Hey! Sorry it took so long to update. My life is just a mess right now… But whatever, that's not what you came to read lmfao.
.
.
.
Kili felt confused, but more than anything else, he was worried. It all began while he was peacefully sitting on the edge of a large window, silently gazing outside, wondering what kind of courting bead would suit Bell better; when the lyrics of an unknown song came to his mind. He started singing it, but quietly, just for himself.
Then his love came running to him. Her beautiful hair was like floating behind her, her eyes shone in a shade of green that the dwarf would never be able to name, and the smile on her face could only be called dazzling.
But she started asking about some song. Kili knew she wasn't talking about the song he sang because it was too quiet for her to hear, especially from her room. But when he said he didn't hear any song, things just escalated downwards. Her beautiful smile faded, and her eyes clouded. She was almost begging for him to tell her he heard it. Freaked out and worried by her behaviour, he yelled at her.
Tears appeared in the corner of her eyes, but inside them shone such a pain that it hit Kili like a stab in the heart. Now really worried out of his mind, Kili asked what was going for what felt like the hundredth time. She just answered vaguely and fled to her room, slamming the door on her passage.
And all that lead to Kili explaining everything to Dwalin in order to do something because the prince was really lost. The gruff dwarf grunted, frowning before turning to see the lass himself.
Not even bothering to knock, he came into the room, only to find her sobbing in her pillow, trying her best to be silent. He sat beside her on the bed, and with a rustling of clothes, Bell threw herself into his arms, seeking his warmth for comfort. Still not saying a word, he rubbed her back with one hand and patted her head with the other. He was patiently waiting for her to calm down, showing her his affection and tenderness.
While doing that, he was wondering why her sobs shook his being so hard that he felt the need protect her from everything. Or when he started showing her his soft side. Or when she started being so important to him. He couldn't come up with any answer but that didn't matter next to the need to comfort her. So, he held her. He held her through her tears. He was there, as a pillar of strength and warmth. He showed she could rely on him. And unknowingly, it was that day that he broke all the walls that were covering her heart.
When she calmed down, he looked at her expectedly. She sniffed in response.
"Thank you Dwalin." But he just raised a brow, fully aware that she was reluctant to speak. "Lass, I'm not leaving until you tell me what happened." She sighed. "It's just my ribs. It hurts." She explained, lying even though it didn't hurt anymore. "And all that story about songs?" Dwalin wasn't fooled, she already expected it.
Fighting to keep her voice even, she said. "I was bored, being coped in here all day long, and happened to overhear a song. I overreacted and worried Kili. Could you express my apologies to him? I feel bad for worrying him. Oin's herbs are just making me a little delirious. I'm sorry, please don't worry." Again, she felt bad for lying to Dwalin, but this hurt her in a whole new way, and her pride as a female had been destroyed in a minute. She didn't want anyone to know of her humiliation. Especially not Dwalin, who had become her pillar over the trip.
She could see the dwarf didn't buy her story, and she was thankful for him not pressing the matter. He left the room before returning with food. He patted her head before leaving again. Bluebell smiled but didn't touch the food. She wasn't hungry, she was heartbroken. Her soulmate had rejected her. There were absolutely no words to describe what she was feeling. She sighed again and prayed that sleep would overcome her quickly.
.
.
.
Dwalin had gently closed the door and immediately a deep frown found its way on his face. Kili quickly joined him. "So, what is it? Is she crying? Was it because of me?" The prince asked, worrying. The warrior proceeded to explain everything that just happened and Kili started pacing back and forth. "Something is not right there. She looked so heartbroken; it can't just be because of boredom. And there's no possible way that she was crying of the pain alone. She never shed a tear before, no matter the pain she was feeling." He was rambling, desperately trying to prove his point. Dwalin sighed heavily. "I know. She was clearly lying to me. Her body language was practically screaming it. But if she's not ready to share what pained her so, we shouldn't pry. Because if we do, she'd push her back." Kili nodded reluctantly.
.
.
.
It's been 4 days since her breakdown and Bell didn't catch more than a few hours of sleep and had to force herself to eat. She was working on her accuracy with her bow when Oin sat next to a tree, watching her intently. "What ails you lass?" The hobbit flinched. "Haha, what are you talking about Oin? I feel just fine! My ribs don't hurt anymore. I feel like I could take over the world with only one hand haha!" but he shook his head, his eyes firm and yet so tender. Don't, lass. We all can see the dark circles under your eyes, you are barely eating anything and to always seem to be making yourself small when we're all together. And all your time is spent training. I repeat, what ails you?" He told her seriously and she sighed under her breath. "Please don't worry Oin! I'm having nightmares which is why I can't seem to sleep. I don't eat because I don't have an appetite, and I train because I have to be strong for the next time, we face Azog and his minions. Besides, we're going to enter elf territory and that in itself is dangerous enough. After all, if I have to save your hides again, I better not half-ass the job again." She tried to joke around, but the joke obviously fell flat.
The grip of the dwarf on the hearing horn tightened. "Have you ever heard of a hobbit not hungry? It's like Thorin not grumpy. Just impossible." She laughed at that, but the healer was not joking, his face stern. "Don't worry about ol' Mad Baggins, Oin. It's alright. I'm fine, truly." She persisted, putting her hand on his reassuringly. Probably knowing he wouldn't get anything out of her by insisting further, he just squeezed her hand, closed his eyes and leaned on the tree while Bell returned to her training. It's nothing that any healer can mend anyway, no matter how talented. She thought grimly as she took aim towards her makeshift target. Yet, the fact that he was that worried about her made a wave of sweet heat surround her bleeding heart.
.
.
.
After another 3 days of relaxing for some, or gruesome training for others, they finally left Beorn's land for the sick forest of the elves, Mirkwood. The shapeshifter had given them food and instructions, well more like life-or-death warnings, but nevermind that. Right in front of the forest, Gandalf suddenly decided that he was needed elsewhere, leaving them behind with threats of big troubles if they ever dared to leave the path. As they went further into the creepy forest, everyone's mood dropped until they were cranky and scary for Bell who was used to see them joking around. Bombur then fell into an enchanted river and was in a deep slumber, with no sign of waking soon.
One day, after Eru only knows how much time, the dwarves had no more temper and were yelling at each, warning the whole forest of their position. Bell, herself feeling very irritated, rolled her eyes at their childish behaviour. Suddenly, she had a great idea. It was so very simple that she was torn between patting herself on the back for finding that or hitting herself for not thinking of it before. All she had to do was climb on a tree to see the sun. She knew they had to continue towards the East, and with the raising or setting sun she would be able to determine if they are going in the right direction and how far they still have to go. As she chose a tree nearby, she climbed until she felt the sun kiss her skin. And that was a sensation she would never forget. Feeling the gentle light after being in the dark for so long was like seeing the end of a very long tunnel. Focusing on the task at hand, she was able to affirm they were going the right way; and she could even see a large lake, which meant they were approaching the end of the forest.
Feeling a burst of joy that she couldn't control, she quickly descended the tree, almost falling a few times because of her haste. But when she arrived on ground, her happiness was smothered when she couldn't find the Company anywhere. She then saw them being dragged by huge spiders, which almost made her sigh. After all, nothing never goes their way. Quickly putting on the ring, she discovered with unmasked disgust that she could understand them. Taunting them was surprisingly easy, and she managed to kill one, feeling smug, before freeing the first dwarf she saw, who was Fili. He smiled dazingly when he saw her, still under the influence of the spider's venom.
"That's quite an amount of smugness I sense from you, my dear namith." He said, slowly but clearly teasing. "I always wanted a good reason to kill spiders, they just freak me out, those ones even more. Now go and free the others please. I've got my hands full with those things." She smiled at him, relieved he was safe and sound. He laughed and did as told. After cutting through a spider that screamed how much it stung, Bell decided on a good name for her still unnamed blade; Sting.
After finished on her side with the arachnids, she turned towards the dwarves only to see Kili in a life-threatening position. She scrambled to reach his side, when a beautiful red-haired elf gracefully saved the prince. With nothing marring her beautiful appearance. When Bell looked down on herself, she saw she was covered in blood and dirt. Sighing to herself, as she was painfully reminded that Kili loves elf maidens and not hobbit spinsters, she watched as Kili was gazing at Miss Perfect with adoration written all on his face. Her heart broke in a thousand other pieces. The wonder in her love's eyes was churning her stomach with ill-hidden jealousy. But when she saw Fili and Dwalin looking everywhere, probably searching for her, a little balm covered her aching soul.
Obviously, they were captured, and Bell followed them, still hidden in the shadows of the mysterious ring. To avoid getting caught herself, she had to wait while her dwarves were taken who knows where. She searched all over the god-forsaken place for two whole days, at least she thought two days passed, before finding her first dwarf, Bofur. It happened after she luckily overheard two elves talking about the chore it was to bring food to the dwarves. She almost let out a shout of happiness but luckily bit her lip hard enough to stop herself. After Bofur, she found Bifur, then Bombur, Ori, Nori, Dori, Gloin, Oin, Balin, Dwalin, Fili and Kili. But absolutely no sign of Thorin! It was driving her crazy.
She then decided to show herself to the dwarves, to ask if they had any idea of his whereabouts and to make sure they were treated alright. She already passed the ten first, barely keeping her tears at bay at the relief they shared to see her alive. They all thought she was fine, even though she wasn't. She had barely slept or eaten anything from fear of being discovered. Only Oin had seen through her tough face and made her eat some of his food. Even though they were all obviously relieved to see her, they had no idea about where their leader could be, and she could see their disappointment when she told them she hadn't found him either. The next one was Dwalin, and she was already reeling at the idea of disappointing him too.
"Psst Dwalin! Dwalin!" She called out quietly in front of is cell. He came out of the darkness and she could finally see him. The worry lines on his face were even worse than before, he had thick dark circles under his eyes and a scowl stuck on his face. "Bell." He breathed out. "You're alive. Oh, by Mahal's beard, don't ever worry me like that again." There was so much relief in his voice, face and even body language, that she felt guilty for not coming sooner. He hugged her as much as he could with the bars between them and she finally felt safe. It felt like she had come home to a warm house after a cold day. "Thank dear Mahal. You're really alive. I've been going crazy, thinking you were maybe dead out there at the hands of the spiders, or maybe you were lost, and you were starving to death. God, so many awful possibilities. I'm so grateful that you're alive." He whispered in her hair, and she closed her eyes, basking in the warmth and safety he made her feel.
She pulled away reluctantly before informing him. "I've found everyone except Thorin. I've seen everyone aside Fili and Kili for now. They are all well taken care of, even though they are going crazy in their cells. I'll go now to see the princes before returning to my search of Thorin. Do you have any clue about where he could be?" Dwalin frowned and her shoulders dropped. Of course. Now he's disappointed she haven't found the king, but he'll try to not let it show. "Why are you sounding like a soldier giving a report for a failed mission?" Now it was her turn to be confused. "Well I haven't found Thorin, which is a failure in itself. Plus, I have absolutely no escape route." She whispered but Dwalin looked unimpressed. "But you have the rest of us, haven't you? That in itself is a miracle. He countered, using her own words. He could see it didn't faze her, and barely held the exasperated sigh he wanted to let loose. "You'll find him. I believe in you. I know you can. But don't believe for a second that I haven't noticed how thin you are. I want you to come here for each mealtime and have some of my food. Now go." He said before going back to his sleeping bag, finally able to find some rest. Bell stood in front of his cell for a few seconds before noticing she was grinning like a fool. She shook her head lightly, still smiling before finding her way to Fili's cell.
Waking him up the same way she did with Dwalin, she made sure no one was there before taking the ring off. His face looked ravaged by the lack of sleep but at least he didn't seem hungry. "Bell, my dear namith, I was starting to think those awful spiders had had the best of you. What the heck took you so long!? I promise that when I get out of this cell, I'll kill you, revive you before hugging you to death once more. Do you have any idea of how worried I was?" He threatened without any heat behind his words. Suddenly feeling exhausted, she slumped on the floor, leaning her back on the bars. "I'm so sorry Fili. I don't have any news from either Kili or Thorin. I, at least, know that Kili is safe. I'm sorry I'm pretty useless right now." She wanted to chuckle at her self-deprecating words, but she couldn't make any sound at all. "What are you talking about, namad? You're here, aren't you? You're perfect. I know you'll save us. I mean I stopped counting how times already you saved us. Without you, we wouldn't even had made it this far. By the way, how did you manage not being seen by any of those stupid elves." He praised and she blushed before explaining all she knew about the ring.
"I don't like it. It's not a normal ring for sure." Fili said, frowning. "But nevermind that, it helps for now. Just don't use it too much. For now, just take it off and sleep a bit." He continued and the hobbit's eyes widened. "But I can't! Kili! And the elves!" The dwarf shook his head. Don't worry, I'll stand guard for the elves. As for Kili, some red-haired elf comes here sometimes and tells me how he is. I think her name was Vauriel, no Taniel. I'm not sure…" The rest was lost on Bell as she fell into a deep sleep. Even though her heart ached at the mention of that elf.
"Bell! Bell, wake up." Fili's voice woke her up and it took her a second to remember where she was. Immediately, she put her ring on to which Fili smiled sadly. "I'm sorry you can't sleep any longer but the elves's patrol is soon." She rubbed her eyes and regained her full awareness. Hah, it's been a long time since she had slept that well and that long. "Please don't worry. I rested long enough. Thanks Fili. I'll go see Kili now 'kay? I'll come back." He nodded in response and she waved before leaving.
But guess who she found there? Kili of course, and the graceful she-elf with him, listening to his story with visible interest. He was talking about a promise to his mother and she almost snorted out loud when he affirmed not being reckless. He never told me that story! The Took in her, hot-blooded and fiery, complained. Well maybe because you never asked. Her Baggins side replied sarcastically. He could have shared just because he wanted to, no? The Took insisted. Knowing that it could go forever on, Bell silently sighed, thinking she really must be going crazy if she was arguing with herself. She decided to wait for the elf to leave before talking to Kili and then searching for Thorin again. She listed to them talking about fire moons and stars. He looks like a lovestruck puppy. She thought, and both Took and Baggins silently agreed with her on that.
Once the elf finally left, Bell called out to Kili, taking her ring off. "Kili! Hey Kili!" She whispered. By the Valars, you're alive. I thought you… It doesn't matter, you're here!" He said, clearly exhausted but so relieved and excited to see her. "I can't stay. I have to go but I can tell you that all are well, I haven't found Thorin yet but I'm searching. I am fine too. I have to go now." She was trying to escape. Being with him, was bittersweet, she was happy to finally talk to him again, but it hurt at the same time. She knew it wasn't fair for him, but the pain was too fresh. "Wait Bell, please stay with me. Please just a moment." His pleading voice and puppy eyes were about to break her resolve, but she heard footsteps. Jealousy burned her heart as she put the ring on once more. She knew very well whose footsteps they were. Kili sighed deeply. She only just left? Why is she coming back so soon? She wondered bitterly. "I hear your elf coming. I can't stay. I'll come back." She promised in a breath before fleeing.
The last thing she heard was that elf's melodious voice. "I heard voices. Are you okay?" She didn't hear the answer, but it was tearing her soul in two. She wanted nothing more than to kiss Kili senselessly to show he was hers. But unfortunately, she couldn't. For the simple reason, He wasn't hers.