Bye Bye Kitty
AN: A DJ on my favorite radio station played Bye Bye Love in memory of the recently deceased Don Everly, whose death was preceded many years ago by his younger brother Phil. It came into my head that this expresses how Matt must have felt when Kitty walked out the jailhouse door after he couldn't tell her he wanted, no needed her to remain with him.
"This time I've lost her. Our longest non-permanent relationship in history she spoke of is most probably ended. Why couldn't I have asked her to stay with me? What stopped me from telling her not to marry Will Stambridge?" Those were the thoughts filling Matt Dillon's head as he watched Kitty Russell, the woman he loved, walk out of his office.
The bereft man moped in his desk chair thinking of how years of holding back because of the badge had led to this point. He'd set the boundaries. It's why he'd responded to her question by not elaborating on his feelings verbally. It's also why he felt he couldn't give her any answer but "the decision is up to you." Although all he had to do was look at the people in his town to see they wanted him to step in to tell this usurper, a gunman no less, "get out of Dodge". If Doc Adams were to berate him yet again Matt knew he'd do no more than hang his head and maybe nod as Doc told him how much of a fool he was to not at least try to convince her to remain with him. Of course Doc didn't put much truck in the badge holding the winning hand in the game of life. It seemed too late now to do anything but stick with the job until he died just like the crusty old physician was doing. He knew he couldn't justify to himself doing both, at least not yet.
Back a couple years ago when Kitty reminded him of the arguments they'd had over combining the badge with marriage he held out retirement as the point at which he'd change her status from his woman to his wife. As he listened with a bullet in his back and the strong probability he'd be a cripple forced into retirement he still couldn't take that step. If Doc hadn't succeeded he'd have felt he'd be nothing more than a burden to her. All he knew was being a lawman or a cowhand. He couldn't do either if he didn't have his legs. She'd be supporting him while he idled in a wheelchair. There wasn't anything a man of action could do sitting down. Even if they bought a ranch it would be her Long Branch profits that allowed for the purchase. He certainly didn't have the money to buy and stock a ranch until it turned a profit nor did he have her business sense. Justifications for letting her go continued to fill his mind.
"Yeah, Kitty was better off with Stambridge. With time the gunman would merge into the community. That would never happen with him as long as he lived. There were too many enemies wanting revenge for putting them or their kin in prison. They would still use her to get to him even if he quit the job. She might be willing to accept that but he wasn't. Dodge was much tamer but the job still needed doing and he couldn't not do it as long as he was physically capable."
Deep down Matt Dillon, the US Marshal in Dodge, knew he was rationalizing his action or more precisely in this case lack of action. He knew he'd have to live with the consequences. It would tear him apart to watch Kitty with another man but he'd accept it if it meant she had the home and family she wanted while there was still time. It just wasn't fair for him to ask her to wait until both were too old for anything but sitting on a front porch watching the sunset. It amazed him that she'd stayed by his side this long providing the solace only she could give him at his worst moments or the joy at their shared good times.
"Yeah, it looked like goodbye to any hope of love in his life. The romance had been replaced by practicality. He'd just have to resign himself to an unhappy emptiness for the rest of his life, to musing on what might have been," he thought. "I reckon if she's through with me then I'm free to live the lonely life I thought I was destined to have since I first pinned on a badge."
There goes my baby with someone new
She sure looks happy, I sure am blue
She was my baby 'til he stepped in
Goodbye to romance that might have been
Bye bye love
Bye bye happiness
Hello loneliness
I think I'ma gonna cry
Bye bye love
Bye bye sweet caress
Hello emptiness
I feel like I could die
Bye bye my love goodbye
I'm through with romance, I'm through with love
I'm through with counting the stars above
And here's the reason that I'm so free
My loving baby is through with me
Everyly Brothers song written by Boudleaux & Felice Bryant