Chapter 1: Running
Jae Hoon always felt like the weird one out in his house.
He couldn't remember a lot of warm and happy memories with his family, no hugs or praises like his siblings received.
They didn't even celebrate his birthday anymore.
His stepfather never seemed to forget that he wasn't his son. When he talked about Jae Hoon to his mother it was always "your son" and never "our son". They never thought he noticed when he was young, but he did.
He grew older, and they stopped caring if he overheard them. Whenever his parents fought, it was almost always because of him. One day he even overheard that his stepfather wanted to sent him away to an orphanage.
Even his mother always looked at him with a weird look, never the easy smile that she had when she looked at his brother and sister.
Sometimes he whished that he could run up to his parents and get a hug just like Jae Min always did, but the look he received when he was younger always made him retreat and now he didn't even try.
His mother always looked so uncomfortable when she touched him.
And that was why he was here now, by the rabbit hutch of his school. The bell for lunch hadn't rung yet, but the teacher never seemed to care that he wasn't in class or not. She was always skittish around him, like a mouse.
During these free hours he liked to play with the rabbit, feeling how soft the fur was and how he could feel the heat and hearthbeat of the creature while holding it close to him, without it trying to push away or feeling like he is doing something wrong.
Lately he started to see a man near the rabbit hutch every time he went there. He probably was someone who took care of the animal. Normally that man always stayed quiet and Jae Hoon ignored hum, but one day he started to talk to him.
"Haven't you wondered why the bunny is getting this big?" the man asked.
"It's probably fat" Jae Hoon answered easily while holding his hands to the rabbit's stomach.
"Perhaps it's pregnant, they can get quite big with all those little bunnies inside" the black clothed guy said, crouching near Jae Hoon.
"Mmh" he answered back, not look up, just petting the rabbit.
"There is a way to find out." The man said softly. Jae Hoon looked up, interested to find out more about this rabbit.
"You'll need to open it up though". They guy took out a pocket knife and pointed it at the bunny and then held it handle first to Jae Hoon.
Jae Hoon took the knife and looked at it.
"Is it okay to do this?" he asked, his voice even.
The man looked at him with an unreadable expression "What do you think? Do you want to find out why it got bigger?".
That's right, how else was he going to find out. Otherwise the guy wouldn't have handed him the knife. He should trust grown-up to know better then him, that's what his parents said, that he just had to listen to them.
Jae Hoon cut open the rabbit and the blood that spilled out of him took him a bit by surprise.
"Look at what Jae Hoon did",
"Did he just kill that rabbit?"
Suddenly all around him were voices, he hadn't noticed it when class ran out and everyone went outside. He looked up to where the man had been, but he was gone.
He suddenly stood up, dropped the knife and walked away, not showing any emotions on his face.
They called him a monster again. And it hurt.
He killed the rabbit he played with. And it hurt.
That evening his stepfather had to go to his teacher and have a talk.
He had hoped that the school would have called his mother, she never tattled on him to his stepfather.
After the talk his stepfather was pissed. He told him to follow him home and not to say a word.
He called his mother to complain about the shame he had to went through because of her son. Jae Hoon knew he was in for something big at home, but he kept his face blank.
Making excuses never worked before, so why should he try now?
The moment the door of their house closed he could feel the first fit connecting to his face, throwing him to the ground. He stood back up again, looking at the floor. His stepfather kept on hitting and slapping in, even when mother came home with Jae Min and Jae Hee.
She quickly herded the younger children to the playing room and tried to stop her husband, but he wouldn't. She understood why he was mad at the boy, and she was feeling bad about him as well.
She kept on fearing that one day she would have to keep her end of the promise and kill the child, but still, she didn't her husband to keep on hitting him, especially not where their children could see.
The beating only ended when Jae Hoon couldn stand up anymore and the world went black.
"Get that monster out of my sight." He could vaguely recall his stepfather saying.
When he woke up again, he was lying in his bed, most of the obvious wounds were bandaged and his mom was rubbing ointment on some of his wounds.
"Mum" Jae Hoon said.
His mother looked at him with sad eyes, always with those sad eyes, sad and a bit scared. Of him? He hated the way that she looked at him, just as if he really was a terrifying monster to her.
"Why do you keep doing things like this Jae Hoon?" she said sighing. Jae Hoon didn't answer and just looked up at her.
His mother kept the shiver from her back. How she hated that emotionless stare of his.
She sighed "go to sleep, we'll talk about this tomorrow".
Jae Hoon layed down, but he didn't go to sleep.
He knew this, they would talk, he would promise to not do it again and then something would happen and his stepdad would get angry again. Why couldn't he be like normal people, understanding what is right and what is wrong. Why was it wrong to find out some things. Why did the man hand him a knife. Why does his stepdad keep on calling him a monster.
Perhaps he should test it some more. Perhaps if he takes something away that his parents loved, would that make space for him? Or would he be even more of a monster?
What do they like? Jae Hoon thought, perhaps the fish or Choco?
But the more he thought it over, the more he realised that it was never going to work, he would never be loved by his stepfather, or even by his mom.
Perhaps it was better for him, and them, that he just wasn't here anymore. The idea formed. They didn't want him. Perhaps it was better for him too.
When it was dark, he packed up his clothes and snuck down the stairs. He opened his stepdads wallet and took all the cash that was in there, and also the cash in his mums purse.
He heard them watching TV and talking about what to do with him.
He went back upstairs and snuck out of a window.
When he touched the ground he saw the guy that told him to look inside the rabbit asleep in a car in front of their house.
That was weird, why was he here. He heard a noise and decided that he better get away, before anyone notices he's gone.
The news reported him missing, but no one had found him yet.
He kept himself to the shadows and lived of everything he could shoplift, which was quite a lot. He had grown a bit as well, and he thought with all the filth and the few inches he got bigger, he didn't look anymore like the picture they had posted of him, which was already a few years old.
He washed himself in streams slept in abandoned buildings. He wasn't sure he was happier here then home, but he somehow was convinced that his family was happier with him gone, even though they pretended to miss him on television. At least he didn't get beaten around anymore.
One day he when he was shoplifting he saw an interview of his family, asking him to return home.
He looked at them, and he was surprised by the slight pain in his chest. He missed his mother a bit.
"Hey you, did you pay for that?" someone asked. He turned around startled, seeing the shop owner standing behind him. He backed away and dropped the bread that he had tucked under his shirt.
He turned around and ran away as quickly as he could.
"Come back here, little thief" the owner ran after him.
Jae Hoon was fast and turned around a corner, right into a car that was driving past.
The woman behind the steer stopped and stared in shock at the child she ran over, blood pouring from his broken skull.