopped, leaning up against the wall, and Tsunade, determined to see this through, walked up to Sasuke. "Sakura suffered a pulmonary embolism, a blood clot traveled to her lung."
Sasuke's eyes traveled from Tsunade's tearied eyes to Shizune's, who could no longer control the tears that now flowed freely down her face. Sasuke frowned, suddenly feeling like he wanted to vomit. No. nononono.
"Sasuke, I tried everything I could, but by the time I arrived, the blood clot had gotten too far. I am so sorry," Tsunade stood there at a loss for what to do. Sakura was her pupil, her protege. Sakura was supposed to go on to take over this very hospital and help people. She was going to change the world for the better. She had been in the process of trying to open up a hospital for children's mental health. Tsunade had let her down.
"Are you telling me my wife is dead?" he asked, he felt the tears spring to his eyes, but he refused to shed them here. Not here. He wanted to shout, to destroy something, anything. Unable to look at Shizune or Tsunade, he turned his back to them, punching the wall beside him, leaving a decent crater in the wall. What was he supposed to do without her? This wasn't right. It wasn't fair. Keeping his head bent, and his hair covering his face, he wished he could be swallowed up, stuck down now.
"What's going on?" he heard Mebuki ask as they neared. He could only imagine what must be going through their heads as they neared, seeing the scene play out in front of him. "Sasuke, what is it?" Mebuki placed a hand on his back, then turning to see Tsunade's and Shizune's forlorn faces, she turned to Sakura's room and rushed into the room, throwing the door open. "No!" A pause then another, "No!"
For as long as Sasuke lived, he knew he would hear Mebuki's cries upon finding her daughter's lifeless form in that hospital room. The cries were horrible, gut wrenching. She was crying out what Sasuke felt inside, keeping inside. She was doing what Sasuke would not allow himself. But the sound would haunt him forever.
Naruto and Ino kept their distance, but being Sakura's two best friends, he knew they hurt just as much as he did. Maybe more. But Sasuke couldn't worry about them. Not right now. Now, he had to think only about Sarada and how he was supposed to raise her without Sakura.
A crying baby broke Sasuke out of his thoughts. Glancing down at his daughter, he saw Ino reaching down to grab Sarada, to pull her in her arms. He took another breath as the tears threatened to overtake him again. He knew this feeling wouldn't last. But he couldn't remember what it felt like before anymore.
Sasuke turned to Mebuki and Kizashi, watching as they mourned their daughter, their only child. Mebuki couldn't even look at him. Sasuke was still standing at the podium, but suddenly he didn't have anything to say. He didn't want to be here. So he stepped down without a word and sat beside Ino, taking Sarada from her. He felt both lost and anchored when she was in his arms.
After the funeral, Mebuki and Kizashi had the reception at Sasuke's and Sakura's house. He hated having so many people in their home. Everyone had pity in their eyes and condolences on their tongues. He couldn't stand it, the pressure on his shoulders to be strong for Sarada. He should be allowed to grieve and not be okay.
Ino had offered to watch over Sarada for the day for him, so Sasuke could worry about being seen and talked to by everyone. Most people of the village didn't like him. They didn't come to the funeral to support Sasuke. They came for Sakura. She was a beacon, a light in a dark time and place. She had come from nothing and had become everything.
Kakashi, his old sensei and friend and hokage of the village sought out Sasuke and just stood beside him in silent support. Kakashi maybe knew better than anyone else the pain Sasuke was feeling. He placed a hand on Sasuke's shoulder in show of support but otherwise, just stayed close by.
Naruto of course sought him out, his loud, obnoxious tendencies muted by his own grief. Sakura was Naruto's closest friend. Losing her was a wound to his own heart, and as much as Sasuke missed Sakura, so too did Naruto. The blonde cried openly at the funeral and had gotten up after Sasuke to speak and salvage the awkwardness Sasuke had cast.
"Sasuke," Naruto found him in the crowd. "Just wanted you to know I'll always be here for you. I'll come over and help with whatever you need. Grocery runs, dinner cooked, babysitting, anything. I'll be there, you know."
Sasuke nodded, knowing Naruto meant every word. Sasuke turned and went outside, needing fresh air. Taking a deep breath, Sasuke almost choked when Suigetsu came up behind him and slapped him on the back. Turning, Sasuke glared at his former teammate and found Karin and Jugo standing beside him.
He hadn't seen them in awhile, not since coming back to Konoha to be with Sakura. As much as they all could annoy the shit out of him, Sasuke appreciated that they had come.
"We had to come and see you after we heard about…" Karin trailed off, unable to finish the sentence. Sasuke knew there was no love between Karin and Sakura, just acceptance. But he appreciated that Karin wasn't taking the opportunity to hit on him.
"We just knew we had to be here for you," Jugo supplied kindly.
"You've gotten through worse than this, Sasuke," Suigetsu said. "You'll get through this too."
"Stop," Sasuke muttered. When he saw Suigetsu open his mouth to say something else, he repeated, "Stop. I will punch you."
"Sasuke," Karin reached for him.
Sasuke pulled away, "I can't do this right now."
Hurrying back inside, he found Ino and Sarada in the living room. He reached for her, and Ino handed him over without a word. Finally he felt like he could breathe again. He couldn't wait for this day to be over.
When the guests had left, Sakura's parents decided to stay in the spare room. Sasuke immediately went into his and Sakura's room to go to bed. Because the crib still wasn't assembled. Sasuke put Sarada in the bassinet beside the bed.
Sarada was quiet for all of two minutes before the waterworks started, and no amount of cuddling, rocking, or talking would calm her down. All night she cried, and Sasuke tried everything Sakura had told him babies would need. Sarada did finally cry herself to sleep for a couple hours, but then she was right back at it again.
Diaper. She must need to be changed. He could do this. Picking her up, Sasuke placed Sarada on the bed, and grabbed the diaper bag from the floor and got to work. It was going mostly well until he put the dirty diaper under his arm to hold it thinking it was the clean diaper.
So gross.
Once he finished changing Sarada, he changed shirts himself and went back downstairs. It was early, but the Haruno's were awake. Mebuki was working on thank you cards, and Kizashi was cleaning up.
"What is on her bottom?" she asked accusingly.
Frowning, Sasuke looked down, "Her diaper?"
"It looks like a balloon animal," Mebuki shook her head. "Are you sure it's not inside out?"
"It's fine," he gritted out. "I just came down for a bottle."
Kizashi turned and helped get the bottle for Sasuke. Taking the bottle, Sasuke went to the table and sat opposite Mebuki.
"Sasuke, we've been talking and think you should move to Suna with us," Mebuki said, startling Sasuke. This was news to him and not something he felt like he could think about at the moment.
"To Suna?" he repeated, confused. The Haruno's had moved to Suna years before when Sakura was working so closely with the Suna shinobi with their poisons. They'd loved it so much, they had decided to stay. Sakura almost stayed with them, but ultimately chose to stay in Konoha. Sasuke figured they must blame him for that, even though he hadn't been around during that time.
"It's financially prudent, you'd have family, a support system there, and you could become a shinobi for the Sand Village the same as you are here," Mebuki told him matter of factly, putting the pen down.
"You're all alone here, Sasuke, and we would love to help take care of Sarada with you," Kizashi tried, his tone less accusing.
"The Leaf village cleared me of all charges, but I'm not so sure the Sand village will welcome me there," Sasuke shook his head, the refusal clear. "Besides my friends are here, Sakura is here. We had a plan. We can't leave."
"A plan?" Mebuki stood up. "I'll tell you about a plan, Sakura was supposed to become the head of Konoha hospital. She was supposed to come back to Suna and start a hospital that specialized in poisons. Sakura was supposed to live. Until she met you. So don't tell me about plans."
"Mebuki," Kizashi warned, the only sensible person in the house, it seemed.
"Sasuke, if you want to stay here, then fine. But Sarada comes with us. It's what's best for her, and believe it or not, it's what's best for you, too." When Sasuke stayed quiet, staring at a spot on the table in front of him, she continued, "You think you can do this, but you can't."
Sasuke stood up, calm but seething. "You might not think I can, but I'm going to. We're not moving to Suna, and I'm going to raise Sarada the way Sakura would have wanted me to."
"Mebuki," Kizashi warned again when she started to say something.
She closed her mouth for a moment and then said, "Fine, then we'll stay here for six months to help out with Sarada."
"Six months?" Sasuke was taken aback. "I don't think that is necessary."
"I think that it is most necessary," Mebuki argued. "I need to make sure my granddaughter is taken care of."
"Trust me, I will take care of her. I'll send you updates and we'll call. You don't need to be here for 6 months."
Kizashi finally spoke up, "We will go home tomorrow as scheduled."
Mebuki stared at her husband before relenting, "Fine, but if you are not handling fatherhood all very well, you move your butts to Suna."
Sasuke's desire to punch something came to the surface, but he'd agree if it'd get her off his back. Even if he didn't really mean it.
"Fine," he gritted out.
Glancing down at Sarada in his arms, he knew it would be a struggle. Sakura had been ready to be a mom. Sasuke wasn't sure he was ready to be a dad. He had banked on Sakura walking him through what he would need to do. But he would do it. He could do it. For Sakura. For Sarada.