I don't own Evangelion or Scott pilgrim. Scott Pilgrim, the cooler property, belongs to Bryan Lee O'malley & Oni press, while Evangelion, the lame show, belongs to Ginax and… I-I was just kidding Anno, please don't make Shinji's voice actress strangle me!
"So…"
"So?"
"So… We try again."
OoOoO Scott Pilgrim's Precious Little EVA OoOoO
"Hey Ramona?" A brown haired man wearing waaay too much clothing for the climate spoke up. "I think we took a wrong turn and ended up in Texas."
"Why the hell is it so hot? It's spring!" The bluenette called back. Taking off her jacket, prompting the man to do the same. "Scott, see if you can find us a map."
"Uhh, alright." He said, turning to one of the many information booths. "Wait a minute, where is everyone? Everything just tells me to find shelter. Also, we landed in a city called Tokyo-3."
"That name sounds familiar, but I can't place it." She looked around for a second before focusing on a lone school-boy standing looking at a payphone. "Hey kid! Think you could help us out!" she shouted, getting the teen's attention.
"I just got here, I don't know anything around here." He responded.
"You look familiar kid, you from around Toronto?"
"I've never been to Canada or America miss."
"Then how are you speaking perfect English?" The brown headed man questioned, letting the dyed haired lady catch her breath in the hot Tokyo-3 air.
"B-But you're speaking Japanese!" he stammered in shock, wondering how these two didn't even know what language they spoke.
"Huh, I definitely know you from somewhere. What's your name kid?" The woman spoke up again.
"Wait a second… We aren't even speaking English?! Where they hell are we Ramona!"
"It's Shinji Ikari miss… Ramona I'm guessing."
"Scott," the lady, Ramona, spoke with unease in her voice, "We're in Evangelion. Oh my god."
"Sweet! Cool ass Mecha fights!" Scott yelled, before Ramona took him off to the side.
"No, Not Sweet! This is the Mecha anime with those depressed teens remember." She whispered. "This kid's the main character, we just gotta stick with him until the purple haired lady gets here."
"Scott Pilgrim," he said pointing at himself, "Ramona Flowers." Now pointing at the woman. "We got here via subspace and apparently we got a bit lost." He gave an almost pathetic smile at the boy. "Pleeeease let us hitch a ride with you!"
Before Shinji could answer, a loud series of bangs could be heard, until a VTOL landed 6 feet away from the boy. No one had time to react before the sounds of screeching tires stopped in front of them.
"Sorry for keeping you waiting. Hop in… whichever one of you is Shinji." A raven haired woman shouted opening the passenger side door of her car, presumably for one occupant.
"I may have… offered them a ride." Shinji said, rubbing the back of his head.
"Whatever, just get in already!"
After a hectic ride to the top of a hill, Misato stopped the car. Unfortunately, she stops at the wrong place, and the wrong time.
"They're not gonna… Everyone get down!" Misato shouted, causing everyone in the car to duck. Alas, cars have no ears and couldn't do what Misato said. After a roll or two, and being pushed 20 feet back, the shockwave ended.
"Nooooo! Now my shirt's gonna be radioactive!" Scott whined.
"My Car! I still have 33 loan payments!" Misato was also whining.
"Damn it! The cars trashed. Scott, help me find a subspace door." Ramona called out, heading to a nearby gas station. "Where were you heading to?" She turned and faced Misato.
"NERV Headquarters in the geofront." The woman answered, looking sadder than a Neon Genesis Evangelion character after episode 20. "Who are you people anyway?" Misato finally spoke up. Fortunately, the universe gave me, the author, an easy intro. Thanks Bryan Lee O'malley!
RAMONA FLOWERS
IS TRAPPED IN AN ANIME
25 YEARS OLD
FUN FACT: WATCHED EVA 4 TIMES
WHILE LIVING WITH HER DAD!
"What the fuck is that magic box!" Misato shouted as Shinji backed away. Of course she then noticed her and the kid also had magic information boxes.
MISATO KATSURAGI
OPERATIONS DIRECTOR OF NERV
29 YEARS OLD
FUN FACT: HAS DRUNK MORE BEER
THAN ANYONE ELSE… EVER!
SHINJI IKARI
BASED OF THE MANGA
14 YEARS OLD
FUN FACT: DOESN'T KNOW WHAT'S
HAPPENING, AND IS TOO AFRAID TO ASK!
"You can criticize our magic info boxes all you want, Miss Katsuragi, but at least they give you the basics." Ramona said, turning and facing the gas station. "You found a door yet, Scott?"
"Yeah, just give me a second." Scott then appeared with a bag of chips, munching away.
SCOTT PILGRIM
THE MILLENNIALS PROTAGONIST
24 YEARS OLD
FUN FACT: WOULD RATHER BE IN GUNDAM!
"Well let's go!" The blue haired woman shouted before walking to the gas station.
Scott and Ramona were both used to subspace, but sadly, neither of the two other characters had seen it. Fortunately, being an Eva expert and Subspace conuseir, she got them to the elevator heading down to the geofront.
"So who are you people? You've got magic boxes, can teleport, and are wearing pre-second impact style clothing."
"We come from 2004 Canada. But I guess we are in an alternate universe? That's… weird." Scott half-explained half-questioned.
The elevator quickly stopped, having reached the correct(?) floor. The blue haired woman quickly opened another subspace door and dragged the other members of her party into the void. Ramona really didn't have time for this. Good thing the door led straight to the elevator Dr. Akagi was just about to ride down.
"Misato, who are these people?" The "blonde" doctor asked.
"Should've read the last few paragraphs." Scott replied, almost condescendingly.
RITSUKO AKAGI
HEAD OF PROJECT E
30 YEARS OLD
FUN FACT: MORE SKELETONS IN THE
CLOSET THAN THE REI BONES!
"What Rei bones Rits?" Misato asked the increasingly suspicious doctor. "What bones?"
"Errr… Hey Third child! Look at this big ass robot!" She yelled to distract the, admittedly easily distracted, Misato. When Misato, and Scott for that matter, just yelled 'COOL' at her she knew it worked. However, the blue-headed, semi-Rei looking, 20-something year old was not so easily distracted, mostly because she had seen the big ass purple robot at least a hundred times.
"You want me to pilot that… that… Thing!" Shinji shouted, surprising everyone.
"Correct." A deep, sexy, ric- I mean, a loathsome, brooding, maniacal voice spoke from above. "It's been a while… Who are you two?" Thankfully a box appeared next to him, distracting from the rest of the conversation
GENDO IKARI
DEAD WIFE ENTHUSIAST
48 YEARS OLD
FUN FACT: EARNED WORST FATHER
OF THE YEAR IN 2004, 06, 11, 15, & 16!
"That is… odd. Wait a second, Dead Wife Enthusiast?!" The, apparently, old man shouted.
"Father?" Shinji looked up in confusion, resentment, and longing. Just like Ritsuko! Maybe without the sex though…
"Shinji, you're gonna ride her." Gendo said, almost realizing the fact that he wanted his son to 'ride' the soul of his wife, and Shinji's mom.
"I can't! I've never seen it! Much less than having tained in it!" Shinji said, reminding the reader's that I put the Manga version in the Anime. MUAHAHAHA. "I refuse!"
"Shinji!" Ramona shouted, "You're gonna have to. If you don't they're gonna wheel in a girl who can't stand let alone drive this big "robot". It's gonna suck, but this city, and that girl, they both need you to pilot or they'll die!" Ramona looked at Scott, then back to Shinji. "We need you, Third Child."
"Don't do it for your Lame-o dad Shinji! Do it for us thoroughly hip folk over here!" Scott attempted, and failed to help convince the kid to pilot. It was still endearing to him, despite its lack of valid reason.
"I… I… I'll do it!"
Ramona knew exactly what was gonna happen next, but to her surprise, Shinji had a 46.7% sync instead of his sub 42% that he had originally. Less fortunately, the remainder of the battle went just like the show. Even less fortunately, Scott and her ended up being interviewed by Section 2.
Ramona treated the interviews with the utmost respect, while Scott stumbled through them and answered maybe 1 question. The two were checked by a large group of psychologists, then delivered to Dr. Akagi, who asked more questions, mostly about the boxes, and subspace.
Apparently, Subspace operated out of a Dirac Sea, but interwoven across the entirety of the world. The fact that they even appeared in this dimension was an honest to God mystery. The fact that they could freely travel in it was an even bigger mystery. No one could explain the boxes of mildly humorous info that appeared when being introduced to a "main character" or as Scott pointed out, "Comic relief. After all this is in the Humour category, despite the author being extremely unfunny.."
The issue that arose next was housing, or as some of the Section 2 guys wanted it, imprisonment. Thankfully, Misato convinced all parties that the random people from an alternate dimension shouldn't be in jail just for existing. She also got them an apartment on the same floor as her, mostly because that part of the building was empty for security reasons, except for 4 apartments. One was for Misato, another was for the off duty Section 2 patrollers. The third one was 4 doors down from Misato's, that one was gonna house Scott & Ramona, and next door to them was an old lady the guards just couldn't kick out.
The next day was eventful for everyone. Shinji woke up, forgetting his sorte with the Third Angel. Ramona, Scott, and Misato went to pick him up, Misato agreed to house Shinji, then the group went to her place. Dump would be too kind a word for her apartment. Both Ramona and Shinji started to clear away enough garbage to eat at the table without worrying about a possible mutant food uprising. Both Scott and Misato just sat and talked while the others worked. Scott agreed to help make dinner with Misato, so they were able to talk.
"So basically, in our world everyone in this place is a fictional character. An anime called Neon Genesis Evangelion. But we can't tell you everything." Scott said, trying to seem like he hadn't ever seen it. He half watched it with Ramona once, but he fell asleep after episode 6 and slept the through the rest of the show.
"I Can!" Ramona shouted from under the table. "You're all sad and dead by the e-" She was cut off by a swift kick by Scott. "Ow."
"Not an appropriate joke Ramona." Scott said through his wide fake smile.
"Sorry."
Dinner was in a word, bleh. Misato and Scott were happy just eating the 30 Yen ramen, but Shinji and Ramona had opted to nibble. Misato was on her 4th beer, while everyone else was going cold turkey. She had offered, including Shinji I should note, but they all declined. After finishing their 'meal' the couple headed off into the apartment they now occupied.
"What is this!? We have to sleep on the floor?" Scott shouted as he looked at where the two would be sleeping. "Did beds disappear after Second Impact!?"
"It's called a futon, Scott. People in Japan sleep on them." Ramona swiftly replied before he could go on one of his infamous 'Beds are the only appropriate sleeping surface' rants.
"Can't you just pull a bed out of subspace, or that Driatic Sea as the Doctor called it?
"That's not how it works. And it's called a Dirac Sea, but it's still subspace to me." She seemed to think for a second before a large, cartoon lightbulb appeared over her head. "If we sleep on the futon, we can go spy on Shinji's dreams!" She cooed at Scott.
"Sold."
The two had almost no trouble sleeping when they laid down. They had slept in the medical ward last night, and had traveled to an alternate dimension and through time. The last few days had been a nightmare for Ramona. The world of Evangelion was particularly brutal to almost all of it's characters. Fortunately, she could travel into the dreams of others.
'Time to fuck with a 14 year old boy's mind' she thought before traveling into Scott's mind and picking him up. It was pretty easy considering he was dreaming about kicking the blue headed kid until she reacted, while muttering something about albinos. She never did react at least in a way they could see.
The first thing was seeing if they could mess with Shinji's dreams. Fortunately he was dreaming about his shitty upbringing. They happened to find the boy on a train looking at his younger self.
"Cool train." Scott said, sitting down next to the teen.
"Where am I?" He asked, barely a whisper.
"We're in your dream. Subspace, the thing that brought us here, works by traveling through 'subspace highways'. These happen to go through minds sometimes. That's how I met Scott, he saw me in his dreams, literally. Then he creepily asked me out after ordering CDs after we met at a party." Ramona replied
"What… So do you know why I'm here, on this train?" The boy asked.
"No, but it's most likely a manifestation of your fight or flight reflex. You and me both chose flight for a while Shinji. I came back in time to be forgiven, but you don't. Your life's gonna suck for a while, but if you listen to us, life will suck a bit less."
"A-Are you from the future?" The boy asked.
"No. We're from the past. In our world, you exist as a fictional character. I know what's gonna happen because I've seen it. It's not pretty."
"Why does it have to be me though? Why me?" He said, on the cusp of tears.
"Your father is a very sad man, Shinji. He abandoned you because it would make you strive for his attention. My best word of advice? Pretend your Dad died, and the Commander happens to share a name with you." She took a pause, letting the boy absorb the words. "Call him Commander instead of Father."
"I'll… try."
OMAKE I: THE PILGRIM MENACE
"Hey Ramona?" Scott spoke up. "I think we took a wrong turn and ended up in Texas."
"The ocean isn't red in Texas." Ramona replied.
"Maybe we should ask those people over there."
The pair walk up to the figures. One, a teenaged boy weeping on top, another a heavily bandaged girl in a red form fitting suit.
"Holy Shit Scott, we're in End of Evangelion!"
Author's Notes: I've been stewing on this idea for a week or two, but I was finally able to put the first few chapters together. Unfortunately for everyone who got this far, I have a worse sense of humor than a brick. To quote Shinji here "Sorry."