Everyone who remained was gathered outside at the dock on Air Temple Island. Saying goodbye to the gang was always hard, but this time was different. This time they were missing one of their own, and he wouldn't be coming back. Not as they knew him, anyway.
They'd held a private sky burial almost a week ago, and the public memorial the previous day, so most of the dignitaries had finally gone. Katara looked out to Yue Bay and willed herself to keep it together just a little longer. The low hanging clouds were pale orange in the early morning light, reminding her of when they'd bent the clouds together a lifetime ago. A sob rose in her throat and she hastily swallowed it. Not yet.
Her friends and family huddled around her. Toph, Sokka, Suki, Zuko, and even Mai came in for one of Team Avatar's notorious group hugs. She closed her eyes when a breeze blew by, trying to pretend it was him. That he was still there. If she could keep pretending, she might be able to make it.
Bumi, Kya and Tenzin came out of the house and down to the dock, bags in hand. "Everybody ready?" Bumi asked. He fidgeted uncomfortably with his bag, unsure what to do with so much negative energy.
"There's been a change in plans," Katara said carefully. All eyes sprung to her. She hadn't mentioned this to anyone, yet. "You all are going on the ship as planned with Sokka and Suki. Tenzin, dear, I'm going to take Oogi. We'll meet you in the South Pole."
Tenzin's eyes widened and his mouth fell open comically. He had inherited the need to intricately plan every detail of their trips from his uncle, and this was surely throwing a wrench into his itinerary. "Mother, please, come on the ship with us," he begged. "Or at least let one of us come with you. Are you sure you're…"
"I'm fine," Katara snapped, cutting Tenzin off and assuring everyone there that she was anything but. Sokka stepped forward to put a strong hand on his nephew's shoulder.
"She'll be okay, buddy," he said. "She needs some time in the sky on her own."
Katara smiled thankfully at her brother. Of course he would understand her grief. He had been with her throughout all her worst times, after all. She obviously hadn't taken to the skies when their mother died, but she knew he remembered the nights she spent out by the ocean alone, after the chores were done and the family in bed. She'd often returned to find him waiting up for her, a pot of tea over the fire. And now, after a week of being smothered by friends and family and strangers alike, all bringing condolences, Katara needed some air. She pulled her babies-now so much taller than her-in for a group hug of their own.
"You're all so strong," she started, fighting the tears pricking at her eyes. Just a little longer. "We'll be together again before you know it. And I'm going to make you all go penguin sledding, since your Dad won't be there to do it." She pulled back with a twinkle in her shining blue eyes, kissing them each soundly on the forehead in turn before heading over to where Oogi had been patiently waiting to get on the ship with everyone. She nuzzled his face affectionately. "Ready, boy?"
Oogi grunted and licked her and a laugh escaped her throat. "Toph, Zuko, Mai," she said, turning to face her friends who wouldn't be joining them in the South Pole, "Thank you. For everything, especially this week. I'm sure I'll see you again soon."
"Don't be so sure about that, Sweetness," Toph laughed, "I'm going back into hiding. That was too much people-ing for me. Maybe in another 66 years."
"Well, you're welcome at the palace anytime," Zuko said. "We should get back to Izumi, though. Have a safe journey south, okay?"
"Yeah, don't be a stranger," Mai added dryly. Katara nodded, but Mai knew she wouldn't be coming to visit the palace again. She and Aang had shared too many memories there. Maybe they'd see each other at smaller events, but it seemed Katara was going to retire from public view as well. She watched as her friend climbed up onto the giant bison's head and Tenzin airbent her bags into the saddle for her. Her long hair, drawn up in a bun with her signature loopies, was more white than brown now, and Mai noticed far more wrinkles and worry lines on Katara's face than she'd had the last time they'd seen each other, only a few months prior. Aang's illness and subsequent passing had taken a physical toll on her, as well.
"Bye, everyone," Katara waved one last time, sad eyes sweeping over each cherished face, and the place that had been her home for the majority of her life so far. That she had built with him. She could feel her heart squeezing in her chest, and knew she had to get out of there. "Yip yip!"
Finally, the wind whipped around her as they soared into the sky. It was such a familiar feeling, even though it had been months since she had left Air Temple Island while she tended to Aang, refusing to leave his side. But there was nothing tying her to this place-this home that they had dreamed of together and made so many memories in-anymore. Her children were grown and would be fine on their own, and her tether was gone.
Katara closed her eyes and just listened to the sound of the air moving against her ears. She had never felt as at home in the sky as Aang had, but after traveling with him so much throughout their lives, flying on a bison gave her a warmth in her chest that had been missing since he'd passed. She felt the walls she had built, trying to be strong for her children and friends, begin to crumble, and after keeping them in for so long, let the tears flow freely, sobbing to the sky.
Suddenly, she was 14, bending the clouds atop Appa with her best friend. She remembered being in awe of their ability to combine their elements to make something new, how much fun it had been; how it had felt like dancing, and how he had referenced that moment later, when they began to have children together, calling Bumi, Kya, and Tenzin their little "cloudbabies."
She was soaring through the sky beside him on his glider to deal with the Harmony Restoration Movement. Learning to fly side-by-side on his glider with him had been something of an adventure, but when they did, it was like nothing she had ever experienced before. They were perfectly in sync, especially when they flew over the ocean. She remembered staring at the horizon, where the sea touched the sky, and the wispy clouds made from both of them coming together, and feeling so at home, like she had always been meant to be there, with him.
She was flying over the ocean with Aang, sitting back in Appa's saddle and leaning into his warm chest. He was asking her to stay with him forever, and she was telling him she couldn't live without him. Katara felt her heart shatter for the thousandth time since he passed, and he wasn't there to glue her pieces back together again, like he always had been.
She knew she was resilient. That she had lost before, and would lose again, and that this pain-though it would never leave her-would become bearable with time. She knew her life didn't revolve completely around Aang, and it never had, but she had spent so much of her life loving him so completely that now, with nowhere left for that love to go, she felt swallowed by it.
Alone, up in his element, without the people she always felt the need to be strong for (and the one person who had never made her feel that way), Katara let herself break. Again and again, as often as she needed to. The wind was comforting in an aching sort of way, and the crying was cathartic. She hadn't felt this free since before Aang had fallen ill. Since the last time they'd flown together. She wanted to close her eyes and pretend he was sitting next to her, that the breeze was him teasing her, that this was all a dream. Instead she forced her eyes to the horizon, tears still streaming.
The sun had risen much higher in the sky since she'd left Air Temple Island. There was no more orangish-pink sky, but there was still a string of low-lying clouds that blocked her view of the sky and sea coming together. All of a sudden, that freeness she felt dissipated and an indignant anger rose in her. She was angry at those clouds and angry at the circumstances that caused Aang's early death and angry that he wasn't there to comfort her. It wasn't fair. She felt cheated out of decades more time with him, of the chance to be grandparents together, or to really enjoy their golden years together. She erupted with a mournful wail, slashing at the clouds with her bending until they too exploded in a downpour.
Katara took some time then, to breathe, and to feel. To really, truly, deliberately feel everything she had been trying to avoid in the week since he died. Since he left her. She recalled another time her grief and anger had gotten the better of her, and how he had calmly, gently advised her, "let your anger out. Then let it go." She could still hear his sweet twelve-year-old voice and see the concern in his grey eyes in the back of her memory. She took another centering breath, like he had taught her to do after the war when they were both haunted by nightmares and panic attacks, and as she exhaled, she tried to push out all the anger with the air. To rid her body and soul of any animosity surrounding her feelings about him.
She resolved to be at peace. To let her waves of anger and frustration flow like water, and let it go. She didn't have a choice in the situation, after all; the only choice she had was how she responded.
"I love you, Sweetie," she whispered to the sky. The tears were still tracing paths down her face, but it was calming, again like before. "I know you had to go. And...I know you would have stayed with me if you could. It's just another Avatar trip-another Spirit World journey, only this time…" Katara paused, closing her eyes to allow the sorrow to pass through her in sobs before continuing. "This time, it seems so permanent. I know you said it's not goodbye forever, that this will only last 'til we meet again in the Spirit World, and then we'll be together for eternity. But it just… it hurts so much more, being without you this time. I know I can be strong. I will be. I just miss you, is all."
There was a gentle breeze that swirled around her hair and kissed her face. She opened her eyes in shock; it seemed so intentional, like bending, but he wasn't there, of course. She smiled, though, and then she laughed, because she knew she would always find him. She had been destined to find him in that iceberg, and she would continue to find his spirit now in the playful air currents, or in the beauty of a field of flowers, or in the laughter of children, until she could find him in the Spirit World and they would be united once more.
She knew that as long as she could keep his spirit with her, she could get through this. That she could be happy again, for him, for their children, and for herself. She also understood that her decision to move to the South Pole was the right one, not only because it would be the best place to train the next Avatar in waterbending, like she had promised Aang she would, but because the open space would be perfect for her healing heart. Katara could live out the rest of her days there surrounded by both their elements; by the sea and the sky.