Oneshot:
"Hrmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm…"
"Um… Sis?" Uni calls out to her big sister, while placing down a bunch of paper on her sister's desk.
"He's been like that since he sat down…" Noire answered what was on her little sister's mind.
The Passerby has been sitting on the sofa of Lady Black Heart's living room since he arrived. He was supposed to fix her washing machine, but for some odd reason it worked again. Now that he has nothing better to do, his dilemma from last night caught up to him, and thus, he sits there, thinking very, very deeply…
…about his taste in women.
"Noire… you think I have weird taste in women?"
"Haa?" Noire looks at him from beyond her paperwork.
"Look, it's been a year since the marriage and now that everything's settled down. I got around to thinking that maybe… I have a very skewed taste in women" he said his concerns as seriously as one trying to decide if he should eat hotdogs with ketchup or mustard today.
"I… see…? Honestly, I have no idea what you're talking about. But maybe I should just lea–"
"Wait. Maybe I'm normal? I don't know. What you think Uni?"
"Well… you did marry Neptune. So maybe?" Uni answered half-heartedly.
"And besides, why bother thinking about that now? Are you having regrets?" Noire asks as she stands.
"Regrets? Never. Questionable decisions? Yes"
"I don't see the difference. But maybe I should just go out and do some quests. You take care of him, Uni"
"Oh… okay… wait, what… Sis!?" Noire ejected from the conversation, leaving her sister to deal with the rabbit hole of the passerby's irrelevant thinking.
Unable to believe that her sister actually left her, she looks back at the passerby thinking as deeply as if choosing between 2 kinds of branded bottled water.
"Hrmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm…"
"Um… I don't think you should be worried about it…" Uni tries cheer him up, hoping to end the suffering she's about to endure.
"Thing is… before, I think my taste were quite normal. But now… I'm not so sure…"
"Just to be sure… how tall were your 'befores'?"
"Around…" the Passerby brings his hand up, around 4 and a half feet from the ground. Around his wife's height.
"I… see…" Uni sighs internally.
"Look, I don't get it. I feel like this is something you and Neptune should actually talk about"
"Are you mad woman!?" shouted Jared as he grabbed her shoulders.
"Eh!?"
"If Neptune knows about this then my reputation as a passerby will surely die!"
"Do you even have a reputation to begin with!?" she retorted to the stupid argument.
"…" and that gave him pause.
The passerby sits back down and thinks again. Surely, he has some sort of reputation. He is The Passerby after all. Plus, with all the talk generated after the wedding, he's been featured in the front pages of magazines and newspapers, as well as other media sites. So surely, definitely, he has some reputation to speak of? Right?
"Just to be sure Uni, what do you think of me?"
Uni crossed her arms and thinks deeply.
"Hrm? Hmmmmm… Hrmmmmmmmmm…? Hmmmmm? Hm!
If I was going to school, I wouldn't even introduce to my classmates, put a restraining order on you, and make sure you get locked up. Yup, yup" Uni nods to herself.
"Wait… I need to be in a restraining order!?"
"You did marry a girl, that's about … let's say, kinda questionable in height though…"
"Are you actually implying that I have questionable tastes!?" the scales have fallen before the passerby's eyes.
"Not implying"
"So, I have questionable tastes!?" the scales have fallen, and also smashed under Uni's feet, before the passerby's eyes.
"Nonononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononono" the passerby falls into the pit, trying to find some sort of coping mechanism to ease his already broken moral code.
"By the way, here's what the law says about having these sorts of taste in women" Uni presents her phone to the passerby.
He reluctantly takes the phone and read its contents. Color quickly drains from his skin until they are as "pure" as the color of snow.
"Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck" he panics even more.
"And he lost it. I think it's safe to say that he'll be like this for a couple of hours, right?" Uni said to herself.
"Oh~!" a lightbulb lit up in Uni's head.
She wanted to leave right then and there, but a devilish idea crossed her mind. So devilish, in fact, that you can see it plastered on her face. She quickly takes her phone from him and speed dials her best friend as she hits the record button.
"Uni? What is it?"
"Can you tell me what you think about Jared?"
"I think Big Brother is cool"
"Ugh… it kinda hurt that it was an instant reply. What does your Sis thinks about eggplants again?"
"? It's gross, in her own words. Geez, I was trying to put my mind off on how to make Sis eat her eggplants for dinner"
"Ahahaha… I'm sorry"
"Ugh, I'll have to build another robot…"
"Well that's it from me, bye Nepgear"
"? That's all you wanted to as–!"
*BEEP!*
Uni quickly cuts off the call, opens an editing software on her phone. She quickly spliced the call in the time it takes for the Passerby to worry about something that's a non-issue. She pulls out her headphones from nowhere, plugs it into the 3.5mm jack on her phone, brings the earpiece to his ear.
"Here, I want you to listen to a recording I have with Nepgear" without even waiting for his reply or consent, she plays the recording.
"Uni? What is it?"
"Can you tell me what you think about Jared liking girls with questionable height?"
"I think Big Brother is gross"
"—!"
His heart shattered; his soul left his body the moment his sister confessed(?) her thoughts. Whatever color left on his body is now gone. Despair quickly envelopes him as he utters…
"OhFuck! OhFuck! OhFuck! OhFuck! OhFuck! OhFuck! OhFuck! OhFuck! OhFuck! OhFuck! OhFuck! OhFuck! OhFuck! OhFuck! OhFuck! OhFuck! OhFuck! OhFuck! OhFuck! OhFuck! OhFuck! OhFuck! OhFuck! OhFuck! OhFuck! OhFuck! OhFuck! OhFuck! OhFuck! OhFuck! OhFuck! OhFuck! OhFuck! OhFuck! OhFuck! OhFuck! OhFuck! OhFuck! OhFuck! OhFuck! OhFuck! OhFuck! OhFuck! OhFuck!"
"And I that's a knockout…" Uni said to herself, satisfied at the result.
"Mmmm~!" she stretched, feeling good about all the teasing and bullying this man has brought into her life.
"Now then… maybe I should meet up with Sis" Uni transforms and flies off, leaving the Passerby into his, otherwise shallow, hell.
"Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!"
And thus, forevermore, the Passerby continues to question his taste in women.