Summary: Penny once told Sheldon that Amy thought he was a bad boyfriend. When they get back together, he endeavors to become a better one with the help of Raj.

Note: The first part of the story occurs right after the break-up ("The Matrimonial Momentum"), then most of it happens after "The Earworm Reverberation" but prior to "The Opening Night Excitation".

—

It's not my fault she thought you were a bad boyfriend.

Sheldon slams his palm against the whiteboard. It rattles under the force, and he steadies it with his other hand, eyes lingering over the equations on the board. He tells himself that it's the physics that's angering him, but his brain calls him out on that lie immediately.

There's a smear on the board from where his palm wiped off the ink. He takes the eraser and cleans it up, then he closes his eyes and stands back. Deep breaths.

Inhale. Exhale.

The door opens and Sheldon jumps back, a few inches away from the board so appears as though he's only been contemplating its contents rather than beating his frustrations out on it.

"Hey, Sheldon," Leonard says. Sheldon makes a noncommittal noise of greeting and taps his chin with the end of his marker.

Leonard stands next to him. "You alright?"

"Yes," Sheldon says. He wants to scream. Instead, he asks, "Have you sorted things out with Penny or will you be getting a divorce?"

"Well, it's still not fine, but we'll figure it out," Leonard says. "We're not getting a divorce, okay?"

There is a part of Sheldon that feels comforted knowing that his friend is not in a very happy state in his relationship. A selfish part of him is grateful that he's not the only one who is miserable. A more unstable part of him is upset that there are still people who are happy.

He's tempted to rip out everyone's happiness because it's not fair that people get to be happy and the only person he's ever loved has abandoned him.

This is exactly why Amy thinks you're a bad boyfriend, Sheldon's brain scolds itself. There is some truth to this too, he realizes. Selfish. Egotistical. Uncaring. He's heard all those descriptions, growing up.

"I don't really know what you're doing, but I think you missed a square." Leonard hovers his pointer finger over the upper-right side of a parenthesis that, indeed, is lacking a square.

Sheldon writes it down without complaint.

"Alright, something is wrong," Leonard says. "You haven't said one snarky thing since I came in. What's going on?"

"According to Penny, Amy thought I was a bad boyfriend," Sheldon finally mutters. He caps his marker because there's no way he can think about science now. He turns to Leonard and sighs. "Was I?"

Leonard opens his mouth, but his lack of response is long enough that Sheldon can already infer his answer from the silence.

"So I was." Sheldon swallows. He doesn't scream. "I suppose she was right in her assumptions about me after all."

"It's not that you were a bad boyfriend," Leonard tries. "It's just that there were times when you were probably..."

"Not enough? Too aggravating? Too apathetic? Too insensitive? Too self-serving?" Sheldon tilts his head, eyes wide. "Well?"

Leonard only manages a helpless shrug.

"You won't even pretend that I'm not any of those things?" Sheldon asks.

"Well, I'm not going to stand here and lie to you."

Sheldon hurls the marker against the whiteboard. It bounces back and clatters to the floor.

"It's the least you could do!" he yells, even though he knows that's it's not fair. Honesty is the one thing that he asks from his friends, and it's the one thing that he always returns. But just this once, he'd like for someone to say that he's not any of those things and that he didn't make Amy miserable when they had been together.

"You always say that you wish people were honest with you," Leonard says. He bends down and picks the marker up.

Sheldon grits his teeth. "So that's it? I just made her miserable the entire time we had been together?"

"Sheldon, that's not—"

"I never… I never wanted her to be miserable with me, Leonard," Sheldon says. His voice cracks a little and he blinks his eyes quickly. They're a little damp. "I knew that I had been lacking in something, but I didn't imagine that she was completely unhappy with our relationship."

"I really don't think she was unhappy the entire time."

"She thought I was a bad boyfriend," Sheldon whispers, staring down at his hands. "And I was."

This time, Leonard says nothing, and Sheldon is honestly glad for his silence on the matter.

—

They do, eventually, get back together, and Sheldon is happy, for the most part. He has Amy back in his life, it's all he really wanted, but there is a nagging problem that won't disappear. Damn him and his eidetic memory.

He can't get Penny's words out of his mind. She said that Amy thought he was a bad boyfriend, which meant that any time now, Amy could think that again and once break up with Sheldon once more.

Sheldon doesn't think he's capable of handling that. Additionally, he really has no desire to continue making Amy miserable while he gets to be perfectly happy.

Which means that he must change something before Amy realizes that all he ever does is upset her.

After one of their date nights—which he observes to be the same as any other—he locks himself in his room and opens up Google, trying to find ways that he can become a better boyfriend.

By the end of the night, he decides that Google's suggestions are completely ridiculous and decides to ask an actual human being for assistance.

—

Sheldon turns up at Raj's door at 8 a.m. the following day, sixteen days after he and Amy got back together. He clutches a notebook in one hand and pepper spray in the other because he walked and didn't want to get mugged.

"Sheldon?" Raj asks, rubbing the back of his hand over his eyes. He yawns. "It's 8 a.m. What in the world are you doing here?"

"It has come to my attention that I was not the best boyfriend to Amy Farrah Fowler prior to our break-up, and I fear that I may still be a bad one now."

Raj blinks. "Okay, and?"

"And now your lack of sympathies has just confirmed that this is, in fact, true." Sheldon huffs. "And while, at first, my initial reaction to all this had been anger, I have since realized that should I wish to keep Amy in my life—and I do—I must change my current ways first."

"So you want to be a better boyfriend?" Raj asks.

"Yes." Sheldon raises his notebook. "Which is why you must teach me everything I need to know in order to be classified as a good boyfriend."

Raj blinks again. "You came to me for help?"

"Yes. You are an expert in romantic gestures and dialogue, given your preference for romance movies, so I decided you would be the most helpful one."

Raj nods slowly and nudges the door open a bit wider. "You do realize that Cinnamon roams free in my apartment, right?"

Sheldon cleared his throat. "Yes, I know," he says, his voice a little higher. "It's okay."

A look of amusement crosses Raj's face. "We can just go to a café."

Sheldon breathes out a sigh of relief. "Yes, that would be preferable, thank you."

—

"So, I guess I should start by asking what you think the most romantic thing you've ever done is," Raj says as they sit down with their drinks.

Sheldon frowns. He's never really thought about that. "Well, I did say 'I love you' to her. And I asked her to be my girlfriend. Then I asked her to get back together with me."

"Those are things you do end up doing at one point in any relationship," Raj says. "What about something unique to your relationship? What gifts did you get her on special occasions?"

"Well, on Valentine's day, I once gave her a copy of my Stanford lecture."

Raj stares at him. "O-kay." He taps Sheldon's notebook. "I guess we start with that. Gift-giving."

Sheldon opens the notebook hesitantly. "Are you saying my gift-giving skills need work?"

"Yes, a lot."

"But why? I thought it was a great gift."

"Let me ask you this." Raj leans forward and nods once. "Why?" he says, tone dry.

"Well, she loves me. So I gave her one hour worth of me on video." Realization dawns on Sheldon and a small ah escapes him. "Is it because Leonard was in that lecture? Should I have cropped him out?"

Raj slaps his palm against his face. "Oh my God."

"So that's not it?"

"No!" Raj pinches the bridge of his nose. "Okay, what if we start simple first?"

—

Sheldon does his customary knocking ritual on Amy's door and she opens it immediately after the third Amy. Her eyebrows are furrowed and her lips are pursed. Sheldon's certain this is an expression of confusion.

"Hello," Sheldon says.

Amy looks around the hallway then back at him. "What are you doing here?"

"I came here to give you this." He holds up a paper bag and hands it over to Amy.

Amy raises her eyebrows. "What's this?"

"It's customary to give gifts to one's girlfriend," Sheldon says.

Amy takes the back with evident reluctance. "Are we celebrating something?"

"Not really, no." Sheldon points to the bag. "I only wished to give you something you might enjoy."

The confusion on Amy's face is replaced by a small smile. "Aw, Sheldon, that's sweet." She takes a peek into the bag and takes out the book inside, reading its title. "Oh my God, quilting patterns inspired by Little House on the Prairie?" She grins at him. "Thanks, Sheldon, I love it."

"Koothrappali was the one who picked it out," he informs her. "I must give credit where credit is due."

Amy's smile dims. "Wait, so this is from Rajesh?"

"Well, I paid for it." Sheldon frowns at the decrease in her excitement. "I'm sorry, did I say something wrong?"

"No, it's okay." Amy smiles again, but it seems forced. "Do you wanna come in?"

"No, Leonard is downstairs. We have plans to go to the comic book store tonight. I just wanted to drop the book off."

"Oh, okay." Amy takes a step back into her apartment. "Well, I guess I'll see you tomorrow?"

Sheldon nods. "Goodbye."

"Bye."

—

"Are you crazy?" Raj shouts through his muffin. Several people in the cafeteria turn to look at them.

Sheldon takes a bite off his sandwich. He sighs and sets it down. They've been through this multiple times. "I'm not crazy, my mother had me tested."

"Why would you tell Amy that I thought of the gift?!"

Sheldon gapes at him. How is that the problem? "Because I wasn't going to take credit for something that I didn't do!"

"Now she knows that you weren't thoughtful enough to think of a gift yourself," Raj groans. He looks up at the ceiling, exasperated.

"Because, clearly, I'm not," Sheldon mutters. His only suggestions had been to get Amy a lecture he had given alone at Harvard or the first issue of Thor (which he thinks means a lot, honestly), none of which were apparently 'romantic enough'. Although what measurement Raj used to determine that, Sheldon didn't know.

"Alright, cross gift-giving out of the list," Raj grumbles.

Sheldon takes out his notebook and does so. He looks up at Raj. "So did I do it right? Is that why we're crossing it out?"

Raj shakes his head, hand on his forehead. "No, that's definitely not what that means. We'll just try something else."

—

Sheldon gives three knocks on Amy's laboratory door with lunch in his hands. Amy smiles at him and closes the last of her brain-filled containers.

"Hey," she says.

"Hi." Sheldon puts their lunch on the table and takes a seat on the stool. Unlike all the other meals he's spent with Amy, this time he refrains from talking about himself and his work. Instead, he heeds Raj's advice and asks, "How has your day been?"

"Oh, I made some significant progress on my study on how visual circuits are connected in the brain," Amy pauses for a few seconds, as though she's waiting for something. Then she looks at Sheldon weirdly. "No snarky remark about my study?"

Sheldon shakes his head. He's here to listen.

"Oh, okay." Amy still looks uncertain, but she continues explaining her study and Sheldon just stays quiet no matter how much his brain wants to comment.

When Amy finishes talking, she continues to stare at Sheldon, her food barely eaten. "Are you… are you not going to say anything?"

"I am here to listen and shut up," Sheldon says, parroting Raj's words. He gives her a smile that he hopes comes off as sweet and encouraging. Judging by her disconcerted reaction, it might not have come across that way at all.

"Sheldon, what—" Amy's phone rings and she jumps. "Hold that thought."

Except Amy spends more time on the phone than Sheldon expects. His break time is over, and Amy has yet to finish the conversation with her colleague, so Sheldon packs up his things and stands.

"I need to go," Sheldon tells her, pointing to the door.

Amy nods and leans away from her phone to whisper, "Bye! Love you."

Sheldon returns the sentiment before he exits the laboratory.

—

Raj comes into Sheldon's office while Sheldon packs up his things, finished for the day.

"So?" Raj asks, apparently excited. "How'd it go?"

"Well, you told me to shut up and listen to her talk about her day, so that's exactly what I did." Sheldon shrugs and shoves his laptop in his bag. "I think it worked out quite well."

Raj pauses, eyebrows furrowed. He parts his lips, closes them, then opens them again. "Wait, you didn't actually shut up the whole time, did you?"

Sheldon frowns at him, hands ceasing their movements. "That was exactly what you told me to do. You said it would make me more empathetic. Did I misunderstand?"

"So you just sat there and said nothing."

"Yes."

Raj practically gapes at him. "Oh my God, you are like a computer."

Sheldon leans forward, trying to decipher the statement. "I assume that's a compliment."

"You have to be given exact instructions to do something as intended, otherwise you go bonkers," Raj explains. He clenches his jaw and puts his hands on his hips. "When I said shut up, I didn't mean shut up completely."

"Well, there is no reason to exaggerate or use metaphors when you can just tell me exactly what to do!" Sheldon huffs. "How else was I supposed to interpret that anyway?"

"I just meant shut up about you! Like, stop making the conversation all about you and make it about her instead."

"You're saying you wanted me to engage in the conversation."

Raj points at him. "Yes! Exactly that!" He combs a hand through his hair and sighs. "Now, she probably just thinks you're uninterested in her day since you didn't say anything."

"Well, you didn't make that clear yesterday," Sheldon says. He looks down at his bag, feeling a bit more dejected by the minute. This plan to become a better boyfriend certainly isn't going the way he intended it to. All that's happening is that he's proving to himself that he's a really, really bad boyfriend.

"Do you think I've made her more upset?" he asks.

"I can't really tell; I wasn't there and I haven't seen her today." Raj claps his hands once, face brightening. "It's okay. We can fix this."

Sheldon's really not sure about that. "How?" he asks anyway.

"By having you give up the one thing that will really prove just how much you care about her."

—

"Sheldon, why are you sitting in the middle of the couch?"

Sheldon looks at his girlfriend and gives her a pained smile. From the corner of his eye, he can see Raj nodding encouragingly.

In the past, Sheldon did attempt to give his spot away as an apology to Howard. That endeavor had lasted a long ninety-two seconds before his brain reached its torture limit and he got his spot back, apology be damned.

Now, there is no apology to be made, but rather a simple act of love. This, according to Raj, is the sweetest gesture Sheldon can give Amy.

"You can sit in my spot," Sheldon says, and all eyes turn to him. It takes a lot of effort to get the words out, but he's sitting in the middle of the couch already—anything is possible at this point.

But instead of the happiness that Raj had assured him Amy would feel, Amy instead looks concerned. Her eyebrows are furrowed, and her lips are set into a thin line.

Amy sets her takeout box down on the table. "Okay, that's it, we need to talk."

Sheldon blinks at her. "About what?"

"Uh"—Amy looks around the room then back at Sheldon—"privately. We need to talk privately."

Penny stands up first, taking her takeout box and wine with her. "Yeah, we're just going to go to my apartment," she says, walking out of the room briskly. The others follow suit, and soon enough the living room empties out and all that are left are Sheldon, Amy, and two Chinese takeout boxes.

"Sheldon, you're practically vibrating out of your skin. Are you sure you don't want to go back to your spot?"

Sheldon stops his knee from jiggling. "Well, what I want is not the concern here."

Amy sighs. "Would you please just tell me what's going on? You've been acting weird lately, and I'm getting worried."

Sheldon looks at his spot, unsure why she's getting worried. "I'm giving that up for you."

Amy sits on the armrest of the couch instead, leaving Sheldon's spot empty. He's not sure if that's better or worse than just having her sit in his spot.

"Why, exactly?" she asks.

"Well, according to Koothrappali, by giving up something I really care about for you, I show that I care a lot about you."

"While I appreciate the sentiment, I do have to ask why you keep mentioning Rajesh. This is the second time you've asked him for advice regarding… whatever this is."

Sheldon's foot taps against the floor. "Well, I have asked him to assist me."

The confusion still doesn't leave Amy's face. "Assist you in what?"

"In being a better boyfriend," he finally says. It's much harder to say it to her face. Any minute now, he's going to get the confirmation he's always dreaded. Yes, you were a bad boyfriend, and you actually haven't improved much so maybe we should just end things, permanently this time.

Amy frowns and crosses her arms. "Okay, I'm going to need you to explain that from the top."

Sheldon sighs. He had hoped that she'd be able to jump to her own conclusions to save him the humiliation of having to admit to his lackluster boyfriend skills, but apparently that isn't the case.

"A day after we broke up, I had a talk with Penny since she had also been upset with the way her and Leonard's marriage had turned out since he kissed another girl. So, I came by and gave her a hot beverage and we discussed Leonard and… you."

Sheldon avoids Amy's gaze as he continues, "She mentioned that she knew you were planning to break-up with me prior to you doing so, and I got angry that she didn't try to stop you. Then she said it wasn't her fault that you thought I was a bad boyfriend."

Amy opens her mouth to say something, but Sheldon holds up a hand. "There's more. I was really mad that night and a part of me still clung on to the hope that I hadn't been that bad of a boyfriend and that maybe you were just saying things. Or maybe Penny was just saying things.

"But then I talked to Leonard, and he agreed that I had a lot of qualities that would make someone a terrible boyfriend. Then, I realized that I just made you miserable the entire time we were together.

"Now that we're back together, I cannot stand the idea of losing you again. So, the only solution I could think of was to become a better boyfriend before you realized that I haven't changed much from before we broke up and then decide to leave me again. I enlisted Raj's help since he's knowledgeable with romantic movies, so I concluded he'd have the best ideas out of our friends."

Sheldon stops talking and nods for her to say whatever she was going to earlier.

"Let's just go back to that first thing," Amy says slowly. She slips off the armrest and ends up in Sheldon's spot, probably looking for proximity. He's too caught up in the conversation to really be bothered by her in his spot at the moment, so he mentions nothing of it.

Amy takes Sheldon's hand and he, surprisingly, doesn't flinch at the touch. "First of all, I have never said that you were a bad boyfriend. I mean, I've never uttered those words to describe you."

Sheldon freezes. "What?"

"I think Penny was just generalizing things I've said to her. She generalized it by… a lot." Amy squeezes his hand gently. "Look, I'm not saying you were perfect, but do you really think that I would've stuck around that long if I had been miserable from the start until the end?"

"Well…" Sheldon shrugs helplessly. He doesn't know what to think.

"The reason I broke up with you was because I was exhausted, sure. I did get tired of the lack of attention you seemed to be giving me and it did upset me every time you were indifferent about our relationship. And that happened very often."

"It still happens now, doesn't it?" He's self-aware enough to know that. "So I'm not sure what—"

"Just let me finish," Amy interrupts. "I thought you just didn't care as much as I did, Sheldon, and that really hurt me. But then every day during our break-up period, I spent my time reevaluating our relationship.

"It was only then that I realized how much you really tried and how much you truly cared. I was too stupid to see it before because I kept comparing our relationship to everyone else's; something I shouldn't have done because you aren't like anyone else. In your own way, you loved me—you still do—and I see that now. Overall, you were a good boyfriend to me. You still are."

"See, I've also reevaluated our relationship, and I'm not quite sure where you see the evidence of my being a good boyfriend," Sheldon says. "Additionally, I think all of our friends would say otherwise."

"I can make you a list, if you want," Amy says with a small, beautiful smile. "I know you love those."

"I do," Sheldon agrees.

"Though, off the top of my head, there's the time that you made me your emergency contact, and you bought me a tiara. You always have lunch with me in my laboratory despite your transparent distaste for 'grey squishy stuff'. Also, it's in violation of a lot of health codes, but you don't seem to care because that's time we spend together. And"—she motions towards him—"look at the effort you're putting into trying to make me happier. That says a lot about you Sheldon, and a bad boyfriend is definitely not it."

Sheldon takes a deep breath and lets it out. He feels much lighter. Had he less control of his emotions, he might've teared up a little. "Thank you, Amy."

She nods. "And before this thing with Raj, you actually became more naturally affectionate with me than I've ever seen you be prior to the break-up."

Sheldon thinks about this a for a moment. "Well, I suppose that, as painful as the break-up had been, it did help me be more overt in my appreciation for you. Given that everyone saw how poorly I was doing during the break-up, I guess I felt less of a need to subconsciously suppress my emotions."

"As much as I love a romantic gesture once in a while, I don't want you doing it just because you think I'm going to leave you at the drop of a hat, okay?" Amy says. "I also don't want you to change into someone else entirely. I love you. I'm not going anywhere. Not anymore."

"I love you too," Sheldon replies, and it's the easiest thing he's had to say tonight.

Amy shifts closer, going in for a kiss. Sheldon meets her halfway and leans forward to kiss her, placing one hand on Amy's cheek. It feels comforting and he feels loved, and his heart thrums in his chest as he radiates with joy.

Sheldon smiles as Amy pulls away.

As the air settles and Sheldon's brain reorganizes itself, he comes back to the other problem at hand.

"So does this mean I can keep my spot?" he murmurs.

Amy smiles, looking both exasperated and amused. "Yes, you can."

"Great, because I'm going to need you to get out of it right now."

—

"It turns out, I didn't need your romance advice at all," Sheldon tells Raj in the cafeteria. "I'm a good boyfriend."

Howard looks between the two of them. "What?"

"Well, I am proud of you," Raj says. "Wait, are you sure Amy thinks that?"

Sheldon nods. "She even made a list."

"Wait, wait, wait." Leonard waves a hand between them. "Hold on, you asked Raj for advice?"

Howard snorts a little. "You asked the only person in the room who isn't married for relationship advice?"

"Frankly, I think he had the most potential for being romantic," Sheldon says. "His advice would've been amazing had I not misinterpreted it multiple times, and had Amy not grown suspicious of what was apparently 'odd behavior'."

Raj nods, pointing a spoon Howard's way. "I may not have a girlfriend, but I know my way around romance movies."