Chapter One: Not So Happy Campers, Part One
[the scene opens into a lovely day on a picturesque body of water; the background is filled with rolling, pine-covered hills and scattered clouds. High cliffs edge several of those hills, breathtaking evidence of the winds, waves, and ice that had carved the land for thousands of years. And in the foreground is a wooden dock, worn with use, a telltale sign of habitation. A man pops into focus from below. He is a handsome man, in his late twenties or early thirties, with well-styled hair and just the right amount of stubble. He is dressed in a casual style suitable for the outdoors, dark blue shirt with olive green pants, but it is obvious that his clothes are of the highest quality nonetheless]
Chris: Yo! We're comin' at you live from Camp Wawanakwa, somewhere in Muskoka, Ontario! I'm your host, Chris McLean, dropping season one of the hottest new reality show on television, right now!
[scene cuts to Chris walking down the dock, continuing his explanation of the show]
Chris: Here's the deal: twenty-two campers have signed up to spend eight weeks right here at this crummy old summer camp. They'll compete in challenges against each other, then have to face the judgment of their fellow campers. Every three days, one team will either win a reward or watch one of their team members walk down the 'Dock of Shame', take a ride on the 'Loser Boat', and leave 'Total Drama Island' for good. [imitates a golf swing]
[scene cuts to a clearing surrounded by large rocks. In the center is a fire pit, with a group of eleven stumps to serve as seating located on the left towards the rocks. To the right is the entrance to the clearing, marked by a tall wooden gate and an upright metal oil drum. There appears to be a second entrance hidden in the foreground, a staircase carved into the stone]
Chris: Their fate will be decided here, at the dramatic Campfire Ceremonies, where each week, all but one camper will receive...a marshmallow. [picks up one of the sticks speared with untoasted marshmallows and eats it] In the end, only one will be left standing, and will be rewarded with cheesy tabloid fame. And! A small fortune which, let's face it, they'll probably blow in a week! To survive, they'll have to battle black flies, grizzly bears, disgusting camp food, and each other.
[scene cuts to cameras being plastered all over the camp]
Chris: [off-screen] Every moment will be caught on one of the hundreds of cameras situated all over the camp. [on-screen, on the edge of the dock] Who will crumble under the pressure? Find out here, right now, on...Total...Drama...Island!
[Fade to Opening Theme]
[several shots of the lights and cameras hidden around camp popping out and turning on, often at the expense of the wildlife. A cue card marks a transition to a fly-by shot starting at the docks and 'Wawanakwa' sign, past the camp facilities, and over the top of the host drinking coffee in a director's chair just as the lyrics start]
Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doin' fine;
[the camera flies through the trees and up to the largest cliff, peeking over to see two rings of buoys laid out in the water]
You guys are on ma' mind!
[the camera dives off the cliff and into an underwater shot; Bugs is shown swimming contentedly underwater. He then spots a shark and screams, swimming upwards and rising above the surface, splashing Applejack and Rainbow Dash on their surfboards]
Ya asked me what I wanted to be,
And now I think the answer is plain to see!
[the scene cuts to Bugs' silhouette in the air before it cuts down to the forest where Daffy is standing on top of a stump, performing theatrics until a clawed hand pokes behind him. He turns around and looks behind to see a grizzly bear, his scream mute as he runs away]
I wanna be...famous!
[the camera pans out to Wolf as he laughs at the spectacle, all the while Fox gives him a questioning look]
I wanna live close to the sun!
[the camera zooms to another part of camp, showing Prince John and Top Cat sitting in an inflatable raft and about to go over a waterfall. Too busy slap-fighting, they notice too late and scream as they go over the edge]
Well, pack your bags, 'cause I've already won!
[the shot pans down to the bottom of the waterfall, showing Robin standing on a broken log suspended between two rocks. Too busy balancing on one leg, he misses Prince John and Top Cat falling behind him. Charlotte swings into view on a vine and collides with Robin, sending both flying off to the left of the camera]
Everythin' to prove, nothin' in my way;
[the camera rapidly pans to follow Robin and Charlotte, and they eventually slam into the outhouse confessional. The impact causes Rarity to fly out the door and land on her front, and the camera pans over to the Main Lodge where Chef's silhouette is visible in the window]
I'll get there one day
[the camera moves in past the window to show a smirking Chef, arm deep in a large pot of something sickly green. He looks behind him to where Angelina and Usagi are sitting, both tied up. The two share a nervous glance]
'Cause I wanna be...famous!
[the camera pans left to show Fiona and Mao Mao arm-wrestling. Fiona points at something behind Mao, distracting him long enough for her to win. The camera zooms out past another window to show the edge of the docks. Katz is admiring a spider while Ivy is running across the beach, before Carmen comes down with her glider which kicks up sand, causing the two to wave it off]
(Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)
[a pan down to the docks show Tails and Jasper noticing they're being filmed, the former giving a polite wave while the latter growls]
I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)
[the camera then cuts to Yogi performing a flaming baton trick before he's suddenly doused with water, panning up to reveal Aquamarine with a bucket as she mischievously flies off]
I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)
[the reflection of light on the bucket becomes stars in the night sky as the scene transitions, panning down to reveal Fox and Wolf sitting at a campfire in front of a large full moon. They glance at one another but are interrupted by Charlotte's sudden appearance between them, pulling them together with an oblivious smile. The shot zooms out to show the other campers also sitting around the fire and whistling the last few notes of the theme song as Chris watches]
[fade to episode]
Chris: Welcome back to Total Drama Island! Alright! It's time to meet our first eleven campers. We told them they'd all be staying at this five-star resort, so, if they seem a little TO'd, that's probably why.
[a boat is shown at the dock to which a petite young woman steps out, wearing a white shirt with a blue collar and a pink bow square in the middle, along with a navy blue skirt. A striking feature is her blond hair done in buns at either side while maintaining a pigtail hairstyle]
Chris: Usagi! What's up!
Usagi: Hi, it's such an honor, I've never been on a show like this, but I'm sure I can win!
Chris: Oh, I'm sure…[stifles a chuckle]
Usagi: Uh, did I miss something?
Chris: Oh, no, you're fine, just stand over there.
[as Usagi walks away, the next arrival is a red fox wearing a green tunic with a yellow hat that has a red feather stuck in it, along with matching shoes, though nothing covering his undercarriage]
Chris: Robin Hood!
Robin: A humble greeting from me to you, my good sir.
Chris: A man of class, I like that, or should I say, a fox of class.
Robin: [after taking note of his surroundings] This doesn't appear to be any kind of resort.
Usagi: Actually, I noticed that too, this area looks more like a rundown camp. Are you sure this is the right place?
Chris: Yo dawg, this is it, Camp Wawanakwa!
[Usagi shivers at this while Robin walks towards her]
Robin: Not to worry, I'm used to this sort of environment, so I don't reckon it'll be too much of a challenge.
Usagi: Oh, I can imagine, you're the legendary Robin Hood, I've heard so much about you!
Robin: Well, it's nice to know I've got people to make friends with right off the bat.
Chris: Hey, Carmen!
[a woman dressed all in red looks around the area as she walks toward the host]
Carmen: You mean we're staying here?
Chris: No, you're staying here. My crib is an Airstream with AC thatta way.
Carmen: I had the feeling the brochure you sent us was sketchy, though it's lucky for me I always come prepared for things like this.
Chris: Do you now?
Carmen: Yes, but you'll just have to wait and see…[walks off leaving Chris purposefully in suspense as she stands next to Usagi and Robin]
[the next arrival is a yellow cat decked out in a purple vest and hat with a confident strut in his step]
Chris: Top Cat! Or as his intellectual close friends know him as TC!
Top Cat: Please, please, hold your applause, the Big Apple wishes you all the best of luck, since you'll be needing it fa' this.
Usagi [rolls her eyes] Talk about humble.
Top Cat: [walks up to Robin] My, my, aren't you a striking portfolio, a picture that deserves to be hung in an art museum.
Robin: [waves a paw] Well, I have been told I look rather fetching.
Top Cat: Not hard ta' see why from where I'm standing.
Chris: Everybody, this is Rarity!
[the camera pans up from a pair of stunning boots to reveal a matching skirt before it reveals a white top and the head of a white unicorn with a violet mane to match her bottom attire]
Chris: Not too shabby.
Rarity: Why, hello there, darlings, it's so nice to meet you all, I'm sure we'll get along fabulously.
Usagi: Okay, this is an improvement, someone with class and manners. Who did your dress, it's so...eye-catching!
Rarity: Thank you, my dear, I made it myself. After all, I always aim to impress, and it never hurts to make a good entrance, especially when you're on live TV.
[the next arrival is that of a red cat, surveying the area with his stilted golden eyes, causing some of the others to feel a little unnerved]
Chris: Katz...
[Katz walks past the host and over to the other contestants, Robin deciding to take his chances and approach him]
Robin: Why, hello there, it's a pleasure to meet you, Katz, was it?
Katz: That is correct, at least some people have the decency to introduce themselves. [looks back at the area] This is not a five-star resort.
Chris: [pretending to be shocked] No. Really?
Katz: [scowls] You're lucky that my contract forbids any fatal harm towards staff members, otherwise, things wouldn't so...fortunate.
[Rarity and Usagi glance at each other anxiously. Just then, a grey wolf steps onto the dock decked out in dark purple with spiky shoulder pads and boots that have a metallic edge to them. Apart from his white mohawk, the major distinction is a black eyepatch on his left eye]
Chris: Introducing one of our bad boy; Wolf!
Wolf: You'd do good to keep the surprises to a minimum, I can get very...threatening when I want to.
Chris: So I've been told, in addition, ya' might wanna keep the acts of terrorism nonexistent, the entire viewing world's watching, you know.
Wolf: [sniffs with an eyeroll] Yeah, whatever…[walks over to the others] Meet you by the campfire, slick. [winks at Robin]
Robin: Oh, I imagine we will.
[the next arrival is a black cat wearing a red cape as he lands on the dock in a fighting stance, wielding a gold sword with a battle cry]
Chris: Easy, Mao Mao! You'll have plenty of time to destroy your enemies once we get the competition rolling.
Mao Mao: [clears throat] In that case, glad to be here, as for the rest of you, I welcome you to bask in the glory of a legendary hero.
Wolf: Okay then, where is he?
Mao Mao: Words can only cut so deep, but action is where it's really at.
Wolf: Riiiiight, just make sure you keep that sword away from us and we'll be good.
[the next arrival is a grey rabbit with his hands at his hips as he surveys the area]
Chris: I'm sure you don't need any introduction, but everyone; Bugs Bunny!
Bugs: Eh, what's up, doc, I see the crumminess in this place is thorough, but no matta', I've seen worse.
[at that moment, Bugs is shoved to the side by a black duck putting his hand out in a pompous fashion]
Chris: [barely holding in his laughter] Our fame monger, Daffy Duck! Okay, that was priceless!
Daffy: Ah, I see someone's got taste, wasn't about to let the attention hog take up all the screentime.
Bugs: [sarcastically] Yes, I'm the attention hog, I totally throw a hissy fit whenever someone else gets focused on.
Daffy: Please, don't act like you're not one for hogging the spotlight, you stole the-
Chris: As much as I like to see you two battle it out, trust me, this is some quality right here, save it for when we start the competish, alright?
[the rabbit and the duck give each other glowering expressions as they walk towards the other contestants]
Carmen: Like an old married couple, I take it?
Bugs and Daffy: Him? No way.
Carmen: [playfully rolls her eyes] Just checking.
[the next two arrivals are an orange earth pony with a hay-colored mane wearing a straw hat, white shirt with a green top, short jeans with an apple belt, and brown boots. Next to her is a light blue pegasus with a rainbow-colored mane, a blue vest with a white shirt underneath, shorts that are a mix of white and pink, and blue sneakers]
Chris: Our athletes; Applejack and Rainbow Dash!
Rainbow Dash: Trust me when I say that I'm more the athlete, not to brag or anything, but...wait, this is it? This doesn't look anything like a resort.
Applejack: You ain't kiddin', already here and I've been played like a fiddle, that's the last time I open a brochure that has anythin' fancy in it.
Chris: You're not the first people to have that reaction, trust me.
[as the two walk towards the others, they perk up at the sight of Rarity]
Applejack: Why, Rarity, I didn't expect ta' see you in somethin' like this.
Rarity: Oh, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, the offer was simply too tempting, I felt like I needed a change of scenery, too...though I would have preferred if it was someplace cleaner…
Rainbow Dash: Yeah, this place sucks, but hey, at least it looks like I've got my competition laid out right in a' me.
[the next contestant is a small orange fox. Apart from his white gloves and red shoes, the most notable feature about him is the fact that he has two tails as opposed to one]
Chris: Our next camper is Miles Prower!
Tails: Thanks for the introduction, but I prefer being called "Tails".
Chris: I figured based on the kitsune appearance.
Tails: Um, I don't mean to intrude, but this doesn't represent the place seen on the brochure.
Wolf: Trust me when I say you're not the first one who's said that, kid.
Tails: I see...well, might as well make the most of it, I suppose. [walks over to the other campers]
Rainbow Dash: Hey, lil guy, you wouldn't mind showing off a few of them tail tricks for us?
Tails: Hmm? Oh, well, when the occasion arises, you just might see me in action.
Rainbow Dash: Looking forward to it.
[the next contestant to step off is a small blue woman wearing a business casual dress and black shoes. Her most notable feature is the teardrop symbol under her left eye and her diminutive appearance gives off the impression of a child]
Chris: Aquamarine, glad to have you on.
Aquamarine: But of course, it wouldn't be a competition without me, would it? Are you the other competitors, it's so nice to meet you all.
Usagi: Awwwwwww, she's so cute!
Aquamarine: What, little old me? Why you're too kind. [waves a hand modestly while concealing a smirk]
[the next arrival is a hulking orange woman with long white hair, wearing a suit comprised of magenta and black. Like Aquamarine, a notable feature of herself is the orange pyramid where her nose would be]
Chris: Jasper.
[Jasper huffs and walks toward the other contestants, Usagi looking especially anxious as she tries not to look intimidated]
Wolf: [to Mao Mao] She's all yours, man.
Mao Mao: Huh?
Jasper: You say something?
Wolf: Not really, just that I like your attitude.
Jasper: Oh...thanks, I guess.
[the next contestant to step out is another red fox, but unlike Robin, his fur is lighter in tone, wearing a white jacket occupied by green pants and metallic boots, similar to Wolf's, but more casual]
Chris: Everyone, this is Fox!
Fox: Nice to meet you, every...one…
Jasper: What's his problem?
Wolf: I think I can narrow that down to; "what's my rival doing in the same game show as me?"
Fox: I might have known you would be involved in this, Wolf.
Wolf: If you think I only signed up to follow you, I believe that I'm entitled to win just as much as anyone.
Fox: Well, I...okay, maybe you have it there, but I'm still keeping my eye on you.
Wolf: Oh, no, whatever shall I do, the big bad fox is gonna get angwy at me if I step outta line.
[Top Cat, Rainbow Dash, Daffy, and even Jasper crack a snicker at this. Fox rolls his eyes as he stands before the other contestants]
[the next arrival is a brown bear wearing a green hat and a white collar]
Chris: Our smarter than the average bear; Yogi!
Yogi: Hey, hey, hey, no need to be modest, he's only sayin' it because it's true.
Jasper: [rolls her eyes] Oh, sure, I'll believe it when I see it, if it ever happens.
Yogi: I see I've got a bit of a tough crowd, but that shouldn't be too hard for me to tackle. I am known to be a crowd pleaser.
Chris: Cool, here comes Angelina!
[a white mouse with a pink hair bow and wearing a pink dress steps off the boat with a polite wave]
Angelina: Hi there, you must be the other contestants, it's really nice to meet you all.
Usagi: If I may introduce myself, I'm Usagi and I gotta say, I like your dress, you could almost pass off as a sailor guardian.
Angelina: Why thank you, nice to know that I'll be in good company while I'm here.
Chris: Speaking of good company, I know someone who'll be an audience pleaser.
Angelina: That meaning?
[the next contestant is a redhead wearing a brown jacket with a white under top and olive green pants]
Chris: Please welcome onboard; Ivy!
[Carmen gives a playful smirk at this]
Ivy: Hello, everyone, a pleasure to meet you all...well, most of you at least.
Katz: Charming…
Aquamarine: You know, if memory serves me correct, I believe someone you know is here…[shoots a cheeky smirk in Carmen's direction]
Ivy: If I was going to be informed about that, I would have rather it didn't come from the little blue devil.
[Aquamarine huffs at this and crosses her arms]
Carmen: Well, well, well, fancy meeting you in a place like this, Ivy.
Ivy: Don't push your luck, Carmen, we may not be running cross-continent, but that doesn't mean I won't be keeping an eye on you.
Carmen: Wouldn't expect anything less.
[Ivy rolls her eyes as she goes to stand with the group]
Chris: Speaking of audience pleaser, time to introduce the opposite of that; Prince John!
[a scrawny golden lion is the next to step out, wearing a blue robe and brown sandals, and overall having a rather pompous aura about him as he walks indignantly towards the host]
Prince John: I say, how very dare you, if anything, you all should be honored to be in my presence, it's not every day you see a member of royalty.
Chris: Oh, I'm sure they would if there was anything to look forward to.
Prince John: [scoffs] Peasant. [huffs over to the other contestants, purposely putting himself in front of Robin while the vulpine looks indifferent]
[the next contestant is another fox, but this one is female instead of male. Her red fur is noticeably darker than Robin, Tails, and Fox combined. Her attire consists of a black crop top, black pants with shoes to match, and a yellow hair bow to compliment her brunette hair]
Chris: Welcome to the island, Fiona!
Fiona: Hmph, just as crappy as I expected, you all don't look too tough.
Jasper: You wanna say that again? [holds up her fist]
Fiona: Please, you think the big and beefy act scares me, I know for a fact that I could take you on if I wanted.
Jasper: Keep it up and you might just get the chance.
Fiona: Whatever. [walks toward the group looking unfazed, although Tails cases an anxious glance away from her]
[the final contestant is another blue girl, similar to Aquamarine, but her hair is instead curled at each end and her aura radiates thoroughly positive and chipper energy]
Chris: Everyone, here's Charlotte!
Charlotte: Yippee! It's so great to be here, I've always wanted to do to summer camp! This is gonna be so much fun! Roasting marshmallows by the fire, singing campfire songs, and having slumber parties!
Fiona: Is anyone gonna tell Alice she's not in Wonderland?
Chris: Lovin' the enthusiasm, but first thing's first, we need a group photo for the promos. Everyone, gather at the end of the dock!
[the contestants gather in certain poses as Chris jumps onto the bow of the ship, taking out a camera. The players arrange themselves into three loose rows facing the camera. At the very center of the group is Yogi, flanked on his right by a grinning Daffy, confident Katz, and a smirking Fiona leaning on Jasper attempting to smile. To Yogi's left, towards the water, is a posing Prince John, Ivy giving a pistol shot with her fingers, Tails waving, and Robin next to him giving a peace sign. The front row has Angelina and Usagi kneeling down. To Usagi's right, on the inland side, is a lounging Rarity and a determined Applejack. Past Angelina are Charlotte and Aquamarine leaning against one another, the former looking jovial while the latter mischievous. The last seven campers are standing in the back row. Closest to the lake is Bugs with his arms crossed smugly, next to him is Fox looking confident, followed by a smirking Wolf. To the left of Yogi has Top Cat with his arms crossed and donning a casual grin, next to him is Mao Mao with a look of determination. Next to the black cat is Rainbow Dash giving a fist pump with a toothy grin and at the end is Carmen with her arms crossed donning her usual confident expression]
Chris: Okay! One! Two Thre-oops! Forgot the lens cap! [presses the button on the camera to remove said cap] Okay, hold that pose! One, tw-Oh! No, wait! Card's full! Hang on…
Fiona: C'mon, man, my face is starting to freeze!
Chris: Got it! Okay, everyone say; Wawanakwa!
All: Wawanakwa!
[the planks crack and fall apart, the camera cuts to a series of photos of the campers in the lake]
Chris: Okay, guys, dry off and meet me at the campfire pit in ten!
[scene fades to black, the episode continues]
[the camera zooms outward from a shot of Chris standing behind the campfire pit facing away until all twenty-two campers are in the shot. Aquamarine, Angelina, Robin, Ivy, and Carmen sit on the front row of stumps with Wolf, Charlotte, and Jasper standing among them. The back row of seats are taken by Rarity, Applejack, Fox, Tails, Top Cat, and Usagi. The rest of the campers, Mao Mao, Rainbow Dash, Yogi, Prince John, Fiona, Bugs, Katz, and Daffy, stand behind the stumps]
Chris: This is Camp Wawanakwa, your home for the next eight weeks! The campers sitting around you will be your cabinmates, your competition, and maybe even your friends, ya' dig? The camper who manages to say on Total Drama Island the longest, without getting voted off, will win one hundred thousand dollars!
Angelina: If I may inquire, how will the sleeping arrangements be dealt with?
Katz: They're not co-ed, are they?
Chris: Nope! Girls get one side of each cabin, and dudes get the other.
Aquamarine: May I request having my own private quarters...it's safer that way. [makes an innocent expression]
Chris: Sorry, but that's not how it works here. Everyone will be sleeping with another person regardless of personal preferences.
Wolf: So you could end up with someone at random, if I'm not mistaken. [looks toward Fox's direction]
Fox: Excuse me, can I help you? You'd better not try sneaking into my bed.
Wolf: Well, it's not like I'd try to kill you in your sleep, if that's what you were suggesting.
Usagi: Is it just me or do those two have a lot of tension going on?
Angelina: Believe me when I say that you're not the first one to notice.
Chris: Here's the deal! We're gonna split you into two teams. If I call your name out, go stand over there.
[the campers' various reactions are shown as their names are called]
Top Cat...Katz...Rainbow Dash...Mao Mao...Rarity...Charlotte...Bugs...Applejack...Yogi...Usagi...and Angelina! From this moment on, you're officially known as...the Screaming Gophers!
[a green banner is unfolded to reveal the silhouette of a gopher in a fighting stance]
Charlotte: Yippee! I'm a gopher!
Katz: [rolls his eyes] Brilliant…
Chris: The rest of you, over here!
[the campers' various reactions are once again shown as their names are called]
Wolf...Fox...Ivy...Fiona...Jasper...Prince John...Robin...Tails...Carmen...Aquamarine...and Daffy! Move, move, move move! You guys will officially be known...the Killer Bass!
[a red banner is unfolded to reveal the emblem of an angry fish]
Prince John: Excuse me, but will I seriously be expected to be on a team with you-know-who?
Chris: All teams are finalized until the merge or unless I say so. In the meantime, you'll just have to put up with it.
Ivy: [sarcastically] Oh, great, as if my experience couldn't get any better.
Fox: [sighs]
Chris: Alright, campers! You and your team will be on camera in all public areas during this competition.
[static buzzing]
[scene transitions to Chris sitting in what appears to be a large outhouse. There is a skull and crossbones carved into the back wall, and a few flies buzzing around]
Chris: You will also be able to share your innermost thoughts on tape with video diaries, anytime you want. Let the audience know what you're really thinking. Or just to get something off your chest.
[static buzzing]
Katz: Not the cleanest of facilities, I must admit, I don't believe this place has even heard of the word "soap". Regardless, that's not the main thing to focus on, it's the competition.
[static buzzing]
Jasper: Ugh, have you seen the people on the other team, they don't stand a chance against us, and I'll make sure of that.
[static buzzing]
[a common loon is applying pink lipstick to the end of its bill]
[static buzzing]
Aquamarine: I may not be the biggest contestant, but that doesn't mean that I won't be putting the cards in my favor. I'm cute and innocent enough for those gullible enough not to take notice, by the end, I'll have everyone wrapped around my finger.
[static buzzing]
Chris: Alright, any questions? Cool, let's find your cabins!
[scene cuts to a shot of two cabins sitting roughly perpendicular to each other, each with two doors and a railed-in porch in front]
Chris: Gophers, you're in the east cabin. Bass, you're in the west.
[the viewpoint switches to a close-up of a cabin door as it is opened from the outside, showing the layout of the room. A large circular rug lies in the center of the room, and on the back wall is a window and a small stool. Both the rug and the curtains lining the window look shabby and moth-eaten]
Katz: Bunk beds? Is this a little...summer camp?
Bugs: That's the idea, genius.
Katz: Charming, come up with that yourself?
Bugs: Maybe, if only to see your reaction.
[the two suddenly catch the sound of Mao Mao from outside. The black cat is practicing his sword tricks until he runs into Jasper about to walk into her side of the cabin. The orange gem glares down at the feline, picks him up, and throws him to the ground. Mao Mao lifts himself off the ground and spits the dirt out of his mouth]
Mao Mao: PHAH! Okay, remind me never to get on her bad side.
Rarity: Where's the outlets, I need to plug in my straightening iron.
Chris: There are some in the communal bathrooms, just across the way.
Rarity: Wait, you mean there's no privacy?
Angelina: Okay, that is just wrong.
Wolf: Might as well get used to it, I've shared a bathroom with others.
Prince John: This is an outrage, how am I supposed to prim myself to perfection if I have to do it around everyone else?
Robin: You say it like you need that much time, a mere splash of water and a towel should do.
Prince John: Oh, like you would understand, the closest thing you have to a bathroom is a lake.
Angelina: Excuse me, Chris? Is there a chaperone of any kind?
Chris: Most of you are over sixteen, as old as a councilor-in-training at a regular summer camp. So, other than myself, you'll be unsupervised. You've got a half-an-hour to unpack and meet me at the Main Lodge! Starting...now!
Charlotte: Yay!
[a piercing shriek fills the air, causing the campers to look in the direction of where it came from. Wolf, Jasper, Katz, Angelina, Charlotte, Top Cat, and Rarity peer inside]
Top Cat: Man, that girl can scream.
Usagi: [standing on a stool, cowering from a single cockroach] AAAAAAH! WHAT IS THAT THING, IT'S SO CREEPY, GET IT AWAY, GET IT AWAY!
[Rarity leaps onto the bottom bunk and cowers]
Jasper: [rolls her eyes] Wimps.
[the cockroach scurries across the room, deftly dodging several feet and sending campers screaming until it exits the cabin]
Wolf: You were frightened of a little insect? Seriously?
Usagi: Hey! Bugs are icky, crawly things that could bite you at any time!
Katz: [sighs] Such ill-informed fools. I can only imagine how you would act to spiders.
Usagi: SPIDERS?! Where?!
Angelina: [clears throat] I'm sure he was joking, weren't you?
Katz: Oh, sure…
[scene cuts to the outside of another building before it cuts to the inside where the queued-up campers were being addressed by a hulking black man in a chef's hat and apron]
Chef: Listen up! I serve it three times a day, and you will eat it three times a day! Grab your tray, get ya' food, and sit ya' butts down NOW!
Usagi: Excuse me, but can I ask what's that supposed to be? [points down to the reddish-brown meat-like substance on her bun]
Angelina: Additionally, where would we find other things to pick up around here, based on the limited selection thus far?
Chef: You'll be gettin' a load a SHUT THE HELL UP!
[the two girls back away quickly, rather unsettled]
Top Cat: [to Mao Mao] Heh, have a cow.
Chef: What was that? Come closa', pussycat, I didn't hear you.
Top Cat: [gulps] Uh, I didn't say anything of importance, my good man. [grabs his food and leaves]
Chef: I'm sure you didn't. [as Mao Mao grabs a tray] You! Ninjitsu! Gimme ya' plate!
[Mao Mao presents his tray forward and Chef doles out another scoop of mystery meat onto his plate. It somehow clings back to the scoop, and the Chef has to throw it down a second time with more force]
Applejack: [looks in Jasper's direction] Well, howdy there. [Jasper merely gives her an unamused look, causing AJ to flinch and then scowl as the orange gem walks away] Oh, it's gonna be like that, is it?
Chef: NEXT!
Rarity: Excuse me, but my nutritionist has me on a very strict diet, and I want to know if I can actually eat this or not.
Carmen: I don't think that's the best thing to ask…
[Chef crushes a fly in his hand]
Rarity: Right…[walks off with her tray]
Carmen: Okay, I know you probably don't wanna hear complaining on the first day, but I'd like to point out that my food just moved.
[Chef just stares at Carmen before smashing the wiggling product with a meat hammer, not so much as blinking at it splatters both of them]
Carmen: Great, I'll just go now…[walks off with her tray]
[the scene changes to a slow pan over the campers eating their lunches; the Bass sitting at the table closer to the kitchen, and the Gophers nearer to the door. One of the meat-like substances-on-a-bun is shown crawling across the floor between tables, though nobody seems to notice it]
Chris: [enters the building] Welcome to the Main Lodge!
Yogi: I'm usually pretty good when it comes to eatin' food, but I'd rather order a pizza than eat this.
[the camera shows a cleaver flying through the air and embedding itself into the wall near Chris]
Yogi: [hesitantly] Did I say pizza? I mean, this stuff is delicious, perfectly edible. [stuffs a chuck in his mouth and swallows with a heavy gulp] Delectable...right, everyone?
[the other campers nod nervously]
Chris: [turns to the exit and raises a single finger] Your first challenge begins in one hour!
Usagi: What do you think they'll make us do?
Mao Mao: It's our first challenge, how hard can it be?
[the scene cuts to roughly an hour later via a quick-pan to the top of a cliff. The campers are standing at the edge in their swimsuits, looking over the edge. The camera zooms out twice, each transition punctuated by a suitably dramatic spike in the music. The cliff the campers are standing on is incredibly large, easily the tallest in the area]
Mao Mao: Oh, shit.
[fade to preview]
Chris: Next time on Total Drama Island!
[the camera cut to the full view of the cliff with the host providing a voice-over]
Your first task is to jump off this one-thousand-foot-high cliff, into the lake.
[static buzzing]
Wolf: I'm lookin' at this guy and thinkin', there's no way he's gonna make it.
[static buzzing]
Angelina: I actually thought if he jumps this...he's gonna die.
[static buzzing]
Yogi: I'm going to die now...I'm gonna frickin' die now…
[the camera cut to two sharks swimming along the surface of the lake, teeth bared, and then to Wolf, Carmen, and Fiona watching expectantly]
[fade to credits]