What We Get to Be

by hiddenmasquerade

No one knows how this phenomenon came into existence, but red threads have connected partners to one another in each lifetime. One summer afternoon, Mikasa Ackerman and Eren Yeager find themselves to be linked together — except neither of them truly believes in needing a soulmate to be happy in life. (Oneshot soulmate AU)

Disclaimer: I make references to the song "Gracie's Theme" a lot in this story, so all rights go to Paul Cardall. If you want, you could listen to the song to set the tone for reading :)

Also, I know red threads are typically used to refer to marriage, but for the purposes of this story, I'm generalizing the symbol to soulmates in general. In addition, I found the cover image on "The Red Thread" on Bam Radio Network, so all copyrights go to them. Happy reading!

---

No one knows for certain how this phenomenon came to be.

From the beginning of time, red threads have linked partners to one another in each lifetime. There is the theory that souls are reincarnated into different forms so each lifetime will lead to the same partner over time. However, another theory argues that the experiences that each person undergoes in their life shapes and molds their soul, so each lifetime warrants a different partner based on the circumstances that surround an individual's birth. Nevertheless, scientists agree that this phenomenon bonds people who have balanced personalities, interests, life goals, strengths, flaws, etc.

What defines the bond emotionally is the 'completion' one feels when they meet their soulmate; thus, the relationship could be either platonic or romantic (romantic relationships are statistically more common). What defines the bond physically is the physical red string that manifests between two people when they get within a certain distance of one another. A thin, yet unbreakable, red thread will appear on each person's little finger, connecting them together. If the relationship is romantic, then the string will eventually fade to what resembles a light red ring on the person's pinky. If the relationship is platonic, the string will instead mark each individual's thumbs with the same ring.

While it's generally accepted that everyone has a soulmate, only a little over 80 percent of people, however, find and stay with their soulmates for the rest of their lives. Around 75 percent of soulmates are romantic partners. Unfortunately, the divorce rate for these types of soulmates has been increasing slowly as the years go on. A recent study found that 50 years ago, the rate was about 3 percent. Now, the divorce rate amongst soulmates has risen to a little over 20 percent.

A research studying this increase shows that most romantic soulmates tend to rely on their bond only as evidence of the compatibility of their relationship. Although the bond certainly indicates the two individuals will have deep trust and empathy with one another, people also tend to take this union for granted. Therefore, some people don't take the time to get to know the good and bad of each person. The union, while loving, would invoke potential insecurities and fears, causing the individuals to be unable to learn, accept and grow from their strengths and weaknesses.

Modern technology (ex. the Internet, social media) has also contributed to this growth, showing individuals different kinds of people and relationships that they inadvertently compare their relationship to. In addition, certain groups (like the younger generations) have been progressively doubting the validity of this bond. Specific questions they bring up are what qualifies certain individuals to be soulmates (as opposed to others) and the possibility that individuals can form bonds with other people — which can be as 'complete' as the bond with a designated soulmate. Thus, an increasing percentage of people are choosing to not be with their soulmates and find their own partner.

Honestly though, Mikasa Ackerman is fine if she doesn't find her soulmate. The rising second-year computer science graduate student understands that happiness can be found without soulmates.

Mikasa's life was filled with peace and happiness when her parents were alive. Although she never found that same joy with her mother's side of the family, Mikasa eventually found it with her cousin on her father's side, Levi Ackerman. When she went to college, she discovered friendships that would last for a lifetime. Some of those friendships have carried on with her into graduate school and she consistently keeps in touch with those who are currently working. Memories were made that would stay with her forever, and she knew she would continue to make new ones with the people she cared for and loved.

All in all, the 23-year-old is more than content. Mikasa firmly believes she doesn't need a soulmate to achieve her goal of a peaceful life with her friends and family.

It seems like a normal summer day when she meets with her close college and graduate school friend, Armin, for lunch. They're at their usual spot in a restaurant and Mikasa patiently waits. The blonde-haired man said that his childhood best friend was starting the two-year MBA program at their university and proposed the idea of getting food together. Over the five years she's known Armin, she's heard him mention this friend more than once, but this will be her first time meeting him.

"Mikasa!"

She turns her head at the familiar voice and gives Armin a soft smile. Her friend just entered the doors and a few steps behind him is a tall man with dark-brown hair framing his face. His attractive features are sharp, making him look older than their age. There's a sort of natural confidence and ease to how he carries himself. He's in a light grey tee that accentuates his muscles, showing his broad, yet lean, body. As he gets closer, she notices that his eyes are a beautiful shade of green. Mikasa's cheeks take on the faintest light pink tinge; however, she takes a breath and scolds her heart for fluttering as if she were still a teenager.

Mikasa lifts her hand to wave. But then, something in her vision shimmers and her heart speeds up for a different reason.

A red thread appears on her pinky and her dark grey eyes widen. She sends a quick prayer that the situation she's thinking of won't happen. It obviously falls on deaf ears when it connects with the little finger on Armin's friend. His feet pause and his eyes also widen as he examines the string wrapped around his right pinky. Armin stops in his tracks when he sees who the thread connected to, and his mouth falls open. The three of them stay in each of their respective positions in shock.

It's only when a waiter moves past the two men to deliver a plate of food to another table that they jolt back to reality. Some people give the trio brief curious glances, but unexpected occurrences of people finding their soulmates are common enough that the majority just continue with their business.

Armin forces a little laugh as he gets nearer to the table and Mikasa stands up on shaky feet to give her friend an unenthusiastic hug. His friend, on the other hand, doesn't move from his position and Mikasa feels the awkwardness settling in.

"Well… meet Eren Yeager… Your soulmate," Armin tries to say in his usual upbeat voice, but Mikasa knows there's nothing particularly cheerful about this situation. Eren walks closer to the table, a darker look appearing on his face. While Mikasa knows these circumstances aren't exactly ideal, she can't help but feel a bit offended that he's not at least trying to be respectful.

She sits down on one side of the table while Armin and Eren sit on the other side. The thread has shrunk and is now strewn across the table in (what she thinks is) a pitiful loop. At this distance, Mikasa can see the dark circles that are prominent under her soulmate's eyes, making him look tired. Yet, the tension radiating off his body gives off an aggravated air. The scowl on his face doesn't disappear as the seconds tick by. His shoulders are rigid while he reclines stiffly back in his seat. He crosses his arms and he's looking at anywhere but her.

"Why don't we order some food and then we can talk?" Armin suggests, looking at Eren with flickers of worry in his blue eyes. The man doesn't respond and his posture hunches over slightly, as if he were trying to reign in his temper.

Mikasa attempts to give a little smile to ameliorate the situation. She's about to nod when she gasps out loud. The red thread between them has vanished and there's a burning sensation.

On her little finger.

She can't find it in herself to be offended when Eren abruptly stands from the table and barges out the doors.

---

They don't talk until almost two months later — if she could even call what they had a conversation.

After that first encounter, Mikasa avoids all mention of him around Armin. The blonde-haired man is perceptive as ever and doesn't try to bring him up. When the school year starts, it's generally fine because they're not in the same program. Therefore, they're rarely in the same building or areas of campus. However, she does catch glimpses of him when he's with Armin. On these few occasions, she immediately strides in the opposite direction or ducks inside a nearby building.

In the middle of October, it happens to be the very week that most students have assignment and exam deadlines, so every study spot on campus is filled. Her usual study area in the library by the Department of Computer Science is occupied. With no other choice, she goes to the main campus library, in hopes that there'll be a place for her to work.

Mikasa finally finds a spot that's empty and sighs in relief, walking over to grab it before someone else does. She's prepared to plop her bag down on the seat, pull out her computer and work on her coding assignment. However, she halts upon spotting who's in the next seat over.

Eren is typing away on his laptop and has a look of intense concentration. He has headphones in and is wearing a light green-grey sweatshirt that complements his eyes. She swiftly glances around but doesn't need to look to know that every seat is already filled. Turning slowly back to the seat, Mikasa swallows the protests bubbling within her and puts her backpack on the table, unzipping it and taking out her computer.

When she sits down to put in her headphones though, she dimly registers the typing to her left has stopped. Against her better judgement, Mikasa peeks to take a quick look at Eren. He's staring at her blankly with a vague scrunch between his eyebrows. She gives him an expressionless gaze back before resuming to put in her headphones. Directing her gaze to her screen, she opens her Python console to focus on the project at hand. As she starts typing her script, she accidentally looks at her mark and then ignores the contraction within her chest. Self-consciously, Mikasa momentarily shifts part of her attention to gauge what the man in the next seat is doing. Eren finally goes back to his work and she soundlessly lets out a breath she didn't know she was holding.

Time flies by. Looking at the clock, she realizes she needs to meet Armin for dinner. Mikasa packs up her things, proceeds to the elevators and presses the button. Typing a message on her phone, she looks up and sees that the doors still haven't opened. Knowing she doesn't have a lot of time to waste, Mikasa decides to just take the stairs.

As she walks to the exit stairway though, she hears footsteps behind her and then someone taps her shoulder. Rotating her body, her eyes widen when she recognizes that the person is Eren. In his hands, Mikasa sees her water bottle. Quickly taking a look at her bag, she detects that she did indeed forget the object.

"Thank you," she mutters, being careful to avoid contact with his hands as she accepts the item.

He doesn't say anything. Eren just maintains his plain gaze and gives a tiny grunt before walking away with his hands in his pockets.

She tries to brush off the illogical hurt that tersely shoots through her as she resumes her course down the stairwell.

---

The next time they truly have a conversation is about one week later.

She's with Sasha for dinner. They're eating at Paradise, the restaurant owned by her friend's boyfriend and soulmate, Niccolo. It's popular with the students, given the proximity to campus and the casual yet refined aesthetics. In Mikasa's mind, the most unique aspect of the place is the Yamaha piano: the area has no shortage of music programs, which prompted Niccolo to let students use the instrument to produce live entertainment upon certain sign-up times.

As Mikasa twirls her pasta around her fork while appreciating the performance of a well-constructed medley from The Greatest Showman soundtrack, she hears Sasha yell "Armin!"

Hoping that Armin is not with a certain someone, Mikasa slowly turns around to see the person she wanted to avoid by her friend's side. Eren looks impassive; however, she thinks she sees inklings of resignation and annoyance as their mutual blonde-haired friend comes up to chat with what she thinks is supposed to be a bright smile — but instead looks like a grimace — on his face.

"Sasha! Mikasa! Didn't expect to see you guys here," Armin says, not-so-discreetly throwing Eren a glance to which the man just maintains his emotionless expression.

Mikasa waves and smiles at her friend. Yet, she doesn't respond and resumes eating her dinner. Armin directs the conversation to Sasha, and they chatter for a bit before he finally ushers Eren to the direction of an open table on the opposite side of the room.

"So, what was that about?" Sasha asks, sending her a knowing look.

"Nothing," Mikasa replies, taking a larger bite of her food than necessary.

"Mhm. You know, you never did tell me who your soulmate was," Sasha comments in a seemingly nonchalant manner.

Mikasa doesn't say anything and continues eating. Her friend can be unusually perceptive in unwanted situations.

Sasha gives a small sigh and says, "Why don't you just talk to his friend? He seems moody, but first impressions aren't everything. Niccolo didn't think very highly of me when we first met."

"That's not the issue."

"Then what is?"

"Not everyone wants a soulmate, Sasha," Mikasa answers in a tight voice, her hand grasping the fork a little more stiffly.

"Yeah, I know how ya feel. But'cha never know wha'cha might find in a soulmate, regardless of romantic or platonic relationship." Her friend's southern drawl leaks into her sentence, which Mikasa knows is a sign of her friend's genuine thoughts.

She doesn't respond. Sasha thankfully drops the subject and then proceeds to talk about something that happened at work.

Eventually, Mikasa needs to use the restroom; when she walks to the small hallway leading to the bathrooms, she sees Eren coming out from the opposite end. They make fleeting eye contact, but he maintains his pace and looks away from her.

"Can we talk for a minute?" Mikasa asks, raising her voice a bit to be heard over the music.

He acts as if he didn't hear. She feels an abrupt pang of offense, so she moves to stand in his way. Eren finally stops in his tracks but not before letting out a clearly annoyed breath, still refusing to meet her gaze.

"I'd appreciate if we could at least discuss the situation we're in," Mikasa says in what she believes is her calm voice.

Eren scoffs — his eyes trained on something in the distance — and asks, "What is there to talk about?"

She suppresses the bristle of irritation slowly spreading in her body. She can feel the air around them start to compress from their rigid demeanors. Taking a deep breath, Mikasa then says, "I don't believe in needing a romantic soulmate to be happy. You clearly don't like the idea of having a soulmate either. I'm just asking that we respect one another, because like it or not, we are bonded."

The man finally looks at her and the dark glare on his face surprises her. His eyes narrow as he steps forward slowly. For a second, she has the instinct to move back; however, Mikasa holds her ground and his stare.

"What determines that we're bonded? A piece of string? This mark?" Eren raises his right hand, showing the light red ring on his little finger contrasting with his tan skin. The tension radiating off his body gets stronger with each step he takes towards her, and his posture stands tall above her. As she studies him, her mind draws a blank to his words: Mikasa honestly doesn't know what to do or say. Even when he gets closer to her, she can't move because her feet are planted to the floor. The only thing that she can think to do is simply gawk at him, her mouth the tiniest bit agape.

Eren lets out a little detached chuckle at the lack of response from her. Dropping his hand and then stuffing his hands into the pockets of his jeans, he then says, "You're right. I don't like the idea of having a soulmate because it means I'm subject to something that defines my path. And that honestly pisses me off."

He's about one foot away from her now. Eren's green eyes bore into her grey ones. Even under the dim lighting, she can see the dark circles under his eyes. The contours of his face are even more defined, and the exasperation is clear in his appearance. She closes her mouth and steadies her heartbeat. She can't repress the frustration shooting through her now.

Mikasa narrows her eyes at him and prepares to say something back at him. However, her throat closes as his stare becomes icier. Hurt spikes up within her as she remembers a similar stare from an older man with black-grey hair. Then, she recalls aloof glances from towering adults looking down from their noses. And she briefly feels the suffocating coldness of a place she was once trapped in.

All things she had no control over in her childhood. Just like how she had no control over this bond that was suddenly forced on her.

"So, if you expect us to be nice to one another because we're 'bonded', then you're exactly like the kind of person that I dislike," the dark-haired man states, glowering at her. His green eyes flash for a brief second, accentuating the incensed look he has. Eren then brushes by her while Mikasa stands there in a trance.

It's not like she was anticipating the conversation to go well. Nonetheless, she looks up to the ceiling and fights the water threatening to come out of her eyes.

---

Since that night at Paradise, whenever the two catch sight of one another, they either proceed to ignore the other or walk in the opposite direction. It works for the most part and they're both honestly more than happy with the arrangement. Mikasa sees Armin significantly less outside of classes now because she knows he's with Eren most of the time. On a few occasions, her friend has hesitantly asked her to attend some social events with them. She knows Armin means well, but she doesn't think getting to know Eren will make any difference. Putting the two of them in the same room seems like a firecracker waiting to explode, which she doubts will make her friend (or anyone around them) comfortable.

So, Mikasa comes up with many excuses — whether it's about her job as a TA, her studies, or her thesis preparations — to avoid them.

One afternoon, Armin invites her over to his home for Thanksgiving as they work on a school project together. Usually, whenever he's asked her in previous years, she declines to spend time with Levi and his friends. She's about to refuse again because now she knows who will be there at the gathering.

"Mikasa, he really isn't that bad," Armin protests. She raises an eyebrow at him, to which he blushes. At least her friend has the decency to look embarrassed. He rubs the back of his neck, and she catches a glimpse of the mark on his own little finger. Armin has been linked to their friend Annie Leonhart since freshman year of college. She inwardly snorts at the memory of when the two first met: he accidentally fell out of his seat that day in class upon that realization, prompting the stoic blonde-haired female to just glower at the bumbling mess on the floor with her ice-blue eyes.

Nevertheless, the two had been dating ever since their sophomore year.

"Look… we haven't seen each other outside of classes for a while now. Your bond with Eren doesn't change the fact that you're still one of my closest friends. And this might be the last Thanksgiving we have in a while, since we don't know where we're going after the program… So, if you're comfortable, can you consider coming over for this year?

Mikasa pauses in typing her script and looks up at Armin's face. He's sincerely looking at her and — no matter what — she knows that this bond shouldn't change her relationship with Armin.

When she first came to a city that was completely unlike the one that she grew up in, Mikasa was in a place full of strangers. Armin also was a shy boy but very warm and kind. So, when the two students were paired up for an assignment, it helped them form a friendship that neither would've expected. Now, Mikasa can say with absolute certainty that Armin is her closest friend and someone she regards as family.

It's this absolution that encourages Mikasa to sigh and nod. Armin immediately breaks out into a large smile and his energy becomes contagious. She also feels the corner of her lips turning up when she sees his blue eyes brighten. As the afternoon goes on, some of the friction leaves her body. When she goes back home for the day, she feels more relaxed than she's been in a while.

And then during the week before Thanksgiving break, Mikasa's in the back of a café grading some undergraduate projects. Taking a break to stretch her muscles and back, she notices that Eren is at the front of the store talking Armin. Even from a distance, she can tell that his posture is looser and more easy-going. Armin smiles at something he says and lightly punches his arm. She feels her chest contract in restlessness when looking at the two, so she quickly glances away.

Still conscious of their presence, she grits her teeth in determination and puts all her effort in marking a student's code. When a few minutes pass, she looks up and sees that both have left the cafe. She slackens and leans back in her seat, exhaling a deep breath. After the relief in avoiding him fades though, Mikasa thinks about how familiar the two seemed. A spike of pain stabs at her, but she doesn't know why when they've both made it clear that they don't want anything to do with one another.

All Mikasa knows is that she doesn't want to go to Thanksgiving anymore. So, she texts Armin that night and cancels on him.

---

Thanksgiving comes and she's alone in her apartment. She videocalls Levi after making herself lunch and sees that he's preparing things for dinner with the few friends he has.

Levi sets the laptop down on the counter and then washes his hands — running them through the water and soap at least two times. Her cousin gets the chopping board and begins to cut an eggplant into thin slices. "Why aren't you at Armin's place?"

"Something came up and I couldn't go," she replies vaguely, hoping they would move from the topic.

Levi gives a little grunt and doesn't approach the subject any further for a bit. However, when he starts slicing the zucchini, he asks, "Does the reason have anything to do with your mark?"

Mikasa blushes and self-consciously touches her left hand. She'd been trying to hide it from him during the call and never mentioned it in any previous interactions. But not many things get past him.

"He's Armin's best friend," Mikasa says quietly, absentmindedly stroking her left pinky.

"Tch. Is that any reason to not go to your friend's for Thanksgiving?" He's moved onto tomatoes now.

"It seems we're both not interested in getting to know one another," she answers drily, remembering the Eren's uninterested demeanor towards her on every occasion. She thinks back to that night at Paradis and how exasperated he looked when they discussed the sensitive topic of their bond. And then she thinks about his easygoing and casual attitude with Armin, the memory causing her shoulders to sag.

Mikasa wasn't expecting romance or anything, but she did want to be treated nicely without some prior belief about what kind of person she was.

"Again, what does that matter?"

"It just makes things awkward for us."

"Yeah. But aren't you making Armin uncomfortable if you're avoiding him because of their friendship?" He grabs a yellow squash from off-camera and starts chopping it up.

Mikasa pauses at that and looks down at her hands. She knows that dodging Armin has meant they couldn't be with one another in their typical fashion. Thinking back to all the study sessions, food adventures, coffee runs, movie nights, and other various activities, she knows that she misses doing things with her close friend. She misses the contentment that comes from being with someone she considers family.

However…

"I haven't been spending much time with Armin lately… But my soulmate's with him most of the time, and he's not exactly the most receptive person when we're in the same room."

"Just tell him to stop being a whiny bitch."

Mikasa gives a good-natured roll of her eyes. "Would that help?"

"If it gets him to stop being a little shit, then yeah," Levi states in his usual gruff tone as he starts making some sort of red-yellow sauce.

She lets out the smallest smile at that. If someone asked her about nine years ago if she thought she'd find a family again, she'd have said no. After her parents passed away when she was 14, she was taken in by her estranged aunt on her mother's side, Kiyomi Azumabito. Despite her aunt's efforts to be so, Mikasa never was very close with the woman.

When she was a teenager, she understood that there was bad history when her mother married her father. Most of the relatives on her mother's side were opposed to the marriage. And that dissent carried over to the perception of the young girl. The first (and only time) her and her mother visited the Azumabito's in Japan, there was clear friction between the two parties. Kiyomi was much more polite than the rest, but it didn't change the fact that Mikasa was exposed to the hostility of people the young girl was supposed to consider "family".

The second she entered Kiyomi's home, she felt its coldness. As her aunt showed Mikasa around with a demure smile in her pristine suit, perfectly applied makeup and high bun, the young teenager felt like she was an extended guest in a host's home. In addition, her aunt's and uncle's jobs as directors of the Azumabito family company kept the two busy, so she rarely saw her guardians on a day-to-day basis. Thus, Mikasa was mostly alone in that house with a housekeeper.

She was never a difficult child, so Kiyomi didn't have to lay out many ground rules for her. However, the one thing she was forbidden from doing was contacting her father's relatives. Mikasa learned later that was a condition that her grandfather set for Kiyomi if she was to take in the young girl.

Her aunt tried adding affection and care to her touch when raising the young teenager, but it felt artificial. It seemed like Kiyomi did everything because those things were expected of her. Overall, Mikasa had a lovely room, a magnificent Steinway to play from, a small bank account, clothes, and electronics. Almost every material thing a teenager would want, except she didn't have the most important things.

A home filled with warmth. A family who truly loved and cared for her.

There were no genuine hugs, smiles or sounds that filled the physical space. Everything in that house was like a cage. Her new home was like an ice palace that slowly froze and numbed the girl as the years went by. It got to the point where at one point, she didn't even know who she was underneath the frozen layers.

However, she endured the cold and then went to college in Chicago. She slowly built friendships with those around her and Mikasa came to cherish those people dearly. During that time, she felt herself thaw as warmth introduced itself back into her world. She found bits and pieces of herself with the help of her friends.

Furthermore, she finally was able to reach out to her cousin on her father's side, Levi Ackerman, who she remembered faintly from some family visits. The older man was quiet and reserved like her — and quite crude and sarcastic, unlike her — but they found a companionship with one another the more they got to know one another. Eventually, when she went back to home to California for the summer, she started staying at Levi's place in Sacramento. Mikasa kept in contact with Kiyomi at certain points out of respect but didn't visit her.

The Azumabito's weren't family. Levi was. Her friends were also.

Especially Armin.

So, she makes the decision to finish the conversation with Levi, quickly dress up and then hurry to Armin's house.

Mikasa rings the doorbell and anxiously crosses her arms, hoping that Armin wouldn't be mad at her.

When the door opens though, a pair of green eyes meets hers. Traces of surprise flicker in them before Eren's masks his expression into an impassive one. He steps aside to let her in, but Mikasa doesn't move from her position. As the seconds tick by, his shoulders tense up as he stares at her, signs of annoyance filtering through his appearance.

Mikasa, however, holds his gaze when she determinedly says, "I'm not going to let our feelings toward one another affect my friendship with Armin. Can we at least do that?"

The taller man looks startled for a moment. Then his face loses any sort of irritation; instead, it gains disgruntlement and some embarrassment. He briefly looks down at his feet, before sighing and meeting her grey eyes while muttering, "Yes."

She inaudibly exhales in relief and steps into the coziness of the Arlert household. She can smell cinnamon, roasted meat and all sorts of delicious smells coming from the kitchen. Hearing the familiar noises and sounds from her friends, the corner of her lips turns up.

"Meat!" Knowing that could only be Sasha screaming at the top of her lungs, Mikasa lets out a small chuckle upon hearing that exclamation. Her insides slowly become coated with warmth as she puts away her coat.

When she turns around, Eren is leaning against the wall, looking at her with an inscrutable gaze and his eyebrows slightly scrunched together. They stare momentarily at one another, but Mikasa doesn't understand what's going on in his head.

"Mikasa!"

She breaks her gaze from Eren's upon hearing Armin's voice. Armin looks overjoyed to see her and she feels her whole body unwind when he comes up to give her a quick hug. The dark-haired man takes the opportunity to escape from the front entrance and back into the noise coming from the living room.

"I'm so glad you could make it! I thought you weren't going to show up," Armin says, his blue eyes lighting up. And then she knows, without a doubt, that she made the best decision for herself and her family.

"I'm happy I'm here," she says sincerely.

Armin's expression dims a little bit. He glances back at the living room abruptly, signs of worry entering his eyes. This action prompts Mikasa to take his arm and squeeze it gently. She gives him a gentle smile as she says, "It's fine. It changes nothing: you are one of my closest friends and family."

He stares at her, somewhat dumbstruck. When Mikasa continues to smile, the doubt in his face vanishes and he takes her by the arm to lead her to the rest of the group. The living room is filled with their friends and the sounds of cacophony from Connie and Jean playing "Heart and Soul" on the keyboard in the corner. Sasha catches sight of her and basically drags her to the keyboard, vigorously pleading with her to fill their ears with good music. Mikasa responds by shoving a piece of bread from the glutton's plate into her mouth.

As she looks around the room, the lines on her face relax and her eyes soften. Annie comes up silently to her side, handing her a glass of wine and they wordlessly tap their glasses together. She takes a sip and reclines against the edge of the sofa. In this moment, Mikasa feels livelier and more energized. The anxiety from earlier today is alleviated and she doesn't regret coming at all. Upon watching her family, she lets out a genuine beam — displaying her dimples — and a soft giggle when she sees Sasha tackle Niccolo for the meat on his plate.

Mikasa is so engrossed when gazing at everything in front of her that she doesn't notice a pair of green eyes thoughtfully observing her from the kitchen.

---

The rest of the semester flies by. Her and Armin, thankfully, go back to how they were before. She makes the final push for her studies, job and research for the fall.

She still occasionally sees Eren at a café or a library, or when she runs into him and Armin. They still don't talk to one another, but something subtle has changed since Thanksgiving: there is less friction in the air, and the atmosphere isn't as apprehensive as it was before. They are cordial to one another and acknowledge one another's presence with a little head motion. Armin also doesn't seem as uncomfortable as he was earlier whenever the two were in close proximity. Overall, they proceed as if they were simple, respectful strangers to one another.

Mikasa's more than satisfied now than she was when the semester first started.

One afternoon during finals week in December, Mikasa goes to the main library and finds herself in the same situation as she was in during October. However, this time, her and Eren make eye contact before she's decided if she wants to keep looking or sit down. His expression is indiscernible, but then he moves his laptop an inch to the left. She's a bit struck with disbelief at first; however, a surge of gratefulness arises in her as she puts down her things and sets up her workspace. When she types away at her research, Mikasa feels less pressure emitting from his body. She smiles inwardly, her mood much lighter.

About an hour into her work, her phone lights up with a call from Kiyomi. She ignores it.

She gets another call from Kiyomi about an hour later. Mikasa ignores it again.

And then she gets another call about a half hour later. She considers ignoring it a third time, but something tells her to pick it up. Possibly because her aunt has never been so insistent before. So, Mikasa hurriedly pushes back her seat and takes a deep breath before going to the bathroom to answer it.

"Hello?" her soft tone asks, trying to sound as neutral as possible.

"Mikasa," a low voice says. She frowns. This isn't Kiyomi's voice, but rather her uncle's voice.

"Yes?" she responds tentatively.

"Kiyomi asked me to call you. She would like you to come back home for Christmas," her uncle says gruffly.

Mikasa tightens her hold on her phone. "I was planning on going to Levi's home again."

"Your aunt wants to see you." A hint of exasperation is apparent in his voice from having to repeat himself.

"I already told Levi I was going, and I don't want to change my plans."

There is only silence on the other end.

Mikasa suppresses the urge to sigh and then proceeds to say, "If there's nothing else, then I still have work to do. Goodbye."

As she's about to hang up though, her uncle quietly states in a resigned tone, "Your aunt is in the hospital."

She pauses and a rush of emotions passes through her. Her mouth feels dry. Mikasa tries to form (any) words to respond, but to no avail.

"She's been stressed these past few years due to the company's finances. This past year, her blood pressure has risen rapidly, and she collapsed three nights ago. The doctor told her to not work until after the month is over. She wants to see you this holiday."

Mikasa is mute for a bit. She glances at her reflection in the mirror and sees her usual self: chin-length black hair, grey eyes, angular face, petite nose, high cheekbones, and a lean build. However, she's surprised to find an emotionless expression that betrays nothing of the inner turmoil she's having.

These people aren't her family… But…

"All right. I'll come back."

She hears the barely audible exhale from her uncle and then they hang up.

In a daze, she walks back to her study spot and plops down a bit heavily on the seat. She puts her earphones back in, lays her elbows on the table and brings her hands to the keyboard. However, Mikasa can't find the motivation to continue her work. She changes the playlist to a piano station, but she finds even Thad Fiscella's compositions can't get her to calm down and focus.

Staring at the screen, she distractedly rubs her fingers together. Her uncle's voice echoes in her ears. But instead of feeling primarily concern for a relative, she feels like a heavy weight is being pressed onto her shoulders. Mikasa doesn't catch that the typing on her left has faltered a bit: Eren is looking at her with a tinge of curiosity from the corner of his eye.

Thinking back to her teenage years in that house, her senses become more and more dull. And then a memory of hiding behind her mother's body while they faced a room full of people with frigid and disdainful stares pops up. Controlling her breathing, Mikasa stands up and puts all her things in her bag. She walks away from the table, again, not aware of the green eyes that have been watching her every tense movement.

---

After the semester is done and she's on a flight back to San Francisco, Mikasa considers the first time she visited the Azumabito's in Japan when she was around nine years old. The family had reserved a large private room in an upscale restaurant for a reunion. As she and her mother first entered the doors, Mikasa remembers the decrease in conversation that followed when her relatives turned to see who came. She held onto her mother's hand as an older couple, which turned out to be her grandparents, walked up to them. Her grandmother was a step behind her grandfather, with her hands folded in front of her.

The older man gave Mikasa a onceover and then proceeded to talk in a stiff voice to her mother. Her grandmother took a few steps forward to the young girl, knelt and gave her a tiny smile as she stroked her hair. Yet, her grandfather gave her grandmother an icy stare, prompting her to lower her head, stand up and move back behind him. Mikasa looked at her grandparents and caught that their little fingers were marked.

When she and her mother moved around the room, Mikasa buried herself into her mother's side — the bright girl who loved chattering away to her family was no more as she faced these new people. She also noticed that almost every older relative had a soulmate mark on their little finger. However, she knew her mother didn't have a mark. The young girl didn't think it meant anything because she saw how much her parents loved one another.

As she got older though, she understood more. Her mother's side of the family was very traditional. Many of the older relatives held marriages to a very high standard. To them, a soulmate bond was the highest indication of a match made in heaven. Two people that complete each other in every practical and emotional way would lead to a harmonious and peaceful life. A perfect marriage could only be attained through meeting one's soulmate.

For a distinguished family, there were expectations for the children to study abroad, get a good education, marry her soulmate and then help with the family company. Of course, there were also prospects for future grandchildren to carry on those traditions. Since Mikasa's mother was the oldest daughter of the head of the Azumabito's, most of the burden of these duties fell onto her.

Nevertheless, her mother defied key expectations. She studied abroad and got a good education. However, she married someone who wasn't her soulmate, introducing discord between her and her parents. The act scandalized her grandfather, making him believe that she didn't honor the wishes of her family. To top it off, her mother also didn't want anything to do with the family company, leaving behind a wealthy name and reputation. So, her grandfather called her mother a disappointment: a disgrace who didn't respect her elders, instead choosing to affiliate herself with someone who wasn't "good enough for her".

Mikasa knew Kiyomi and her uncle weren't like her other relatives, otherwise they would've never requested to take the girl in. Her aunt and uncle tried to accommodate her and connect with her as best they could, but unfortunately, they didn't know how to be guardians that cared for her like her parents did. Nothing filled the gap within her for the four years she had to live with them.

Especially during the times when some of the older relatives from Japan stopped by the house to pay their respects to Kiyomi. Some looked at her indifferently. Some looked at her with pity. And some looked at her with disdain. No matter the emotion, Mikasa realized they all thought she was a mistake: the result of the disobedience from the oldest daughter of the Azumabito family.

When she had that epiphany, she had felt more trapped. Their perceptions of her mother were forced onto the young teenager, causing her to become even more unsure of who she was. She didn't know how to express herself in those years; instead, she became desensitized to everything in her environment and waited to leave the cage.

Thus, understandably, Mikasa's not sure how to feel about Kiyomi's invitation. She knows the treatment from her aunt and uncle themselves was not terrible. But no matter what, she didn't consider the Azumabito's as family. She always wondered why Kiyomi never gave her up to the Ackerman's. It probably could've saved the entire family the trouble of caring for her.

When she's outside of the scenic white house she spent four years of her life in, Mikasa takes a deep breath to calm herself.

Knock. Knock.

The housekeeper answers the door, letting her in. As she cautiously steps through the entrance, she looks at the pristine condition the house is in. Perfect white floors and white walls. Picturesque living room with a Grand Steinway. A charming dining room. Marble pillars separating each room. A chandelier in the foyer and a beautiful stairway to the upper floor.

The place has never felt bleaker and more confining.

Mikasa takes off her shoes and puts on some slippers, leaving her luggage and coat by the door. She doesn't plan to stay the night: she'll chat for maybe half an hour (or less) and then leave to go to Levi's apartment.

She slowly moves to the stairway, faintly hearing the housekeeper saying Kiyomi was currently resting in her room. Her uncle was back in Japan. As she lays her hands on the railing to steady her ascension, Mikasa feels the marble underneath her fingers. In the back of her mind, she marvels at how numb she quickly became to the frigid sensation running through her right now.

When she's outside the room, she takes a deep breath before rapping twice on the door.

"Come in," Kiyomi's voice delicately calls out.

When Mikasa opens it, she sees Kiyomi for the first time in almost four years. Her aunt is sitting in a sofa chair by the window, a blanket draped over her legs with a book in her lap. Kiyomi's face is a bit haggard and the lines on her face are worn. She lacks her usual makeup and pristine suit, making the woman look much older. Her black hair is peppered with gray strands and is up in her usual bun. Mikasa slowly steps into the room and walks forward, bowing her head a bit when getting closer to Kiyomi.

"You look more like your mother as you get older," her aunt muses, staring at her with an expression of both nostalgia and thoughtfulness.

Mikasa feels her heart tighten a bit and clasps her hands in front of her, making sure to overlay her right on top of her left.

"How is your health?" she asks in a monotone fashion.

"Recovering. I should be fine to work in a week or so," Kiyomi says, adjusting her book in her lap. Distantly, Mikasa realizes that her aunt never usually fidgets.

After nodding dispassionately, she stands there in silence for a bit, unsure of what to do. As the moments pass, the young woman becomes more and more detached to understanding why her aunt wanted to see her.

"Well, if there's nothing you need me for, I'll be off," Mikasa states, preparing to dip her head and turn to leave.

"Do you remember the first time we met?" her aunt suddenly asks in a hushed tone.

Mikasa pauses and looks to the woman sitting down. Wondering where the conversation is going, she nods slowly.

"It was your first time meeting the Azumabito's. You were such a beautiful child even back then." The corners of Kiyomi's mouth turn up slightly. "Not many of the older members approved of what your mother did. And unfortunately, that prejudice transferred onto you. You didn't understand completely what it meant at that time, so you still went to every relative with a shy smile on your face."

Mikasa recalls smiling because that's what she was taught to do. She also recalls being afraid whenever someone scrutinized her for reasons she didn't understand.

"You saw a piano at the corner of the room and then your face instantly lit up. You let go of your mother's hand and proceeded to play some song."

She doesn't even remember what she played. She just remembered the instrument was a welcome distraction from the icy room and comforted her in an unpleasant situation. That's how she always used to feel whenever she played the piano.

"I remember your grandfather thinking you were disobedient. Your grandmother thought it was almost endearing. I thought I had never seen a child freer from the confinements of familial pressure."

Mikasa doesn't know how to respond to that and merely blinks.

"Everything we did in our family was dictated. Whether it was by fate or by our own parents, we didn't have much choice in how we lived our lives. Your mother and I were expected to find our perfect match and then contribute to the company. We were expected to have children and then raise them to pass on the teachings of the Azumabito's."

Kiyomi looks down at her hands at her last sentence and then quietly states, "I could never have children… I wanted to take you in because I thought it would satisfy the one thing I lacked to fulfill my obligations for this family."

Mikasa remains silent, not sure how to react.

"But I remember buying you that piano and something about you changed. The expression in your playing was completely different. Your music was still beautiful, but the first time I heard your music in this house, it seemed like you were restraining yourself."

What helped her get through those four years was playing piano. She began at the age of five and immensely loved the hobby. She loved the way it made her feel like she could enter new worlds; every piece made her feel like a different being: a dancer on the rooftop in the middle of the city, an angel floating high above everyone else, a spirit in the middle of a forest. Playing music made her feel like she could be anything — all by trailing her fingers over the black and white keys.

After her parents died, her ability in finding new worlds and new characters waned gradually. But the first time she played at Kiyomi's house, she realized how much control she had over the instrument. She could direct the tempo, the articulation, the dynamics, and so much more; Mikasa craved for that power when everything in her life spiraled out of her hands in the span of a month. The control she gained became an anchor in her four years in that household when she couldn't change the beliefs of her family.

When she couldn't spread her wings while living in this house.

"And then I knew what a terrible thing happened to you… I confined you in this house when you could've been free with another family." Regret leaks through her aunt's voice.

Moisture forms in the corner of Mikasa's vision.

Kiyomi lifts her gaze to her niece's and softly states, "But I still wanted a child to take care of. So, I tried being there for you, but I recognized it was never the same as your parents. And I just didn't know what to do."

She knows her aunt tried. But it was never enough.

"These past few years, the company went through some large changes that I had to manage. And I kept feeling the pressure of what needed to be done. When I collapsed, for some reason, I immediately thought of what you went through all those years ago. And how lonely you must've felt during the time."

Mikasa had the weight of her family's perceptions on her. She didn't know who she was supposed to be. She didn't know what she needed to be. There was neither family she could turn to, nor any warmth or hope in the home. At times, she honestly felt like there was nothing for her, but she continued because that's what her parents would've wanted.

"I want to apologize for not being able to do more for you when you were younger." Kiyomi then extends her hand. Mikasa hesitantly takes it, prompting her aunt to pull her in closer. Brushing her fingers against the back of the young woman's hand, Kiyomi's touch feels cool, yet strangely soothing. The older woman then gently grabs Mikasa's other hand, and her eyes widen fractionally when they take in the soulmate mark.

Kiyomi then looks up to Mikasa with a genuine gaze and says, "No matter what, I want you to be happy. I want you to be free like that young girl who had no qualms about playing the piano in front of a family who didn't care for her."

The girl swallows unsteadily, forcing back the emotions climbing up her throat. They stay in their respective positions for a moment, before Kiyomi asks uncertainly, "Would you like to stay for dinner?"

Mikasa gives a small nod in response.

---

She ended up spending half of her break at Kiyomi's home and half of it with Levi. While awkward at first, Mikasa managed to open up and find common ground with the woman. Through more interactions, they started over and got to know one another bit by bit. By the end of her stay, Mikasa imagined the place defrosts and brightens a little bit.

After landing back in Chicago, she goes back to her apartment and considers turning in early for the night, but she finds herself a bit restless. She's not sure why at first, but her feet end up taking her about a 15-minute walk away to Paradise. Staring from outside the window, Mikasa can see the place is mainly deserted with a few stragglers in the restaurant. She notices Niccolo at the bar, cleaning up.

Upon entering the restaurant, Niccolo looks up from the counter. He gives a surprised wave to her. "Mikasa!"

She wordlessly nods in greeting. Pointing to the instrument in the corner, she asks tentatively, "Can I play for a few minutes?"

Niccolo follows her gaze. "Yeah, sure. Just letting you know, I'll be closing soon."

Mikasa gives him a little smile in appreciation and slowly walks to the piano. After taking the cloth covering off the instrument, she opens the lid and carefully sits down on the bench. She shifts around a bit, trying to get comfortable and vaguely registers the tiny squeak of the wooden legs.

Tentatively running her slim fingers over the black and white keys, she presses on a few in trepidation. The sound rings in her ears.

It's been so long, but her muscles remember the movements.

When she plays the opening bars, the joints in her fingers feel the stiffness from disuse. As she continues, the notes sound disjointed instead of smoothly connected. What is supposed to be a pianoforte instead sounds like a mezza forte. Her tempo is a bit off. She's not holding the notes long enough or giving them their full rest. There's little precision to her technique. Overall, she's playing like a beginner.

And she's never felt so free.

As she enters the second part of the song, the sixteenth notes make her think of the bright sun coming out from behind a group of clouds. The dynamic is soft in her left hand and firmer in the right hand. Her right hand carries the melody while her left plays the chords. As the tempo picks up, the section makes her think of rushing water hitting the shorefront. The sound gradually increases to hit the song's climax, and she's reminded of beams of light shining forth from the sky after a rainy day. She instinctively moves her body forward to emphasize the crescendo, putting more weight into the notes.

For the first time in so long, Mikasa feels like she's entered a new world: she's spread her wings, flying high and soaring through the clouds.

Then she pulls back as the sound gradually decreases to indicate the finish, and she trails her fingers over the keys as the ending bars close.

She feels flushed. Her fingers hurt from having not played in a long time. Her arm muscles are a bit sore, and her posture feels tight, but Mikasa has missed that feeling. Putting her hand to her chest, she feels the thump-thump of her heart beating rapidly.

She hasn't played like that in so long. Without caring for control. Without considering the perfection of her technique.

Without enjoying the freedom in expressing herself as whoever she wanted to be.

Mikasa lets out a soft smile and then opens her eyes, not realizing she closed them in the first place. Her grey eyes are blinded by the light hitting her face, forcing her to instinctively scrunch them up again. Gradually, she stands up, closing the lid and gently putting the covering back over the instrument.

As she stands up to walk out the doors though, she falters upon noticing Eren leaning by the bar, his green eyes watching her with thoughtfulness and some sort of nostalgia. His right elbow rests on the counter, the hand dangling mid-air. Even in the dim light, Mikasa catches the mark on his little finger. She swallows evenly. Giving him a little head dip, she proceeds to move past him.

"That was beautiful," he quietly comments, not directly looking at her.

She pauses and turns partially to look at him, a bit flattered that he took the time to listen. "Thank you," she finally responds in a delicate voice.

"That song was 'Gracie's Theme', right?"

Mikasa fully rotates her body to him and nods, surprised that he knew the piece.

"It was one of my favorite songs to play when I was younger," Eren clarifies, his gaze meeting hers. His eyes are softer than she's ever seen before and his shoulders are also much looser. She realizes this is probably the first time they've had a real conversation where the atmosphere didn't first have any sort of tension.

Welcoming this change, she finds herself letting out a slight smile as she says, "Mine too."

They stare at one another for a bit, before Eren clears his throat and looks away. He glances at his shoes and his posture slumps a bit. His natural ease disappears in an instant. Sticking his hands in his pockets and taking a deep breath, Eren makes eye contact again with her and says, "I know I haven't been a nice person. And I'm sorry… I just don't like the idea of soulmates and I took it out wrongly on you."

Her breath hitches for a split second. His voice carries tones of regret, but his face also reflects determination as he apologizes to her. Mikasa's eyes enlarge the smallest bit when studying him, and an unrecognizable feeling starts circulating within her.

"Can we start over?" He asks, uncertainty and worry leaking into his expression.

Mikasa finds herself getting lost in those orbs before she comprehends what he asked. Hazily, she wonders how the young, assured man from the restaurant about five months ago could be so different from the person in front of her now. Nevertheless, the corner of her lips turns up to form a genuine smile. Extending her hand, she then says, "Nice to meet you, my name is Mikasa Ackerman."

Eren chuckles authentically, making her heart flutter momentarily and an inadvertent light red tinge to spread on her face. When he takes her hand in his warm one, he looks more like a young boy. He shakes her hand gently and responds in gratitude, "The pleasure is mine. Eren Yeager."

Upon that note, she feels a little lighter and happier.

---

Since that encounter almost a month ago, the effort to be more friendly with one another has increased. Whenever they see one another on campus or off campus, they'll give a little wave or head motion, acknowledging the other's presence. Sometimes they'll quirk their lips as a friendly gesture. If they have the time to do so, they'll make some sort of short conversation.

About the weather. School. Projects. Classes. Nothing special.

On the few occasions she sees him with Armin, however, his personality shifts. Before that night at Paradise, she discerned Eren restrained his true nature whenever the three of them were in the same room. Now, if she runs into the two, he shows more of a laid-back character. He's able to joke more freely with Armin around her and prattles on about any topic the two find themselves discussing. Any tension left-over in the atmosphere between the two has dwindled significantly. Armin, as a result, is also more relaxed whenever she and Eren are together.

Even though they certainly are more comfortable with one another compared to their first meeting, Mikasa sometimes will happen to glance at the mark on her left little finger and wonder unintentionally if they're supposed to feel more. She's heard some people explain an instant connection formed between them and their soulmate upon first meeting. Some have said that they still took the time to get to know one another platonically before progressing into a romantic relationship. Overall, everyone seems to have different experiences, even though the result seems to be the same.

However, whenever Mikasa catches herself thinking too deeply, she reminds herself that there's no reason to have those kinds of expectations if she doesn't have any intentions to begin with. Having those thoughts will only overcomplicate things. So, she disregards them and carries on as she's done so before.

Overall, Eren Yeager is not what she expected. There are times when he's withdrawn and quiet; and then, there are times when he's passionate and outspoken. It's an interesting duality of characteristics. But she sees that in his core, he's someone who cares about those around him.

That much was obvious from their conversation on Thanksgiving. And it became more obvious one night she stayed at the library until almost midnight. Unfortunately, the weather that evening was light snow mixed with rain. She didn't plan on leaving this late but between job applications, assignments and her final thesis, time got the better of her. As she's by the doors of the library, she buttons up her jacket and plans to brave the cold to get back to her apartment, which is about a 15-minute walk from her current location.

"Mikasa?"

She turns her head in surprise and sees Eren behind her.

"How's it going?" He asks, taking an umbrella from the outside pocket of his backpack.

Inwardly, she laments at not preparing for the weather. "Good, you?"

"Good. About to head home," he responds, looking down at her with his green eyes.

Mikasa nods. Typical conversation. Preparing to move out the doors, she gives him a little wave.

"Are you going to be all right walking home this late?"

She stops in her tracks and faces him. He's looking at her with a hint of curiosity in his eyes.

Nodding again, she opens the doors and pulls up her hood to protect her from the drizzle. The wind is chilly, and a gust blows the freezing precipitation onto her cheeks. Mikasa closes her eyes from the onslaught and lowers her head to avoid the water getting into her eyes. The frigid temperature causes her to shiver, despite being covered in her thick winter coat. Tucking her hands into her pockets, she hunches over the tiniest bit as she walks briskly against the wind.

Suddenly, she feels on edge. Mikasa strains to listen to her surroundings while beginning to increase her pace. Her instincts nudge at her, indicating someone is coming up behind her. She distinctly hears footsteps getting closer and closer. Mikasa is about to turn around and land a kick to person's solar plexus when an object in her peripheral vision hovers above her.

It's an umbrella.

Immediately twisting her body, she comes face to face with Eren. His expression is seemingly blank, but some humor trickles into his green eyes. Mikasa lets out a breath she wasn't aware she was holding. From this position, she sees just how much taller he is and the full eyelashes that brush against his dark eyelids. With a jolt, she notices how close they are when fitting underneath the umbrella and then takes a step back, feeling a bit embarrassed. But then the embarrassment is replaced with some annoyance.

She sends him a questioning gaze, to which Eren shrugs his shoulders and responds, "You might be comfortable walking alone, but I don't feel comfortable leaving someone I know on their own this late at night. Especially in Chicago."

Mikasa raises her eyebrows at him, a little bit in disbelief. He proceeds to walk forward. Her feet stay planted. Partly, because it's not a big deal: she's walked home at night before a few times. And partly because she's still surprised that he would do something like this for her. There's a little nudge that resonates in her mind at that last thought, but she inwardly scolds herself for thinking like that.

Upon noticing that she's not walking with him, Eren pauses to turn around. He quirks an eyebrow at her, throwing her an almost challenging stare. They stare at one another briefly before Mikasa sighs. Acquiescing to his offer, her feet tentatively move towards him and under the shelter of the umbrella.

There are a few minutes of silence while walking through campus before she says in a soft voice, "Thank you."

"You're welcome," he replies nonchalantly.

Looking up to his face, Mikasa discerns that the lines on his face are sharper tonight under the moonlight, making his features seem much older than that of a 23-year-old. Some of his hair plasters to his cheeks from the precipitation, indicating how long it's gotten. There's a hint of stubble on his chin and the corners of his mouth droop down. His cheeks look a little sunken. Eren looks tired and fatigued.

Something wrenches within her as she gazes at him. "Long day?" she asks sympathetically.

"Yeah, I was writing a paper for an ethics class," he responds, exhaling a little puff in exhaustion. "You?"

"Writing a draft of my thesis and filling out job applications."

He makes a humming noise. "Where are you thinking of working after school?"

"I'm not sure. I was thinking about places around the area, Seattle and back home in California."

Eren nods and then silence occurs between them again. The pitter-patter of the rain against the umbrella is somewhat soothing to hear. They come to an intersection and Mikasa directs them right. There are dim lamps that light up the streets. Most shops now are closed, but there are some stragglers on the sidewalks even at this late hour.

"How do you like the MBA program?" She questions, attempting to make conversation.

He tilts his head to her partially and replies, "It's good. Classes are interesting. There'll be lots of exit opportunities in the future."

She nods in response. Standard response. "What made you come to this school? I heard Armin mention that this year is the longest you've stayed in Chicago since high school."

Eren's silent for a little too long. Mikasa feels whatever awkwardness they previously got rid of in the past month trickle in again. She begins to open her mouth to retract the question, thinking that it was too personal for where they're at currently. However, he faintly answers, "I didn't plan on it at first. I went to undergraduate in New York, graduated early and then worked for a year as a finance analyst. I loved the lifestyle. Endless possibilities."

They stop at a pedestrian crossing. A few stray cars pass them and then they cross the street.

"I wanted to go higher, and the university's MBA program is fantastic. I originally planned to stay in New York, but this place was the next best option."

Mikasa nods as she directs him left. Inwardly, she sighs in relief that the question wasn't too uncomfortable for him to answer. And she can't deny that it feels nice to get to know him personally compared to the surface-level conversations they've had prior. "Armin seems a bit different now that you're back. In the five years I've known him, he seems more content."

Eren scoffs good-naturedly. "Figured he'd have been happier without me. We always got in trouble together in school. He had problems with bullies, so I got into a lot of fights for him."

She glances at him and smiles softly. "Armin and Jean mentioned that you were hot-headed at times."

He lets out a natural chuckle as he looks down at her and says, "I prefer the term 'protective' compared to them."

Mikasa also lets out a little laugh at his remark. Something in her stomach flip-flops when Eren smiles a little bit at her. Her skin feels slightly more flushed, which she hastily attributes to walking in the cold for over 10 minutes. Quickly glancing to her right, Mikasa sees her apartment building. She pauses in her steps and says, "This is it. Thank you again."

"Of course. Good night," he says softly, the corners of his lips turning up moderately more. His features look softer under the light from her apartment building. The darkness under his eyes lessens and the lines around them scrunch a bit when he smiles. Eren looks a little less weary from when they first left the library. She registers that this is probably the most informal he's been around her, and she feels a small surge of satisfaction that they were able to get to know one another more.

As he walks away, an unfamiliar emotion swells within her. It's not unpleasant, however, and instead makes her smile a bit wider more than normal.

---

Their relationship progressively improves after that night. Mikasa finds herself going to the main library more often than the library by the Department of Computer Science. Sometimes she'll see him and give him an inquisitive glance, wordlessly asking if she could sit. He'll always give a small upturn of his lips and move his things aside an inch or two for her. She'll sit down next to him and they'll do their own respective work in silence. She doesn't notice until later how easy it is to be in his presence.

When they run into one another anywhere on or off campus, their conversations become longer. Eventually, their speaking becomes less forced and more casual. Their conversations flow from one topic to another more and more seamlessly. They take the time to get to know one another and gradually, they learn more about one another's likes/dislikes, interests and hobbies.

She learns he used to play piano like her. Neither of them has siblings. They both have a shared love for Alan Silvestri. He's more partial to Taylor Davis, while she prefers Lindsey Stirling by the tiniest margin.

They begin to tell one another about their dreams and passions, and Mikasa sees that Eren is constantly reaching for the stars in whatever he does. Even though it's only been less than a year since they've known one another, she can tell how driven he is. Mikasa sees how much he craves making his own path. She also suspects that's part of the reason why he's more averse than Armin to staying in the state he grew up in: Eren doesn't like being tied to something if he knows there are endless possibilities for him somewhere else.

As the weeks pass, she also finds herself spending time with Armin and Eren more and more each day. Sometimes it'll be in a café for a moment of rest amid a busy day. Other times they'll have a study session together. And sporadically, they'll go outside of campus together for a social event. The trio unexpectedly fit one another. Eren's personality balances hers and Armin's as they get more comfortable with one another. He starts to laugh and smile more easily around her. Eren looks much more youthful when he's relaxed, and it makes her feel relieved for some reason. She also finds herself letting out more frequent soft smiles and chuckles.

Before, she questioned if they should feel more for one another. Now, however, she doesn't think about those sentiments too much. She's honestly glad that she found a (unique) companionship with Eren. Gradually, Mikasa starts forgetting about the bond. Very occasionally, she'll catch a glimpse of his hand or hers and a tug will pull in her rib cage.

But then she'll immediately push any thoughts out of her mind. Right now, she's content with where they are, and she doesn't want to start anything.

One late-April afternoon, Armin and Mikasa are in class when he asks her to dinner with Annie, Eren and him. When she hears the invitation as they're working on an assignment, she happens to glance right at her mark, and it suddenly feels like a double date. Pausing from her code, Mikasa looks at him questioningly. She knows Armin has no intention of setting them up, but she can't help but feel weird for a split second.

Armin quickly catches onto how the question sounded. "I'm not doing this because… you know…," he hurriedly clarifies, waving his hands in front of him. His appearance grows embarrassed, and he looks down at the table.

"I know you guys are more friendly with one another. And regardless of what you guys end up being, I want us all to hang out together. It's your choice if you want to take things further."

Mikasa pauses at that and thinks back to what Sasha commented on in the fall. While it certainly is true that most romantic soulmates marry and settle down for the rest of their lives, there are certain cases where they don't stay together or even get divorced down the road. She contemplates the meaning of the bond and how much people could fall in the trap of taking their bond for granted. People constantly change and accepting someone for their flaws and strengths was never easy, even for soulmates. She imagines a connection with someone would only heighten the way a person expresses themselves to someone else. Unconsciously displaying everything about yourself seemed taxing the more she thought about it.

Some may take comfort in knowing they're destined to be with someone in their lifetime, but she can't help but think if something like that is even needed. Mikasa has her friends and family. Shouldn't that be enough for her peaceful life?

"Mikasa?"

Blinking rapidly, the woman comes back to reality. She then realizes that she'd been staring into space for a minute, lost in her thoughts. When she turns to look at Armin, she sees that his blue eyes are inquisitive, waiting for her response.

It's your choice.

She gives a silent nod and Armin lets out a wide smile. Catching sight of her mark, Mikasa's chest gives another squeeze, and she absentmindedly traces the outline of the ring.

When the evening comes, she and Eren are sitting together on one side of the table. Despite their increasing friendship, she is still conscious — for some reason — to maintain a careful distance from him. As the evening goes on though, she finds herself unwinding as the four of them converse and share stories, prompting even the ever-stoic Annie to crack some soft smiles and her ice-blue eyes to light up. Mikasa finds herself giggling and smiling alongside the group. She doesn't recognize until the end of dinner how much the distance she tried to uphold reduced, causing her stomach to flip-flop.

Armin and Annie leave separate from Mikasa and Eren. She wants to enjoy the beautiful day in a nearby park and Eren also decides to walk with her, joking about a "food baby". She scoffs good-naturedly at him, noting that his physique is not likely to gain weight. Unwittingly, her eyes trail the width of his lean yet broad shoulders underneath his black collared shirt. But then, she catches herself admiring his form and forces down the blush threatening to spread on her cheeks.

The park has no shortage of visitors during this time. There are people enjoying an early evening stroll like them, groups lounging on blankets in the grass, people jogging or biking, and dogs running through the lawn. As they walk through the park, Mikasa observes the scenery, feeling tranquil with her surroundings. The gust tickles her chin-length hair, causing a few strands to brush into her eyes. Mikasa tucks the stray tresses behind her ears. Her lilac-white dress billows against her legs and she breathes in the crisp spring air.

"Have you accepted an offer yet?" Eren asks, looking down at her. His hands are tucked in the back pockets of his dark pants. His hair is shorter now, so it barely ruffles when the winds run through the locks.

"Not yet, I'm still debating between an offer here in Chicago and another one back in San Francisco."

Eren nods. "Do you have one you're leaning towards?"

Mikasa thinks about how to answer. Armin believes he'll work for a large financial institution here after graduation. Most of her close friends are already here in the city. She's also well-adjusted to Chicago and is comfortable with the area. However, San Francisco has endless opportunities; therefore, it makes more sense for her to work there in the future. Levi is around two hours away in Sacramento, so she could make occasional weekend trips to his apartment.

The main drawback is that she's not sure how she feels about being near Kiyomi. Even though Mikasa feels a bit more open to her aunt, the older woman is still a far cry from what she would consider "family". And no matter what, she wants to be with family wherever she is.

"I'm not sure. A lot of my friends are here, so I want to stay. But San Francisco would definitely have more possibilities."

"It does make more sense from a career perspective to go to San Francisco."

"Yes, but I would like to be with my family here."

"You have family back in California, right? It's not like you'd be missing out on much if you left here."

The young woman gives a dry chuckle. Her thumbs idly stroke the handle of the bag she's holding in front of her. "Well. I'm not sure if I would consider most of them 'family'."

Eren is silent upon hearing that declaration and then says quietly, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to insinuate."

At his apology, Mikasa turns to look at him: his eyebrows are slightly scrunched together and signs of regret leak through his green eyes. The man in front of her is completely different from the one she met last August. Secretly, she's surprised — and pleased — at the progress they've made since then.

The realization prompts something within her to mollify. "It's fine. You didn't know," Mikasa assures sincerely in a gentle voice.

His shoulders loosen and the corners of his mouth give a small upturn. "You can always come back to visit."

"Yes." The sound of a child crying sounds faintly to her left. "It just won't be the same if I were to stay."

Eren gives a little hum and looks upwards to the sky. "There's a balance to consider when choosing because of the people around you and the opportunities you're given."

Tightening her grip on the purse, Mikasa responds stubbornly, "No matter what, I want to be with those that I care about."

"Well, can you find new family if you go to San Francisco?" Eren asks.

She pauses, not knowing how to answer. Mikasa thinks about Levi and knows that she'd be happy if she could see him occasionally. On the other hand, she's uncertain about how pleased she'd be if she were to see Kiyomi. And she's not sure how likely it is that she'll find new friends who will be as close to her as her family here, given her introverted personality.

Mikasa settles for simply commenting, "I'm not the most open person."

Eren snorts, to which she gives a half-hearted side-glare. "Yeah. But I think no matter where you end up, you're going to find people that will care for you and people that you'll care for."

She rotates partially to study him and sees his genuine expression. Mikasa thinks about how she thought she would never have a family again after her parents' deaths. And then she's reminded of how Armin and her other friends became her family. She's reminded of Levi who was there for her when she wanted to reconnect, taking the time to understand her. She thinks about Kiyomi who tried to make an effort after years of not knowing what to do.

And then she knows Eren is right.

She lets out a soft smile and her grey eyes twinkle at the revelation. Nodding in affirmation, Mikasa feels more satisfied with the decision she knows to make.

A ding sounds to her left, causing her to turn in surprise. However, Eren notices before her and plants each hand on either side of her arm, gently maneuvering her to the inside of the lane. Mikasa feels the heat from his hands through the sleeves of her dress. Her heart rapidly thumps against her chest. She catches his natural scent from the proximity of their bodies, not realizing how pleasant his aroma smells until now. Stunned, she twists her head to look at him and finds him staring back at her, her grey eyes meeting his green ones.

Mikasa never noticed until now how stunning the shade of his eyes are. They're a vivid-green and have specks of teal blue in them. Under the sunset, his eyes shine a little bit more as he stares at her.

Eren breaks his gaze from her and then takes his hands off her arms. He then continues walking ahead, seemingly unaffected by what just happened. Blushing, a light pink tinge makes its way onto her cheeks. Soundlessly taking a deep breath, Mikasa tries to calm her heartbeat and steady her feet. An involuntary smile tries to make its way onto her face, but she instantly attempts to force it down. Nonetheless, her lips are still pointed upwards and she feels unexpectedly giddy.

They walk in silence for a bit before something in the corner of her vision catches her eye. She turns to the right and observes they'd been strolling on the pathway of a little hill above a wide expanse of grass. In the horizon, the sunset emits an orange-yellow glow. The color blends into the sky, creating shades of orange, purple, red, blue and white amid the trees and the buildings in the distance.

It's such a breathtaking sight that Mikasa stops and gawks at it, stunned. When looking at the scenery, a recognizable melody rings in her ears. She then thinks about flying across the sky, exploring the expanse of the endless horizon. Mikasa smiles softly at the image, pondering how fitting this sight is to represent all the possibilities she can look forward to.

The breeze picks up gingerly, causing the fabric of her dress to swish around her. In that moment, Mikasa imagines she's being carried gently by the wind to glide through the steps on her path — all to help her discover who she is.

She's unaware that Eren has also paused in his steps. Except he's not gazing at the sunset, but rather at her.

Taking her phone out of the bag, she decides to take a picture to capture the moment. "It's beautiful, isn't it?" Mikasa comments in an awestruck voice, snapping the photo.

While she's examining the image on her screen, Eren's green eyes shine a little brighter. As she takes another photo, a tender smile gradually unfolds across his face as he looks down at her.

"Yeah. It is."

---

She begins to notice small things about him.

Like how he fidgets his leg when he's thinking over something before typing it out on his computer. Or like how his fingers make tiny conductor movements when he finds a new song that he likes. Or even how he has this strange position he makes while crossing his arms: his right arm overlays the left, the hand making a fist over his heart.

Mikasa's not entirely sure why she starts picking up on these things. Regardless, Eren and her progress their friendship. They remember the times each typically goes to the library. They now have designated spots for doing assignments in the library or at a café. They message more often about nothing and everything. Random memes worm their way into each person's inbox every day. They now have meals together and go to various places outside of campus to unwind and explore.

Later, she realizes that they've been spending time more and more by themselves: Armin isn't as frequently with them as he used to be. Upon that awareness, she understands that their blonde-friend used to be like a bridge between the two of them. Now, however, she doesn't feel the need for someone else to be there with them — whether studying, eating, watching a movie, cooking, or whatever activity they do together. The atmosphere is comfortable and warm. She's comfortable. More than she thought she'd ever feel around him.

Ultimately, throughout this progression, something shifts in her. And then there are times when she questions if what she feels for him is strictly platonic.

Like sometimes she'd happen to glance at him and then her gaze would unconsciously become fixated on the young man. Mikasa would take in his shorter brown locks, his defined features and his beautiful green eyes. Sometimes his features would look very harsh if he was tired. However, she noted the more time they would spend together, the softer the lines on his face would become. Occasionally, Eren would catch her staring at him, to which she'd look away hastily. It left her embarrassed; but then a slow smile would appear on her face and her heart would delicately flutter.

Then there were moments where she'd feel some strange longing to be closer to him. Mikasa would find herself leaning into him if they were sitting together on the same side, almost touching her shoulder to his. Sometimes she'd rest her hand on the seat below her and if he did the same thing, Mikasa would have the urge to inch her fingers near his. Whenever they would walk together, she would decrease the gap between their bodies by moving the tiniest bit nearer to his side — enough to catch his pleasant natural scent — as they continued to their destination.

Yet, in all scenarios, she would catch herself in the act: Mikasa would either then make a fist and immediately retract her hand back to her lap, or she would take a step away from his body and maintain a conservative distance again.

And then there were moments when his touch would leave an unwilling desire for more. Like moments when they walked together and Eren would pull her into his side if someone on a bike or scooter flew by. Or like times when Eren wanted to quickly show her something, so he would grab her arm or her hand to get her attention.

No matter the situation, Mikasa would feel the heat of his body through her clothes, and she would immediately blush from their close contact. Eren then would let go of her, but she couldn't get rid of the pleasant tingling feeling from his touch.

Most noticeably, the lovely feeling occurred during her graduation ceremony when he wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her into his side, beaming at the camera. She briefly peeked at his face, observing how delighted (and handsome) he looked in that moment. The teal-blue specks in his eyes glittered brightly, and his features looked the most youthful she's seen since their first meeting. She gave a soft smile back and tentatively wrapped an arm around his waist, solace flooding her upon being by his side in such a close and intimate manner.

The night of Sasha's birthday, Mikasa finally registered then how much his smile left her breathless. They were having a large group barbeque in a park when Eren suddenly turned and put an arm around her shoulder. Her face immediately blushed and looked to him with mild surprise. But as she took in his relaxed face and the twinkling flecks in his green eyes, she felt herself soften and genuinely smile at him. And then when he grinned in a way that showed his dimples and white teeth, Mikasa's heart danced around in her chest swiftly. Her throat constricted at the sight in front of her and she had to remind herself to continue breathing.

Later when Mikasa went home that night, she discovered that what she may have felt for Eren wasn't just a friendship anymore. Although they didn't get off on the right foot initially, she marveled at how familiar they had gotten with one another over the span of the half year. She felt content to be by his side; whenever they were together now, it was a time for her to be at ease. She looked forward to seeing and talking to him, no matter the time of day.

While changing into her pajamas, Mikasa reflected on their personalities — first impressions aside. He was passionate. She was quiet. He could be prone to outbursts if events didn't go his way. She was patient in whatever she did. He was determined and persistent in fulfilling his ambitions. He wanted to reach higher and higher in whatever she could. She wanted to move forward, as long as she reached her goal of being with her loved ones. She wanted her peaceful life.

As she climbed under her bed covers, she recalled the afternoon when she told Kiyomi that she'd be working in San Francisco after the program. Mikasa heard the older woman give a little startled gasp before congratulating her. Kiyomi couldn't contain her excitement, and the thought brought a smile to Mikasa's face. While they had a rocky start, their relationship was progressing slowly in a direction she appreciated. After that call, Mikasa — for the first time — looked forward to being with her aunt in the future.

So, while Eren was somewhat opposite from her, he was also similar to her: he could be sullen and moody at times, but he had a good heart for those he cared about. When she was insecure about finding a family, Eren provided some hope and strength for her to move to San Francisco. It allowed her to open up the possibilities of a new family. And he helped her become more confident in making that peaceful future come true.

Throughout these reflections, she distantly wondered if this was what it meant to be "connected" to someone. Yet, as quickly as that thought came to her mind, it was also immediately pushed out. While she acknowledged to some degree that she might have stronger feelings for Eren, there was no indication that this was anything more than a simple crush; it could have been simple infatuation due to him being a good friend.

Moreover, Mikasa acknowledged that the attraction could be one-way. Despite the increasing amount of time spent together, she didn't pick up any signs of Eren changing his feelings for her. Even though she grew to notice certain things about him, he continuously acted in a way that emitted normalcy and casualness. Not in a manner that evoked anything stronger than close friendship.

In addition, she believed he still had reservations about soulmates. While it was still an unspoken topic between them, Mikasa suspected his general views and respected them. She was leaving soon anyway, so it would be for the better if nothing altered between them. Even if her feelings were reciprocated, Mikasa couldn't imagine a relationship where they had different paths to fulfill their different goals.

An image of her parents laughing with one another came up. And then an image of her grandparents followed, provoking Mikasa to contemplate (again) whether she needed a soulmate to be happy in life. Whether perceptions would become an unnecessary burden on her, influencing her to walk her path in a certain way. Whether these kinds of expectations would form define who she was and what she wanted.

In the end, there was nothing wrong being by his side like this. It still was satisfying, in its own way.

So, Mikasa continued to act as if nothing had changed. But it wasn't until one night at the beginning of August when he tried to kiss her that she knew things had definitely changed between them.

It's about a week before she needs to leave for San Francisco. They're sitting in a circle in the courtyard outside of Armin's apartment building. It's getting late and the group has been drinking and reminiscing on the past. Eren, in particular, has been very enthusiastic. He gets louder and louder, bickering with Jean as more alcohol enters his system. Mikasa, being the responsible one, begins to monitor his drinking when she notes that he's been having a few too many. He either quirks his brows or his lips, ignores her and continues taking shots of the liquor. It gets to the point where Armin decides Eren should just sleep on the couch in his apartment, much to the chagrin of Annie.

Therefore, while Armin and Annie clean up after the rest of the group leaves, Mikasa helps Eren upstairs. Which turns out to be a very hard task, considering he can't walk straight by himself and needs someone to stabilize him. She's usually quite proud of her athleticism and general fitness but supporting Eren's weight has its toll on her body. One of his arms is thrown around her shoulders and he is leaning heavily onto her. Secretly, she's honestly a bit annoyed because he usually takes heed of her advice, but tonight he just didn't listen.

"Mikasa, y'know you've become… hic… close t'me, right?" Eren's words are slurring.

They're able to get to the elevators. Half-paying attention to him, she presses the "up" button and nods.

"E'en though I'm…hic… so happy fo'you, 'm sad you're not gonna stay in Chicago," he continues.

Despite her exasperation for the past hour or so, she can't help but think the young man in front of her is endearing when he's drunk. Mikasa gives him a half-smile and chuckles.

"I'll miss you too, you know," she says softly as the doors open. They get in and Mikasa presses the button "11".

He takes his weight off her and rests against the wall, pressing the side of his head to the cool metal. Eren closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, before confessing quietly, "You know, I di'n't like you… hic… at first."

It wasn't anything new to her. Yet, her chest still uncomfortably clenches knowing that the Eren she first met didn't want anything to do with her because of his own views about soulmates. Looking back on it, Mikasa understood that time hit a little too close to how the Azumabito's regarded her because of their beliefs about her mother.

"But on Thanksgiving … hic… you made m'realize how imm'ture I was. And… hic… you helped m'realize I can't let m'thoughts get in th'way of how I treat others."

She raises her eyebrows temporarily at his honesty before the doors ding, signaling arrival at the 11th floor. Mikasa tugs his arm to guide him out. He stumbles and Mikasa moves to steady him. Suppressing a groan, she lets him lean partially on her, wraps an arm around his waist and turns left to go to Armin's apartment.

"And then… hic… when you played 'Gracie's 'eme', I wuz jealous. 'Cuz you looked like you were… hic… freed from whate'er problem you had when you got that call in th'library."

Mikasa pauses in her steps. She tries the best she can to face him, given how much his weight is pressing on her. She finds him smiling softly back at her. His green eyes seem unfocused, but Eren then comments, "Despite m'feelings 'bout us being soulmates, I did… hic… rec'gnize you seemed upset that day."

She doesn't know how to respond and then slowly resumes trudging them down the hall. He's just drunk. He probably won't remember most of this tomorrow.

Eren hiccups. "I knew then that 'ow I acted wa'n't fair of me. So… hic… I wanted to start over."

When she gets to the door, she disentangles herself from Eren momentarily to get Armin's key. He leans against the wall with closed eyes. The key is about to touch the lock when he suddenly states, "And then I… hic… was in awe 'cuz you looked so 'eautiful while playing."

Mikasa almost drops the key onto the floor. She recovers and inserts the key into the lock, but she feels a flush overcoming her from head to toe.

"These past months… hic… have made me 'appier about comin' back to Chicago. You once said you were glad you met me. 'm glad I met you."

He's just drunk. But part of her can't help but wonder if what he's saying are his true hidden feelings or if they're just words spoken from lowered inhibition and judgement.

Regardless — without looking at Eren — she takes his upper arm and then brings him into the room. She's about to just dump him on the couch, leave him and just get out of there. However, she tries to do so too swiftly, causing Eren to trip and tilt them sideways. The force also sends her to the right, causing her to stumble. However, she's able to put one hand against the wall, cushioning her blow while Eren, even in his drunken state, is able to grab her by the waist to steady her.

Mikasa looks up at him and is taken aback at the dazed intensity with which his gaze is staring at her. Her grey eyes meet his green ones, and she feels the imprint of his grip on her skin through her shirt. Eren's other hand is on the wall by her head. His dark full eyelashes brush against his eyelids as he blinks, trying to adjust his sight to the lighting in the room. She now notices how close they are: she can feel the (pleasant) heat radiating off his body.

And she can smell the alcohol on him.

Looking away, she gently puts his hands on his arms to try to extricate herself from their position. Nevertheless, Eren's grip on her waist tightens. Her eyes widen in shock as he leans in dipping his head so that he's only an inch or so above her eye level. Mikasa can feel his breath fan her face, and her heart pounds against her rib cage. She backs up, trying to give herself space but she ends up lightly hitting the wall.

With nowhere to go, Mikasa just stands there — stunned — as Eren gets closer and closer, until she can see how soft and carefree his face is from the previous laughter and interactions with their friends. His short dark hair is somewhat ruffled. His green eyes are somewhat bloodshot from the alcohol, but they're staring at her with an indescribable emotion. The teal blue specks in them shine a bit underneath the ceiling light. She finds herself getting lost again those orbs, like she has gotten before multiple times. Despite his disheveled appearance, Mikasa still believes Eren is as handsome as ever.

As she gazes into his eyes, the air changes around them. It feels like waves slowly churning until a storm hits the sea. It feels like a tempo shift from slow and leisurely beats to fast and passionate ones. It feels like the crescendo buildup to the climax of a song.

The intensity makes Mikasa vaguely registers she's barely breathing. She becomes more and more on edge as they continue staring at one another. Unconsciously, her hold on his arms stiffens. She doesn't realize the muscles underneath her fingers are also hard and rigid. A strange sensation starts building within her as the seconds pass: something seems like it's longing to burst through within her.

Eren leans more and more close, until she can feel his breath against her own lips. His line of vision drifts to her mouth and she fully comprehends what's about to happen.

He's drunk.

Eren leans in to close the distance completely and in that split second, Mikasa turns her head away. His lips end up pressing into her right cheek.

It means nothing. It has to mean nothing.

The buildup fades. The storm doesn't come. The tempo stays lethargic. The climax doesn't sound. The feeling that was itching to burst through in her chest doesn't. She lets out a breath didn't even know she was holding. She's so shocked at what almost happened that she doesn't catch that his grip on her waist somewhat strengthens. From her position, she's unable to see how his hand on the wall curls up slightly, emphasizing the protruding veins.

Mikasa slowly faces him again and sees the prior emotion in his eyes fade. There's no hurt in his appearance or any sort of emotion to gauge his reaction. His face just looks blank. His eyelids look dark again, casting an older look to his previously boyish-looking face. Eren sways a bit on his feet and some haziness clouds his features. He closes his eyes and gingerly presses his temples with his long delicate fingers, his eyebrows scrunching. She swallows unevenly, trying to calm herself down.

He won't remember any of this.

When his eyes open again to meet hers, the reality fully hits her and Mikasa's heart cracks. Traces of her feelings must leak onto her face because something in his features soften. Exhaling deeply, Eren pulls back from her but doesn't release his hand on her waist. She realizes then that she's still tightly holding onto his arms and rapidly removes them. White imprints outline where her fingers were on his flesh as a reminder of what just happened.

Trying to stabilize her breathing, Mikasa looks up at his face and then asks faintly, "Why don't you get some rest?"

Eren's eyes flash, except it's too quick for her to assess what emotion it is. When he blinks slowly, he lets out another hiccup. Nodding his head, he steps back from her slowly. Mikasa gives him a small smile and squeezes his arm as a goodbye. Surprisingly, she finds herself able to walk out the door with steady feet.

Throughout the way to her apartment, Mikasa maintains a blank expression that masks the inner turmoil she's having.

This changes nothing. He was drunk. Alcohol reduces people's judgements. We'll be fine like we were before.

She keeps on telling herself those things as she gets ready for bed. It's only when she catches sight of the mark on her little finger that she starts silently crying, sinking onto the bathroom floor.

The thing is though, she's not sure why.

---

They're doing work in a café during the beginning of May when Eren heaves a sigh. Mikasa stops typing in her console and then lifts her eyes to assess him. He seems somewhat irritated and distressed.

"It seems like I'll be in Chicago for the summer," Eren says unenthusiastically.

She knows that he'd been aiming to intern in New York for the summer, in hopes of securing a full-time offer in the city upon graduating from the MBA program.

Giving him a sympathetic smile, Mikasa says gently, "Chicago isn't a bad place for FinTech. You'll still get a lot of opportunities here." She picks up her cup of coffee and takes a sip from it.

"Yeah. It kind of annoys me that what I planned didn't come true though," Eren replies a bit sulkily.

"Taking this step doesn't mean you can't go back to New York in the future. It'll just be another road for you to go on," she reminds him.

Eren nods, sitting back in his chair and extending his legs. His lips still contain a slight pout, but he loses some of the sulkiness.

"Besides, you're ambitious and hardworking. Even if this isn't what you expected, I know you'll create a path where you'll achieve the things you want."

He sighs and looks up to the ceiling. He then mutters, "Sometimes, a lot of the things I do to fulfill my goals feels meaningless. And then it all seems even more useless if I don't get what I want."

Mikasa is quiet as she stares at him. She subtly fiddles with her hands before commenting, "I think regardless, something meaningful about your path is that you're here. A lot of your old friends are glad you're back."

They sit in silence amid the chatter in the café for a bit. Eren mulls over her words while Mikasa goes back to typing her script.

"And you?"

She looks up in surprise to find Eren observing her. His prior annoyed demeanor is gone. There's some curiosity and uncertainty in his expression, which she notes is atypical of the person she's become more familiar with. Her mouth suddenly feels dry.

"Are you glad you met me this year?" Eren asks, shuffling his feet around.

She stares at him for a second before letting out a sincere smile. "Yeah. I am."

Eren relaxes and some laid-back ease enters his form. He gives her a genuine smile back and her stomach does a (delightful) somersault. The teal blue specks in his eyes light up as he starts talking about this new cover of "Portals" from Avengers Endgame that he found.

Used to his mannerisms by now, she half-listens to him as she proceeds to type her script. In the corner of her vision, she sees her mark and silently inhales a deep breath. For a second, she questions the desire she had to remain content with where they are.

But then it quickly fades, and she's left with a tug in her rib cage.

---

Mikasa doesn't talk to him properly again until the night of her going-away party about five days later. He texted her the afternoon after that night thanking her for taking him up to Armin's apartment. There was no indication of whether he remembered what happened. Truthfully, she didn't want to bring anything up when she was leaving soon. It probably wasn't the best time to be honest with him.

Or herself.

When she gets to Paradise, the place is crowded and the sound of the piano in the corner fills her ears. Glancing to her right, Mikasa sees the usual horde of friends at a table. However, she almost falters in her steps when she sees that the space next to Eren is empty.

Said man glances up at her, giving her a beam and a wave. He looks perfectly normal. Any remnants of the drunk man that night at Armin's apartment have completely disappeared from existence. Part of her feels relieved that he doesn't seem to remember what happened. On the other hand, part of her feels — very irrational — disappointment. Nevertheless, Mikasa reciprocates the smile and sits down next to him, feeling the comfortable heat radiating from his body. Briefly she thinks of how close he was that night, but she immediately pushes that memory out and directs her attention to the sight of Connie wrestling Sasha for the steak.

The night goes on without any sort of hitches. Occasionally, she'll put her hand down on the seat and then will feel an urge to lightly grab onto Eren's fingers. Sometimes, she'll lounge back her seat and then her gaze will fall on the man next to her. Mikasa will then stare at the toned muscles visible underneath his shirt from the lighting or be struck at the attractiveness of his side profile. And then the few times that she laughs out loud, she'll sway a bit and unconsciously tilt closer to his side.

But in all these scenarios, Mikasa will become aware of her actions and then immediately will stop.

It gets late and the restaurant is about to close. The rest of the group head out, while Sasha goes to help Niccolo in the kitchen (more like steal leftovers). Armin gives her a hug before he leaves. He does, however, throw a curious glance at her and Eren before stepping out the doors with Annie.

It's just her and Eren in the place now, with some waiters and workers cleaning up.

Mikasa's hands fiddle in front of her body, the awkwardness from the past week's events finally trickling in now that it's only the two of them. She decides to also leave; however, when she turns to say goodbye to him, something in Eren's gaze stops the words from coming out. He makes a head motion to the piano and goes towards it. Her grey eyes follow his steps with mild curiosity, and she slowly trails his footsteps.

Sitting down on the bench, Eren lifts the lid and then runs his fingers over the keys gently. He presses quietly on a few notes, causing her breath to hitch. She recognizes the opening quite easily: it's the same piece she played in January.

Eren's eyes are hooded as he looks down at the keys. His fingers play the piece much more smoothly than when she played. As he hits the crescendo, Eren leans in and then accentuates the notes. Tilting his head up to the ceiling moderately, he closes his eyes and revels in the sound. Eventually, he leans away as he reaches the end of the first part and then he pauses. Opening his eyes to meet her confused ones, he moves to the right on the bench and gingerly pats the area.

"Can you play the second part for me?" Eren asks quietly.

Mikasa wordlessly moves to the bench. She carefully sits down and then touches the cool keys. Taking a deep breath, her right hand tentatively hits the beginning notes. As her right hand continues playing the melody, she feels something in her wanting to spring forth. So, her fingers press down on the keys as if willing the feeling to come through and her grey eyes close in concentration. Her fingers are liquid as they move over the notes and when the climax hits, Mikasa's head feels lightheaded, causing her to careen lightly to the tune.

But for some reason, the feeling still isn't rising above the surface. It feels like it's still there, just barely keeping afloat. She hits the chords a little harder than needed, trying to make the feeling burst through. Her eyebrows scrunch together even more. Unfortunately, it's not successful and soon the piece trails off delicately during the ending.

While her hands are still curled on the keys, Mikasa thinks back to how much this piece used to make her feel like she could soar through the clouds — as if she didn't have to be weighed down with anything that plagued her. And when she thinks back to how she played just now, she can't help but feel frustrated, wondering why she wasn't able to free herself properly tonight.

"Do you know why I love this song so much?" asks the young man next to her, bringing her back to reality.

She opens her eyes and twists partially to him. He's staring at the keys and there's a wistfulness in his expression. Shaking her head, Mikasa waits for him to continue.

"When I first heard it, it was after I found out I had a half-brother," Eren admits in a hushed tone.

Her eyes widen at that. She didn't know that.

"My parents aren't soulmates. My father was bonded with someone before my mother, but the marriage didn't work out." He scoffs. "They matched and completed one another, but in the end, their goals and ideals for their own son became different. His first wife wanted to do what was best for my half-brother and ultimately decided to get a divorce. It was messy, but I supposed he learned from his mistakes with me."

Eren gives a dry chuckle. Mikasa's heart constricts in discomfort for him. She inches closer to him on the seat.

"I was confused and angry with my father. I knew that my mother and him weren't soulmates, but I didn't think it meant anything because they loved one another. And they loved me, which was the most important thing. But it just changed everything that I knew because he wasn't what I expected."

Eren traces the outline of the white keys yet doesn't press anything. "And then when I heard this song, for a moment, it felt like I was free from whatever was holding me down. It was like I died in the first part, but then became reborn in the second part. It showed me the value of finding freedom in my life — no matter what kind of obstacle I faced."

His posture is more hunched now, some friction riddling from his body. From the side, she sees a muscle tick in his jaw. His fists are clenched on the bench, the veins visible in his hands and arms. Eren looks lost. He doesn't look like the easy-going and confident person she's come to know. Mikasa has the urge to touch his hand in reassurance yet finds herself unable to.

"Our relationship is better now, but it's part of the reason why I don't like coming back to Chicago. It's also the main reason why I didn't like the idea of us being bonded: because it felt like a chain restraining me when I sought to live the life I wanted and valued."

She's silent and unsure of how to respond. Terse feelings of pain and hurt stab her — even though she doesn't understand why. Her mouth feels dry, and she tries to come up with the words to placate him. She finally admits faintly, "My parents weren't soulmates either."

He doesn't say anything.

"They loved one another before they passed away. Different people can always make things work. I never felt the need for a bond with someone if I was able to find love with my friends and family. All I wanted was to just be with people that I care for. Not everyone necessarily is better off being with their soulmate." Mikasa feels a quick wrench within her upon this sentence but ignores it, noting that some tension in his appearance shifts. Besides, she agrees… right?

However — interestingly — she finds herself growing a little bit unsure of her previous belief.

A lull falls over the two of them. This is the first time in so long that they've brought up the topic of their bond and their feelings about it.

"We're romantic soulmates. But what does that mean?" Eren asks quietly.

Still not looking at him, Mikasa replies, "We're supposed to complete one another. We're supposed to balance one another's strengths and weaknesses." She notes how her answer sounds like it came from a textbook. Her hands wring in her lap and unconsciously trace her mark.

"But we both know that people who aren't soulmates can 'complete' others. So, what's the difference between being with our soulmate as opposed to someone else? Why are we soulmates?" Eren asks, frustration entering his voice. His stare burns a hole in his lap.

Mikasa stares at the keys. Her fingers rub against one another distractedly. She truly doesn't know.

They get along now and are comfortable with each other. She's come to regard him as someone close to her. Their conversations are natural. They know about each other's interests and hobbies. They know each other's flaws and strengths. They support and help one another. Their personalities offset one another's most of the time.

As she ponders his questions, Mikasa feels herself becoming more and more disassociated from herself. Like she's reading from a thesis dissertation on a topic she had no preceding knowledge of. Like her spirit's floating above the scene, watching them disinterestedly. Like she's played her least favorite piece too many times, to the point it's just muscle memory and she's simply moving through the bars with no expression or passion.

It's only when she turns her gaze to her mark, that a rush of unidentifiable emotions surge through her. She gains a little more clarity in her disconnected state. She's more cognizant of previous thoughts that have fleetingly entered her mind in the past year. Things that she believed she pushed out of her head have found their way back.

At first, Mikasa can't separate the sentiments running through her. But then she discerns two sensations getting stronger and stronger within her as the moments pass: uneasiness and desperation.

But all those things are also what friends and family do… So, why is she linked to a romantic counterpart? Isn't she content with where they are right now?

It was fine being by his side in this way. Couldn't her dream of a peaceful life be fulfilled like this?

What do you feel for him?

That sudden question jumps in the front of her mind. Mikasa feels like ice water was dumped over her head, jolting her back to reality. Her spirit abruptly and forcibly snaps back into her body. She's playing the bars of a piece that she doesn't even recognize. And she discerns that she doesn't know because she never seriously thought about that.

"Mikasa… What are we to one another?" He asks in a measured tone.

Time stops.

She cautiously rotates her head to him and sees his green eyes staring at her. There's curiosity in the teal blue specks, with a hint of an indescribable emotion. The dim orange glow from the ceiling highlights and contours his features. His eyebrows are wrinkled together lightly, as if emphasizing his confusion about their entire conversation. As the seconds pass, trepidation slowly makes his way into his expression. His shoulders become rigid again. Pressure begins to exude off his body, making the air around them seem vulnerable and prone to setting them on fire.

A mix of emotions — astonishment, uncertainty, anxiety — are welling up within her right now, making it difficult for her to breathe. Her hands fold into her lap and clasp one another more tightly.

"You're…"

She thinks she sees a shimmer of desperation in his eyes. But by the time she blinks, the emotion is gone. It must've been the lighting. His face still has elements of curiosity and confusion. His features become more jagged beneath the light as he waits. The tension is so thick that someone could cut it with a knife. Their gazes are locked onto one another's: Mikasa doesn't think she can look away, even if she tried to. The more she stares into his green eyes, the more she sees for certain an earnest feeling arise in the teal blue specks. And then she understands that he wants an honest answer from her.

I want you to be free.

Kiyomi's words ring in her ears. Visions of her parents flash in front of her. Visions of every relative on her mother's side flash in front of her. She thinks back to living in that cage of a house: how she lost bits and pieces of herself because of perceptions that confined her. Mikasa's reminded of the numbness and weight that was placed on her — all because of things that she had no control over.

Doesn't being free mean getting rid of other people's perceptions of you? Doesn't being free mean not having the burden of expectations? Doesn't being free mean allowing yourself the privilege of choosing who you want to be?

She thinks about everything that she thought her aunt meant. But instead of feeling more assured of herself, Mikasa only feels herself coming more undone. She sees a memory of herself sitting on that piano bench at Kiyomi's house, playing without her ability to enter new worlds and find new characters. And then, she becomes excruciatingly aware that she doesn't know what 'being free' means. Not in this situation. Uncertainty regarding everything that she thought she believed in about their relationship — as friends and even as soulmates — gets stronger and stronger.

Why would he even want an honest answer?

For a split second, she imagines the inconceivable. But as quickly as that thought came, she also scrambles to flee from it. She was leaving in three days: they had different paths and different goals. If this wasn't anything more than a simple crush, then giving that kind of response introduced too many reservations. Before this week, everything was fine; if she says something that she can't take back, then that normalcy and comfort would be ruined.

Based on his previous demeanor in this conversation and everything she knew about him, she can't imagine him wanting that kind of response, right?

And based on everything that she knew about herself, there's no need to give that answer, right?

What do you want?

All these questions make her realize —again — that she doesn't know. Upon that recognition, she feels like crying. And Mikasa reverts to that little girl on the piano bench who just wanted control over the storm in her mind.

So, a harsh twinge of fear paralyzes her as she finally answers, "Family… You're like family."

Part of her means it. And she knows part of her doesn't.

The noise around them wanes as they continue to stare at one another. Mikasa is positive her face is bright red. Blood is pounding loudly in her ears and her head feels dizzy. The air around them is less suffocating now. Eren blinks slowly, his full eyelashes touching his lids. But when their gazes meet, Mikasa doesn't see any discernable emotion in his expression. The confusion and curiosity fade. His features instantaneously look older and the dark circles under his eyes are more prominent.

In that second, Eren looks like the young man she first met in that restaurant last summer. Tired and weighed down.

But then he nods and his poise completely changes. He gets up, natural confidence and laid-back ease emanating from him. There's no sign of the prior confused, lost man. Tucking his hands into his pocket and giving her a small smile, he says, "I'll miss you. Have a good flight if I don't see you again."

Another rush of emotions cause Mikasa's throat to close. The earlier intense and stifling atmosphere dwindles, and it feels almost cold now. Finally, she replies in a raspy voice, "Yeah. I'll text you."

Eren reaches down to give her a little hug. Inhaling his natural scent, she doesn't grasp until then how much she would miss that aroma filling her senses. Mikasa's body immediately feels so warm and comfortable in his embrace. Distantly, she realizes that this is what a home should feel like. When she delicately wraps her arms around his shoulders and gently squeezes him back, she has the overwhelming urge to cling onto his shirt and pull him in closer. Mikasa has the crushing desire to hold him tightly and bury her face into his chest.

Suddenly, she knows.

And then Mikasa wants to do many things.

She wants to break down into tears and tell him that he means more to her, even if he doesn't feel the same. She wants to tell him she has no idea why they're soulmates, but those questions don't matter to her as long as they're by one another's side. She wants to tell him that she's not fine if they leave things like this. She longs to tell him that she wants more from where they're at currently, even though she has no idea how it'll work out given their different goals and paths.

Mikasa wants to tell him the things she's buried for so long and never said because she was always afraid of the possibilities. Because she feared anything that would influence her to become someone who she wasn't. Because she was always afraid of expectations that would dictate how to express herself.

But it's too late.

Therefore, she does none of those things. Mikasa swallows everything and focuses on not trembling from the effort of doing so. The struggle to contain these desires causes a tingle to erupt in her skull, and she almost doubles over in shock. Nevertheless, she forces herself to let go of his shirt after giving him a quick embrace. And then when she takes in his beautiful face for the last time, she displays (what she hopes is) a genuine smile that doesn't show her inner conflict.

As Eren turns and exits the restaurant, Mikasa completely misses the disappointment and resignation on his face.

---

Armin drops her off at the airport. The journey is pleasant for the most part. They ride in silence and enjoy the comfort of one another's presence. He stops the car at the front of "Departures" and pops the trunk to help with her luggage.

Yet, as Armin brings her things out, he tentatively asks, "Is everything okay with you and Eren?" Concern is apparent in his blue eyes, as he discreetly searches her grey ones for an answer.

Giving a thin smile, Mikasa simply responds, "Yeah, we're fine."

Eren texted her earlier, wishing her a safe flight. She replied with her thanks. Everything seems like it went back to normal.

But honestly, she doesn't think it is.

He doesn't push the subject, even though Mikasa knows Armin well enough to gauge that he wants to ask for more details. She's grateful; nevertheless, the effort to not let everything out to her friend strains her as she gives him a long hug before he leaves.

When the flight to San Francisco takes off, she reclines back into her seat, closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. Mikasa finally allows the thoughts and feelings she swallowed three nights ago to come forth. She thinks about all that happened during this last school year. About everything that changed within the past eight months. About the shift within her during the past four months.

About Eren.

The last thought causes a little tingle to make its way in the front of her skull, and she massages the space between her brows. Unfortunately, the discomfort doesn't lessen and instead grows. Her rib cage constricts, causing her breathing to come out unevenly the more she thinks about that night of her going-away party. Moisture forms in the corner of her vision as she looks out the window to the white clouds filling the clear blue sky. A tremendous amount of pain starts to well up within her.

What if she said something else?

Strangely, Mikasa can envision it clearly. A white house in the suburbs. Blue skies above them with little to no clouds. The orange sun giving off a muted golden glow in the late afternoon. She'd be on the back porch with Eren looking over the child playing in the yard filled with green grass. The child would turn to them and then would barrel straight into her arms. She would laugh, her eyes scrunching at the corners while Eren would hug them both. Mikasa would then gaze lovingly at their beautiful faces, happy that she fulfilled her wish for a peaceful life.

When that dream appears in her vision, a few stray tears unwillingly slip down her cheek. And she understands then how much she wanted to live in that world that was only for them.

A picture of Eren beaming and laughing fills her mind. An image of him sharing a new song he liked comes in front of her eyes. A memory of him walking her home that first time in the dark snowy night pops up in her mind. A recollection of walking with him side by side, as they discussed something she doesn't even remember comes up: Mikasa just recalls how content she was whenever she was with him.

The moment Eren encouraged her to find new family on her path comes up: he helped her step out of her comfort zone upon understanding what she wanted, even when she didn't. The time when they studied in a café together crosses her mind because that was when Mikasa told him he had a meaningful impact on those he cared about.

She keeps on seeing these memories deep in her heart. Despite her tears, they still made her smile tenderly. As she looks back on them, it seems like those moments were showing how she was becoming someone other than herself. But Mikasa realizes then, that she wasn't becoming someone different: Eren was just showing her who she really was underneath all the weights she wanted to be free from. And she's hit with astounding clarity on how much of an impact he made on her.

On how complete she was whenever she was by his side.

In that instant, Mikasa happens to glance at her mark and then something within her shatters. The ache in her head grows almost unbearable. She brings one hand to her mouth to muffle her sobs and one hand to wipe the tears falling freely down her face. She turns her head towards the window to hide her face from the people in the row.

When she looks out to the sky, she remembers the first time she saw the sunset with Eren. During that time, the scene was fitting to represent a horizon of hopeful possibilities. With a sharp pang in her chest, she understands that the beautiful blue sky outside her window, however, only serves as an emphasis that she left one potential future. And that now, they can only exist in the same world — under the same sun and under the same stars.

She's reminded of how she wanted to glide through the wind and soar through the sky to discover herself. And then, Mikasa wishes that she could've stopped time to rest. She wishes that she could've looked down to earth to notice the person who enabled her to fly when she least expected it.

Maybe in another world, she would've said something different. Maybe she would've been brave enough to say the words that expressed her true feelings, despite doubts about their bond and their paths. And maybe she would've continued to say those words for the rest of their lives.

Somehow, Mikasa hopes that those words would reach Eren in that world. And that he would know how much he means to her.

---

Burrowing herself more in her jacket, she waits outside the building for someone to let her in. After about four months of living in San Francisco, Mikasa forgot how cold it could be in Chicago. Shuffling her feet, she feels anxious about being back in the city for Thanksgiving.

Yet, she also knows with absolute confidence that she wants to be here.

"Will you be visiting your friends soon?" Kiyomi asked one weekend during dinner.

Armin invited her to Thanksgiving again. While she wanted to see everyone again, she knew Eren would be there. They still texted occasionally, but she felt a disconnect on her end. Mikasa wasn't too sure about how he felt, but he acted normal with her — as if their last conversation never happened.

"I'm not sure," Mikasa confessed. "I want to. But at the same time, I'm hesitant to go."

Kiyomi chewed her food slowly and dabbed the corners of her lips with a napkin. Her aunt gently said, "Perhaps it'd be good for you to visit."

Mikasa was silent. She didn't know if there was any point. She missed her opportunity almost four months ago. In addition, Eren told her he accepted a full-time offer in New York after his program finished. Even if she wanted to say it didn't matter, practically, it's not like they could end up on the same path together anytime soon.

Moreover, even if she did tell him the words she never said before, would he even feel the same way?

Kiyomi reached forward and cautiously grabbed Mikasa's left hand, gently brushing the back of it. It was an action that her aunt grew comfortable making, and the young woman eventually began to welcome the gesture.

Her aunt traced the mark on Mikasa's little finger while commenting, "I heard how much happier you seemed over the phone while you were still at school. The boy was clearly special to you. And even if you left things off in a way you didn't like, you can always move on from it."

"I don't know if he'll feel the same way." He was moving forward on his path and she was already on hers. She thought back to their last conversation and how he shared his true thoughts with her. She remembered how lost and confused he seemed during their discussion. She also remembered understanding that he wanted an honest answer from her.

And she let everything go.

"Mikasa, what do you want to do?"

That question again.

"But what if —"

"Mikasa, part of the beauty in our paths is that we don't know what will happen. That's true, even for soulmates. Just because one has a bond with another person doesn't mean they complete one another perfectly at first. They still need to figure things out. They won't know what will happen, but they continue persevering on their paths together."

Kiyomi stroked her hair. "Just because you two are linked doesn't mean that dictates what you need to be. It doesn't dictate what your path is like. You two still get to decide how you want to pursue the relationship and what you are to one another."

Mikasa swallows uncomfortably.

"No matter what though, I want you to choose what you want."

Four months ago, she didn't know. But with certainty now, Mikasa said, "I want to see him."

Her aunt smiles tenderly. "Then, you have your answer."

The building door opens. Armin's usual wide smile greets her, and she feels a rush of nostalgic rush of happiness as they embrace.

"I'm glad you're here," her friend says, his blue eyes shining.

Her grey eyes are mellow and sincere as she replies, "I am also."

When he leads her to one of the building's lounge rooms, the sounds of chatter and laughter fill her ears. She smells mouth-watering food in the air and there's much more people this year. Some are new to her; but then she's greeted by a tipsy Sasha, who enthusiastically wraps her arms around Mikasa and drags her down to the couch, yapping away in her accent about how much she missed her. As she untangles herself from Sasha's grip, she gives her greetings to Jean and Connie. Annie wordlessly comes up to her side and hugs her. She gazes at the people she considers her friends and family, smiles and then feels complete again.

In the corner of her vision, Mikasa sees the vague outline of a figure in the kitchen. Time freezes when their gazes meet and all the noise around her drowns out. Eren still has those dark circles under his green eyes and the teal blue flints reflect in the light. He's wearing a black jacket over a grey sweater, and his dark hair has grown out a bit, now needing to be tied back. The hairstyle makes him seem even more mature for his age. Nevertheless, he still looks breathtaking and her chest constricts in a familiar way.

She stands up slowly and then walks around the couch to the kitchen, her hands clasped behind her back. Mikasa's not sure what she should say, but she goes up to him with a little smile on her face. He gives one back and gently leans down to give her a quick friendly hug. She rises a bit on her toes to hug him back, subtly breathing in his natural aroma. Mikasa shuts her eyes briefly and can't believe how much she missed it. Eren's hair tickles her cheeks, and she shivers slightly. Her fingers faintly touch the muscles underneath his shirt, and she tries to not linger too long in their position.

Pulling away, she asks gently, "How have you been?" Even after taking a step back, she can still feel the imprint of where his hands were on her arms.

"Good. You?" Eren replies, propping one elbow on the table.

"Same. I'm glad you're here."

"Me too." He smiles in response and Mikasa wonders what else she should say. But then, Eren moves past her to talk to someone else. Her eyes follow his steps, but she makes no action to try to talk to him again. Her insides begin poking at her, and she tries to swallow any anxiety bubbling up.

She temporarily forgets about what just occurred as Armin walks up to her side and chats with her. Time passes as she spends the afternoon with her family and friends. When the party is over, Mikasa stays behind with a few others to help clean up. While Connie and Jean are trying to do trick shots with some empty cups and plates, she notices that there's a piano in the corner of the room. Something in her compels her to slowly make her way over.

As she sits down on the bench, Mikasa sees Sasha clap her hands enthusiastically, prompting the few people left in the room to glance temporarily in her direction. In her peripheral vision, Mikasa sees Eren wiping down the kitchen table.

Pressing hesitantly down on the keys, she glances back at him and the lulling sound fills the room. When he recognizes the tune of "Gracie's Theme", he pauses and then looks to the piano with a hint of surprise. Her left hand harmonizes with the right; as Mikasa switches octaves, she glances back at his face. Eren's face doesn't betray any inner thoughts. However, his green eyes start to hold a more intense emotion.

Like the one that night he almost kissed her.

Her heart skips a beat when she thinks back to that memory. Her fingers almost slip but she catches herself in time. While she continues playing the chords, she can feel her face starting to burn. As the sound gradually increases in volume, Mikasa also sees the acknowledgement spring forth in his eyes. And — for some reason — when their eyes connect, she knows that he's thinking about the same night as her. Immediately, she realizes in astonishment that he remembered what happened. She doesn't know how she knows for certain. But maybe he knew all along.

Mixed emotions arise in her. But the strongest one is confusion.

Why didn't he say anything?

After her fingers reach the end of the first part, Mikasa takes a deep breath. Making a head motion and sending him a questioning gaze, Eren seems to understand her message and then slowly lays the rag down on the table. It feels like an eternity when he comes to the bench. She makes space for him, and the atmosphere is like the one that night in Paradise: sensitive and radioactive. A stifling, yet comfortable heat emanates from his body as he sits down next to her. She silently takes in his scent and feels herself relax.

He lays his fingers on the keys and starts playing. As his left hand provides the accompaniment and right hand carries forth the melody, Eren closes his eyes and looks slightly up to the ceiling. He nods his head a bit, following the rhythm. The expression on his face is so calm. As his fingers pass over the sixteenth notes, it feels like she's listening to the soothing rain hitting the umbrella the night he took her home. Her upper body sways mildly from the emotions emitted from the notes. When she turns more to her right, Mikasa catches a glimpse of his face and marvels at how youthful he looks.

At how free he looks.

In that instant, her eyes coincidentally drop to peek at his mark. And then, she realizes with a jolt that their bond is a paradox. They could be perfect for one another — as determined by fate — but they also don't have to "complete" one another. It's predestinated; but at the same time, nothing goes further unless they choose to do so, deciphering how the puzzle pieces of themselves connect.

I want you to be free. I want you to choose what you want.

Kiyomi's words resonate within her again. Except this time, instead of feeling lost, she gains more and more clarity. Suddenly, she understands the most important thing about their relationship is that it shouldn't be constrained to specific perceptions, beliefs or expectations. This way, both gain the ability to choose what they are to one another. To express themselves however they wish to.

To discover who they are.

And that night he let her choose for them. Even though he also had his own thoughts and confusions about their bond.

Even though Eren felt the same way about you.

Tears start welling up in her eyes at this awareness as he reaches the final chords and then his fingers trail over the keys for the quiet finish.

The sound echoes in her ears and she clenches her fists in her lap. Distantly, she's conscious that they're the only ones in the room now. She tries to will the water to revert into her eyes, but it doesn't work. When his eyes meet hers, tears start gliding down her smooth skin. Concern filters through Eren's face. He brings his hands to her cheeks and then starts wiping the drops away with his thumbs.

"I never did tell you the reason why I love this song," Mikasa says, her voice barely above a whisper.

Eren pauses for a split second before tilting his head. His hands continue to hold her face and he absentmindedly brushes the skin of her cheekbones. It has a soothing effect on her, causing her spine and shoulders to sag.

"I just came back to California from my first time to Japan. We had to visit my mother's relatives; to sum it up briefly, it went terribly." Mikasa lets out a dry chuckle. His eyes turn sympathetic, and he continues brushing away the tears as he gently caresses her face.

"I didn't know why my mother's relatives acted like that when I was younger. As I grew older, I understood that it was because my mother didn't follow the path that was expected of her. But as a child who didn't understand why her family didn't like her, I felt so sad."

Mikasa gently lays her hands over his and then says, "But when I heard this piece in the music store, I felt like I was free from those negative opinions. I felt like I was flying through the sky above everyone else. It felt like I got rid of whatever was binding me from that trip."

A nostalgic smile gradually works its way onto her face and her grey eyes unknowingly shine with hope. "It was like I could express myself for who I was — even if some people didn't approve of me."

She scoots closer to him on the bench and then leans forward hesitantly. He doesn't pull back and there's some surprise in his eyes, but it quickly disappears when her thumbs rub small circles on the back of his hands. Instead, a sincere feeling arises in his eyes, and Mikasa feels more confident. "I don't know what it means to be soulmates with you. I don't know why we're destined to be the best one for one another. I don't know where we'll go after today."

Taking a deep breath, she proceeds to say quietly, "But I want to figure these things out with you by my side. I don't know how our paths will take us, but I want to find out. Not because of a phenomenon. But because we decide what we are to one another."

With unshed tears still lingering in her eyes, she looks into his green orbs and asks, "Can we do that?"

Eren doesn't give a response at first. In that second, Mikasa feels ice shoot through her veins. She misread everything. Her hands start to tremble and she's about to leave with whatever is left of her dignity. But then he breaks out into a genuine smile, his eyes glimmering with so many emotions. She can't make out all of them. However, she can see that intense emotion is the strongest and clearest one.

Stroking his thumbs again over her cheekbones, Eren says gently, "Mikasa. The night you left for San Francisco, I had a dream. When I woke up, I didn't remember any of it, except a vision of you saying in the most beautiful voice, 'I love you'."

He leans his forehead to hers, so their noses are gingerly touching one another's. Her eyes widen, and she gives a little gasp. "And then I knew."

Mikasa's heart starts thumping rapidly. More tears start leaking out of her grey eyes. Eren kisses her forehead affectionately and then whispers against the skin, "So, don't cry. Thank you for telling me what I am to you."

She gives a little laugh mixed with a sob. Eren smiles tenderly and chuckles lightly. The sound makes her feel like she's by a small crackling hearth of a comfortable home. Wrapping his arms around her, Eren brings her closer until her face is tucked into his shoulder. Gingerly putting her hands on his waist, Mikasa feels the outline of his body under her fingers and lets out another small cry of relief. She takes a shuddering breath and buries her face into his chest, his scent calming her down.

And after Eren whispers a few words into her ears, Mikasa hugs him tightly, her fists clutching onto his shirt and pulling him even closer to her. Their heartbeats fall in perfect rhythm with one another. The warmth of his body pressed against hers reminds her of a home that she thought she'd never have again — a place overfilling with love and care. She lets out all her tears from everything that she imagined she lost, but also from everything that she knows she gained. Eren rubs her back leisurely, trying to placate both the happiness and sadness coming out of her.

She remembers when she last played "Gracie's Theme", there was a feeling stuck inside of her that couldn't be released. Then, as Mikasa considers the passion that Eren played with just now, she knows that whatever weights she'd been bearing have been lifted — and this time, she feels her wings spread. It finally feels like she's soaring up high above the clouds, gliding through the endless horizon.

Eren once described the piece as if he died in the first part and as if he regenerated in the second part. She shuts her eyes and revels in the moment, hearing the echoes of the tune ringing in her ears.

In that instant, it feels like she's become herself.

So, when Mikasa lifts her face to kiss him, she feels free.

Because the little marks on their hands don't determine what they are.

We decide what we get to be.

---

A/N: Thank you for reading this oneshot! LOL, sorry this was so long.

This story was inspired by the piano piece "Gracie's Theme" by Paul Cardall and the song "Let Us Go" by Crush from the Crash Landing on You OST. I made references to the translated lyrics of "Let Us Go", so all rights go to the artist and songwriters.

Hopefully, nothing was too OOC. This was honestly pretty difficult to write. A large part of Mikasa's character in the manga/anime was affected by her early relationship with Eren (but she is still *definitely* her own person). Since she didn't meet Eren until later in this story, it was hard to figure out what her background was like and her motivations in this universe. But then, I just decided to make that question one main theme of this story to explore who she is at her very core. I imagine Eren also felt some feelings for Mikasa quite early on but was more at odds with fate determining his path, as opposed to Mikasa having difficulties with her identity in this experience.

I also hope the themes made sense. There was a lot to write about, so I'm not sure if everything tied together properly. I'm not sure how satisfied I am with this piece, because my original idea was supposed to be more emotional and angsty, but it got shelved when I figured it would be too complicated to write about. Regardless, I thought I'd share this work. I'm also lowkey cringing at the ending since it feels so fluffy lol. But my friend was like "there's nothing wrong with fluffy endings", so here we are haha.

Thanks again for reading! Please let me know your thoughts, if you have any.