This is something that I've had in my head for a little bit, and I finally decided to just write it. The result is... interesting. I suppose. Interpret this how you will. I just figured, with how much Junior looks up to Bowser, and how he wants to be just like him, wouldn't that also include what he says? It occurred to me not long after I started writing profanity. My brain's gears clicked and turned, and this thing is the result.

Disclaimer: Rated T for profanity. Mostly coming from a little kid. Darn terrible influences.

Peach fiddled with the beads of her bracelet, tracing their outlines with her fingers. Junior's Mario Kart game echoed in the background, accompanied by an occasional laugh from the child. Peach had agreed to watch him play, but each race felt the same; Junior won without a problem. The game didn't even look like even the slightest challenge for him.

Junior yelped, his on-screen counterpart mimicking the noise. "H-hey! Who put that banana there?! GRAAUGH! STUPID COMPUTER! YOU MADE ME FALL OFF THE EDGE AND THAT'S NOT FAIR!"

"Don't worry, you'll still win," Peach assured him. She glanced up at the screen, her eyes darting to the mini-map of Wario's Gold Mine that rested on the side. Junior's icon was several turns ahead of the others, and his drop-off hadn't left too much of a dent.

"Yeah, yeah! You're right! I'm so good at this game, that not even a million items could knock me to second!" Junior leapt to his feet, his tail perked up. His fingers punched away at the buttons, his avatar's speed topping back up.

A series of beeps exploded from the television speakers. A tiny icon of a spiny shell drifted at the bottom of the screen. Junior gasped. "Oh! Oh!" he squealed out. "Noooo!" His character slammed through an item box, the roulette in the corner spiraling through the different items.

Peach glanced at the mini-map. The computers were still a good enough distance behind. When Junior got hit, he would be back to top speed before any of them got too close.

Junior gasped. The roulette had landed on a mushroom. "Mama Peach, watch this!" Junior hopped towards the screen, leaning forward.

"I'm watching, don't worry." Peach knew was he was going to attempt to do, and with how many times she'd watched him play, she knew he was going to be able to pull it off.

The blue shell whirled over his head, circling, taunting its prey. It halted, then slammed itself onto where Junior had been. He'd successfully pulled off the mushroom, streaking away from the explosion.

"Ha! Take that, you stupid, worthless excuse of an item! You stink, 'cuz I'm the very best Mario Kart player in the ENTIRE WORLD!" Junior crowed. He threw a small glance over at Peach as his character hopped into a drift. "Did you see that, Mama Peach? Did you see that?"

Peach chuckled. "Yes, I saw it. You're very good."

Junior nodded, his tail wagging. "Yeah! I'm the best! I'm gonna win this race no problem! You just wa—aawwrk!" Junior's avatar slammed into a banana. He growled, jerking his full attention to the screen. "Mama peach, you made me look away!"

Peach shook her head. "No, Junior you were the one who's been talking and looking back at me."

"You should've told me to play the game!"

And then you would've been mad at me for not letting you talk. Peach pinched her temples. Junior really was just like his father; stubborn and unwilling to accept the consequences for his own actions.

"NOOOOOOO!"

Peach jumped. My Stars! The cause of the distress was, of course, the game. Junior appeared to have gotten hit by something. The rest of the pack was getting closer, and there was just one more turn until the finish line. Junior inched closer to the screen. His character peaked up to speed, just in time to get slammed with a green shell. Junior shrieked. Peach watched the face icons of the computer players creep beneath Junior's. Yoshi shot past Junior, and he gasped, which turned into another shriek as Donkey Kong rocketed past him, fire blazing from his kart's exhaust pipes. He swerved and dropped a banana on top of Junior as he went. Two more streaked past him, crossing the tauntingly close finishing line.

Junior's avatar rolled across the line, finish flashing across the screen. His tail was down, and his arms shook. An explosive temper was not far away.

"That was just a misfortune," Peach tried to assure him. She rose, walking over to put a hand on his shoulder. His body was stiff, and his breathing was heavy. "You'll do better next race, I promise."

"Damn it!" Junior screamed, flinging his controller at the ground. Peach gasped. "Damn it! Damn you stupid computers! All you do is cheat and it's not fair! Next race, I'm gonna kick all your asses so bad that you'll never stop hurting!" He gave a satisfied, "Grr-umph!" sticking his nose up at them.

Peach stared at him, her stomach turning. What… what did I just hear come from his mouth? How could he… How could he say such things? "Junior! No! That's bad! That's very bad!"

Junior's snark pride deflated, and he turned an injured look towards her. He hugged the controller to his chest. "B-but I thought—"

"I don't care what you thought." Peach shook her head. "You shouldn't say that. That's atrocious and inappropriate." Junior's forehead wrinkled a little, so Peach amended her words, "It's very, very bad. I don't know who taught you those words, but you shouldn't ever say them. They're horribly offensive and can really hurt someone's feelings."

Junior blinked, the hurt wiping right off. "Mama Peach, what're you talking about?"

"What am I…?" How could he not know? He should know what he said was terrible! She was not going to tolerate it. She heard enough of it from Bowser, and she was not going to tolerate it from a five year-old. Oh Stars, he better not have been the one to teach Junior those words.

"Are you mad at me for losing the race?"

"What?"

"I lost the race… and you got mad at me…" Junior's little brow furrowed, his eyes shimmering. He bowed his head. "I'm sorry… I didn't mean to lose. I'll do better next time."

Peach relaxed a pinch, letting her stern expression soften. Just a little. "Junior, that isn't the problem. The problem was what you said. Didn't your father teach you not to say such words?"

Junior sniffed, wiping an eye as he met hers. "What words?"

Peach shifted a little. She couldn't say them; it was against her morals to stoop her language so low. But if Junior didn't know… I'll spell them. "D-a-m-n and a-s-s."

Junior stared at her. He shrunk a little. "Mama, I don't get it. I don't know how to talk and spell. Can you say them?"

Peach's face flushed a little. Her stomach gave a small jolt. "Okay, but you must swear not to repeat them."

"Um… okay?"

"Damn and ass." Peach covered her mouth. I said them. I can't believe… It was just for explanation. She was teaching Junior to do better. That had to be an acceptable reason.

Junior relaxed, giving a shrug. "Oh, those are fine. Papa says that all the time."

"Around you?" Peach asked, her eyes starting to widen. "And when he knows you're there?"

"Yeah."

Oh, that koopa! Peach was not going to stand for it. Bowser should have known better than to swear— in front of his kids, no less! She was surprised she hadn't heard any of the others say anything, but maybe it had to do with the fact that they were older. And that they weren't so keen to hang around her. "I'll be back." She turned and whisked towards the door.

"Mama Peach, where are you going?" Junior cried, his voice bearing a desperate edge that softened Peach's heart.

She turned back to him, casting a half-forced smile. It was quick to melt in geniality upon laying eyes on his puppyish face. "I'm just going to talk to your father. I'll come back when I'm done with that, okay?"

Junior stared at her, his eyes wide. He rushed over to her, squeezing her legs (for that was all the small dragon-koopa could reach) tight. "I love you, Mama Peach."

Peach's heart melted a little. She bent down to rub the back of Junior's head. "I know, honey." And I love you, too. Even though I shouldn't. That was another problem for another time. She gently pushed him away, and he gave a little whine. "I'll come back when I finish talking to him, okay?"

Junior fiddled his claws and shifted his feet. "Okay. Give Papa a hug. I think he'd like it."

"Um…" Peach nearly shuddered at the thought of getting close to him. Especially with his attraction to her. "Maybe not." She hurried into the hall before Junior could protest or insist anything else. He meant well, she knew, but he just wasn't old enough to really understand the depth of… the situation.

Bowser, thankfully, wasn't hard to find. He was slumped on his throne, his eyes half closed as he tapped his claws agains the stone armrest. He let out a gusty sigh, smoke puffing out of his nose.

Peach stepped into the throne room, and Bowser's head jerked up. His eyes landed on her, growing soft as his pupils rounded.

"Hey, gorgeous!" he greeted, throwing on a grin. He leaned forward, tilting his head at her. "Whatcha doing here? Come to admire my awesomeness?"

Peach halted at the end of the bridge, giving her plenty of space. Oh Eldstar, give me strength. She shook her head. "No. Do you know what Junior just did?"

"What?" Bowser's eyebrows shot up, his smile flickering. "Spill it, what happened?"

"He lost during Mario Kart, and then he thought it was okay to curse out the computer players."

Bowser relaxed, slumping back in his throne. "Stars, Peach, that's it? I thought something serious had—"

"That is serious!" Peach snapped. Bowser flinched, his eyes widening. "Bowser, I don't know what uncouth world you were raised in, but I was taught the proper way to behave. That means manners, etiquette, and formality."

Bowser stared at her, his eyes round. He blinked, cracking an awkward smile and giving a small chuckle. "Huh… All that stuff? Yeah… um… It's too much work."

Peach resisted the urge to facepalm. She had dealt with Bowser long enough to know when he was confused about something. But that wasn't the problem. No, it was when Bowser tried to pretend he knew what it was. "Bowser, if you don't know what any of that means, then just say so."

Bowser winced, his cheeks gaining a rosy hue. He averted his eyes. "Okay… fine… I don't know those last two. Kamek's said them all, though." He perked up a little, the unnatural colour fading from his muzzle. "But I know what manners are."

Peach raised a brow, and she couldn't help but fold her arms. "Really? You do? I've never heard you use them."

"I can when I want to!" Bowser declared. He stood from his throne, lightly stomping (or trotting, if you wanted to stretch it) across the stone bridge. Peach stiffened up, but she held her ground. Bowser halted before her. He grinned, giving her a brief dip of his head. "Will you please marry me?"

Now Peach really did facepalm. "No, Bowser! That is not what I meant, and you know it!"

"Hey, c'mon! It doesn't hurt!" Bowser claimed. He let out a half-wistful sigh. "Oh okay, fine. I know you won't say yes until I kill Mario."

You can't kill Mario, and I'll never say yes. She bit her lip and held the words back. The last thing she needed to do was upset Bowser, and she didn't feel like arguing with the dragon-koopa over reality. "You shouldn't swear around your children."

"I… You think I shouldn't?" Bowser asked, his volume dropping. Something twitched on his face, almost like a shadow…

Don't be silly. It was tricks of the light. "No, and you should know that. I know you've chosen to ignore what you were taught in manners and… the other things I mentioned, but you should think about setting a good example for your children. That, and won't stand for hearing such horrendous things coming out of the mouth of a five year old."

Bowser stared down at her. Several moments passed before he offered a reply, "Peach, it's really not a big deal. He's my kid, and I won't complain if he's saying that stuff. It's not that—"

"Don't you dare finish that. It is bad. It's already bad enough that you throw profanity around, but for your child to do it? Especially your youngest? He's only five! He's so young, and you've already ruined part of his innocence!"

Bowser's eyebrow raised, and he tilted his head. His claws fiddled with each other. "I ruined… his insense?" His cheeks flushed, and he rubbed the back of his head. He licked his chops. "Er, in-o-sense?" The colour darkened, and he winced. "You know what I mean. I don't say that much."

Peach gave a nod, fixing one of her gloves (it had started to slip off her hand). "Yes, I do. But Bowser… He's only going to be a kid once. Once he grows up… Once someone takes his innocence from him, he can't get that back. And…" She wrung her hands together, half wondering why she was even bothering to explain it to him. "Don't you remember the days when you were little? Before the responsibility and before having to worry about anything? Don't you ever wish—"

"Peach, stop," Bowser growled. He massaged his temples and eyes, his other hand tight in a fist. "I get it." He sucked in a breath, his next words calmer, "You don't want Junior to… to know about how terrible the world can be. Not before he's older." He lowered his hand from his face, his eyes blank and staring at something over Peach's head. He shook himself. "I get it, I promise I do… But swearing isn't the worst thing in the world. There are a lot worse things he could be dealing with besides what comes out of my mouth."

"That's true…" Peach conceded. I just hope Bowser hasn't taught him anything crude… She hadn't heard him say any such thing, but it wouldn't completely surprise her. She was convinced that the Koopa King had been born without a filter. "He still shouldn't be hearing it at such a young age, and he especially shouldn't be repeating it."

"Look, I'll try, but I can't make any promises." Bowser sighed. "I've been saying stuff like that for a long time. I'll tell him he can't until he's thirteen, okay?"

Peach gawked at him. "Thirteen? Only thirteen?"

Bowser shrugged, his pupils pointed away towards the ceiling. "That's usually when kids start doing it, right? I mean… I think that's how old Ludwig was when he started coming home and complaining about other kids swearing."

"Or was that when you started?"

Bowser winced. "I don't know when I started… I was still a kid, at least… I dunno. It was a long time ago, and I… really don't like thin—t-talking about it. B-before you ask, I heard it… around. Then I just started repeating it. Nobody stopped me."

Not even his parents? Peach knew that if her parents or Toadsworth had heard her say something like that, she would've received an appropriate scolding and punishment. She didn't dare ask. He didn't want to talk about it, and she wasn't going to push him into a bad mood. "Okay. You can tell Junior about the new rule when you get the chance. If you're not busy, he's in the playroom." She turned away, starting to make her leave.

"Wait a second!"

Peach sighed. "What now?" she muttered, turning around.

Bowser smiled at her, a gentle, warm smile. His cheeks were rosy, and his pupils round and glossy. She shivered, taking a step back. He fiddled with his claws, his tail swishing behind him. "You know… you'll make a great mother to him."

"No!" Peach snapped. She nearly clapped a hand over her mouth, astonished at the ferocity of her own tone, but she curled her hands into fists instead. "Bowser, no. That's not why I came to talk to you about it. I will never marry you, and I will never play mother to your children. I just can't stand profanity, and I want to protect Junior's innocence. I would do it for any child." But she knew that last part wasn't fully true.

Bowser's eyes lost their warmth, and his tail stilled, but he kept up the smile. He shrugged, giving a chuckle. "You will one day. I promise you will, and I promise we'll be happy. I'll make you happy."

Peach shook her head. Mario makes me happy. Mario doesn't treat me like a thing he needs to own.

"You will," Bowser insisted. "Mario just needs to die." He punched a fist into his palm, giving a sinister chuckle. "Then you and I will be together forever. Nothing will ever keep us apart."

Peach backed away from him, her stomach churning. He wouldn't force anything on her, she knew, but she couldn't stand for him to say that. She didn't want to spend her days besides him. She refused. She wanted Mario, not Bowser. Never Bowser. "Junior will be expecting me back." She turned and strode away.

"I'll see you at dinner!" Bowser called after her. "Or around! Hopefully around!"

Peach bit her lip. Hopefully I see him at dinner. And that's it. Knowing Bowser, though, that would't be likely.

"Oh! And I love you!"

Peach cringed. She'd been half-expecting it, but to hear it… Stars. It made her stomach flip every time. And not in a flattered way. She picked up the pace. The sooner she got away from him, the better, and the sooner Mario came to save her, the better her sanity would be. If Bowser wasn't so pushy… At least Junior wasn't so bad to be around. He believed the same nonsense his father did (but that was likely due to his age, and not something wrong in his brain), but he wasn't so terrible about it. She let out a sigh.

I just hope I haven't made a mistake in speaking up…

So yeah. That's it. Nothing too special. Just posted this cuz ya know, why not? Hope you enjoyed, and hope you're having a good time in life.

If you have any criticism, lay it on me. I use it to improve for the future.

Oh, and no sequels and further chapters.

I don't feel like being formal right now. So you get my lazy attitude.

Amethyst out.