D'Janet L'Marion Williams was painfully average, in such a way that it was a slow, dull ache, like the kind in your teeth before a tornado.
So boring and so painful in fact, that even as an adult moving far away from her home country of the USA, (to somewhere in Britain that hadn't contributed to the world stage since 1912,) she was not hassled or inquired as to why.
In highschool somewhere in Alabama, she was not known for being the prettiest girl in school, or being prom queen, or a cheerleader, or really much of anything.
She was known as 'That Girl Over There'.
She was in every trade course she could be in though, and with the help of her father, Bart Williams who owned the town's only construction firm run by her entourage of uncles, cousins, and brothers, had become very good with her hands.
She graduated as a varsity wrestler, third place in Girl's State Competition, and as the runner up to the high school Salutatorian. She went to Linn State Tech in Missouri, while her two older sisters had gotten certifications in hair at Merrill, just down the street.
They then went off to business school and accounting, eventually working their way to Atlanta and ran a very successful braiding parlour and salon.
Hoping she'd follow in their footsteps, Bart had sent D'Janet to Linn in hopes of getting an accountant, as the old one was hoping to retire once his kids graduated college.
L'Marion decided that she just didn't have it, and went into construction.
Her oldest brothers were in the Marines, her youngest, in high school still.
D'Janet was neither tall nor short. She was fairly broad though, due to daily gym sessions and blue-collar lifestyle. She was bisexual as well, but not the fun, adverturous kind you'd see on TikTok waving around frogs and weird hats, nor the made-up kind your obsessively conservative relatives would make up that was promiscuous and committed scandal after scandal.
(She did have a love of Hawaiian shirts and wallet chains, though, and that seemed to be enough for her.)
In reality, she'd only ever had one date, and that was to senior prom, set up by the few well-meaning friends she'd had at the time. Before she could even get a hug or pictures with him, he'd disappeared completely.
She'd left before the first slow dance could even start, bored and insulted, and a teacher would later find him and her "well-meaning" friends having a four-way in the boy's locker room.
Welcome to small-town Mobile, Alabama, where shit like this was expected from the sparse teen population.
Even in trade school she had no dates, but that had been fine by her.
D'Janet was beginning to wonder if she was asexual, as she felt very little attraction or interest in much of anyone. The only exception to this was her previous roommate at the time, a beauty student who'd given her highlights and bangs regularly, but even after the dull daily life of construction, hair salons, and schoolwork had eroded away any mutual interest they'd initially had for each other.
Now, at twenty-two, D'Janet stood in her new home in the UK, far away from her initial plans of living somewhere in an American city, never to return to Mobile for anything less than a holiday.
She'd never planned on being much of a traveller.
She'd never imagined herself in some foreign, exotic country like Japan or Arabia, never toyed with the idea of visiting Germany or Nigeria, even the thought of a visit to India or Taiwan had never crossed her mind, but here she was in a huge manor built in the English countryside, far away from Alabama and it's hot, miserable weather and all it's familiar but complacent people, like her school peers who would never leave the county after graduating.
Sylvia Williams had called when D'Janet had announced the sudden change of plans on her rarely used FaceBook account, practically crying into the phone about her baby girl was completely uprooting herself and becoming a citizen of a whole new country. And during a PANDEMIC?! What about the people she knew, the life she had, all for a good deal on some musty old manor they'd never heard of?
D'Janet had heard of it, excitedly watching the price drop steadily after it had been posted online in 2020.
Apparently the owners had died, left it to a favored caretaker, and it was no longer cheap to pay for its decaying upkeep.
Deciding that what had been good enough for several generations of wealthy Englishmen was good enough for D'Janet at nearly two million USD undervalued after nearly eighteen months of being up for sale.
D'Janet cracked her brown knuckles, leaning against a genuine marble counter.
The fact that the house had come with all of its original furniture had been reason enough to buy it.
"And who are you, exactly?"
"Malcolm, Malcolm Davies." He answered. He nervously scratched at his scruffy stubble, "I was the grocery boy for the Heelshires'."
Noticing that she was looking him up and down, he cracked a smile, "I'm not much of a boy. I won't charge for this visit though, everyone at the village just wanted to be polite and make you feel welcome."
He bowed, letting out a nervous chuckle under her scrutiny, "My fiance was the previous caretaker of this estate. After it was left to us, we decided we just couldn't keep it and put it up. You're aware that there isn't much in the way of WiFi or cell service, correct?"
"Yes, it was mentioned in the listing. I've been looking over the floorplans. You may be aware that I've already made plans for the house."
"Ah, I see."
D'Janet sighed, seeing the plate of fresh cookies placed on her new kitchen table, a gift sent from the local baker via Malcolm.
"The basement will become a wrestling and weight room. I've already purchased used equipment from a high school in America that was getting newer pieces donated to them. It should be here next Tuesday, which gives me plenty of time to clear out the basement."
"So you've already seen that?"
"Yes. If this was a smaller house and a family of lesser status, I'd call them hoarders. Luckily, it's all good furniture, so I'll get my money back in no time."
"Well, it's old money for a reason," Malcolm chuckled. D'Janet could tell that he did that quite a lot when he was nervous. In a clear attempt to break the ice, he said, "Everyone in my family is psychic."
She raised a skeptical eyebrow, "Really?"
He chuckled again, "Mother read tea leaves, Grandmother read palms."
"Let me guess, you can read bitemarks."
"Close, actually, chewing gum." Malcolm said, holding out his palm for an offering, "Would you like to try?"
Without hesitation, D'Janet pulled the gum from her mouth and dropped it in his hand.
Completely taken by surprise, Malcolm stared at it.
The crumpled wad of pink dental candy finally registered on him, and he forced himself not to throw it or puke.
D'Janet stifled a smile, watching him attempt to recover.
She didn't mean to be such a bitch, but she wanted to see how far he'd go before he backed out.
"I, uh, see. You're a young new novelist hoping to find inspiration in the countryside." He smiled, sure of what he'd observed.
"Nope."
His face fell, seeing that he'd have to hold onto the offending wad longer than expected.
"You're running from a dark past. Someone has hurt you."
"You could say that if you really wanted too." D'Janet shrugged, "But not much closer."
"Ah." He stiffly walked to the freshly rebagged trash can, stomped the lid open, and dropped the gum.
She could tell that he hadn't planned this far and was now fighting the urge to wash his hands.
"I'm a renovator. Been doin' it since I was in diapers."
"Oh, wonderful, many houses in the village could use some updating! We'd be delighted to have you among us!"
She now felt mean for being so stand offish. Not only had Malcolm and his girlfriend sold the place to her, but now he was trying to make her feel at home.
D'Janet uncrossed her arms to take a swig from her Purler Wrestling branded water bottle. She swirled it in one hand, contemplating whether or not she should be more of a hostess.
"Between that, bass lessons and coaching, I think I'd get my money back pretty quickly."
"Splendid," He clapped his hands, "We've never had a proper coach here before! The village school's sports teams are run by teachers! Maybe with you in town we'd get to go for districts!"
"Hold your horses. I'd be happy to volunteer, but I'm not a jack of all trades." D'Janet stopped him, "I also have to get this place emptied out and up to code before I can do much else."
"Sorry," He said, "Gretta and I have a little someone on the way now, and it's been very exciting for us. They'll be going off to school before we know it! By the way, what made you buy this place?"
D'Janet listened to the house settle before answering, "I love the process of it all."