Day 5: Intimacy & Touch

Set during Ruin & Rising.

Alina was falling sideways. As her body lay motionless on her bed, all alone in her quiet room, her spirit followed the all too familiar tug, propelling her where she wanted to go. One moment she was here, the next she fell towards him, her heart clutching the invisible tether that linked her to the Darkling.

The problem with wanting is-, the Darkling's words resounded in her head. The mere memory of that low voice almost crawled across her skin. -that it makes us weak. Following his call, Alina didn't feel weak. She felt sure, absolutely sure of where she wanted to be. While everyone else had gone to sleep, Alina stayed awake, telling herself what she needed to believe, but in her heart, she knew that there was only one true reason. She wanted to. During the day, the temptation of the pull was easy enough to ignore as she kept busy with her plans, her training, yet even then, she thought she could feel the Darkling call to her. It was like an itch deep underneath her skin, a thought pushed back just far enough not to bother her. At night, the temptation was too strong. Alina gave in and let herself fall along the tether.

She found her footing soon enough, her bare feet touching the floor of the Darkling's chamber that she couldn't have made out by its blurry outlines, but Alina had spent enough time in these rooms over the last few months to recognise the feel of the floor underneath her feet. It was unmistakable.

Alina's heart gave a little jolt when she spotted the Darkling and for the briefest second, she was tempted to release the tether and bolt, to run away and never come back. Yet she willed herself to stay, digging for the courage she needed to intrude on a moment that seemed too private for her to witness. The Darkling was lying in his chair, head leaned back, eyes closed, legs comfortably spread out while a book rested on his knee. For a while, Alina believed she had found him sleeping. The ruffled her, the unbuttoned kefta and the discarded book certainly made her believe it, yet hadn't he intruded on her sleep as well? Didn't it give her the right to invade his privacy in return? And didn't the beautiful features of his face seem a little too tense for the peace that came in sleep?

While Alina was still contemplating her next move, the Darkling noticed her. He didn't move, he didn't say her name – instead, his laughter only penetrated the silence of his chamber. The sound made her flinch as it reverberated in her bones. Still, she wasn't sure whether to run or go through with her plan. All of a sudden, it seemed like a bad idea despite the amount of time she had spent convincing herself it was only fair. The Darkling had toyed with her, he had used her – Alina wanted to use him in return.

"Alina Starkov," the Darkling said, the amusement still audible in his low voice, "back again so soon."

Alina swallowed, still torn between the urge to run and the urge to stay. How was it possible to feel so drawn to and yet repulsed by the same person?

"I-" she began, but the certainly she had felt mere moments ago seemed to have left her at the sight of him.

Still, the Darkling didn't move. Instead, his lazy gaze lingered on her for a while before he closed his eyes again. "If you've come for a verbal sparring match, I'm not in the mood tonight," he stated plainly. "Or is this another attempt to convince me to give up? To tell me to abandon the throne and make way for your precious bastard prince?"

His words stung. Not because it wasn't what Alina had come for, but because she only now realised what she had lost. Hope. She wasn't sure when it had happened, but somewhere along the way, she had abandoned all hope that the Darkling might be swayed, that there was still a part of him that wanted to do the right thing, a part that was good. But if she knew that he was a monster, what did that mean for her? What did it make her?

Alina inhaled deeply and shoved that thought away, buried it deep inside her head where even she couldn't reach it and crossed the room to meet him. The Darkling's lazy gaze followed her until she came to a halt right in front of him.

"I'm here because I want to be," she replied with the softest shrug of her shoulders. Whatever had happened to the Darkling today – a loss, a defeat, a disappointment – it had left him looking vulnerable and more beautiful than she had remembered him. Alina looked at him, took in the sight of his tousled her, the smooth lines and sharp angles of his face, the dark depths of his eyes and she wondered why the Saints had bestowed this kind of beauty upon someone so monstrous. Wanting him seemed like a cruel joke.

Then, she bent down and brought their lips together. His book dropped to the floor with a thud.

Whether the Darkling had expected it, Alina didn't know, but if he hesitated, the pause was too brief for her to notice. Almost immediately, the Darkling's soft lips parted to allow her in and Alina felt a rush of power course through her body. His power calling out to her, her own power responding in kind, meeting and melting like the perfect amalgamation of their essence. Alina wondered if he felt the same, if their connection, their differences sizzled through every cell of his body like they did through hers, if the longing tugged at his heart as it begged for more, for a connection as deep and endless as time.

Alina didn't resist when the Darkling closed his hands around the small of her back and pulled her towards him. Whether it was real or not, whether she was here in body or spirit only, it was real enough for her. She felt the warmth of his chest against hers, felt his yearning for her against the insides of her thighs, felt his hand on the back of her head to pull her deeper into his demanding kiss. For a while, Alina allowed herself to drown in it.

When, at last, their need for air grew too strong, their lips parted. His hot, ragged breath was palpable on her face, his dark eyes flickered over her face and Alina thought she saw the confusion in him. He wanted her, every part of her, and the knowledge sent another jolt through her body and mind. To summon light wasn't the only power she had, right here, right now, the fact that he wanted her made her feel more powerful than she had ever felt before. This was the power she had over him. The Darkling had been right after all. Wanting her made him weak.

"I'm never going to give in." Alina's voice was a harsh whisper, her breath still ragged from the kiss. "No matter what you do, no matter what happens, I will fight you until I have no more fight to give."

The Darkling sucked the breath in between his teeth, then smiled. "Then why are you here?" he asked. It was a simple question and there was one simple answer.

"Because I want to be here," Alina replied, reassured by the Darkling's touch, by the way her power responded when he called to her, by the way her body responded. She no longer felt ashamed for wanting him, for wanting what only he could offer her.

It wasn't what a Saint would do, but Alina was no Saint despite what the people of Ravka might believe. She was drawn to him and repulsed by him, she wanted him and wanted to destroy him, her emotions so simple in their complexity. If they truly lived forever, if neither one could kill the other, the opposites of them would always reach out for the other. It might as well go on for an eternity.

The Darkling cocked his eyebrows at her, waiting for an explanation that never came. Instead, Alina brought their lips together once more and when he didn't protest, she drank in the taste of him, his scent that surrounded her, the unruly feeling of power inside of her, spurred on by him, the longing she felt to give in to this feeling at last.

She pressed herself harder against his chest, pushing down against his lap as her hands wandered across his chest, unbuttoning his kefta further. Even the clothes that separated them seemed too much to bear. Alina wanted all of him, wanted to feel the power of his touch unhindered by the barrier of clothing. She wanted to know what it would feel like to have him.

The Darkling's response was instant. His skilled hands removed her kefta seemingly by magic, discarding the useless fabric over her shoulders before he brought his lips down to her neck, covering the delicate skin in kisses on his way down. Alina gasped as his touch sent jolts of power, jolts of pleasure through her veins. The combination of them seemed almost too much to bear.

A chuckling escaped his lips, his breath hot against her skin. "You're using me, Alina Starkov," his husky voice uttered, but he never stopped, not even for a second.

In return, Alina reached between them and found the evidence she had been looking for hard and heavy in her hands. Smiling, she replied: "Something tells me you don't mind being used."

The Darkling paused his kisses and looked up at her, contemplating his reply. For a moment, Alina feared she might have said the wrong thing, overstepped a boundary he had suddenly put up between them, but it was too late for her to retreat. She had made her intentions known and neither fear nor guilt would hold her back.

When he spoke, his voice was low and serious. "Just this once, Alina," he replied.

Alina nodded and kissed him again.

When their clothes were gone, when she felt him move inside of her, slow at first, then picking up pace, Alina understood. Light and shadow. It had taken centuries for them to come together and unite and the Darkling had anticipated this moment just as much as she had, maybe even more. From the way he kissed her, touched her, from the way she shuddered when she heard the hoarse sound of his moans, Alina knew that neither of them could have fought this. Whether they were separated by morals or by war, this moment was theirs and theirs alone, their climax the most perfect culmination of pleasure and power.