Tin Can On A String

by hevaann

You watch as your dreams walk down the aisle and out of the door - Ryan/Espo

Tin Can on a String

A Ryan/Espo Fanfiction

You watch as your dreams walk down the aisle and out of the door (Set during S4 Ep11 "Till Death Do Us Part")

:-:

"I'm not ready to let go of everything,

So I'm holding on, I'm holding on

Like a tin can on a string"

-Brad Paisley

:-:

You know you should be relieved that Lanie's date to Ryan's wedding is as bogus as yours, but your eyes keep wandering to the front of the church where your partner is waiting nervously.

You should be up there with him. You're still kinda pissed you were passed over as best man, but on some level, deep down, you know it's a good thing. You know if you were standing up there next to Ryan it would take all your self-control not to reach down for the other man's hand. Not to drag him back down the aisle and out into the sunshine. Not to press your lips to his, not to pull his body close; not to remind him of all he had lost.

There is a bitter taste in your mouth as you think back to the conversation from earlier, when you had all been tiptoeing on eggshells, afraid to tell Ryan about Jenny's one-night-stand after she and the detective had started dating. You had hoped, selfishly, it might be enough to call off the wedding. The thought strings like betrayal in your mind.

And then Ryan surprises you all by asking about it. He is nonchalant and full of humour and his words slice into you like the proverbial knife:

"It's not like we were exclusive."

Your eyes prick as you remember that May. Remember how Ryan had pulled away from you, even before then. He had met a girl, an amazing girl, and wasn't going to risk throwing her away so he could continue to fool around with you.

And now you realise it was just an excuse to end things – for Ryan evidently was still sleeping around back then. He just didn't want to sleep with you anymore.

Jenny is walking down the aisle now, and the look on Ryan's face is illuminating the room. Lanie finds your fingers and you fight the urge to pull away from her; to bolt from the church and never look back.

You don't.

You smile when you should, and after, when Ryan embraces you high on happiness, you pretend you don't feel his skin beneath his suit, don't smell his hair as he leans into you. When you kiss him on the cheek, lips lingering just longer than is really necessary, you pretend it's not the last time.

And when they climb into the limousine, surrounded by laughter and confetti, you pretend you're not holding on like one of those tin cans on a string.