Hi, friends!
Back again for day 3 of #upsteadweek!
It's been so fun reading everyone's takes on the prompts, and even more fun to write them! Hope you enjoy this one – just a little warning, minor mentions of physical abuse.
And, for translation – "skase" is shut up in Greek.
Happy Reading! xo,S.
Stepping out of Jay's truck, Hailey slammed the door shut, much harder than she intended as she felt anger bubbling inside her that she hasn't felt in a long time.
She didn't even wait for Jay to get out of the driver's side, forging ahead while ferociously wiping her tears away with shaky hands. Dipping her hand into her coat pocket, she realized that Jay had the keys to their apartment so she leaned her body against the brick wall, waiting for him to catch up to her. She caught a glimpse of herself in the reflection of the glass door that led into the lobby, and that was when she saw it, a red handprint marked into her cheek, and suddenly, she felt like she twelve again.
Jay took a deep breath, undoing the top button of his dress shirt and loosening the knot in his tie. He made his way to the door where Hailey was waiting, and scanned the key fob that opened the glass door. He pulled it open for her and placed his hand on her back, as he saw the faraway look in her eyes since the moment they walked out of Hailey's parents' house.
She dipped her head down, and pulled her hair to the side, trying to conceal her red face from the security guard. Jay gave him a curt nod in greeting, and pressed the elevator buttons, praying the car was empty when the doors opened.
They stepped in and Hailey pressed the button for the fifth floor, dropping her head again to stare at the floor,
"I'm sorry you had to see all that."
Jay stepped closer to her, pulling her into his side, and relaxed some when he felt her lean her weight into him,
"Hailey…don't be sorry. None of that, nothing, was your fault."
She took a deep breath and sniffled, while wincing at her throbbing cheek,
"That was the last time. I'm never seeing them again, I'm never going back."
Jay nodded,
"I don't blame you."
The bell dinged and the doors opened, Hailey stepping ahead of Jay again to walk down the hall to the front door of their apartment.
Their apartment.
This is not how she envisioned the first full week of them living together happening. Not in the slightest.
Hailey was driving back to her, now their, apartment, the last of his things piled in her backseat, Jay holding a deep-dish pie on his lap,
"I can't wait to demolish this."
Hailey chuckled as she rolled to a stop at the red light in front of her.
"Seriously. Packing sucks, and we still have to unpack."
Jay shook his head, rolling out the cramps in his neck,
"We can unpack tomorrow. I want pizza, you, a shower, and bed."
Hailey wiggled her eyebrows,
"You can have me and a shower at the same time – two for one."
Jay grinned and winked at her,
"I like this plan, Upton."
As she was about to reply to him, her phone rang, the Bluetooth in her car displaying her mom's phone number. Her brows furrowed as her eyes shifted to the top of the screen, reading the time, 9:35 pm.
Jay sat up straighter in the seat, his eyes darting between his girlfriend's face and the screen. Hailey pressed the accept button on the steering wheel, answering the call.
"Hello."
Hailey heard her mom's sniffles before her voice, her grip on the wheel unconsciously tightening. Jay leaned over and placed his hand on her knee, his fingers rubbing light circular patterns over the fabric of her jeans, as her entire body language shifted in the blink of an eye.
"Hailey. Hi Hailey. Do you uh, uhm do you have a minute?"
Hailey swallowed and her eyes darted to Jay.
"Mom, did something happen?"
Maria Upton let out a sob before she answered Hailey, and she felt her hands get sweaty, a million scenarios running through her head as to why her mother was calling her while sobbing.
Jay squeezed her knee to grab her attention, jutting his head to the side, asking if she wanted to pull over. Hailey nodded and brought her car to the side of the street, putting it in park, but still squeezing the wheel in a vice grip as she waited for her mom to answer.
"Hailey, your father… he uh, he's been having kidney problems."
Hailey nodded,
"Yeah, you've mentioned it. But why are you crying, what happened?" Her voice came out cold, showing no emotion.
Maria's voice came through the speaker,
"Hailey, your father…"
She took a long pause. Hailey felt like her heart was going to come out of her chest, her knee beginning to bounce up and down under Jay's hand.
"Hailey, he collapsed again. His kidneys weren't functioning, the paramedics rushed him to the ER, and he went into multi-organ failure."
Hailey stared straight ahead, no emotion on her face, her mother's use of the past tense not getting by her.
"He went into organ failure, Mom?"
Maria sobbed again,
"He died 30 minutes ago."
Her eyes went wide and her hands slipped from the wheel, her left hand running through her hair.
"Uhm, okay. Mom, I uh, I have to go but I'll call you later or tomorrow."
Not waiting for Maria's reply, she hung up the call and bent her head back, leaning against the headrest. She let out a breath, her right hand coming up and pinching the bridge of her nose. She forgot Jay was sitting right next to her for a second, until she felt him squeeze her knee again, jumping slightly as he startled her,
"Hailey…."
Glancing over at him, she shook her head,
"Can you drive?"
He nodded,
"Of course."
Balancing the pizza on her dashboard, they hopped out, going around the sides of her Jeep to switch places, meeting at her trunk. Jay saw her eyes glassy and her lip quivering. He pulled her into a hug,
"Oh Hails, baby, I'm sorry."
She pushed against him,
"I'm not crying be-because he died. I don't fe-feel ss-sad – she blew out a heavy breath, and continued in a whisper – I feel relief. Wh-what does th-that say about m-me?"
Jay cupped her face in his hands, stepping closer to her attempting to shield her from the wind, and wiped her tears with his thumbs,
"Hailey – he beat you. He hit your mom and your brothers and you. He was an abusive drunk. You have every right to feel relief."
She blinked back more tears and walked past him to hop into the passenger seat. Jay followed suit and adjusted the seat back before climbing in the drivers side. Just as he was about to pull back onto the street, his phone rang next, the caller ID flashing his brothers name.
Hailey was leaning her head against the cool window, trying to subside the throbbing she felt in middle of her forehead. She heard Jay speaking, but wasn't paying any attention to his conversation.
Jay spoke briefly, Will calling to tell him that Hailey's father had died, and her mom was still in the ED, waiting to fill out paperwork for the morgue,
"I heard her call Hailey as I was passing, but I know that everything is not pleasant between Hailey and her parents, and she also spoke to someone named Peter – maybe Hailey's brother?"
Jay nodded, and glanced over at Hailey, seeing her lost in her thoughts,
"Yeah, that's one of her brothers." He saw Hailey pick her head up at that, raising her brows at him in question.
"Hey Will, hold on a sec."
He turned to look at her,
"Your mom called Pete, think he's on his way to Med. Do you wanna go over there?"
Hailey shook her head, and stared forward.
Jay spoke into the phone again,
"Yeah man, uh, Hailey's not up to that tonight. Yeah. Talk soon, thanks bro."
Knowing that she didn't want to talk, he flicked the blinker on and pulled off into the street, continuing the drive home. He reached over the console and gently gripped her kneecap, and she laced her fingers through his, squeezing tightly.
Hailey pulled off her wool coat, throwing it on the arm chair and pulled at her black silk top, whipping it over her head. Her clavicle was splotchy and red, almost as if she was breaking out in hives. Jay noticed and walked over to her, concern on his face,
"Hails…what's on your chest? Did you eat something your allergic to?"
As soon as his words slipped out, he felt stupid – he knew she didn't eat at all today.
She shook her head and shimmied her grey dress pants down her hips, stepping out of them,
"No. What happens when I'm stressed or mad or embarrassed. Guess I'm all those things right now."
She padded into their bedroom and pulled on her favorite hoodie of Jay's, leaving her legs bare. Climbing onto the bed, she laid down in the center, resting on her stomach, her head laying on her crossed arms. The evening sun was streaming through the windows, and it only amplified the headache she felt coming on.
Before she could call out to him, he walked in and quickly took off his suit, throwing on a tee shirt and sweats, and went over to the window to draw the curtains for her. He sat next to her on the bed for a second and ran his hand through her soft curls,
"Headache?"
She nodded. He pressed into her scalp with his fingertips, moving them in circular motions, feeling her relax a little under his touch. Jay knew that she needed a minute to decompress, to gather herself, so he leaned over her and kissed the back of her head, whispering to her,
"I'll be outside if you need anything, okay. I love you."
Nodding again, she reached back and squeezed his hand in three quick pulses, a silent I love you too. He kissed the back of her head once more and walked out, closing the door behind him. Picking up her clothes she left across the living room floor, he felt his hands shake with anger as his mind flooded back to the events over the last two days.
They walked down the street to the funeral home, seeing groups of people clustered outside waiting for the viewing to start. She stopped in her tracks, grabbing onto Jay's arm,
"Is there a side entrance?"
Jay looked over and saw Peter in a side parking lot, helping his very pregnant wife out of the passenger side,
"Yeah, looks like Peter is over there."
He reached over and took her hand in his, securely lacing their fingers together. Hailey wanted no part of this, she did not want to see anyone celebrating her father's life, when all he did was make the first eighteen years of hers miserable. She pressed herself into Jay's side and took a deep breath in, feeling Jay squeezing her hand,
"Hey. I'm going nowhere, you won't be alone through this. You say the word and we're outta here." She glanced up at him and nodded, her eyes filled with tears but she blinked them away as she heard Peter's voice,
"Hey Tink."
She stepped forward to give him a one armed hug, her left hand in staying securely in Jay's right,
"Hi Pete." She smiled at his wife, "Hey Rach."
Rachel reached for her hand,
"Hi Hailey. So sorry…"
Hailey gave her a tight lipped smile and nodded her thanks. Stepping back next to Jay, Peter glanced at her,
"You're really not gunna go up there and say the prayer? You're still not doing it?" He brought up the argument they had the other day at their parents' house, where all three Upton siblings got into a very loud conversation about the traditional Greek funeral when Hailey adamantly refused to kneel at her father's casket.
She narrowed her eyes at him, her eyes going dark,
"No. I'm not. I don't know why everyone seems to have fucking memory loss – but I still remember what he did to us. To you. I'm not kneeling in respect to him. And if you ask again – I'm leaving."
Peter scoffed, gesturing Rachel ahead of him to walk to the door, and he glanced at Jay,
"Do you mind?"
Jay towered over Peter, as he wasn't that much taller than Hailey, and squared his shoulders,
"I do mind. Stop pushing her man, she doesn't wanna do it."
Peter scoffed,
"You don't know anything about him." Hailey stepped between them, shoving Peter back,
"Shut up. He knows all about it. Why don't you go make sure your pregnant wife doesn't slip on the ice on those stairs, hm?"
He rolled his eyes and walked away. Hailey turned around, blinking back more tears. "He's been a real big dick lately. I'm sorry."
She glanced over his shoulder and saw Kevin and Adam, Kim walking behind them talking to Will. She looked at Jay, "I told them they didn't need to come."
Jay shrugged and tugged her hand, to bring her closer to him. He kissed her forehead, mumbling into her,
"They all love you and care about you. They wanted to come, I told them what you told me but they refused."
Hailey smiled at that, a little bit of happiness rolling through her as she saw her work family plus Will walking towards them.
She lifted her free hand and gave them a little wave. Adam got to her first, pulling her into a side hug and kissed her head, whispering, "You okay?"
She nodded at him, and squeezed back. Apart from Jay, Adam was the only other person who knew about her father. Kevin wrapped her in a hug next and told her not to worry about anything, that he had her. She assumed that Adam filled him in on the bare minimum of her situation.
Kim was next, pulling her into a tight hug and ran her hand over Hailey's hair, "Best and worst lottery, right? Whatever you need, please don't think twice." Kim was a master in the art of deduction, she figured that Kim put the pieces together for herself, especially after the case with Becca last year. Hailey squeezed her back and sniffled back her tears, again – mumbling her thanks into Kim's ear.
Then Will stepped to her, also hugging her and he kissed her cheek, whispering, "Jay kinda filled me in. Seriously Hails, whatever you need." She smiled at the use of Jay's nick name for her and nodded, "Thanks Will."
Hailey looked around at her people – the man she loved more than anything in this world, his brother – who treated her more like a sister then her own brothers did, and her coworkers – Kevin, Kim, Adam – her chosen family. She suddenly felt a little better, knowing that no matter what happened today or tomorrow, these people would be there, they got her.
The back doors opened and she heard Nick's voice boom through the parking lot, sounding so like her father's that it made her jump. "Hailey. Let's go." She nodded, not having the energy to yell back. She turned to the group behind her,
"Guess I'll see you in there." Jay walked up to her, "Want me to come with you?" Hailey shrugged, "I wish you could, but this piece is for family only. I'll be okay."
She leaned up to peck his lips and jumped again, her lips stuttering against his, when Nick yelled her name for a second time. Jay pulled away, rolling his eyes and took a deep breath and placed his hands on her shoulders, "Go before I rip his vocal chords out."
Hailey quickly crossed the parking lot, and when Jay saw Nick grab her by the arm and pull her through the door, Adam and Will had to pull him back so he wouldn't go flying in there. He shrugged them off, "I'm fine. Fine. Let's go."
Hailey stood next to Peter, at the end of the receiving line as she was the youngest, and plastered a fake look on her face as people kept coming up to her; expressing their condolences, saying what a loss this was, how much they'd miss him. It took every ounce of self-control for her to not burst out in tears or say something under her breath about how very wrong they were.
Keeping a watchful eye on her, he noticed how her fists were clenched, almost as if she was ready to defend herself at any moment. They'd lock eyes occasionally, and he would smile at her, and she'd feel her nerves calm some. But then someone else would walk up to her and she'd be back on high alert.
Adam leaned over to Jay, "She looks like she's ready to fight. Look at her hands, knuckles are so white."
Jay nodded, "Yeah, man. She was pretty anxious about all this." Adam clapped his shoulder, "Well if we need to - ya know, handle something – I got you." Jay raised his eyebrows, "Copy you."
He saw Hailey walking over to the group after most of the people made their way in, and he stood to give her his chair, coming to stand behind her, a hand protectively on her shoulder. She was chatting with them, and even got a laugh or two in – she really did appreciate their efforts. Nick walked over a few moments later, "Really – you're laughing." Hailey jumped again, not going unnoticed by her friends, and looked at him, "What?"
He stepped closer to her, as if he was going to yank her up off the seat, but Jay was faster – he moved to the side of her, his arm diagonally across her chest, blocking her from his grip. Nick mumbled something under his breath in Greek, but Hailey heard it, "Skase." Everyone's heads turned to her, knowing she could speak fluently, but never having heard her, besides Jay of course – she taught him a few swear words over the years.
Hailey stood, still behind Jay's arm, "What?" Nick stared at her, "Time for the prayer. Still not standing up there?" She shook her head.
Hailey followed him into the chapel where she saw her mother, Peter and Rachel, and Nick's wife, Lauren, standing up by her father's casket. She stood to the side, against the wall, Jay next to her, while everyone else shuffled to the back. Nick glared at her from the podium and began speaking.
They argued after that in the parking lot. Everyone had left, but Will stuck around to reel in Jay if he needed to and boy was he happy he did. Maria was crying while Nick and Peter were yelling, getting into it with Hailey about not standing for the prayer, and about her choice to not say a few words as her father's only daughter in the church tomorrow. That was when Hailey reached her tipping point, as she stayed quiet throughout the whole exchange.
With her voice raised, she scoffed at them,
"YOU want ME to say something nice about him? How about I talk about all the bottles we used to clean up? Or how he'd whip his belt to us for being too loud? Or how he'd slam our heads into the wall when we got a bad grade?"
She saw a look flash across Nick's face that she saw in her father's right before he was about to raise his hand, she instinctively stepped back closer to Jay and Will, as she kept speaking,
"Did you three suffer from amnesia? Am I the only one who remembers what life was like with him?" She did her best not to cry but her voice still cracked. Nick stepped closer to her, posing himself to yell at her again when Jay reached his hand out and put it on her shoulder, "Get in her face again and I swear to god I'll break yours."
Will stepped between them, being the voice of reason. "Okay. Okay – it's been a long day. Everyone is tired and emotional. We'll see you tomorrow." He pulled Jay's shoulder and Jay watched as Hailey quickly hugged Maria goodbye, ignoring her brothers. She laced their fingers together as her, Will and Jay walked away from them.
The next day, after the church – where Will, Kevin, Kim and Adam all attended as well – they were gathered at Hailey's childhood home. A modest house nestled in the suburbs of Greektown with white siding and black trimmed windows and a glass door that Hailey knew was a new piece they added. She hadn't been back there since she left for college, and that was thirteen years ago.
On the way over from the church, as she told Jay where to turn, she felt increasingly nauseous - when all the sudden, she made him pull over so she could quickly hop out to puke in the bushes on a random corner. Will anticipated Hailey would be a ball of nerves, so he came prepared with some ginger candies for her. Jay was about to follow her out, to help her, but Will asked if he could, "She'll be my sister one day, let me help her." Jay smiled at that and watched him calm her down some, and pass the candy to her to keep if she needed it again.
She showed him around briefly, Jay noting the lack of pictures of her around the house. He noticed pieces of the wall where you could see fresh paint, and observed how pictures were placed unevenly, most likely to cover the broken pieces of drywood that couldn't be fixed over the years.
Now, he was perched on the edge of couch arm, keeping his eye on her from where she was in the kitchen, helping her mom clean up some. He was also clocking where Nick was; the way he'd been treating Hailey over the last week made his blood boil. He saw Peter join them, and they stopped what they were doing to talk with him.
Then Nick joined. And then everything spiraled.
Maria raised her hands between her children, wanting them to lower their voices.
Nick again commented, "Why are you even here, Hailey? You didn't even do anything to honor him today."
Maria mumbled in Greek, telling him to knock it off.
Peter just looked between his sister and brother, seemingly torn between who he was going to side with.
Hailey ignored Nick, not wanting to make a scene.
But Peter spoke up, making Hailey lose the little amount of patience she had left in her, "Hailey, it's not right. As we got older, it wasn't that bad."
Hailey let the dish slip from her hands, as his words shocked her.
"Not that bad? Are you serious right now? YOU LEFT ME HERE. The both of you, you left. You have no idea what it was like…"
Hailey trailed off as she saw Maria's hand come up, then felt it smack across her cheek, "Voulouse to."
Hailey stumbled back in shock, walking into something hard and then feeling arms around her, pulling her away.
Kim wrapped her in a hug as silent tears fell down her face, hearing Jay's voice, "You smacked your daughter across the face? Are you serious? I can arrest you for the assault of a Chicago police officer right now – that how you wanna do this?"
Adam had a hand on Jay's shoulder while Will was looking at her face, making sure no damage was done as Maria made hard contact with her.
Hailey spoke up, her voice raspy, "Jay – forget it." She pulled out of Kim's hold, "You want to pretend he never did what he did – be my guest. You can also pretend that you never had a daughter or a sister."
Turning on her heels, she walked outside, headed for Jay's truck. She heard it unlock, Jay knowing that's where she was headed, and jumped in the front seat, thankful that the windows were tinted, as she bent over and finally let herself cry.
It was about two hours later when Jay heard the shower turn on, Hailey entering through the attached door in their bedroom. He debated on going in to check on her, but decided against it, instead turning on the oven to heat up the Bartoli's he had ordered a little while ago.
Hailey came out a little while later, wearing a fresh hoodie of Jay's with her legs still bare, her wet hair hanging down her back. He looked up at the sound of her footsteps and smiled at her,
"Hey you."
Hailey sniffed the air, a small smile creeping on her face,
"Did you get Bartoli's?"
He hesitantly walked over to her, nodding, "I did. You really need to eat babe."
Sensing his hesitancy, she closed the distance between them, and wrapped her arms around his neck, "Sorry about earlier, I needed a minute."
He ran his hands up and down her back, shaking his head, "You don't need to be sorry for anything, Hailey. Kind of stupid – but are you okay?"
Surprisingly she smiled at him, "My cheek kinda hurts. But I am okay. I have our team, and Platt, and your brother – who treats me more like a sister than my actual brothers ever have. And most importantly, I have you –
You, who never fails to know what I need, who always has my six – in the field or not. I closed the book on my toxic family relationship today and that was the closure I think I needed. The family I chose is all I need, you are all that I need - you're everything I could've wanted and more, Jay Halstead."
He bent down and kissed her, his hands wrapping around her torso, struck once again at her resilience. They pulled away for air a few moments later, and he kissed under her ear, "Strongest, bravest, most beautiful person I know. And I'm so lucky I get to call you mine."
They stared at each other for a minute until he felt Hailey's stomach rumble under his hands and she giggled, "Guess it's been a while since I've had anything remotely solid."
They walked to the kitchen, his arm around her shoulder and hers around his waist, diving into the fresh pie in the oven. And as she took a bite and sauce got on her face, Jay's finger coming up to gently wipe it off, she smiled at him thinking, he really is the only thing I need.