Blackwall was in love, which is something he never allowed himself to do. However, there was something about Lady Josephine that absolutely mesmerized him. He loved everything about her; everything from her beauty and grace right down to the dignified way she carried herself. He knew it would never be, but that didn't stop him from sending her gifts as a token of his affection. When he wasn't out closing rifts with the Inquisitor, he would often find himself picking flowers which he would have delivered to Josephine by one of her messengers. However, his most recent attempt at this didn't go according to plan.
There was a particular clearing out of sight of Skyhold or any main roads that he would go to. He tried to keep his feelings private, and so he would go where no one was around to ask him any questions. It was here he found a flower unlike the rest he had seen so far. It was a beautiful flower; one he can't recall ever seeing before. It resembled a white lily, except the tips of the flower's petals were stained a crimson red. He thought it had a refined look to it, which reminded him very much of Josephine herself. He picked it, hoping she would like it. He brought the flower to his nose and smelled it. It smelled just as lovely. He found it to be an appropriate gift. He found some more a few feet away and decided to make them into a bouquet. And once having accomplished what he set out to do, he made his way back to Skyhold.
Sweat began to drip down his brow as he walked. He found this strange considering the altitude. He wasn't exerting himself very much either. The path back to Skyhold went up slope, however he's trekked this way many times by now and had grown used to the terrain. He wiped his brow with the back of his hand and didn't give it anymore thought. When he passed through the gates of Skyhold he had every intention of seeking out one of Josephine's messengers and have that be the end of it. But then, suddenly, he was met with an intrusive thought: he had to see Josephine.
Intrusive thoughts happen to everyone. It's just a matter of ignoring them. And to Blackwall's credit he was really good at ignoring them. But this time, for reasons he couldn't explain, he felt the need to obey. He knew he shouldn't, but he couldn't bring his legs to stop. He hoped that someone would stop him before he made it to Josephine's office, but no one did. His brow continued to bead with sweat, and his hands were shaking for reasons he couldn't comprehend. Was he trembling out of fear, or was this pure adrenaline? He couldn't tell. Either way this was wholly unlike him.
At length he found himself in front of her office door. Now was his chance to back down. He could just leave, and it would be like he was never there. He tried to resist as his fist knocked on her door but was met with a tugging pain that bloomed throughout his chest. He gritted his teeth and rested his head on the doorframe. His breaths came out in labored gasps as he tried to regain control of himself. But then the door opened, and he was met with her. Her expression flashed from that of surprise to a look of concern. "Blackwall, are you alright? You look ill."
His face contorted into a pained expression. "Something's happening to me." His voice came out in a quiver, and he hated himself for it. Never would he have wanted her to see him in such a vulnerable position.
Josephine turned towards someone in her office and said, "Could you leave us?"
"Yes, my lady," a woman said in return. She had an Orlesian accent. No doubt, she was one of Josephine's retainers. He just hoped that she was loyal enough to Josephine that she wouldn't tell anyone about this.
After her attendant left out the back door Josephine took Blackwall by the hand and led him inside. His body tensed at her touch. After he crossed the threshold of the room, she turned to close the door behind them. He took the opportunity to admire her from behind. It would be so easy to just grab her then and there and – No! He would never consider such a thing. He clenched his jaw and closed his eyes tight as he made a desperate attempt to control his urges. He didn't notice when Josephine turned around to face him.
Her voice came out gentle as she said, "Blackwall, tell me what's wrong."
He opened his mouth and took a shaky breath. "Forgive me, Lady Josephine. I know I shouldn't be here."
"Are those for me?" she asked.
He opened his eyes and looked down at the bouquet still clutched in his hand and looked back up at her. "Y-yes." The word trembled as it left his mouth. He had never been so forward with her before.
"May I see them?" she asked.
Slowly and with a trembling hand, he handed her the bouquet. Her hand brushed against his and he inhaled sharply at the contact. She held the flowers close to her heart as she looked at them adoringly. She brought them to her nose to smell them and then exhaled with a contented sigh. "They're lovely. Thank you."
Then she looked up at him and her expression changed. He didn't know how to explain it, but it felt as if she was looking at him for the very first time. "Oh, Blackwall."
He couldn't control it anymore. The two lunged at each other at the same time. Her hands grabbed his face as she raked her fingers through his beard. He threw his arms around her, one going around her waist the other wrapping around the back of her neck. Their lips met in a violent kiss that nearly knocked the breath out of the two of them. Her lips parted and he accepted the invitation as he massaged her tongue with his. They continued like this for a moment, lost in the throes of passion, until Blackwall regained enough control to break the kiss.
"We shouldn't be doing this. This is wrong," he said.
"I know," said Josephine.
"I can't control myself. You have to run, you have to get away from me," he pleaded.
She looked up at him with such longing in her eyes. "Please, Blackwall," she begged, "I want you so badly."
At those words whatever semblance of control he had left was lost. He crashed his lips back onto hers. She wrapped her arms around his neck, deepening the kiss, as she let his hands roam over her body. He brought both hands to the front of her body and fumbled briefly with the buttons of her blouse until he got impatient and decided to rip the fabric apart instead. She yelped, not having expected him to tear her shirt open altogether. He broke the kiss long enough to apologize.
"I'm so sorry," he said, and he meant it. This wasn't how he wanted it to happen. But she seemed totally unperturbed as she removed her arms from their sleeves and threw the shredded piece of clothing to the floor. This gave him the ample opportunity to admire her beautiful, perky breasts. His hands wandered from her waist upwards to her sloping peaks, palming them in his hands. Maker, she was so soft. He wanted to feel her soft, supple tits pressed against his naked chest. Apparently, Josephine had the same idea as she desperately worked on unlacing his leather vest.
"Maker's breath," she cursed. "Why do you have to dress in layers?"
He shrugged out of his vest as he said, "Had I known we would be doing this I would have shown up stark naked."
"I'm sure that would earn us more than a few questions at court," she said with a smirk as she helped him pull his tunic up over his head.
"To hell with the court," he said before pressing his body flush against hers.
He kissed her again, tongue lapping at her mouth, and guided her backwards until her backside met her desk. He felt her fumble with the laces of his trousers for a moment before finally freeing his length. She didn't hesitate. She took him in her hand and started stroking him gently, almost reverently. He let out a low guttural groan. He wasn't sure how long he would last at this rate. He needed her now. He reluctantly broke the kiss and said, "Clothes off. Now." She complied as the two of them frantically removed the rest of their clothing until there was nothing left to hide.
And so she stood before him in all her naked glory, her brown skin glistening in the afternoon light. He allowed himself a moment to take her in. "Maker have mercy," he breathed. As his eyes roamed down her body, he noticed that the slick, wet folds between her legs were completely devoid of hair.
"Do you like it?" Josephine asked teasingly. "It's all the rage in Antiva."
Without another thought Blackwell swept the occupants of Josephine's desk onto the floor and picked her up and sat her on the surface. He kissed her on the mouth before trailing sloppy, open mouthed kisses down her body. He lingered briefly at her breasts, taking one perfect, brown nipple into his mouth in a wet kiss before continuing his trek downward. She moaned as he ran his tongue over her body, encouraging him to trail further downward.
And so he found himself kneeling before her, her legs spread wide in invitation. She presented herself to him like a flower in bloom, her quim absolutely dripping with want. He didn't hesitate any longer. He leaned in and licked along the length of her cunt. She gasped. Her hands caressed that back of his head, holding him in place, as she ran her fingers through his hair. Her soft moans and heavy breaths encouraged him further as he lapped at her wet slit like a man dying of thirst. She bucked her hips when he slipped a finger deftly into her entrance. He curled his finger inside her causing her to cry out as she clenched her fists in his hair.
"Blackwall, please," she begged. She was close, he knew it. He circled her clit with his lips and started to suck. Her cries of ecstasy grew louder as her thighs began to quiver with the desire of release. And release she did. Blackwall felt her walls clenching around his finger as she met her climax. The feeling was a thrill. He could only imagine what she would feel like around his cock. He watched her as she slowly came down from her release. The look of pure bliss on her face as her breasts heaved with each gasping breath was enchanting. It pained him to know that he would never see it again after today.
She opened her eyes, laying her gaze upon him as he stood to his full height. She wrapped her arms around his neck and leaned into him. "Kiss me," she said just above a whisper. So, he did. The kiss was soft and sensual, unlike the kisses they shared thus far. She kissed him slowly and he matched her pace, wanting to savor every moment they had left together. When she finally broke the kiss, she looked up at him with eyes so full of affection. She didn't once break eye contact as she lied back on her desk. "Take me," she said. His breath caught in his throat.
"Are you sure, my lady?" he asked tentatively.
"Yes," she said sincerely, "I want this."
With a nod of his head, he aligned himself with her entrance and filled her in one fluid motion. She gasped, no doubt at his sudden intrusion. "I'm sorry," he said quickly. "I… Fuck." He wanted to be gentle with her, but it would seem he still wasn't himself. He forced his body to still to allow Josephine a moment to adjust, though it pained him to do so.
Josephine watched him, his muscles tense, his face contorted in a hurt expression. She sat up and took his face in her hands. "You're in pain."
He opened his eyes, squinting at her through the pain. "This isn't how I wanted it to happen."
She stroked his cheek tenderly. "I know."
"You don't have to do this," he said. "You can go. Get the guards; have them restrain me. I-"
She put her delicate fingertips to his lips, quieting him. "It's okay, Blackwall. Just let go."
His breathing became more erratic the longer he hesitated until finally he gave in and crashed his lips down on hers. He gave in, his hips moving of their own accord. His pace was fast, his thrusts hard. He held her in his arms tightly, hoping that his embrace was enough to tell her how sorry he was. Her arms wrapped around him in return, giving him whatever comfort she could, though tears fell from his eyes nonetheless. This isn't how it was supposed to happen.
He needed to salvage this somehow. If this had to happen then he didn't want to be the only one getting something out of it. He brought a hand between their bodies and began rubbing her clit with his thumb. She moaned into his mouth, her legs wrapping around his waist. Her responding to him in such a way thrilled him. His free hand wandered down to her thigh, giving it a squeeze. The feeling of her wrapped around him was enough to send him over the edge. His thrusts became faster, more erratic; her moans growing in volume. Her arms tightened around his shoulders and as if on cue he could feel her walls tightening around him for a second time. He spilled his seed inside her almost immediately but continued his movements until she rode out her orgasm.
She continued to kiss him after she came down from her release. Her lips were so soft, it pained him to let her go. She was the first one to break the kiss. If it were up to him, they would stay like that forever. But they couldn't, so their time together had come to its end.
When he opened his eyes he saw her looking back at him, her expression so full of kindness. She brought a hand to his face and wiped away his tears. "Do you feel better now?" she asked. His mouth hung open, words escaping him. All he could manage was a nod. She smiled. "I'm glad."
The two got dressed in silence. The weight of what he'd done hung over Blackwall's head. "I'm sorry," he said again, "I didn't want it to happen this way."
"I know," he heard her say.
He turned to look at her once he was fully dressed. She stood there, looking much like she did when he came in, only her blouse was torn down the front. "I'm so sorry," he said again. "Will you be okay with…?" He gestured to her exposed chest.
She picked up her writing board from the floor and held it close to her. "I'll be fine," she said. "I've done my fair share of sneaking around. I'll just slip away to my rooms while no one is noticing so I can change."
He nodded. He trusted she knew what she was doing, and even if she was caught, he knew she would spin the rumor somehow to work in her favor.
"I suggest we leave separately so as not to draw any unwanted attention," she added.
"Right," he said, "I'll go first." He took the opportunity to leave as soon as it was presented to him. He couldn't bear to face her any longer. He stopped at the door and turned to her once more. She looked back at him expectantly.
With nothing left to lose he said, "I love you."
She smiled kindly at him. "I know."
He nodded, and with that he turned and left.
Her last words to him rang out in his head. "I know." He never expected her to say it back, and in a way, he was glad that she didn't. If she had she would only be giving him hope for something that could never be, and that was something he could not live with. Her simple acknowledgement of his feelings was enough for him, and he was content with that. He stood in the barn contemplating this as he continued work on his latest woodcraft. It was here that Solas approached him.
"Blackwall, there you are. I've been meaning to have a word with you," he said.
"Solas, how can I be of service?" Blackwall greeted without looking up from his work.
"I'm aware you often leave Skyhold to pick flowers for Lady Josephine," Solas said directly.
Black wall paused at this. "And?"
"I'm also aware of your feelings for her, which is why I must warn you. In these mountains is a particular species of flower. It's given the appearance of a white lily with red tipped petals." Blackwall stilled his hammer so he could listen. Solas continued, "Ancient elves used it as an aphrodisiac. One smell of the flower's pollen is enough to give its user the uncontrollable urge to make love to the person they love most."
Blackwall swallowed. "You don't say."
Solas added, "I'm aware of your feelings for Lady Montilyet, and I doubt she reciprocates those feelings, which is why I thought it best to warn you. It would not do for you to rape one of the Inquisitor's trusted advisors."
Blackwall turned on him. "Flower or no, I would never do such a thing," he snapped, then with a gentler tone added, "But I thank you for the warning, nonetheless."
Solas, unconcerned by Blackwall's outburst, said, "Think nothing of it. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm needed elsewhere."
"I'm sure you are," Blackwall muttered as he turned back to his workbench.
Once he was sure Solas was out of sight, he placed his tools back on the workbench in front of him. His fingers clenched around the edge of the table, and he hung his head between his arms. He remembered her smelling the flowers, so she was definitely exposed. Josephine's pleading voice rang out through his mind:
"Please, Blackwall, I want you so badly."
If the aphrodisiac only attracts you to those you love most then that means…
"Fuck," Blackwall muttered beneath his breath.
He had preferred not knowing. This wasn't what he wanted. He didn't want to hope, but now he does.