Enough and Alone
Author Notes
Set right after episode 3.5 though at this point the ADD still hasn't been repaired due to excessive damage from episode 3.3 and the explosion. So a bit of an AU.
Everyone has their breaking point even Connor. I wanted to explore this seeing him blow his stack. Read a few fan fictions doing similar and they're so good, better than mine. But being so similar in many ways to Connor myself I wanted to explore the more depressive side of this rather than the anger than the others portray so well.
I tried to capture both Abby and Connor in a way where Abby is fearful and Connor is depressed while still having a little of their normal selves shine through in sections. Plus a little of Danny I always liked Danny and Sarah and I was so disappointed they didn't return as a regulars for seasons 4 and 5.
Anyway would love reviews, will encourage me to write more if people like this.
Disclaimer – I don't own Primeval nor any of the characters, if I did seasons 4 and 5 would've been vastly different and we would've gotten more seasons. No profit is made, this is just for fun and a creative outlet.
Connor was at his wits end. The last 2 weeks had been utter chaos. After that explosion and Cutter's death, Connor had fallen into a deep state of depression. Unlike the others who had time to grieve, Connor had been worked to breaking point. He couldn't remember when he slept last, he had just today been frozen to near death without anyone seeming to care and with Jenny leaving and Connor still trying to get the ADD working he was utterly exhausted.
So when Danny, Abby and Becker strolled in straight for him as he laid under the device still trying to get it running he knew shit was about to hit the fan.
"Connor when is that going to be fixed?" Becker had started.
Connor could feel the anger starting to rise within himself. Taking a deep breath he sighed not looking out as he continued to work trying to remain calm. Something missed by everyone but Abby.
"Ease off him Becker." Abby defended. She had been rather worried about Connor these past few weeks, albeit unknown to Connor bring just too exhausted to notice.
"Well it's like all he does is lay under it, reckon he's using it as an excuse to take it easy." Becker joked.
Deep down somewhere within him Connor knew Becker was joking, but he was running on 2-3 hours of sleep from god knows when, had almost been killed today, the concrete he was on was still damp from freezing Jenny to save her life and his patience with life in general was down to about zero.
"Taking it easy!" Connor snapped, before he had a chance to stop himself, loosing all self control that he normally had "Taking it easy! You have no fucking idea."
He's outburst made the whole room come to a stand still. Connor Temple didn't yell, he didn't curse and he sure as hell doesn't get angry.
"Hey take it easy I was only..."
"You have no fucking idea what I've been going through." Connor continued cutting Becker off. "I haven't slept since god knows when, can't remember the last time I've eaten…."
"Now wait a minute..." Danny interrupted. But it didn't stop Connor.
"Hell I haven't stopped working on this since Cutter's death. None of you even asked that if Cutter was still alive when I found him." Connor was fuming. He didn't care now, his voice was rising with each word.
Abby gasped at his outburst and admission. She like everyone else had just assumed Connor had found Cutter dead. Why hadn't he said something?
"I haven't had a fucking day off since before then to even grieve. I'm living out of Cutter's old office as I have nowhere to live as no one gives a fucking shit about me and I was frozen to near death in the lab today how the hell do you think I figured out freezing the fungus would kill it, yet no one gave a flying fuck about it. Don't believe me ask Sarah!"
As if things couldn't get any worse Lester appeared from his office. "What's all the commotion about, I don't pay you all to stand around… Temple get back to work we need that detector back up and running, relying on the handhelds alone isn't feasible."
That was the last straw. Connor saw red.
"FIX YOUR OWN FUCKING DETECTOR." Connor screamed throwing the soldering iron he had in his hand across the room, shattering it on the concrete wall.
Abby reached for him, concerned, but he shook her off giving her a glare. He had never looked at her like this before. Normally his eyes were full of kindness, or understanding but this was something new.
"Don't...Sid and Nancy are in Cutters office. They're yours now." He said more calmly but still with anger in his voice then stormed out.
Tears welled up in Abby's eyes. She'd never seen Connor angry before. Worst still she came to the realisation that all this time she was worried about Jack, she hadn't given a single thought to Connor, the man who was supposedly her best friend and the man she secretly loved. The man that did everything for her without asking for anything in return. The guilt in her stomach was so tight she felt nauseous all of a sudden.
"You kicked him out?" Becker accusing said looking at her.
Fighting back the tears Abby shook her head. Seeing that look on Becker's face made her feel twice as bad now. "He said he was staying at a mates place while my brother was in town."
"He's living in the ARC." Becker stated quite obviously.
"The amount of health and safety violations..." Lester muttered still somewhat taken back by the young man's outburst.
"He said he had nowhere else to go." Danny finally spoke up. "He needs a break, and to find somewhere to live."
Abby nodded unable to speak. She needed to try and fix this somehow. Her brother was only supposed to be staying a few days, so far it had been over two weeks.
"Well he can't stay in the ARC." Lester stated rather harshly. "Quinn make yourself useful, you're not supposed to be here anyway and go find him, Maitland go with him." Lester ordered.
Abby sighed. What was she going to do?
"Come on lets find him before he does something he'll regret."
Abby only nodded following Danny fearing the worst.
Rushing down the hall in the ARC, Abby and Danny were trying to catch Connor. Connor had just disappeared which had surprised Abby, Connor didn't normally move fast unless there was a creature chasing them.
"What was all that yelling about?" Sarah asked spotting the pair as she exited her office.
"Connor just blew his stack." Danny answered rather amusingly.
Abby found nothing amusing about the situation.
"Connor?" Sarah gasped in disbelief.
Abby saw this as an opportunity to ask her about today.
"Connor said he almost froze to death in one of the labs today?"
Agreeing Sarah nodded. "I was there the fungus spread and he was stuck inside unprotected trying to save one of his Diictodon pets, he refused to leave until the fungus was dead fearing it would spread throughout the ARC."
Abby bit her bottom lip to try and stop her tears from starting. Sid or Nancy had been in danger as well?
"Have you seen him?" Danny asked trying to get back onto task. "He stormed out heading this way."
"No." Sarah shook her head.
Danny headed off down the hall. Abby ran to catch up.
"What are we going to say when we find him?" Abby asked. None of them really knew Danny well yet. Having only a few encounters with him.
Danny shrugged. "You know him better than me, you tell me?"
Abby sighed. Exactly what was she going to say to him? Somehow deep down she felt this was really all her fault.
Connor didn't know what to do. Adrenaline was slowly leaving his system. He had left the ARC in quite a hurry, dashing past the security checkpoint and out into the city. He hadn't even stopped into Cutter's office to check on Sid and Nancy. He knew Abby would take care of them now. Deep down he knew his outburst was well overdue. He was sick of being everyone's punching bag, being treated as second rate. Even Abby treated him like this and it hurt more than he ever let on. How could he tell the woman he loved that she was hurting him, he knew her better than she knew and deep down the look of hurt would just hurt him even more, so it was just easier to keep his mouth shut. The sad fact of the matter was he still loved her but he just didn't know where he stood, not after being pushed out for her brother. Why her brother couldn't stay on the couch was a mystery for him. He had slept on her couch for weeks at first before she allowed him to stay permanently.
"Permanently, what a joke."
As soon as someone else came she kicked him out. Kinda shows just how much she thought of him. That is what hurt most of all. Being kicked out. Sure he agreed to leave but it was for her and it was supposed to be only a few days, not weeks. It was clear that it was a permanent arrangement now. The sad fact was, where was he to go? He had no home, nor any family. He was totally alone in this world since Tom died and Duncan disappeared as they were his last threads to his childhood and past life. This whole world these past few years had been Abby and the ARC and in that order. He didn't even have Cutter or hell even Stephen anymore. He was totally alone with no one that even cared if he lived or died. Hell he could disappear and all they'd probably care about is that their detector still hadn't been fixed.
"Maybe it is best if I just disappear, not like I'd be missed."
Connor held back tears he hated being depressed, he was normally so full of positivity, but this year alone already he's had 3 funerals, found out his ex girlfriend was paid to date him, the man that was becoming like a father to him died in his arms and he was essentially kicked out of home by the woman he loved and thought actually cared about him even just as a friend. It had all certainly taken it's toll on him. His recent outburst was just everything coming to the surface finally. He did feel bad for Becker, he knew the man was only joking but he had just pushed him too far.
Sighing Connor decided he couldn't just keep walking around London with no direction. He couldn't go back and face everyone, not yet, maybe in a few days when he figured out what to say that was if he even had a job to go back to after his outburst especially at Lester. Rarely having a row at the boss meant you had a job at the end of the day no matter how important that job was. Seeing a pub he decided since he was essentially out of a job, homeless and alone he may as well drown his sorrows and entered. Ordering a beer, he found a quiet corner and sat down. This is what his life amounted to, being a drunk homeless bum at a bar. He started drinking.
"Well his not in the ARC." Becker confirmed speaking to Danny and Abby in the hall. "Security saw him leaving about an hour ago on foot."
Danny shook his head. "Great just made the job all that much harder." He moaned.
Abby was really starting to panic She had tried calling him but her calls went straight to voicemail. Where would he go?
"He is living at the ARC, he's got to come back." Becker stated a matter of factly.
"I wouldn't be so sure mate." Danny answered. "You saw how he lost it. If I did that I would be avoiding this place like it was the black plague."
"Think he'd go to your apartment Abby?" Becker asked
Abby shrugged. She very much doubted it right now. "I rang my brother, he hasn't appeared."
"Okay we need to start treating this like a missing persons case." Danny stated going into police mode. "Just like I did in the force. You two know him the best out of anyone around here. Does he have any family or friends around the area?"
Becker shrugged. He only worked with the man. He didn't know much about him.
"I recall him saying he had a mother about a year back. But she's not in London, she's up north a little." Abby admitted.
"Any local friends?"
Abby shook her head. "He used to have two when I first met him, but one died in a creature attack and the other just up and left after that. I'm so stupid to think he was staying at a friends place, I'm the only friend he has."
It finally dawned on her, that her and Connor really only had each other. They were the only two left of the original team now. They essentially had no social life everything they did they did together, They went shopping together, went to the pub together, had movie night together everything no wonder people often assumed they were a couple. Secretly Abby liked that but always denied it worried Connor would realise how she felt and she wasn't sure he felt the same anymore.
"We'll find him." Becker stated. "I'll go look up his file, see if I can do a background check find any information on his mother's location and see if I can pull up some contact details."
"It's getting late, I'm worried about him." Abby admitted.
Danny had them pegged. Being a cop you learned to read people. Learned to see things they often like to hide. He could tell that the young pair felt something stronger than friends. On the air field that day he saw it bright as day. Abby's reaction now just confirmed his suspicions, She loved the young man.
Danny patted her shoulder. "He can't hide forever. He seems like the type that can look after himself."
Abby allowed herself a weak smile at that. "You wouldn't say that if you saw him at the flat. He's like a big kid."
Danny laughed as Becker walked off. "He's probably fooled us all. Come on, lets go for a drive around the surrounding areas can't do much else until Becker does some digging."
Abby sighed. It really was all they could do.
Abby walked into her flat at 10pm. She'd spent the past few hours with Danny driving around the streets of London looking for Connor. They hadn't found him which was no surprise. He could be anywhere. London was a huge city.
Entering she saw the state of her flat and frowned. Connor never let the flat get like this. Yes he could be untidy at times but not like this. After the day she had all she wanted to do was have a shower and go to bed. No what she really wanted was Connor back here.
"Hey sis." Jack beamed seeing Abby walk in. "How was your day?"
Abby was so not in the mood. "What the hell is this!" Abby fumed. "This place looks like a pig sty."
Jack held his hands up in a mocking sign of defence. "Hey I was going to clean it up."
"You can clean it up now! I'm going for a hot shower and heading to bed." She snapped back.
"Yeah yeah." Jack muttered back watching his sister.
Abby ignored him as she got her clean clothes and entered the bathroom. She loved her brother but he really needed to grow up. If Jack hadn't come then maybe this whole situation could've been avoided. She had to admit thinking of Connor right now on the sofa with her, watching some cheesy movie did bring a smile to her face. It was their traditional movie night, something they hadn't shared since Jack showed up. God she missed those. Snuggled up next to Connor making fun of how ridiculous Twilight was, or Connor making fun of how predictable the romantic comedy she choose was.
"Connor where are you?" She sighed as she hopped into the shower.
Right now she would give next to anything just to know he was safe and had somewhere to sleep. She hoped he would end up back at the ARC during the night so he wasn't sleeping in some gutter somewhere. That's what scared her the most, Connor being attacked and was bleeding to death in the gutter and no one there for him. She knew Connor wasn't the most athletic and probably would struggle in a fight. It didn't stop her loving him. Right now it just scared her knowing that if he got into that situation only the worst would happen.
"Oh Connor." Finally alone and with the shower muffling her sobs, Abby finally allowed the tears she'd be fighting all day to fall free, mixing with the shower water and falling.
Abby got into the ARC rather early the following morning. Having little sleep last night, spending most of it in bed crying, she left utterly exhausted. Having tried to ring Connor several times during the night again going straight to his voicemail she'd just hoped he was at the ARC when she got in.
After clearing the security check point and heading straight for Cutters office, she was disappointed to find it empty. It was exactly how it was yesterday when Danny and her had checked it out after Connor's outburst. Abby felt tears fall from her eyes again as her heart-ached.
"Where the hell is he?" She murmured to herself.
Danny spotted Abby as he came around the corner. "Abby did you hear from Connor last night?"
She wiped her tear streaked face as she turned about to face him. "No I tried calling several times during the night."
The look on Danny's face tore at her heart. "You… You know something don't you?"
"Becker gave me his findings this morning, I rang and found out..." Danny paused. This wasn't what she wanted to hear from him. Danny could she that she was the persistent type. Here he was not even an official member of the team... yet and he was the one giving her the bad news. "I'll be honest with you I haven't heard from Connor either, no one has."
It was as Abby feared but felt there was more. "But?"
"But we did track his mother down. There is no easy way to say this but she died, 3 months ago. The funeral was 2 and ½ months ago."
Abby gasped in shock. It wasn't what she had expected. It started to make sense. She had assumed back then Connor was still struggling over what Caroline had done to him and Stephens death. He never once said anything to her, not hinted even when she had asked him if he was okay. Some friend she'd turn out to be if he couldn't even tell her that his mother died, couldn't be there for him at the funeral. Abby felt her knees weaken.
Danny moved fast catching Abby before she collapsed. He moved her over to the cot that Connor had been using to sleep in. "You okay?"
Abby bit her bottom lip and nodded. "He never told me, he never once said. Why didn't he say something, why didn't he tell me?"
Danny had no real answers. Sad fact was he simply didn't know any of them well enough. He knew Abby's questions weren't directed at him, he'd seen shock before during his time in the police force. It took Abby more than a few moments to center herself and pull herself out of it.
"Anything else?" She asked which was barely about a whisper.
Danny shook his head. "As you said yesterday, he's got no friends at least none we could identify. Also no other living relatives that we could find. At this point we're back to square one. I'm organising with Becker to go out and try searching. Unfortunately we can't get the police involved yet as he hasn't actually been missing long enough but Lester is trying to pull some strings."
Abby nodded vaguely. "I want to be on the search."
"Are you sure?" Danny answered. "You sure you're up for it?"
Abby nodded again. "I need to be, I need to find him." Abby hated feeling so vulnerable, normally she was so in control of her emotions. She hated appearing weak but with Connor for some reason she just couldn't help it. She was struggling bad but at least if she was searching she wouldn't feel so helpless.
"Alright come on." Danny finally answered. "I thought you might, you can ride with me."
Starring out the window of the SUV, Abby was lost in thought. It was hard for her to face her feelings. She'd be pushing away Connor for so long because she was denying to herself what she really felt about him. It had become second nature to her, but now she was feeling lost. Lost without Connor. She'd be fighting that lost feeling ever since he moved out, since Jack had reentered her life. But it had taken to really loosing Connor, having him just up and disappear and a night of facing her feelings to realise she needed him.
What Danny had said this morning about Connor having no family shook her to her core. She and Connor were more alike that she had realised, true she had Jack but other than him, she had no family just like Connor. She had come to realise that Connor only had her. It broke her heart. Remembering all the times she'd been unfair to him, No wonder he'd taken her outbursts, how'd he kept such a positive attitude was beyond her. But right now she'd give anything just to see that smile that made her melt.
"You okay?" Danny asked from the drivers seat.
Abby nodded. "Just thinking."
"About Connor?" He answered already knowing the answer.
She finally looked at him. She didn't really know Danny, but so far what she'd seen of him she liked. "Yeah just wondering where he could've gone, but I come up blank. It's so not like him."
Danny gave a sympathetic look to her before returning this eyes to the road. "I don't mean to offend but when I first met you two at that house I thought you two were a couple."
Abby immediately went to react. "Where not a coup..." But stopped herself mid sentence. Realising what she was saying on instinct she bit her bottom lip. She never really knew how to deal with her feelings. She found it strange she could face the most dangerous creatures from the past without flinching but to admit her feelings terrified her.
Taking a deep breathe to calm herself Abby looked over again to Danny to see he wasn't buying it. "We're friends."
"Right." Danny answered slowly. "Look it's none of my business and I know I'm new and don't know either of you all that well but you develop certain skills on the force. There's more there than just friends on both sides."
Abby sighed. She barely knew Danny but he was easy enough to talk to. He probably wouldn't be around long anyway as he wasn't on the team. Talking to a stranger had to be easier than someone like Sarah or Becker surely. "He doesn't feel that way about me anymore, he once did." Abby finally admitted. "But I pushed him away too many times before I realised."
Danny huffed, it was almost a laugh. "Take it from me, the kid still loves you. What he did at the airport that day it took more than guts for someone his age."
Thinking back to that day where Connor took off in the luggage cart to distract that carnivore to save them all. She had been terrified when she saw the dinosaur about to eat him. It wasn't until Danny had distracted it with a helicopter that had saved Connor from near death.
"He was just doing his job."
"No the kid was putting himself in danger for you. The look he gave you said it all." Danny replied smiling still watching the road.
It gave Abby something to think about as she kept looking for Connor.
Connor frowned as the building came into view. It was time to face the music. After getting somewhat sloshed last night at the pub he had woken up in the park on the bench. It was a cold and hard night for sure but gave him time away for everything. It was coming up to mid afternoon and he finally built the courage up to actually return. The sad fact of the matter was he had nowhere to go and no one to go to.
"Becker has been looking for you." The Security guard had said as he checked in.
Connor wasn't surprised. "You can tell him I'm in Cutters office if you must."
The guard just nodded ringing it in as he headed for his probably now former residence. After his outburst he was sure he was fired and even if he kept his job by some miracle he wouldn't be allowed to stay at the ARC anymore so either way he was still homeless.
He could feel the knot in his stomach. Having to face everyone again wasn't a process he was looking forward to. He was down fight anxious at the thought of it. Entering he laid down on his cot and waited. He knew the music would come to him soon enough, no point him going looking for it. By now Becker knew he was back and the others would know soon enough if they didn't already.
Hearing footsteps coming down the hall, Connor turned to see the ARC's security chief enter. Sitting up he sighed. Time to face the music. Knotted stomach, feeling nauseous and hungry didn't help the situation but he couldn't avoid it any longer. "I'm...I'm sorry about yesterday, I haven't been meself lately." Connor started to explain.
Becker put up his hand to stop him.
Connor swallowed hard, here it goes. All sorts of scenarios pooped into his head especially being escorted off the property being given a letter of termination.
"Enough about that, where the hell have you been?" Becker finally replied. "We've had people out everywhere looking for you."
Connor gulped still tasting the beer from last night. "I ended up at a pub, then woke up in the park must've been there all night I suppose."
"Why didn't you answer your phone?" Becker continued. "What had there been an alert?"
Connor shrugged. "Didn't have it with me did I…. As for an alert I gathered I am off the team. Lester probably has already told you to escort me outta ere."
What happened next surprised Connor. Becker laughed.
"What's so funny?"
Becker shook his head. "You're not sacked. The only thing Lester was upset over was that you are living here. Something about health and safety violations."
Connor couldn't help but give a weak half smile at that. Certainly sounded like Lester.
"I'd be more worried about Abby, she and Danny are on their way back now."
That wiped the grin straight off Connor's face. He knew Abby's temper, having bore the brunt of it before. It was usually little things that tripped it off but what happened yesterday, well Connor wasn't ready to face that.
"Um… I… perhaps I should um."
Becker laughed. "Good luck mate, after Abby tears you off, Lester needs to see you." At that Becker walked out.
Shit...Shit… Shit!
Getting the call from Becker was a relief. Connor was back. Danny couldn't drive back fast enough as far as Abby was concerned. She was anxious, angry and worried all at the same time. How the hell was that possible?
"Just take it easy on the kid." Danny cautioned as he pulled into the ARC's garage. "And remember what I said earlier."
Abby sighed. She still didn't have a clue what she was going to say to him. Getting out of the car the pair headed for Cutters office bumping into Becker in the hallway.
"So he's back?" Danny asked
Becker nodded with a smile on his face. "Yeah. He's all ready for you Abby try not to kill him on us."
Abby smiled. Everyone in the ARC knew of her temper when it came to Connor. She'd had gain a bit of the reputation when it came to the young genius.
"Go no." Danny encouraged as he headed down the hall with Becker.
Abby pushed forward around the corner then hesitated at the door. She still had no idea what she was going to say to him. She'd been worried sick, angry, and all sorts of ranges of emotions. Steeling herself bringing forth that inner strength of hers she entered to see Connor's back. He was leaned over packing.
"What do with think you're doing? Where the hell have you been?" She demanded.
Connor's shoulders dropped at hearing her, something that didn't go unnoticed by Abby.
"What does it look like, I'm packing aren't I?" Connor answered without looking around. Totally ignoring her second question.
"Where are you going?" She asked concerned.
Connor finally looked around at her. He shrugged. "I don't know do I? Got nowhere to go. That's why I was ere to begin with. But Lester wants to see me, thinking got meself fired after yesterday. I'll have to figure something out."
The look on Connor's face broke her heart. That lost puppy look he always gave her had that effect.
"Why didn't you tell me you had nowhere to go Con?"
He shrugged again. "You seemed so happy when Jack came… You said it was only for a few days. I can rough it for a few. Didn't want you to worry did I?"
"You should've told me the truth Con, we could've worked something out."
Connor huffed at her response. "Wouldn't had changed anything Abs, You really never wanted me there to begin with. Me just an inconvenience aren't I? Annoying Connor. Idiot Connor. Doesn't matter anyway."
Abby could feel tears starting to fill her eyes. She fought hard against them. "That's not true." She answered fighting a sob.
Connor almost laughed at that. "Doesn't matter anyways. What's done is done. I'm be out of all your hairs after Lester gets through with me."
"Con?"
"No Abs." Connor stated barely above a whisper as he turned around to continue his packing. "Gotta get this done, Lester is waiting."
Abby would have none of it. "Where were you last night, Con tell me?"
She heard Connor sighed. "Don't know do I. Some pub then woke up on a park bench. Just had to get away, clear me head."
Abby gasped. He spend the night out in the cold. "Don't tell me you slept there all night?"
"You don't get it do you?" Connor answered rather sharply. "Me friends are dead or gone, me mum's dead, even Cutter is gone. I've got no one and nowhere to go."
Abby felt tears running down her cheeks now. "You've got me." She answered softly.
"Do I?" Connor answered disbelievingly "I used to think so but it's not the same anymore is it?"
"Con don't be like that." Abby answered still fighting the tears. Somehow she had to fix this. "You and Jack, you're all I got. You're my best friend."
"Best friends don't ask them to leave do they?" Connor replied turning around, the look on his face was giving everything away he was hurt and felt betrayed. "I'd had never done that to you."
"Jack needed somewhere to stay!" Abby snapped.
"What's wrong with the couch? I lived on your couch for a few weeks without complaint didn't I?" Connor answered. He really didn't want to continue this conversation. "Doesn't matter Abs, just forget it, forget me. Everyone just walks all over me anyways. I'm sick of it. Sick of no one caring. Hell no one even loves me since me mum. What's the point of it all? I need to go see Lester, I really can't do this right now."
Connor moved past Abby and headed up the hall. Abby just stood there in disbelief. He had no idea. Thinking back to what Danny had said earlier gave her courage. This wasn't over not by a long shot. Steeling herself once again with courage and strength she followed after Connor heading for Lester's office determined that this wasn't the end of this conversation.
"Ah Temple I was wondering when you'd grace us with your presence." Lester stated as Connor entered his office.
Connor gulped. "Sorry about yesterday I wasn't meself." Connor started. However Lester gave him one of those Lester looks and Connor stopped dead in his tracks.
"Clearly." Lester replied not so amused.
Connor sighed. Here it came. He knew just knew his termination was coming up.
"That outburst yesterday." Lester started.
Connor felt his hands start to shake and sweat on his brow form.
"I understand you're under a lot of pressure. After having giving this some thought about this and talking to the minister he's agreed. We've been employing a lot of security personnel after the bombing but we need more administrative and technical personnel. You're going to head up the technical side you'll have your own staff to assist you."
Connor couldn't believe what he was hearing. "You're...You're not firing me, you're… you're promoting me?"
Lester having never left his eyes off Connor showed no reaction to his comment. "Don't push your luck Temple, you're not getting a pay rise."
"No of course not sir." Connor swallowed. At least he still has a job.
"We still have the matter of your residence." Lester explained. "You can't live here, the amount of health and safety violations do you realise how much paperwork is involved?"
Connor just shook his head.
"It's a lot." Lester answered shortly. "In any case you need to find somewhere else to live. Can't have you and those animals running around the ARC like you own the place."
Connor noticed the changed to annoyance on Lester's face. Great what has he done now?
"Oh by all means Maitland just invite yourself in, it's not like this is a private meeting or anything." Lester sarcastically stated noticing the young blonde just barge in.
Connor didn't even look her way. Just great of course she'd show up. He knew she wasn't finished with him, but he was finished with explaining himself.
Ignoring Lester's remarks like she often did Abby started. "You don't have to worry about his living arrangements, he's coming back to my flat with me."
Oh great the last thing Connor wanted. Charity from Abby. "Abby I don't need charity from you." Connor snapped.
Abby ignored his minor outburst. "It's not charity Connor, it's your home too, you need somewhere to live, you're not sleeping on a park bench again."
"Temple I'd take the offer if I was you." Lester warned.
Connor seeing the man's face, which meant all business just nodded without saying a work. He swallowed hard thinking it best not to push his luck.
"Good it's settled then. Temple take a few days you clearly need it after yesterday. Come back after the weekend and you and Becker can start doing background checks on your team."
Connor and Abby just stood there. Abby curious about this team, was Connor off their team and Connor not wanting to face Abby.
Lester's patience was wearing thin. "Don't just stand there, go, shoo."
Both of them left without another word.
"Connor wait up." Abby yelled as she chased Connor down the hall. "We need to talk."
Connor sighed and stopped. But didn't turn around. It was Abby that moved around him to face him.
"Connor we need to work this out, why don't you come home to the flat and we can talk about it?"
"Abby, the flat isn't my home anymore is it?" Connor replied without looking up.
"Don't be an idiot!" Abby replied shortly. He patience with Connor was wearing thin. "Of course it's your home, I made a mistake, please just come home, I'll make us a tea and we can sit down and talk about it. I'll make sure Jack goes out so we can talk just the two of us."
For the first time in ages Connor genuinely smiled.
Abby felt her heart race still thinking of what Danny said. "Come on Connor, I miss you."
Despite trying to fight it, Abby pleading with him, he could never say no to her and just nodded. She grabbed his hand and pulled him towards the garage.
The trip back to the flat was a silent one. Abby didn't know how to break the ice. Connor was sitting in the passenger seat in her mini just starring out the window. On her way to the garage, Abby rang Jack and told him to make himself scarce for the rest of the afternoon and evening and she and Connor needed the flat and she'd have no excuses. Jack reluctantly agreed to go to a mates place for the night.
Entering the flat, Abby had noticed Jack had actually kept it rather clear for a change. "Take a seat Con, I'll make us some tea."
Connor sat down on the sofa and sighed. He was not looking forward to this. He knew Abby was going to drill him, 20 questions about everything from why he took off, why he hadn't been taking care of himself, why he hadn't told her about his mum. He still had that knot in his stomach. It hadn't left since he first arrived at the ARC. Danny's remark to them as they left the ARC hadn't helped.
"Have fun love birds."
What had people told him? He had heard in the hallway Lester had just made him the new team leader replacing Cutter and Jenny respectfully. He wasn't quite sure about that, he supposed he was a bit bias as the man did lock him up when they first met.
"Here you go Con." Abby handed him a tea.
"Thanks." Connor remarked as he took a sip realising this was the first thing going into his stomach since the beer last night.
Abby's huge smile at him didn't go unnoticed by Connor but he chose to dismiss it. No point getting his hopes up again just to have them being ripped down. He'd been through this song and dance with her so many times, he didn't think his heart could take much more. Especially after loosing his mum and Cutter mere months apart the only people he knew had genuinely cared about him. At once he thought Abby was in that group too, but she was always so hot and cold with him he never knew where he stood. He'd admit women always confused him, that was no secret but Abby brought that confusion up another 10 levels.
Looking at Connor in silence Abby's knot in her stomach tightened. The uncomfortable silence between them was hard, where to start? "Con." Abby decided to finally break this silence. "Why didn't you tell me about your mum?"
Here we go. "I didn't want you to worry did I?" Connor finally replied after a brief silence. "You were still upset over Stephen." Connor knew Abby had a thing for the former team mate. He was always so jealous but tried to never let it show.
"I could've been there for you." Abby answered softly.
Connor shrugged. "I'm used to being alone." He murmured just above a whisper. If Abby wasn't sitting right next to him on the sofa she wouldn't had heard him.
"Con you're not alone." She answered back softly. "I'm here for you."
Connor could feel his eyes stinging with tears. He fought them back. She didn't need to see him cry. She already thought he was weak enough as it is. "It's ok, I'm used to it. I went to her funeral that day off I had a few months back." He finally admitted. "Barely anyone was there anyways."
Abby could feel her heart breaking for him. She thought back her own tears. She had always thought Connor had more family. How he spoke about his childhood on occasion she just assumed. They were so much alike, with little to no family. At least she had Jack, Connor was an only child or so she assumed.
"I wanted to be there for you." She softly pushed. Connor needed a push he was avoiding everything right now. It wasn't healthy. She knew that better than anyone.
"I couldn't!" Connor finally spoke. "You were still mourning Stephen, I… I knew you loved him. I couldn't put you through that just for me." A tear escaped his right eye. He turned to face the other way from Abby.
Finally getting somewhere Abby thought. "I didn't love him Con." Abby replied. "I might've fancied him at first, but he had a girlfriend and cheated with Helen. I couldn't be with another man like that not again."
Connor knew very well Abby had past men. How should she not. She is gorgeous, the most beautiful woman Connor had ever seen. He knew from a few conversations in the past she didn't have a great track record. But he also knew the type of man she liked. Strong, handsome, muscles everything he wasn't. After accidentally admitting his love for her then hearing her snap at Lucien straight after saying Connor wasn't her boyfriend, Connor had given up, knew he'd never be good enough for her. He had to finally face it he was only ever going to amount to being her friend.
Abby noticed Connor was looking away from her still. "Con?"
Still no reaction from him forced her to move her hand to his cheek. First thing she felt was moisture. He was crying, turning away to hide it. She felt him jump slightly at her touch. Using a bit of pressure she forced him to look at her. Seeing his tear streaked face broke her heart feeling her own tears fighting heavily to fight them. She needed to be the strong one this time. She pulled him into a hug, resting his head on her chest as she stroked his hair. "It's okay Con. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere."
Hearing him sob she finally allowed her own tears to finally fall as she rested her head into his hair. They stayed like that for hours until Connor finally pulled away. Abby sighed disappointed at the loss of contact. It had just felt so fight embracing Connor. She grabbed his hand and gave it a squeeze. She needed him, she couldn't go on like they had the past few weeks. When he disappeared yesterday and hadn't been found she had never felt so much panic in her life. She didn't know what to do, she felt so powerless.
Connor didn't know what to say or what to do. It felt so good being held by Abby. But he wasn't going to allow himself to fall back into old habits. She said she didn't love Stephen, but she did fancy him. That was more than he ever got from her. She was just being a friend. A friend that was the best he was going to ever get. He knew deep down when she did find someone he wouldn't be able to handle it. He'd seen her at bars flirting with men previously and he could never stay and watch. He had always left. She always asked when she got home why he left but he could never admit to her why. He always came up with a lame excuse that seemed to made her drop it. Right now all he wanted to do was grab her and make her his, but that was a fantasy. Women didn't want him, hell his first girlfriend only dated him on a dare and his second Caroline was paid to go out with him. He never had felt true love from a woman and it's all he ever wanted. He wanted to love and be loved in return but he deep down feared he'd never get that. Never feel that, never have the opportunity to get married for love or have kids. It tore at his heart, hurt just hurt so much.
Abby needed him to open up so after such a long silence she felt it was time to face the elephant in the room. "Connor, why didn't you tell me you had nowhere to go, please tell me why?" Abby pleaded.
Connor turned to look at her. The look she gave him and the tone in her voice pulled at his heart. His damn heart. He wished he could just rip the thing out and throw it away. But he couldn't just like he couldn't deny her when she spoke and looked at him like that.
He sighed. "You just seemed so excited when Jack showed up." Connor finally started. "I couldn't say no. It was only for a few days, I could ruff a few days at the ARC without anyone noticing."
The look in her eyes, told him she was waiting for more. "I was just so happy for you I didn't want to be a nuisance, I know how important family is, especially now that I've got none. I didn't want to get in the way of that. It's your flat after all, I'm just boarding ere."
Abby felt her heart breaking all over again, this was too much. "You're not a nuisance Con, it's not my flat it's our flat. We moved here from our old flat together."
Connor made a huff sound. She supposed he might've laughed if he wasn't so on edge. Normally Abby would've made a snippy remark at that, but she didn't want to fight. She realised she was too afraid he would get up and walk out. Spend another night god knows where. He only had her now. He had been her only constant for 3 years. "I did make a mistake Con, I wasn't thinking too wrapped up with Jack to realise we only have each other." She finally admitted. "I'm sorry you're right Jack should've stayed on the sofa. It was unfair and selfish of me to ask you to stay somewhere else. This is your home too."
Looking over Connor saw tears in her eyes. It hurt him to think he was causing this. "Abs.. It's my fault not yours." Really what else could he say. "I'm sorry. Maybe I should go I'm upsetting you."
Fear leaped up into Abby. No he can't leave. "No Con stay!" She blurted out rather high pitch which made Connor jump slightly. Taking a moment to settle her fear she started to explain. "I was beside myself yesterday and last night Con, I was worried sick that you were dead in some gutter. I can't go through that again I can't."
The panic in her voice wasn't missed by Connor. Secretly it made him smile, on the inside anyway. Fighting those emotions he reminded himself she only saw him as a friend. "I suppose I can stay on the couch again." He finally gave in. "I started there may as well finish there."
His response didn't calm Abby as Connor had hoped. Finish? What was he talking about. "Finish? What ya talking about Con?" The fear and panic rising up even further. She was feeling nauseous. He wasn't going to leave again was he?
"Well I can't live on the couch forever can I?" He responded. "Flat only had two rooms, I'll need to start looking for my own place it's not big enough for the 3 of us is it?"
Abby was going to have none of it she decided. "We can find a bigger flat together." She admitted not really thinking.
"Can't Abs, only just moved ere didn't we. Still got 8 months on the lease." Connor reminded always using his head. Deep down he didn't want to leave Abby but he knew the day would come that he would have to when she found someone.
"It'll happen anyway when you find someone." Connor let out. Again barely above a whisper. He often forgot how good Abby's hearing was and how close they were sitting.
Abby gasped. "You might find someone Con." It was her biggest fear after Caroline that someone would snatch him up.
Connor laughed. "No woman wants me. Hell the last one was paid and the one before went out with me on a dare. It's a pretty safe bet I'll be single for a long time." It pained him to admit that to anyone especially Abby. But she needed to hear it. He'd face the fact after Caroline that he just wasn't desirable to the opposite sex.
It pained her to hear that. These past women had been so cruel to him. Connor had such a big heart. He was kind and caring and these girls had taken advantage of that. He deserved to be loved but she felt she wasn't good enough for his love. He truly had no idea how she felt. Was Danny right? Did he still care for her?
"Con that's not true. You're the best man I know, you deserve the best in return. Any girl would be lucky to have you." Abby responded. "I know those girls hurt you but you were too good for them. I'm sure if you went out girls would be throwing themselves at you." Why was she saying this, she didn't want that.
He laughed again. "Nah Abs not interested in doing that."
Abby smiled. It relieved her to hear that. Maybe just maybe. "Why not?" She finally asked.
"Not going through another Caroline again." He replied trying to avoid the real reason. She only sees me as a friend he kept repeating in his head.
The look in his eyes, told her that wasn't the whole truth. Fear started to rise up within her and she tried to build her own courage. Thinking of what Danny had said this morning.
"Take it from me, the kid still loves you."
Fear swelling within her, tired of this song and dance they've been playing since last year. She knew Connor wouldn't do anything, though she couldn't blame him he'd admitted his love before but then denied it. Deep down she felt he denied it because of her reaction to Lucien's comment. But ever since then she'd been trying to show him she cared about him but Connor was Connor after all. He wasn't the most astute when it came to this sort of thing. Ah fuck it.
"Con, you don't need to find another apartment, and we don't have to move and you're certainly not sleeping on the sofa." She explained.
Connor looked at her. Was she going to kick Jack out? "You can't kick Jack out, he's family." He quickly got in. Stopping Abby in her tracks.
"I wasn't going to suggest that!" She said a little too forcefully for her own liking.
Connor frowned. For a genius he can be rather dense. Abby giggled at his reaction. Then decided to drop a bombshell on him. "Move your stuff into my room, you're sleeping in my bed."
The look on Connor's face was priceless. "Um… Where… Where you going to sleep?" Connor finally managed to mutter out still surprised by her suggestion. "You're not sleeping on the sofa."
Abby laughed again taking his hand back into hers again. "I'm sleeping in my bed with you silly."
The look on Connor's face at her admission told her it all. Finally. Finding the courage to finally say what she felt she never could, after a night of loneliness and fear, panic and heartache plus Danny's words to her she finally grabbed Connor and kissed him. This felt right, she couldn't believe she was being so forward with Connor. She finally realised that her fear of loosing him almost happened yesterday. The chance of loosing him in a relationship was far less likely than loosing him if she wasn't. He needed to know how she felt, she needed him to be hers. She came to realise with this kiss, this was where she belonged and if she kept fighting it, she'd continue to be miserable.
Connor couldn't believe what was happening. He was shocked, stunned, happy, fearful all at once. He was frozen in the moment. Was this really Abby? Was this really happening? Was this just a delusion or a daydream like so many he's had in the past? Did someone spike his beer last night?
Abby smiled as she parted Connor still frozen in place. For a split second she become concerned she read it all wrong, crossed a line she shouldn't had. Maybe Danny was wrong but then a big cheesy grin appeared in his face, he was still utterly speechless. She grabbed his hand again and pulled him from the sofa, and dragged him towards her, no their bedroom. As they entered she turned to look at him, the smile still here.
"No boyfriend of mine is sleeping on the sofa or moving out."
She saw a tear fall from his eye. Moving up she wiped it away.
"Boy.. Boyfriend?" Connor repeated barely. He couldn't believe that just came out of her mouth directed at him.
She smiled and nodded. "Yes Con. You're my boyfriend if you want."
He grabbed her, pulling her into his arms and kissed her again, this time returning the kiss with passion. She pulled herself into his embraced pressing her body against his, one hand moving into his hair and the other holding him firm to her. When they separated for air, Connor finally spoke those words she had only heard once, a year ago and it made her heart leap.
"I love you Abby."
Now Abby could feel tears in her eyes. His words gave her the courage she needed. "I love you too Connor."
He pulled her in for another kiss.
Finally Abby felt everything was right. Everything was going to be okay.