Chapter 1

"Good morning, Mr. Barkley. How are you feeling?"

Jarrod Barkley opened one eye to look at his nurse, Sarah Becker. He felt she was far too cheerful for this early hour. He tried to drift off to sleep again, but heard her bustling about the room, getting things ready for the day. There was the sound of water being poured into the basin for him to use for his shave, drawers opening and closing, and the distinct squeak of the wheelchair.

Jarrod pulled himself into a sitting position. He had been home for two weeks. And although he felt mentally sharp, he was reminded as he looked at the chair that he was not physically strong yet. A client Jarrod had been defending in San Francisco, decided he wasn't too happy with the way the trial was going and attacked Jarrod. He lay in a coma for several days before regaining consciousness. One of the first faces he saw when he awoke was Sarah. She had been his nurse while in the hospital. When the doctor there had suggested hiring a nurse to help with Jarrod's recovery, Victoria invited Sarah to accompany them home.

Sarah helped Jarrod maneuver into the chair and wheeled him over to the table strategically placed in front of a mirror. On the table were all the things he needed to groom himself for the day.

"I'll leave you to get ready. Would you like to eat downstairs with your family?"

Jarrod shook his head no. He didn't want to have to be carried down the steps again by Heath and Nick. He knew they didn't mind, but Jarrod did. He was content to eat in his room.

"Maybe I'll go down later."

Sarah frowned at this, but Jarrod pretended not to notice. He had been saying this every morning since they had been home. Although his legs were still very weak, Jarrod was improving and could probably be taking a few steps by himself. Something was holding him back though and Sarah couldn't figure out what it was.

"I'll bring a tray up to you then."

Jarrod didn't respond, but Sarah knew he had heard her. She walked from the room and made her way down to the dining room.

Nick and Heath were sitting at the table along with Audra. Victoria was filling her plate with the delicious smelling food.

Nick was the first to spot Sarah and said, "Good morning. Is Jarrod joining us for breakfast?"

"No, I'm going to fix him a tray and take it back up."

This angered Nick, just as it had been angering him since his brother's return. Jarrod was hiding out in his room and Nick was tired of it.

"Well, I'll just take the tray up to him. You sit down and eat Sarah."

Sarah looked at the dark-haired man who had come to stand beside her. She knew he was angry and wasn't about to let him see Jarrod in that frame of mind. She smiled.

"It will only take a moment to fix his plate and then I'll be back down. Thank you for the offer though, Nick."

It was said so sweetly yet with a hint of steel. Nick recognized that tone. His mother had used it on him plenty of times. He sighed and rejoined the family.

Nick waited only until Sarah had walked from the room to begin his tirade.

"Mother, how long are we going to let this go on? Jarrod is hiding out in his room and we have to stop it!"

Victoria had watched the entire scene between Nick and Sarah and knew what was coming. She had already been forming a response.

"Nick, it's only been a few weeks. Give Jarrod some time to recover. He'll be joining us again soon."

Nick threw up his hands. He was so frustrated with his older brother that he could spit. He had never known Jarrod to hide from anything and the thought scared him. What if Jarrod would never be the same? When Nick looked at Heath and Audra, he could tell by the expressions on their faces that they felt the same way. Even Victoria didn't look as though she believed her own words.

Seeing that nothing could be done, Nick continued to eat his breakfast. However, in his mind, he was having a very intense conversation with his brother.

Sarah knocked on the door and waited for Jarrod to answer. She hoped that she had given him enough time to dress. He had insisted on doing it himself from day one. Sarah was glad that he was showing this independence. How he did it without falling she didn't know. Jarrod bid her to enter, and she opened the door to find him dressed in dark pants and a white shirt. He was sitting at the table, having just finished shaving.

Sarah sat the tray down and began cleaning up without saying a word. She was starving but didn't want to leave this mess. Jarrod began eating right away.

Although Jarrod and Sarah spent many hours a day together, there was not much conversation. Jarrod didn't seem interested in talking and Sarah decided not to push him. The smell of the food was too much for Sarah and her stomach growled rather loudly. She looked up to find Jarrod's eyes on her. She knew her face was turning red but continued with her task.

"Sarah, have you not eaten yet this morning?"

Sarah didn't look at Jarrod as she answered.

"I'll eat when I'm done here. I won't be long."

For the first time since he'd met her, Jarrod felt compassion for Sarah. He knew that the food would be cold by the time Sarah finished cleaning up his mess and there was nothing worse than a cold breakfast.

"Why don't you just leave it for now."

Sarah seemed hesitant.

"All right. I'll be back up in half an hour to start your exercises. Do you need anything before I go?"

"No," he said simply and watched her leave the room.

Jarrod's appetite left him, and he set down his fork. What was the matter with him? Why did he feel so hostile toward Sarah? No, not hostile. Just...indifferent. This bothered him, but he didn't know how to go about correcting the situation.

He was very thankful for Sarah's willingness to come and help, but he also resented her presence. He thought of his time in the hospital. While in his coma, he'd seen Beth. They'd lived an entire lifetime together. Jarrod wasn't sure what to call what he had experienced. A dream? That made it seem far too trivial and easy to dismiss. But he was having trouble coming up with a term that would be proper. The life he had experienced with her while in the hospital was as real to him as the untouched food on his plate. He used it as a blanket and wrapped it around himself. He would take out parts of his conversations with her and replay them in his mind. All except one. He wouldn't allow himself to think of their last conversation together. She was urging him to go on with his life to find someone to spend the rest of his life with and he couldn't do that yet. Not just yet.

"How are you going to get what you need if you don't let me go?" she'd said to him.

"Forgive me Beth. But I need to hang on to you for just a little longer," he whispered.

There was a knock on the door and Jarrod assumed it was Sarah again. He called for whoever it was to enter and was surprised to see Nick open the door.

"I thought you and Heath would be out on the range by now."

Nick shut the door and walked over to his brother. He knelt next to Jarrod. As children Nick thought the world revolved around two men: Jarrod and their father. When Tom Barkley died, Nick leaned on Jarrod even more. To see Jarrod sitting in a wheelchair, seemingly giving up on everything, was more than Nick could take.

"How long are you going to be like this, Pappy?" he asked softly.

Jarrod blinked in surprise.

"Like what?"

"How long are you going to just let life pass you by? You've done nothing but sit up in this room since the day you returned. You won't eat with us, you won't join us downstairs in the evenings." Nick stood. "Why won't you get out of that chair?!" he yelled.

Nick had hoped that Jarrod would get angry. He hoped that Jarrod would stand up and give him a good right hook. Instead, Jarrod just looked out toward the window and said nothing. Nick shook his head.

"I don't know who you are anymore. You're not the brother I've looked up to all my life. I've never known you to be a quitter, Jarrod Barkley. I guess I was wrong."

With that Nick stormed out of the room. Jarrod just continued to sit, thinking about Nick's words. He knew Nick was right. He needed to join the family again. He just couldn't make himself. He wished he had never gone to San Francisco and taken that case. He wished he had never been knocked unconscious. And at the same time, he was glad because he was able to spend just a few more days with Beth.

But those days weren't real, his logical mind screamed. Then his heart would ache, wishing to return to the unconsciousness world where he and Beth could live together forever. Jarrod knew that the time for a decision was at hand. He again thought of Beth. He had to make his heart believe that once and for all, she was gone. He couldn't just lock himself away in his room anymore.

Yes, Brother Nick. I need to join our family again, he thought. Right then, Jarrod Barkley made up his mind that he would. It would take some time, but he would go on with his life.