AN: Not much to say, so we'll just get right back into it. Here's chapter 12! Hope you enjoy!
Chapter 12: Filling in the Gaps
The silence was back, creating yet another wall between Ladybug and Cat Noir. Ladybug realized that she would be the one starting the conversation with her partner this time. She wasn't used to this; normally, Cat Noir had so much to say to her. Never did she think that she would ever miss hearing Cat Noir's puns or his silly nicknames. Heck, right now, she'd even be happy if he would flirt with her! Right now, Ladybug would've been happy for any indication that everything was back to how it had been before Cat Noir had gotten akumatized, but she also knew that this was going to take time. Having this conversation, though, would hopefully help to start expediting that process.
"So," Ladybug started, treading carefully this time so that Cat Noir wouldn't become too distressed and try leaving again, "you said already that you remember very little from the time that you were akumatized, which is normal, of course." She hoped that Cat Noir didn't notice her nervousness because it most likely showed in her voice as she spoke the words that began the conversation anew. Cat Noir didn't reply and he made no move to run again, as he'd promised, so Ladybug continued, "What about before all of this? Do you remember what caused you to become a target for the akuma?" Ladybug was pretty certain, by now, that she already knew the answer to this question, but she wanted to know what Cat Noir remembered, if anything.
Looking over to her partner, Ladybug waited again until he felt comfortable enough to speak. Finally, he sighed and said to her, "I don't really remember much from before either. Spending so much time akumatized, it has kind of left this gap in my memory. It's weird, Ladybug, to be missing days from my life. I just…"
"I can't imagine what you're going through right now, Cat Noir," Ladybug told him, trying to sympathize with the pain that her partner was feeling, "but I do want to understand more." Ladybug was reminded, then, of Cat Blanc, another time when Cat Noir had been akumatized. How long had he been alone in that drowned world? She couldn't even begin to imagine the length of time lost from his life too as he'd sat on top of Montparnasse Tower and watched the waters slowly rise and engulf the buildings of Paris.
"I never thought I would ever be akumatized," Cat Noir confessed, still not looking to Ladybug. "I've always tried so hard not to let my emotions elevate to the point where they would attract an akuma." He looked down at his black gloved hands. "You must think that I'm weak for letting my emotions get the better of me."
Ladybug hated to see Cat Noir this way. He was so broken, shattered by what had happened. She missed the confidence that he'd always seemed to exude. Cat Noir's overconfidence had always kept her going; he was always the strong one, picking her up when she was down and doubting herself. Now, the roles were reversed. This time, Ladybug needed to be strong for her partner, pick him up off the ground, dust him off, and help him to find his confidence once again. "Cat Noir," she started, "you can't blame yourself for all of this." Taking a deep breath, Ladybug began to tell him what she knew, the pieces that she'd put together that started to show the puzzle that was her partner's akumatization. "I think I'm partly to blame for what happened."
This caught Cat Noir's attention. He started a little and looked over at Ladybug. "What do you mean?"
Well, it was now or never, Ladybug knew. Cat Noir might hate me for bringing this all up again, but at least he'll know the truth about why he was akumatized. Ladybug took another deep breath before speaking, hoping that would steady her voice. "So, I obviously wasn't there when the akuma came to you and hid itself in your stick," she started, pausing as her thoughts raced. If I'd been there, Cat Noir, you would never have gotten akumatized. I would've stopped it from happening. I would've brought you back, reminded you that I was there for you. I should've been there. I should never have left like that, in such a hurry to get away even though you were so upset. "While you were akumatized, you said some things to me and, what you said, gave me enough clues to figure out what had most likely caused it to happen."
Ladybug stopped then, waiting and watching Cat Noir for his reaction. He closed his eyes and then slowly reopened them, as if taking time to refocus his thoughts. "What did I say?" he finally asked. "I can't remember anything that I might've said to you while I was akumatized."
"Well," Ladybug began, "you said that you wanted me to renounce my Miraculous because we couldn't be together as long as we were both superheroes." Ladybug looked away and ran her fingers across her yo-yo. "Before you were akumatized, you were flirting with me like you always do and I got angry." Thinking back to that moment several days ago, Ladybug didn't remember exactly why she had been so upset by the flirting; it was typical of Cat Noir and she should just come to expect it by now. She guessed that she'd just been frustrated; it was probably just one of those days where being Ladybug and being Marinette was weighing down on her. That was still no excuse for taking it out on Cat Noir, especially knowing that it had caused him to be upset enough to become akumatized. "Because I was so angry, I told you that we were just partners, teammates, and that was all we would ever be. I guess I never thought that would make you so upset because we've talked about this before, Cat Noir."
Ladybug stopped and looked over again to Cat Noir. He said nothing, but she knew that he was still listening. Instead, he sat and just fiddled with his Miraculous on his finger. Even though they'd been partners for some time now, Ladybug was always amazed by how much she still didn't know about the boy who sat next to her now and stood by her side ever constantly.
"Oh, yeah, I guess that I kind of remember that now," Cat Noir finally answered. He continued to play with his ring, sliding it up and down on his finger but being careful not to let it slip off and reveal his civilian identity to Ladybug. "I don't really know either why it made me so upset to hear those words. I mean, you said nothing different than what you normally say to me. Maybe I was having a bad day in my civilian life or something; I don't really remember."
"Cat Noir, I promise that I'll do whatever it takes to make sure that this never happens again," Ladybug told him. "I never wanted to ever have to fight you and I definitely don't want to do it again, ever. You are my friend and I don't want to fight my friends." She couldn't bring herself to tell Cat Noir how heartbroken she'd been when she'd learned that he was the akumatized person that she would be forced to fight-to save-today. Ladybug already knew that Cat Noir knew how important he was to her, but she would do everything possible to continue to always remind him, especially now.
Sighing, Cat Noir told Ladybug, "I just don't understand how you can want to continue to have me be your Cat Noir. This is just proof of how weak I actually am. I let myself give in to the temptation of Hawk Moth and his lies." He looked down at his ring and clenched his fist tight. "Even my power, I thought I'd come a long way with learning to control it and harness it for the greater good, but today was just proof that I haven't. I hurt you, Ladybug, like I've hurt others in the past. Hurting people with my Cataclysm has been one of my biggest fears recently." He sighed again and Ladybug watched as he brought his chin down to his chest. "I still think you could do better. You could have a stronger person, a better partner."
"That is where you're wrong, Cat Noir," Ladybug told him, her voice confident now with not even a hint of a waver or nervousness. "I've told you countless times before that I could never find a better partner than you. In fact, I'm fully convinced that there's no one else in all of Paris who could be a better Cat Noir!" Then, Ladybug remembered another who would agree with her. "If you don't want to believe me, that's fine. However, ask Plagg sometime. I know that he would agree with me." As the Guardian of the Miraculous, Marinette had met with Plagg on occasion, in quiet moments when the black cat kwami could discreetly spare some time away from Cat Noir. Though he would occasionally come to vent and complain about civilian Cat Noir, the overall response that Marinette had heard from Plagg showed how much love and admiration the black cat kwami had for his Holder. Plagg was not one to show or talk about how he felt much, but he had let slip a few times how this current Cat Noir was, perhaps, his favorite of all time and that is saying a lot, coming from an immortal being that had seen numerous Black Cat Miraculous Holders over the years.
"Plagg? Seriously?" Cat Noir scoffed. "He'd never say that about me."
"Yes, I'm serious, Cat. You know that I would never lie to you," Ladybug laughed. "Ask your kwami sometime. Plagg really does admire you. You wouldn't want to disappoint him by giving him up, would you?"
"No, I suppose not."
For just a moment, the banter between Ladybug and Cat Noir came easily. Slowly, Ladybug knew, things were returning back to the way they'd always been. There was still a ways to go and Ladybug knew that the conversation between her and Cat Noir was still going to be heavy before they parted ways, but at least it was a start!
Not going to lie…my favorite part of this chapter was the discussion in the end about Plagg. Just the thought of how much he cares about Adrien. It makes my heart so happy!
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