Plagiarism
A JoJo's Bizarre Adventure fic
You can contact me at
tsommer
My works are stored at
and a03
As always I do not own the rights Jo Jo's Bizarre Adventure. This takes place after Stardust Crusaders. And it's meant to be humorous (yeah, I know. From me it's totally shocking.)
And here we go.
Xxxxxxxx
Joseph Joestar found himself in a New York alleyway. It was nondescript, almost generic in a fashion. Brick walls too close together, like all the buildings in the city proper. Garbage cans filled to the brim. Rats and roaches hanging out together dining on a banquet of edible waste. All the crime, grime, and slime the Big Apple had to offer in one tiny location.
What was out of place was the man standing ten feet away from Joseph. He was decked out in bell bottom pants, had an open vest with no shirt, showing off ripped abs and massive arms, and had a ton of garish golden chains around his neck. Had they been any lower they would have blocked the view of his superbly defined mid-section. But his most notable feature was one of the most luxurious afros Joseph had ever seen.
Also the man was Japanese.
"So what do you want?" Joseph asked. The guy reeked of stand user. Dio might have been dead but stand using lived on. And for some reason stand users seemed drawn to one another like… like… like rats and roaches to garbage. So every now and then one would pop out of the woodwork (like rats and roaches), causing trouble more often than not (again like rats and roaches).
"The name is Roshi E. Mimoto. You can call me R.E.M." The man gesticulated while talking. "I'm laying down the law, Daddy O. Explaining how everything's going down. Think of it as the reality of the situation."
Well, that was a word salad that explained nothing. The good news was rambling idiots were only dangerous about half the time. "And you're going to be 'laying down the law' on me?"
"You got it, Jack. Marionette being shown the strings."
Yeah, that was enough of that. "Why don't we cut ahead to where you bring out your stand – then you put me on the ropes since this is clearly a trap using your abilities in conjunction with an ideal environment- then me outsmarting you and finishing you off?"
"Orchestrating the scene when you ain't got the typewriter don't work, Daddy O." Again he gesticulated wildly. "But maybe an old dog can learn new tricks. Yo, Stand!"
The glowing energy being sprang from his body. Joseph wagered it was a close-range physical type. It had armor similar to Polnareff's Silver Chariot, but was more heavily muscled, the visor was different, and there were large spikes poking upward from the shoulders.
Time to probe for information. "So what's its name?"
"Stand in the Place Where You Live."
"So you're telling me to go home?" he asked hopefully.
"No, Daddy-O. It's a name, not an instruction."
"You named your stand 'Stand' with a bunch of other stuff that just makes people confused?"
"Just wait until you see what happens next." And the stand lunged toward Joseph.
He wasn't waiting for hard contact to learn what the stand's ability was: that was the worst method of discovery. Joseph darted backward, only to find his progress stopped by a wall that hadn't been there at the start of the conversation.
"What the hell?" He was trying to process that information when Stand in the Place… R.E.M.'s stand came for him.
He darted to the right as the stand easily shattered a section of the wall into powder, leaving a gaping hole. Yep, a powerhouse, one that could apparently create walls so you couldn't escape. Not a bad idea when trapped in an alleyway, really.
The stand came after him. Again Joseph ducked and another fist met a different wall, leaving a second gaping hole behind. His retreat took him across the alley to the opposite wall. One fist later the masonry met the same fate.
Rather than pressing the attack, the stand returned to R.E.M.
Joseph summoned Purple Hermit. If he could attach it to a ledge he had the option of increased mobility for evasion or swinging in for an attack. "Not bad. That wall you made didn't feel like an illusion like some others I've fought. What else can you create?"
"You don't get the big picture, JJ." R.E.M. said. "My main man did my work. Note what happened."
Joseph looked around. All he had done was punch holes in stuff. "He is powerful."
"My main man knocked down three walls. Now watch what happens with he breaks the fourth." And with that the stand shattered the wall behind R.E.M.. Once again a hole was formed. However this time there was an object behind it: a boom box.
"He's not going to make me go into a dance routine, is he?" Suzy forced him to take dance classes with her when they were younger. It was not a fun experience.
"Sometimes it ain't the tune that's important: it's the voice bringing it to life. Listen close and then you'll understand the beat you've been dancing to all this time."
The stand turned the radio on.
"Welcome to the radio station that plays music you've heard your entire life. Now here comes a classic from the J Geils Band with 'Centerfold'."
Joseph reacted to the name. "J. Geils?" he said aloud.
The stand changed the station. "And here we are with 'Do it Again,' By Steely Dan."
"Steely Dan," he said, still mystified.
The station changed.
"-can't ever get enough of Vanilla Ice and 'Ice, Ice Baby'."
A look of horror dawned upon his face.
Again the station flickered.
"Want to hear something depressing? It's Enya. It doesn't matter which song it is: they all sound the same."
R.E.M. smiled at the older man. "Do you comprende?"
Now everything his opponent had said, all the actions leading up to this moment, made perfect sense. The revelation of the truth swept over Joseph like a tidal wave that pulled him beneath the surface of the water, an undertow with the strength of King Kong keeping him under. He held his hands to his face and shouted, "Oh my god!"
Xxxxxxxxxx
Joseph woke up, shooting up out of bed, his sheets soaked in sweat. The movement caused his wife to awaken and look at him quizzically. "What is it?"
It took Joseph a moment to recall every detail of what had just happened. "I just had a horrible nightmare."
"It's not that one where those Pillar Men took the place of the Three Stooges, is it?"
"No, not that one." Although the idea of anyone replacing his most beloved comedy trio did qualify as a nightmare, and they were the worst replacements his mind could conceive. "It was even worse."
"What was it?"
"I dreamt musical artists were stealing the names of stand users and pretending they were their own creations. It was plagiarism of the highest order."
Suzy rolled her eyes and went back under the covers. "I'm going back to sleep. If you wake me again, it better be because the house is on fire."
"Said the woman who made me late to my own funeral," he mumbled under his breath.
"I heard that!"
It was time to get out of Dodge. He went into the living room, too disturbed to sleep. Also Suzy tended to 'accidentally' kick him when she got upset about him reminding her of that. Not only could she get some real force behind those shots, but her feet were like ice cubes.
So instead he closed the door to the bedroom and turned on a small lamp in the living room. Ironically, when he wanted to relax he'd listen to the radio. Considering the nature of his nightmare, he was reluctant to do it, but then he decided he wasn't letting some silly dream change his lifestyle habits. He plugged in some earphones, then turned on the radio.
"And here we are with Loggins and Messina singing, 'Your Momma Don't Dance'."
"Oh my god!"
Xxxxxxxxxxxxx
[End fic]
Just a silly idea I had. Pretty sure it has the uniqueness of never being used. And hey, I actually did a second JJBA fic.