Disclaimer: Don't own the characters. Just borrowing, I promise!
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Andrew couldn't sleep.
It wasn't for lack of trying. He'd been lying here for... well, he wasn't sure, exactly, maybe ten or fifteen minutes, waiting for the chloral hydrate to take effect. He wasn't typically the type to self-medicate like this, but this was no ordinary evening. His mind was too full of thoughts of tomorrow – specifically, tomorrow night. Initially, he had tried to distract himself, by thinking of Philadelphia instead, of seeing Independence Hall, the Delaware River, and other historical locations, and of finally being out from under Preston A. Lodge the third's thumb and starting over in a new city.
Those thoughts distracted for a short time, but inevitably, they never progressed very far without an image of her by his side. Her hair, her smile, her figure… and then the torture would begin all over again. And so, he had reached the point of giving up trying to fall asleep on his own and taking the medication to counteract thoughts of her - specifically, the sweet taste of her lips on his tonight - all too aware that this time tomorrow, he would know her in the biblical sense. She would be his, and he, hers. They would share their lives together forevermore. Never again would he be sleeping alone, wondering what it would be like to be with her.
He would know.
He couldn't imagine how he had ever thought he could possibly wait for her another two years, running the risk that she might lose interest in him, taking the chance that someone else might capture her fancy, realizing that he might never again find someone as companionable and - dare he say it - desirable. For he did desire her. Ever since she had accepted his proposal earlier in the week, he had started to let himself imagine what her skin felt like, what her curves looked like, what it would be like to press himself against her without cumbersome layers of fabric and petticoats in the way.
What it would be like when they united as husband and wife.
He was no stranger to the female body, of course. He had literally made a study of it during two years of medical school and, as of late, copious re-reading of the section of the textbook on reproduction. He had examined women in their most private area and had even delivered a handful of babies. But that was all clinical, analytical, professional. Except for the initial titillation of examining a female corpse for the first time in his practical anatomy class, there had been nothing really arousing about it. But kissing Colleen earlier tonight had stirred something inside him, made him desire so much more. It made him wish he didn't have to wait another minute (let alone an entire day) to have her completely.
When he'd first returned to the hotel after leaving the Sully homestead, he'd had a momentary diversion. The male staff members had surprised him with a last-minute bachelor and going away party. They had brought in beer – something normally not served at the upper-class Spring Chateau – but Andrew had refused to touch a drop, resolute that he not be hungover for his wedding. Which had probably contributed to his inability to fall asleep. If he had had some of the alcohol, then maybe he wouldn't have had to resort to the chloral hydrate to help his mind cease its preoccupation with her.
He had never imagined, when he had accepted Mrs. Quinn's invitation, that he would meet the young woman he would marry out on the frontier. The chance to see the country - and a healthy stipend, of course - had brought him out west initially, but without warning he had found himself quite reluctant to leave. Practicing medicine on his own had been a large part of it, but he also realized, belatedly, that Colleen had impacted his decision, too. She was so unique and unlike any other young lady he had known. She had welcomed him that first day – that first embarrassing day when he had fallen in the mud - without judgment, without making fun of him. She had simply offered him a helping hand, and then proceeded to help him time and time again in the clinic. Their shared love of medicine and learning bridged the gap between their two worlds of society and working class. It was somehow as if he'd known her for years, how well they worked together and got along. It was an easy, amiable friendship, and for a time he thought that was all it was, all it could ever be.
Gradually he gave in to the inevitable. It was a slow process as a result of Colleen being away at college much of the time and his own reticence in expressing himself, but it happened. They grew closer. They shared a first kiss. They eventually (some would say belatedly) declared their feelings for one another. They became a couple, inseparable aside from Colleen's repeated need to be in Denver for school. It was these constant separations that threatened to destroy everything Andrew had so painstakingly worked for, when Colleen was accepted to medical school in Philadelphia. Prompted by Sully's implicit permission, Andrew took the boldest step yet, asking Colleen to marry him, here, now, before they could be separated again.
And so here he was, the night before his wedding, thinking of her. Thinking of having her in his arms, hoping he could be a good husband to her when it was time for them to unite in love. For all his professional expertise with the female form, that was the one area where he was deficient. Fortunately, tonight at supper Sully had agreed to meet with him privately tomorrow, before the ceremony. Andrew hadn't specified what he wanted to meet about, but he had the feeling Sully knew. The mountain man had an innate sense about things, a rare insight that others lacked. A conversation about being a husband would be awkward with Colleen's own father, but Sully was the one who had prompted him to propose in the first place. Frankly, there was no one else Andrew trusted more to give advice on such a sensitive topic – especially without ribbing him about his lack of experience.
Hank, predictably, had cracked wise earlier in the week about having one of his saloon girls make sure the young doctor's "equipment" was working all right, but Andrew had naturally refused. Other men might find such behavior harmless, but not he. There was only one woman he wanted to be with, and that was Colleen.
The woman who he wanted to sleep with was the reason he couldn't sleep.
Sleep…
The drug took effect at last. Before he knew it, it was morning, and he was opening his eyes on a new day.
His wedding day.
Tonight, his mind would again be on Colleen... but he would no longer wonder.
He would know.
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END