The day was just looking absolutely fucking fabulous. Note heavy sarcasm. It was days like this Ajay almost wished he just kept his ass in that chair his first day in Kyrat because honestly this here was Hell.
Today's adventure was for the fairy cornflake Mumu Chiffon. This time he had to hunt the rare and vicious abiono honey badger. The minute the mission was given to him he wanted to go to that man's home to hogtie him and drag him out to be the bait for it while he sat back and watched for a while.
Between the damn dholes, wolves, tigers and damn rinos constantly attacking him the worst of them all was the damn honey badgers. The term honey badgers just dont give a fuck had never been so true.
He felt bad for laughing at the one villager when he said his wife had been killed by a honey badger. Karma. Came to bite you in the ass Ajay. And Karma came in the form of those hissy, chattery little fuckers.
His radio clicked again and he very nearly yeeted the damn thing to who the fuck cares when he heard the ever bubbly and chearful voice of good old 'Uncle Pagan'.
"Aaaaaaajaaaaaaaayyyy ohhh aaaaaaajaaaaayyy. Ajay AjayAjayAjayAjay AaaAAaaaaAAAAAaaaajaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyy!" Oh gods the man was singing out his name to a fucking beat!
Just ignore him. Just ignore him. Just ignore him. He looked up to the sky in defeat as Pagan just kept going on and on and on. He gives an exasperated sigh and clicks the radio.
"What?"
"Oh just making sure you're listening. Ciao"
One yeeted radio into some demon fish pond later he was back to his hunt. According to the directions it should be somewhere around this area but so far just the common ones were seen. He'd already happily chucked grenades at all of those. Perhaps not a good idea. He may have scared the rare one away with that.
He'd keep looking for a little while longer before giving up to try another day. As he crawled about in the underbrush he heard the distinct chitter of another badger. Was this the one. Did he finally find it. He ran in the direction he heard the chatter gun loaded and ready to start shooting. He jumps through the bushes to hopefully get the little fucker by surprise and stops dead. "You….. have GOT to be fucking KIDDING ME!"
There it was. The rare and elusive honey badger he had been on the hunt for the last few hours. Only it wasn't albino. Not anymore. It was a blinding hot pink with a platinum blond stripe down its back. That fucker. That absolute fruitcake of a fucker dyed the badger that he needed to skin!
He growls as he takes a closer look seeing the pink rhinestone collar around its neck with an equally pink leash attached to a post. A giant fluffy pink bow with a little card that said 'To Ajay the bestest boy. Love Pagan' That fucking fruitcake.
The badger was chittering to him and rubbing against his leg. It was tame and sighs and flops down on his ass as the thing hops up and snuggles into him. "Well shit. Sorry you look like a metrosexual fruitcake nightmare buddy. He fucking dyed you to look like him. "
There was a crackling of a radio and that's when he noticed a hot pink glitter radio sitting next to the post. And said Metrosexual fruitcake nightmare started talking again.
"Aaaaaajaaay ohhh AAAAAaaaaaaaaAAAAAAJJJAaaaaaaaaaYYY! Hello again dear boy. I do hope you like my little surprise! A little birdy told me you were looking for a rare colored honey badger so here I was thinking. What's more rare than one in my colors! And he's TAME! Noore did a wonderful job on that. Well no need to thank me dear boy I can FEEEEEL how happy you are from all the way over here! You Enjoy your new pet dear. His name is Golden Twinkie! I thought of it all myself! So original right! Well tata now! All my love! Kiss kiss!"
Ajay just stares at the pink glittery thing and sighs. "Damn you Pagan."
He blinks as Golden Twinkie, yeah that was gonna be changed, sniffed at his face. He gave a small smile and started petting him.
"I guess honey badgers aren't all that bad."
Pagan was sipping a strawberry daiquiri when he looked out over the valley as a loud screech came echoing through the air. "Ohh… maybe it's not as tame as I thought. Whoopse."