So, it occurs to me often that Mike Newton seems to be the only one in the whole book of Twilight with not even the slightest inkling that something is rotten in Forks. And I'm not talking about a zombie.

But what were to happen if Mike were suddenly thrown into the real light of the world of Twilight? If Mike turns a corner and finds a vampire making out with a werewolf, or a pixie cursing the witch in his class, how would he react? I've got this image in my head of Mike screaming the way that Johnny did in 'HOTEL TRANSYLVANIA', when he finally figures out that it's a hotel full of monsters; his hands just under his chin and his legs spread apart as he screams at the sky, surrounded by the weird and supernatural townsfolk around him.

I'm not sorry at all that I torture Mike in this way. :)

Anyways, I wrote this on a whim, thinking that the idea was funny. I don't own any rights to Twilight, and I hope you guys review to let me know what you think. I hope you guys enjoy! :)

Mike Newton's POV:

It started out like any other normal day. I was walking around with Jess, talking with little things about her, flirting a little and smiling when she flirted back…

But that all stopped when I walked around the corner.

"Jeremy! Stop that!" I heard Darla say.

Darla had never really been my type in school. She was a very short girl, kind of roundish, honestly, and wore glasses everywhere. Thick-framed, nerdy glasses. Jeremy had always been a little too prankster for his own good, which had earned him, and me on occasions when I helped him, several detentions.

But I watched with wide-eyed wonder as Jeremy flitted around over five feet over Darla's head! And not only that, but Darla was flinging her hands towards Jeremy, and I could see very vague ripples as gusts of wind shot out of her hands, trying to blow the annoying prankster away, as he sent down glowing sparks of his own, which settled on the grass and made Darla sneeze. Jeremy was holding an ancient-looking stick, and had friggin' wings on his back like Tinkerbell.

It only took them a moment to notice me, and both of them froze in place. Jeremy even fell out of the sky, his wings sliding into cleverly concealed holes in his shirt with a sound like a zipper sliding shut. He sprang to his feet, his eyes not breaking their lock with mine.

Jessica had been ogling a pair of shoes in a nearby shop window as I was staring at the two. Darla straightened, and picked up her fallen books.

"Y-Y-You—" I said, breathing heavily as I pointed at Jeremy. "You were—"

Jessica turned to look at me, and what I was looking at. "Oh hi Jeremy! It's nice to see you and… It's nice to see you here!"

Darla's face contorted, turning downward into a sneer. Darla and Jess had had issues with each other for the whole time I'd known either of them. Why, I didn't know.

I couldn't break my gaze with either of them, and they were just awkwardly standing there, staring back at me.

"Let's go, Mike," Jess said, pulling on my arm.

I just stared, wide-eyed as my mouth tried to form the syllables. "He—He was flying!"

Jess turned, giving me a strange look. "He was what?"

"Flying! He had friggin' Tinkerbell wings strapped to his back! He was flying, and she was shooting tornadoes out of her hands—"

Jess began blushing a scarlet red as she turned and more forcefully pulled me away.

"Mike, are you feeling alright?" she asked, holding a hand to my head. "Hang on, we'll go see the doctor."

"I'm fine, Jess," I said, wiping my forehead, which had indeed broken out in a cold sweat. "But I swear, he was—"

"—flying, yes I heard. C'mon. Doctor," she said, dragging me along. I stood still, however, and she stopped again.

"No Jess, I'm fine. I guess I just saw something. Maybe if we head to get some ice cream or something, the air conditioning will help," I said, realizing that I sounded ridiculous.

Jess seemed to agree, and we went to the ice cream shop.

"Jessica! Jessica Stanley!" I heard someone say behind us as we walked into the shop. Jess turned, seeing that Tyler was walking up.

"Hey Tyler, how are you?" Jess asked behind me.

But I wasn't listening to her. My attention was riveted on Mr. Fryz.

Mr. Fryz was the best ice-cream-man in Forks (and the only one), and he owned his own place, "Fryz's Frozen Yogurt". He was very popular, and knew how to keep secrets. He had styled his shop in the style of where you might find a soda-jerk. He was a very nice man, and had talked with me many times as I sampled or bought his chocolate-banana ice-cream. It was my favorite.

Which is why I was all the more surprised when I stood there, silently watching him as he placed his hands on the sides of a metal gallon of warm, sludgy ice-cream. But as I watched, ice crystals began to peek out under his fingers, and the sludge began to steam as it came into contact with warm air. In moments, the ice-cream had solidified again, but even this wasn't what held my attention. For that moment that Mr. Fryz was holding the gallon of ice-cream, his skin looked like it was made out of solid ice. My eyes widened as he suddenly noticed that I was staring. His skin flickered, before turning to the normal shade of human flesh. He smiled, as though I hadn't just watched him transform from an ice statue to a human before my eyes.

"Hey Mike, what'll it be today?" he asked, the same way he did every other time I had come into his shop.

I could feel my brain trying to make sense of the situation I had just seen, and the scene with Darla and Jeremy, but it just couldn't. So I just stood there, smiling like an idiot, before turning and running.

"Mike?! Mike, where are you going?! Mike, come back!" I heard Jess yell behind me, excusing herself from Tyler, who watched after me like I was insane. And maybe I was. I didn't know anymore.

I wasn't watching where I was running, so it was only natural that I would hit a wall. I fell backwards, landing on my butt and rubbing my head as I stared up at what I had run into.

Who I had run into.

It was the huge one of the Cullens; Emmett, I think his name was. I rubbed my head again, as he turned around to see who had just crashed into him at full speed. He was solidly built. It felt like I'd run into a brick wall at my top speed. I rubbed the top of my head, accepting his hand to get to my feet again.

"Hey Mike! What's the matter?" I heard a familiarish voice say behind me. I turned, smiling.

"Oh, hey Bell—!" I began, but my eyes bugged as I stared at her.

She was wearing clothes that shielded her entire body from the sun, but that wasn't what had immediately jumped out at me. Her eyes! They were a flaming red!

I distinctly remember seeing Bella's eyes a deep, rich brown before, when we had met in school. They definitely had not been that red, and I doubted that any contacts could fix it to be that rich a red hue.

Edward glanced at Bella, and before I could blink Bella was suddenly wearing sunglasses. Had I imagined the whole thing? Bella didn't act as though anybody had just shoved sunglasses on her face. She was just staring at me, expecting an answer.

She also looked paler than usual, and that's when I noticed. There was a thin trickle of faded red on her mouth. It looked like blood.

I didn't stay to finish my thought. I just turned and ran again. This time, I was watching where I was going.

That was a mistake.

I turned the corner to escape the confused Cullens, and immediately ran into Ben and Angela, who were halfway curled around each other in an alleyway. Normally, I would've probably made some lame joke, teased them about 'out in public man?' or something, but I was more than surprised, though by this time I really probably shouldn't have been, to see a large pair of bat-wings poking out of Ben's back, and Angela's eyes were glowing a light blue and sparkles of light were flitting about her head.

I nearly turned back around, when I saw the Cullens again, pointing me out to Jess. Jess turned and saw me, and began storming over, and I just sat down, my head in my hands. I had seen Jess about to shout at me for running and confusing her, but I saw her get worried as she approached.

"Mike, are you feeling alright? Mike, look at me," Jess said, lifting my eyes to meet hers. "Mike, are you feeling alright?"

"No, Jess, I'm not!" I said, shaking. "You haven't noticed anything odd?!"

Jess tilted her head in confusion. "Odd? What do you mean?"

I waved my hand at Ben and Angela's direction behind me. "Like that!"

Jess looked up to the alley I was pointing to.

"O.M.G.," she said slowly.

"I told you," I said, holding my head in my hands. Jess smiled, and stepped forward.

"Whoo! Go, Angela!" she said, cupping her hands around her mouth. "I didn't know you had it in you to kiss him like that!"

I turned, confused. I saw Ben and Angela, who were now neither glowing nor had any bat wings, and were timidly standing, holding hands as they ran off somewhere or other. I stood up, feeling mildly furious. Why was everyone conspiring today to make me look like an insane asylum escapee?

"Jess, I swear I saw Ben had bat wings, and Angela—"

Jess turned back to me as I said these things. Again, she held up a hand to my forehead.

"Mike, we're going to the doctor now," she said, decidedly. She looked over my shoulder. "Doctor Cullen?"

My eyes widened. Something about the Cullens was definitely off, though it hadn't been as obvious as Jeremy or Ben, but they felt… dangerous. "No, Jess, I'd really rather just—"

"Yes dear?" I heard Doctor Cullen's warm voice say behind me. I tensed.

"Mike's seeing things today, doctor," Jess said nervously. "I don't know why, but he just started seeing things, like Jeremy with fairy wings, or just now he said that Ben and Angela had bat wings and were glowing."

Dr. Cullen looked at me with an expression befitting to Jess's claims.

"Is this true, Mike? Not that I doubt your word, dear, just making sure," Dr. Cullen said, to me and Jess, respectively.

I tried to open my mouth, but then shut it and opened it again as I stared at him, gaping like a fish out of water. What was I gonna tell him, that I was going nuts? Maybe. "Y-Yes sir."

Dr. Cullen took my pulse while he asked me a few more questions. Though his touch was gentle, his hand was freezing cold and granite-hard. "And have you seen these hallucinations before?"

I gaped a little more. "N-no sir."

"Have you lost any blood today, or within the past ten minutes?" he asked with concern in his voice.

I glanced back at Bella, who had slyly wiped her mouth. The red stain was gone.

The world spun under me, and I held my arms out to steady myself. Jess grabbed my shoulder.

"Mike?" she asked, worriedly. "Mike?"

I couldn't respond. I felt like if I moved at all, I'd go unconscious. Maybe I already was. Maybe this was all just a horrible nightmare.

"You go tell his mother that I'm taking him to the hospital, all right?" Dr. Cullens voice soothed. "Then meet us there, and he should be fine by the time you get there."

Jess nodded and ran off, as Dr. Cullen easily scooped me up in his rock-hard arms. He turned back to the others.

"Bella, Edward, just stay here. I'll be back shortly," Dr. Cullen said. I could barely open my eyes. Compared to the strength I could feel in Dr. Cullen's arms, just laying there, I felt extremely weak. Or maybe that was just the shock.

But I was in for more. As Dr. Cullen began walking away, I saw him glance around at the empty street. Nobody was in sight.

Suddenly, it was like he hit the hyperdrive. Space suddenly bent around us, turning everything into a huge blur. I was terrified, and I shut my eyes tight as I felt the whistling wind on me.

No way. No way was this guy running fast enough to make lightspeed, but as I opened my eyes, I almost believed that light was slower than this guy. The wind stopped instantly, and the scenery around us was instantly changed. The hospital. I gawked. This was supposed to be on the other side of town! How the heck…!?

Dr. Cullen brought me in as though he had just been on a jog. Several nurses walked over, looking concerned as Dr. Cullen laid me in a chair.

"Get some water, and a magazine or something," I heard him say to the nurses, who rushed off to comply. He knelt down until he was eye-level with me. "Mike, can you hear me?"

Yes, I thought, though I didn't want to speak to him. He terrified me suddenly, though his expression was nothing but friendly. I slowly nodded, still feeling frightened. But what would he do, in front of all these witnesses?

"Mike, you look like you've gone into a mild shock," Dr. Cullen began.

'MILD?!' I thought. 'I COULD LIGHT UP NEW YORK WITH THIS KIND OF SHOCK!'

"You'll be fine, I'm just going to get some water into your system, and then I'll let your girlfriend take over, after I give her some instructions," Dr. Cullen said, genuine concern etched across his face.

I nodded again, and Dr. Cullen went off to go see about the water or something, I don't know.

But as I watched from under my barely-open eyelids, I saw somebody come out of a hallway in a stretcher. It was someone from the Quileute reservation, that much was certain. A new mother, perhaps? She was holding a baby, so I assumed this was the case

As I watched, the baby suddenly flickered, like there was an illusion or something. Another hallucination? For a brief second, I swear I thought I saw the woman on the cot holding a baby wolf pup. I must have missed something during that transformation, because the mother looked up with wonder at the nurses, who were beaming back at her.

"He's already phased!" she said. "He's a prodigy!"

The nurses congratulated the woman and walked off.

At this point, my brain had already given up. Phased? Like the phases kids go through? I went through a phase where I built people out of wooden building blocks when I was like four, but that didn't make me a prodigy.

Dr. Cullen came back with a paper cup and a thick magazine. I wondered what the nurses he had originally given these instructions to were doing. Obviously not what they were perhaps supposed to. He handed me the cup, which I weakly took and sipped from.

Jess burst through the door, scanning the room and finding me. She ran over, and knelt next to the chair.

"He'll be fine, right Doctor Cullen?"

Dr. Cullen just smiled. "Yes, he'll be fine. Now listen, I'm going to charge you with him for the rest of today. I want you to take him home and put him in bed, and keep alternating cool cloths on his forehead until he starts feeling himself again. If he wants some, he can take two aspirin, but no more. I assume you have a ride to his house that you can take?"

Jess nodded. "Yes sir, I came here as fast as we could with his mother. So, two aspirin if he wants it, and cool washcloths?"

"Yes, that's correct. Feel better, Mike," he said, waving us goodbye as Jess helped me stumble out of the hospital. I tried to help her by walking on my own, but could not answer her questions as to how I was feeling. I was still too startled to talk, really.

Mom and Jess helped me home, and into my bed. Jess pulled up a chair next to my bedside, which I thought was kind of sweet. I grinned lopsidedly as she sat nearby, checking every now and then to see if the cloth she put on my head was damp enough.

"Hey Jess," I said, chuckling. "you could come under the sheet if you want to," I flirted.

She smiled, but just checked the cloth. "I'm busy making sure you survive, you hallucinatory idiot."

"I'm pretty sure that nobody died of being room-temperature," I said, feeling pretty confident I wasn't running a fever.

She nodded, conceding. She got up, went to the bathroom a moment while she made the cloth damp enough again, and returned, setting it back on my forehead.

"Y'know, I could get used to this," Jess said with a small, definitely flirtatious smile. "Nursing you back to health."

"Especially when I'm not sick to begin with," I agreed.

"Right," she said, smiling again.

She was quiet for a little while.

"Mike, what do you remember seeing?"

I figured she was asking to see if I had maybe completely forgotten the strange images, or maybe if I had realized that they were silly and couldn't possibly have happened. Well, I suppose I did realize that, but I couldn't shake the feeling that what I had seen today was the truth. Which was absurd!

I started telling her about everything I had seen. Everything. All day, without a break it seemed, I had seen wings, tails, claws, magic sparkles, and some seriously weird stuff. I described it all as detailed as I could. I was going to need serious therapy after today was done. She just nodded and pressed the cloth to my head.

"And what about me?" she suddenly asked. "Have you seen anything from me?"

I looked over at her and smiled. "Nope. You've been the one normal thing all day that I've seen."

Jessica bit her lip, which I felt like was a strange reaction. My smile slowly began to dissolve as I watched her. She was going through the same motions she was before, but I could see in her eyes she wasn't telling me something.

"Jess?" I asked, silently cursing when my voice broke pitch into a voice crack. "Jess, you're hiding something."

Jess bit her lip again.

"Jess," I prompted.

There was another moment of silence. She sighed.

"Mike," she began. That wasn't good. "I don't really know how to… how to say this…"

I watched her glance downwards. My face reddened for a moment, scrambling to read her as much as I could.

"You're pregnant? Oh gosh, please tell me you're pregnant. PLEASE," I said, desperately scrambling for something to hold onto mentally. "Or maybe you WANT to have a kid at age eighteen."

Jess shook her head, a wry smile crossing her face. "Guess again."

"You're Batgirl? Spiderwoman?" I said, groaning as I put my hands on my head.

"Well, think more Scottish/Irish folklore…" Jess said, nervously twisting the cloth in her hands. I didn't fail to notice that the water was not dripping out of the wet washcloth as she twisted it; not a drop.

I just glanced at her under my interlocked fingers over my eyes.

"I'll even settle for possession. You are possessed by a Viking ghost named Frederick. I can deal with it," I said. "I am cool with Frederick. Frederick and I will be great bros."

"It's not Frederick," Jess said, her smile turning lightly genuine with humor.

"Different name?"

"Mike, I'm a Selkie," Jess said, giving up with our little guessing game. "I go into the ocean, I say a little spell, touch a little crystal, and I turn into a sea lion, a dark horse, a fish... Usually just those three.

"Technically, I'm not supposed to tell you any of this, but it's been nagging at me for weeks, and I can't keep it secret from you anymore. Mr Fryz is a frost giant from Nordic legend, Jeremy and Angela are both pixies, Darla is a witch, the Quileutes are shapeshifters, Ben is a half-dragon… Everything you've seen today is real. Evidently nobody was being as careful as they should have been.

"I had to keep the act up so that you might just brush it off, but when everybody evidently decided that they could just mess with your head, it got too big a chore. I have to tell you, Mike."

I just sat there, staring at Jess, as she stared at me expectantly for some sort of response.

"You," I said, carefully speaking each word clearly, and enunciating it. "Can. Turn. In-to. A. Sea-li-on?"

Jess nodded, biting her lip. "Would you like to see it?"

She reached into her shirt, before drawing a string of beads. On closer inspection, I realized that the string was made of woven seaweed, and the beads were slightly luminescent crystals. She closed her eyes, not waiting for an answer.

"Uiscí thonnta doimhne, agus airgid na gealaí, éist liom. Roghnaím foirm an leon farraige," Jessica Stanley chanted, the crystals on her beads suddenly glowing a light blue.

I watched in horror and strange bewilderment as my girlfriend shrank in front of me, her fingers fusing together and her legs becoming flippers.

There was a sea lion in my room.

"Jess?" I squeaked, my voice over eight octaves higher than before.

The sea lion barked a laugh, before its eyes widened. In a flash, Jess was back to normal, sitting on the chair next to me.

My mom looked in. "Everything all right in here? What was that sound?"

"Oh, it's all fine, Mrs. Newton," Jess said, flawlessly lying. "The chair just made a funny sound."

"Oh, okay dear," my mom said, before shutting the door. Jess leaned over me, her eyes lit up with amusement.

"I didn't know your voice could go that high, Mike," she said, suddenly purring. "Is there anything else I can do to get it that high again?"

She leaned down and kissed me. But this time, it was different. Like I knew what to look for. I could smell fish on her breath, and salty air. The ocean's scent seemed to be all over her.

I couldn't take any more weird crap.

I blacked out.

(The Next Day)

Jessica Stanley's POV:

I waited patiently by Mike's bedside. Mrs. Newton had allowed me to spend the night, and had settled me into the guest room, next to Mike's. I glanced nervously at Mike. It seemed my kiss from yesterday was all it had took to finally put him over the edge.

Mike stirred, and I quickly spoke, in a voice so low that he would never be able to hear it.

"Showtime, guys," I said.

I could feel the rustle of wind as Jeremy flitted off, to warn the rest of the Fork's supernatural townsfolk to act like nothing had happened yesterday except what we had all talked about; he had seen the first hallucination and then dropped from heat exhaustion. Dr. Cullen had already written up the paperwork describing it, and the Newtons (who were, unbeknownst to their son, part mountain-dwarf) had sworn to pretend like this was the story.

Mike's eyes flickered open slowly. When they first landed on me, they widened with what looked like alarm.

"Jess?"

"Yes?" I asked sweetly. Before he could continue, though, I added, "How're you feeling? You hit your head pretty hard yesterday."

He blinked. "I did?"

"Yeah, you said something about wings, and fell over, passed out. I got Dr. Cullen to take a look at you, and he and I brought you home, and took turns trying to cool you off. You slept pretty much the full day. He went with everybody else a little earlier, and I've been here waiting for you to wake up, you snoring sleepyhead."

It hurt me to lie to him, but I was relieved and a little mollified when his face brightened considerably.

"You mean I was dreaming all that stuff yesterday?" he asked cheerfully.

"What stuff?" I asked, putting a hint of eagerness in my tone to hear his story.

"I dreamed up some pretty crazy stuff, Jess. I thought you admitted to me that Jeremy was a pixie, and that Mr. Fryz was a frost giant, and that you… you were a Selkie."

I laughed, trying to sound sincerely humored. "That's just crazy, Mike."

He smiled at me, but for an instant I saw that he still wasn't sure about that. Time to tamper with his mind.

{(TWILIGHT DICTIONARY DEFINITIONS= to 'Tamper': to dazzle someone until they can't remember quite what they were thinking about, what they were doing, vital bodily functions, what is actually being said around them, whether or not the ground is still under their feet, and/or generally who the heck they are. Usually, this is accomplished through more suggestive actions than usual, and a whole lotta teasing.)

-WARNING! 'TAMPERING' COMING UP! THOSE OF YOU WHO ARE DISGUSTED BY MIKE/JESSICA, YOU MAY NOT WANT TO WATCH. THIS WON'T BE PRETTY-}

I leaned over him, flirtatiously smiling and admittedly giving him a peek of my bra's strap. "Did I do anything interesting in this dream?"

He swallowed. "Well, uh—"

"Like this?" I asked, pressing my lips to his cheek. I smiled genuinely, realizing how utterly fun this actually was as he gulped.

"Not quite," he said.

"Like this?" I purred again, kissing the tip of his nose.

"Nope," he said, beginning to sound more like the blissfully unaware Mike I knew and loved.

"Maybe like… this?"

"Yeah, more like that," Mike said, gulping some more air. Then his face scrunched up. "But your breath smelled like fish."

I pulled away, playfully slapping his shoulder. "Way to ruin the moment, Newton."

Mentally, I made the note to stock up on mint tic-tacs.

Mike smiled, and I was sure now that I had succeeded. He would remember nothing.

"You feel well enough for a walk?" I asked, standing up and winking. "We can go to the cinema."

Mike shifted, coming out from underneath the sheet and standing. "Yeah, I'm right behind you."

I smiled. "You go get some shoes, and brush your teeth while you're at it. I don't want fish-breath when I kiss you."

Mike brightened and sauntered out of the room. I smiled, though I was also upset that my secret was forgotten in his memories.

I removed a seaweed-chain necklace with light blue crystals and put it in my back pocket for now. I'd put it away at home later. Putting on my best, most human smile, I walked out of Mike's room.