Jamie tossed and turned restlessly in bed, the alarm clock taunting him as it changed it's number every time he blinked. A small arm reached across his chest anchoring him in place. Normally that comforting gesture would be all he needed to snuggle back against her and calm his restless mind, but since the person laying next to him was the reason behind his insomnia, he felt little comfort. Instead he tried to lie still so he didn't wake her as well.

Jamie couldn't wrap his mind around what had happened between them. He supposed he could understand her wanting to work for the sergeants' exam now that they were married. He knew she had hoped to be a detective someday but with her connection to the PC, she must have accepted the reality that it was unlikely even with her using the Janko name at work. He also could identify with wanting to earn it on her own. But, if he had to be honest, he always thought of them as a unit. Earning something on your own always meant "their" own in his mind. He could have been helping her study, picking up the slack with cooking and laundry while she studied…

And then there was the real elephant in the room. She had lied to him. Not once, but several times and without any hint of awkwardness. This had him reeling. Was this what happened with Sydney and he never knew it? How many times had Syd interviewed for the job that provided her the impetus to finally end their relationship? Where had she told him she was going? Jamie felt like he was in the movie Groundhog Day. The feeling of Deja Vu was crippling. He was watching the same sad scene play out over and over. He felt powerless to stop it.

It was guilt that was overwhelming Eddie as she lay next to her husband trying to soothe his restlessness. She knew she had screwed up. To be honest she wasn't even sure why she had lied to him. It wasn't that she was trying to keep it from him completely, she just didn't want him to know yet. She didn't want him to be a part of the process. Her first experience with the sergeants' exam was a blur. Her romantic relationship with Jamie had been on the horizon from the beginning of their preparations and took off exponentially after the Sorrentino shooting right before the actual test. If she had to be honest, her head was never in the game.

Getting a less than stellar score the first time had also forced her to evaluate her preparation process. She realized that she needed a real classroom experience to focus. She knew that she thrived on the discourse that happened in a room full of like minded people. She also recognized that a necessary part of the preparation involved honest critique of the sergeants she had worked for. Eddie knew she would not be able to do that with Jamie as her exam coach. While she considered him an excellent sergeant, there were times she felt his decisions could have been better. While she always expressed her opinions openly and honestly at the time, rehashing his choices critically was another matter. If she wasn't comfortable doing that while prepping for the test, her own thoughts and ideas would not be well articulated on the exam. She even chose a test prep group far from her own precinct to limit the chances her class discussions would make their way back to the 3-5. She had just decided it was best to surprise him with her decision to sit for the exam again when it was much closer to the actual date to avoid any awkwardness…And then that stupid purse snatcher ruined everything.

Eddie lay in the darkness of their bedroom, holding tight to her husband but still feeling like he was slipping away. Had they not been so in tune with one another, she might have missed the miniscule changes in his demeanor. He was pulling away a fraction of a second sooner, looking in her eyes for a split second less and seemed a million miles away far more often. The past few days had been torturous for her. She felt a few tears escaping as she waited for morning and another chance to prove to her husband how much she loved him. She just hoped she could convince him before her stupid decisions caused irreparable damage.

Jamie drifted in and out of a hazy half asleep state and full consciousness. Finally his alarm rang forcing him to give up the ruse. He quickly climbed out of bed, unlike most Sunday mornings when they were off and he would spend a few more lazy minutes with his wife before heeding it's call.

"Where are you going?" Eddie asked with a slightly pleading tone in her voice that she was trying to hide.

"Going for a run before mass."

"Oh, okay…" she paused, waiting for an invitation to join him that never came.

"I'll be back in an hour." He told her, kissing her firmly but briefly before leaving their darkened bedroom.

Once she heard the lock engage on their front door, Eddie started to cry.

45 minutes later, she finally decided to get out of bed herself. The last thing she wanted was for Jamie to come back while she was all weepy. She decided to escape to the shower to hopefully hide the evidence of her early morning pity party.

While she stood under the steaming water, she contemplated her options. She could withdraw from the exam, but her signing up hadn't been the real problem in the first place. Jamie always supported her with anything she wanted to do. She could apologize again to him, but he'd already told her that they were good - he just needed some time to get over things. Finally she figured her only option was to wait and hope for an opportunity to prove herself to him. Hoping that today would give her the chance, she decided to stay under the soothing spray for a while longer. She knew she should spend some time studying but her heart wasn't in it. She got out of the shower and dried off, expecting Jamie to come through the door any minute. As the time ticked away she became more and more anxious.

Jamie had run until his legs were burning. When he finally got back to their building, it was time to leave for 9:00 mass. As he thought about missing it, he realized he had his car keys. It was cool out, so he wasn't really that sweaty. Plus, he had a bag in his trunk with a few new clean NYPD workout shirts he'd picked up at the uniform shop. If he changed into one and went to mass now, he rationalized, he would have plenty of day left to spend with Eddie. He desperately wanted to reconnect and get past this hurdle, but he just couldn't figure out how. Perhaps he could find the answers he was looking for at church. Feeling only slightly cowardly, he texted her with his plan.

"Heading straight to mass. Be home in an hour. Love you"

Eddie frowned when she read her text. Her normally fastidious husband would never go anywhere without showering first. He was avoiding her whether he realized it or not. Ending the text with an expression of love wasn't enough to make her feel any better. Before the kettle she'd put on for tea had a chance to whistle, she was quietly crying again.

"See you when you get home. xoxo," was all she could think to respond.

Jamie knew he was being a first class jerk and the irony of that fact wasn't lost on him as he headed into church. He sat down in the hard wooden pew and tried to listen to the service. But, his mind was only fixated on his problems. After a while, he wasn't sure if it was the incense in the air or the religious atmosphere but his mind was slowly calming. He knew he needed to accept his part of the current situation. He carried a lot of baggage. The failure of his relationship with Sydney had most definitely been a blessing in disguise but it left him with confidence issues that he never quite overcame.

He had to be honest with himself and admit that he could see how things snowballed for Eddie. She had her own past issues that made her reluctant to challenge people she cared about. While she could stand up for those she cared about, standing up to them was another story. Even with him, she only really challenged him professionally. When issues drifted towards their personal relationship, she had a tendency to avoid conflict. It was one of the surprises about her that he discovered when they began living together. She would tease and argue with him about plenty of inconsequential stuff, movies, food, etc …but not when it came to their personal relationship. She treated it like it was made of glass. If she hadn't been hurt stopping the purse snatcher, she might never have lied to him. Sure there were omissions in her itinerary a few times, but not because she was doing something that she shouldn't.

As the final hymn played, Jamie realized that there was more to what happened than simply her wanting to handle the exam on her own. He also could see there was no malice in her choice to lie to him. She was avoiding something. He realized that if she was holding back emotionally, she deserved for him to figure out why. If he really wanted to embody the vows he made to her, he needed to put in the effort.

Communication between them had always seemed so effortless for her. She never struggled to express her affection for him, even in the early days when he found it so hard. But he came from a family that was not only accustomed to conflict, they embraced it. He never worried that an argument with his siblings meant that they wouldn't be there for him if he needed them. While the loud and sometimes contentious meals they shared weekly were often aggravating, they provided him with a strong foundation for day to day married life. Eddie had no such life experience. Her parents had hid all unpleasantness from her in an effort to shield her. She needed to feel comfortable enough to share the hard things and clearly that wasn't the case.

On the drive home, Jamie remembered one of her first Reagan family dinners. When his father had pushed back on the continuation of their partnership after they were engaged, she was willing to give in without any fight. She had no desire to jeopardize her place or his in the family. It occurred to him that he might have to take a different approach if he wanted to fix things between them. It was time to rip off the band-aid. He was more confident as he parked in the garage under the building and headed upstairs. The short drive had been enough to formulate a plan.

Jamie opened their apartment door and threw his running shirt into the stackable washer in the closet. He could sense the awkwardness radiating off of Eddie as he went past her to the refrigerator for a snack.

"How was mass?" She inquired with a false sense of enthusiasm. It was clear that she had been crying and he felt like a jerk for not trying to fix things sooner.

"Good actually. Got some stuff off my chest for the week." Jamie walked away from her and headed to the living room.

He knew she needed to talk but he needed to provoke her a bit so she wasn't so remorseful and was back to being his spunky Eddie who wouldn't take his crap. She was surprised by his detached response and he saw a familiar flicker of spice in her eyes. He turned on the television and sat on the couch. Instead of moving to the side of the couch like usual, leaving room for her next to him, he stayed in the center.

"I was surprised you didn't come upstairs to change…"

"Didn't want to waste time…I was already cutting it close. I wanted to be home for the Jets kickoff so I headed right there."

"Oh, okay."

After a few minutes of silence, she tried again.

"Do you think we can stop on the way to your dad's for some bread? I was going to do it now but I think I'm going to take a nap." Weariness was evident in her eyes.

"Yeah, sure… whatever you want." Jamie kept his eyes on the screen. It was harder than he expected to provoke her. If he saw her upset he might lose his resolve. He needed to get her a little angry at him to work this out.

"Sorry I interrupted you." was her meek response but suddenly she cracked. She started crying openly.

"Eddie- what's wrong? I thought you wanted space from me. I'm just trying to figure out what you want." The sharp edge in his voice ebbing as he finished.

"I never wanted space from you! Can't you understand? I just needed to be able to speak up and I didn't want to hurt you." Tears were streaming down her cheeks. All of the pent up emotions she had been trying to hold back were roaring out of her. She was desperate for him to understand

Jamie's plan was working, but now he was confused.

"Speak up? How would I stop you from speaking up? You've always been able to challenge me. I don't remember you ever holding back when you thought I was wrong." Jamie was actually getting upset himself.

"Never in public! I couldn't join a prep class near the 3-5 where people would know you…be talking about decisions you made. But if I'm going to do this right this time, I have to be able to pick you apart too. I've only worked for a handful of sergeants."

"Okay, fine. But why not tell me that?" He was slightly wounded.

"Because I didn't want you to second guess yourself. If you knew that I was analyzing your decisions, you'd be curious. Maybe even insulted. I need to express my thoughts and opinions for this exam and I can't worry that I might shake your confidence in the process."

All the confusion surrounding the past few days was finally clicking into place. It made sense to him now.

"Eddie, I would have understood! You can tell me anything. Even if it hurt my feelings a little that you didn't want my help, it wouldn't have affected us."

"I just wasn't going to say anything until the class was over, but then I got hurt. I didn't know what to say and I panicked. After that I couldn't figure out what to do."

Eddie sobbed and her shoulders were heaving. Jamie figured he had broken down the wall enough to change tactics. He stood up and crossed the room towards her. She still remained rooted in place, purging the guilt she had been shouldering since the night of her class. When he wrapped his arms around her, she started to cry harder.

"I'm sorry too."

"Why are you sorry?" Confusion was etched on her face.

"Because I was so concerned with what happened that I didn't think about why it happened. I know you Eddie and you would never hurt me on purpose. I just needed to put some of my own demons to rest."

"Sydney?" she questioned quietly.

"Partly her… partly other people but regardless, they aren't you. You are the one person who I can count on completely. And you can count on me. We both need to remember that sometimes."

He wiped her cheeks with the pads of his thumbs. For the first time in five days they both had genuine smiles on their faces.

"Eddie, how about we get some lunch when I get out of the shower?"

"Sounds great. I'm starving."

"I have just one question. Did you have to find an exam coach named Barry?"