"Hey guys, how was shopping?" Chris called out when he heard the door open. He had his back to the door as he set up lights in one of the windows. As he straightened up and turned around, he got a good look at Ezra and quickly crossed over to him. "Hey, what's wrong?" He helped Ezra take off his coat and looked over at Vin for an explanation.
"He's feeling a mite poorly," Vin explained as he took his coat and Ezra's and hung them up. "Got sick on the way home."
"Damn," Chris hissed. "I forgot to give him one of his headache pills before I left." He wrapped an arm around Ezra' shoulders and led him over to the couch. "Sorry, Ezra. I just forgot."
Ezra shook his head as he sat on the couch. "It's ok, Mr. Chris. My head doesn't hurt bad." Spotting Floppy on the other end of the couch, he reached for the stuffed toy and wrapped his arms around it.
"Said he wasn't feeling so good. He felt a little warm to me."
Mimicking Vin's action of earlier, Chris lay his hand on Ezra's cheek. "You're right. He is a little warm. You mind grabbing the thermometer out of the medicine cabinet."
"No," Ezra yelled hearing the word 'thermometer' as he also pushed out at Chris almost toppling from where he'd sat on the coffee table.
"Stop," Chris said firmly, grasping Ezra's hands and holding them down. "Look at me," he commanded in a level voice when Ezra continued to struggle. "Look. At. Me." Ezra's struggles died down and he looked up, meeting Chris's eyes. "Are you in control," he asked. He waited until he got a nod from Ezra before letting his hands go.
"I'm sorry, Mr. Chris. I didn't mean to hurt you," Ezra said in a small voice. "Please don't be mad." He looked away from Chris and started to nervously wrap one of Floppy's ears around his finger.
Chris let out a sigh. He knew Ezra didn't intentionally try to hurt him. Physically, he may have been a grown man, but he still had the capricious and sometimes volatile emotions of a child and the only way he knew how to manage them was to physically lash out. Chris didn't think it would be the last time it would happen although he did try help Ezra to channel those emotions in another direction. "I'm not mad at you." He moved so he was sitting next to Ezra on the couch and put an arm around him. "What's this all about?"
"I don't want to be sick. Then we can't have the decorating party." Ezra leaned into Chris as he spoke, resting his head on his shoulder. "If I'm sick, then I have to go to the hospital. I don't want to go back there."
"I need to know if you're not well. The only time I'll take you to the hospital is if you're really, really sick. Ok?" Chris said as he gave a little squeeze to Ezra's shoulders in reassurance.
Ezra nodded against Chris's shoulder. "K," he agreed softly. "But what about the party? If I do like I promised Mr. Vin, can we still have it?"
Vin, who'd been quietly standing aside while Chris got Ezra calmed down stepped forward and handed Chris the thermometer. "I...uh...I sorta told him if he stayed on the couch and let Nathan take a look at him later, I'd try to convince you not to cancel tonight."
"You did, huh?" Chris blew out a breath. He'd have to remember to thank Vin later. Now if he cancelled, he'd end up looking like the bad guy. He took the thermometer out of the box, turned it on, and held it out to Ezra. "Let's just see if you've got much a fever and we'll go from there. Put this in your mouth."
The three men waited in silence until the thermometer softly beeped. Chris took it and read the digital display. "99.9. Not quite a fever."
"Does that mean I'm not sick?"
"You tell me," Chris countered. "How do you feel...and no hiding things. You know I'll know if you are."
"My stomach's feels a little yucky," Ezra confessed. "And I'm kinda tired and my head hurts a little."
"That's what he said when we were driving home," Vin confirmed. "He slept most of the way here."
Chris looked over to Vin and nodded then back to Ezra. "You might have a stomach bug or something." He thought for a moment weighing the pros and cons of cancelling their plans. He came to the decision that cancelling would stress Ezra out more than needed at this point. If he got worse between now and when the others were supposed to arrive, he could cancel then. "Here's the deal. You do exactly what you promised Vin...you lay down here on the couch and take a nap and you let Nathan take a look at you when he gets here...and I won't cancel."
"I will. I promise," Ezra said earnestly.
"And you tell me if you start to feel worse because I will know if you're trying to hide anything."
"I promise." Ezra made an 'X' over his heart. "Cross my heart."
"Ok." Chris got up from the couch and helped Ezra to stretch out on it. He slipped one of the couch cushions under his head and tucked the blanket normally kept on the back over him. "I'm going to get your headache medicine and then I want you to take a nap...and if you start to feel worse, you let me or Vin know."
"Ok, Mr. Chris. Thank you for not telling everyone they can't come." Ezra snuggled under the blanket, holding tight to Floppy. When Chris brought him one of the tablets he took for headaches, he took it without issue, then snuggled down again.
It didn't take long for Ezra to drift off to sleep. Once he had, Chris sharply pointed toward the kitchen indicating Vin should join him there.
"I know what you're going to say," Vin began as soon as they were in the kitchen. "I shouldn't have made him any promises. I was wrong. Ok?"
"You stuck me in the position of being the bad guy, Vin." Chris made sure to keep his voice low so as not to wake Ezra.
"I didn't mean to do that, Chris. I just didn't know what to say. He didn't even want me to tell you anything. It was the only way I could get him to agree."
"Yeah, I know," Chris relented. "Just, next time try not to make any promises I might not be able to deliver."
"I'll try," Vin acknowledge. "Now about the shopping," he continued thinking this was as good a time as any to let Chris know they'd gone over the $100 he'd given.
"Let me guess, he spent more than $100."
"Well," Vin said looking a way and hedging. "A bit more."
Chris shook his head slightly and tried to suppress the smile that was trying to break through. Somehow, he'd known that Ezra would get Vin to agree to going over budget. "How much is 'a bit'?"
"Just about $45. Now, Chris, before you get all mad, I couldn't say no. What he got you is really special and means a lot to him. You'll see what I mean on Christmas."
Again, Chris shook his head slightly. "Ok. I won't get mad. Is it out in your Jeep?" he asked remembering that neither Ezra nor Vin had had a bag when they came in.
"It's not ready. I need to pick it up for him on the 20th...and don't go asking where it has to be picked up from or anything else. It's supposed to be a surprise."
"Far be it from me to pry," Chris said as he held his hands up in innocence. "I'll just wait until Christmas to see what it is." He reached into his back pocket for his wallet. "So, how much do I owe you."
"No way," Vin disagreed. "I told him I'd lend him the money and he'd pay me back, not you."
Chris looked at Vin for a second wondering if the time spent in the crowded mall had caused him to lose his mind. "You do remember he doesn't have any money lying around. I control his finances."
"Yeah. I know. I just thought maybe I could find some odd jobs for him to do to pay me off...like wash the Jeep or something like that. You know...something to make him feel useful. You've said a couple of times how Nettie keeps telling you to give him chores to do and stuff. I thought I'd help out with that."
"Yeah," Chris agreed. "She does." He put the wallet back in his pocket. "Ok. You can find chores for him to do to pay off what he owes you."
"It's settled then." Vin started to walk back to the living room. "I'll give you a hand getting those lights in the windows...and do you think we should get the tree put together before the others get here?"
"Probably a good idea. The last thing we need is four more people all reading the instructions and trying to figure out how to get it together so it lights." Chris waited until Vin had started to walk away before calling him back. "It's been at least a decade since you washed that Jeep. You have him do that, and you're going to end up owing him money."
"It ain't that bad," Vin defended his Jeep with a laugh. "But maybe we'd have to call it even."
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Ezra spent the rest of the afternoon napping on the couch. Although he was quiet and looked comfortable, Chris couldn't help worrying. Several times he stopped to rest his hand on the younger man's forehead or cheek to make sure he wasn't feverish. One of the times, Vin caught him and pointed out if he kept it up, he'd wake the sleeping man. Chris was chagrined that he'd been caught in his worry, but it didn't stop him from pointing out that he'd seen Vin doing the same thing as well.
Shortly after Ezra had fallen asleep, Harris had joined him squeezing himself between Ezra's legs and back of the couch with his head resting on the sleeping man's hip. Chris had marveled at how a full-grown man, a seventy-pound dog, and a stuffed bunny could all fit on the sofa without looking crowded.
It was shortly after sunset and Chris was in the kitchen filling bowls with chips, pretzels, and other snacks when Harris came in and flopped down in front of the refrigerator. "Get too crowded for you?" Chris asked the dog. Not expecting an answer, he was startled to hear, "I'm hungry," come from behind him. He whirled around to see Ezra standing in the kitchen doorway. "Hey! You're awake."
"Uh huh," Ezra agreed as he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. "I'm hungry," he repeated. Seeing the bowls of snacks on the table, he came closer and reached for a potato chip only to have Chris bat his hand away.
"Those are for later and you weren't feeling well earlier," Chris reminded. "Chips might not be such a good idea."
"But I'm hungry," Ezra said with a pout. "And I don't feel sick anymore."
Chris studied the other man critically. Before the accident, Ezra had had a penchant of playing down his ills and injuries trying to keep them to himself. The exception had been minor things that he'd usually play up in a bid for sympathy. He still had the habit of hiding the worst.
He didn't seem as pale as he'd been earlier and no longer had the pinched look to his eyes. Reaching over, Chris pressed his palm to Ezra's cheek and found that he was much cooler than he'd been earlier. It seemed Ezra was being truthful when he said he didn't feel sick. "You did miss lunch." Again, he batted Ezra's hand from the potato chip bowl. "Sit down and I'll get you some of the chicken and rice Nettie made yesterday."
Ezra sat where he'd been told. He waited until Chris's back was turned before reaching for a potato chip and stuffing it in his mouth trying to chew as quietly as possible.
"I saw that," Chris said as pulled out the bowl of chicken and rice. He turned around to see Ezra looking at him in a combination of shock and disbelief and had to smother a laugh.
"Do you really have eyes in the back of your head," Ezra asked in awe.
Chris had to work even harder to smother a laugh. "You don't expect me to give away my secrets, do you?" he asked as he put a storage container on the table.
Ezra eyed him for a few moments and Chris was taken back to before the accident when he'd see that same shrewd look in his friend's eyes as he took stock of the situation. "You're teasing me," Ezra finally said. "You don't have eyes in the back of your head."
"You got me," Chris said with a laugh. "I could hear you taking the chips out of the bowl."
"Oh." Again, Ezra was quiet for a few moments as he scrutinized Chris. Chris could almost swear he could see the gears turning in his head. "Did you tease me before?" Ezra finally asked.
Chris started to get the plate and flatware Ezra would need to eat his late lunch. "Yeah. I guess I did," he said after a few seconds. He thought of all the times he threatened to shoot the other man when he came up with one of his off-the wall ideas or any time he tried his patience. Even then, he'd often been able to catch Ezra in something he thought he hid so well. Even though most people claimed Ezra had a poker face and could get away with anything, Chris had learned early on to pay attention to his eyes. They gave so much away then and even more so now. Right now, he could see a lot of questions in them. It was inevitable that Ezra would ask about his previous life. Given a choice, Chris wanted to avoid today being that day. "How much do you want?" he asked hoping to distract and change the conversation.
"Hey! Looks who's up," Vin said as he came in the back door.
"Awake and hungry," Chris said as he started to dish some of the chicken and rice onto the plate.
"I feel better," Ezra said looking over to Vin. "My head doesn't hurt anymore and my stomach doesn't feel yucky."
"Must have just been a headache," Chris added on. He sent up silent thanks that Vin's arrival seemed to have changed the direction of the conversation. "He's cool to the touch now."
"That's great." Vin reached for a some of the chips.
"Mr. Chris said those are for later," Ezra pointed out ignoring the fact that he'd swiped some just a little while ago.
"Won't miss a few," Vin assured as he stuffed some in his mouth. As he did, the doorbell rang. He pointed in the direction of the door showing he'd answer.
Chris nodded and took the plate of food out of the microwave and set it in front of Ezra. "You better eat up. Sounds like the others are getting here."
As soon as the plate was on the table in front of him, Ezra started to shovel the food into his mouth as if it had been days since his last meal. After a few moments of that, Chris put a hand out to stop him. "You keep eating that fast and you're going to choke or make yourself sick again. I don't think you want that."
Ezra swallowed what was in his mouth and shook his head. "I'm hungry," he repeated, although he did eat slower.
"Who's ready to get this party started?" Buck asked as he came into the kitchen. In addition to an 'ugly Christmas sweater' with a green tinsel tree on it, he was wearing reindeer antlers on his head.
"I think I'm blind," Chris joked shielding his eyes when he saw Buck.
"This is nothing," Buck said, then winked in Ezra's direction. "Watch." He fumbled at the hem of the sweater for a second, then lights on the tree lit up and began to blink. "How about that?"
"Wow!" Ezra said, but after a few seconds had to look away from Buck with his eyes squeezed shut.
"Turn it off," Chris said with no room for argument.
"Yeah. Sure," Buck agreed although he seemed confused by Chris's forcefulness. "What's wrong?"
"Ezra was sick with a headache earlier today. Blinking lights are a trigger for him."
Buck quickly turned the lights on the sweater off then squatted down next to Ezra and rested a hand on his knee. "I'm sorry, Hoss. I didn't know. They're off now."
Ezra opened his eyes cautiously and looked at Buck. "It's ok, Mr. Buck. You didn't know. It was neat…just makes my eyes and head feel funny."
"Well, we don't want any funny stuff for you, then." Buck got up and turned toward the living room. I better head JD off before he comes in here. He's got about ten times more lights on him."
Ezra waited until Buck had left the kitchen before saying to Chris in a loud whisper, "Mr. Buck wears really crazy stuff," causing Chris to laugh loudly. "Well, he does," Ezra defended himself.
"Yeah. He does," Chris agreed when he finally stopped laughing. He noticed that Ezra's plate was nearly empty, and he'd stopped eating. "You all done?"
Before Ezra answered, Nathan came into the kitchen. "I heard you weren't feeling well," he said in surprise when he saw Ezra at the table. "How's he doing?" he directed at Chris.
"Seems to be fine now," Chris answered with a shrug. "It must have just been the headache earlier."
"Maybe," Nathan agreed. "Still, it might be a good idea for him to take it easy and not eat too much."
As the two men talked over him, Ezra began to grow irritated. "I'm not sick," he finally said. He shot a look over to Chris, "And I can talk."
"Yes. You can," Chris agreed. For just a moment, he saw a flash of the Ezra from before who'd get equally irritated when anyone talked about him as if he weren't present. "I'll try to remember you can answer for yourself from now on." He reached to pick up the plate. "Why don't you go in the living room. Sounds like everyone's here."
Ezra let out a sigh and got up from the table. When he got to the doorway, he turned back to Chris and Nathan. "I know you're going to talk about me," he said then quickly exited.
"Sometimes," Chris said once Ezra was out of the kitchen, "it's like flashes of the Ezra from before the accident come through and I think maybe he will get better."
"Ultimately, he is the same person, Chris. Just because he can't remember any of the things he experienced in his life after the age of seven, doesn't mean it changes him completely."
"Yeah. I guess." Chris rinsed off the plate and put it in the dishwasher. "So, how much are you going to quiz me about earlier?"
Nathan shrugged at the question. "You seemed worried when you called. I guess I just didn't expect to see him up and eating."
"I didn't either." This time it was Chris's turn to shrug. "Maybe it was a combination of things. He was up early, the excitement, and a headache. He just felt a little too warm and his temperature was up, so I just thought..."
"It's not a bad thing to be cautious. Just keep an eye on him in case."
A cacophony of voices suddenly came from the living room. "Someone grab him," "Get that out of his mouth," and "Harris, don't eat the lightbulbs," were clearly heard.
"We best see what they're all up to."
When Chris and Nathan got in the living room, it looked like controlled chaos. Buck, Vin, and Josiah had started emptying the boxes of Christmas decorations. JD was standing in front of the undecorated tree with the remote control for the lights changing the patterns and colors. Ezra was on the floor by the couch wrestling a package of spare lightbulbs away from Harris.
"It's less of a tripping hazard if you empty them one at a time," Chris pointed out as he stepped over the items that had been pulled from the boxes. "JD, they need to be solid clear or solid colored…and they shouldn't even be on until after it's decorated." He'd reached the couch and bent to take the box of lights out of Harris's mouth and handed them to Ezra. "You think your name is Edison?" he asked the dog.
He surveyed the room and fell into his accustomed role as leader. "Let's put the tree stuff to the side and get everything else done first. Then we can grab something to eat and after that, decorate the tree."
"Yes, Sir, oh fearless leader," Buck joked as he mock-saluted Chris.
"Keep it up and you can be the tree-topper this year," Chris responded with an evil smile.
"I think Mr. Buck would break the tree," Ezra added on not understanding the joke.
Chris slung an arm around Ezra's shoulders and leveled his gaze at Buck. "A very good reason why we should all get to work." He did his best to keep a straight face but was defeated by the looks of mirth on the others. Shaking his head, he gave Ezra a pat on the back then started directing what needed to be done.
In just a little under two hours, all the lights and decorations were in place except for the tree and a group of small Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer stuffed animals JD had contributed to the decorations a couple of years ago. They usually sat on the front windowsills with the lit candles, but shortly after finding them, Ezra had started to act out a scene with them. He'd been happily sitting and playing with them for the last 45 minutes. "You want to put those in your room this year?" Chris asked as he crouched by him.
Ezra had put the Hermey figure astride Rudolph and had been "flying" them around. He set both back on the floor at Chris's question. "You said these were Just JD's."
JD joined Chris and Ezra on the floor. "Well, yeah. I brought them, but if you want to put them in your room to decorate, I think that'd be ok." He picked up Floppy where he lay on the floor beside Ezra. "I bet your bunny would like some extra company at night."
"If you think it's ok, then yes," Ezra agreed. He began to gather up the toys. "Will you help me?"
"Sure will," JD agreed as he reached for the Sam the Snowman.
"There should be room on your dresser where you can put them," Chris said as he got up from the floor. As Ezra started to walk to his room, Chris stopped him and pressed his hand to his forehead. "You still feeling ok."
Ezra nodded his head at the question. "Promise. I'm not fibbing."
"Ok. Just checking. When the two of you are finished with that, we'll take and break and get something to eat, then we can decorate the tree."
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It didn't take long for JD and Ezra to set up the Rudolph plushes in Ezra's room and for all of them to grab something to eat. After that, it was on to the main event of decorating the tree. It was the part of decorating that Ezra had been looking forward to most.
"Is it time," he asked Chris with barely concealed impatience.
"It's time. Why don't you and Vin start taking the tree decorations out of the boxes. Nathan, you and Josiah get the garland on, the rest of us will clean up."
Ezra nearly ran over to the boxes he knew the tree decorations were in. Inside of each one, were smaller boxes with neatly sorted ornaments. Most were generic baubles and such, but there were also seven box each labeled with one of men's name. "This has my name on it," he said as he held up a shallow white box.
Vin looked over to see what Ezra was holding. "Sure does."
"Mr. Chris," Ezra asked as Chris came in the room. "Why does this have my name on it."
Chris sat by Ezra on the floor and took the box from him. "Remember how I said that everyone's contributed different ornaments for the tree." He waited until Ezra nodded before continuing. "Each person's is in a separate box so he can put them on the tree. These are the ornaments you contributed." He reached for another box on the floor and pulled it over. "These are mine."
"Can I see?"
"Sure," Chris said and pulled off the lid to the box. Inside was a handful of hand-carved wooden animals, a small pair of porcelain baby shoes, and a porcelain heart."
"Did you make these?" Ezra said taking out one of the animals that resembled a horse.
"I did." Chris picked up the baby shoes and held them out to Ezra. 'Baby's first Christmas' was written on them along with a date and the name Adam. "You remember I told you I was married and had a little boy?"
Ezra nodded and looked a little sad. "Mrs. Sara and Adam. You said there was an accident and they're in heaven now like my daddy."
"That's right. This was the ornament Sara and I bought the year Adam was born." Chris put the shoes carefully back in the box and picked up the heart. 'Our first Christmas' was written on it with another date and Chris and Sara's names. "This is the one Sara and I got the year we were married." As he placed the heart back in the box, Chris thought about how the ornaments had been hidden away after Sara and Adam's death. It was only in the last several years since the men of Team Seven had come together that he'd taken them out.
"Does everyone have special ornaments?" Ezra asked looking at the array of labeled boxes.
"Why don't you ask them. I'm sure they'll show them to you before they go up on the tree."
Before he could ask, Vin picked up his box and brought it over to Ezra. Inside was a variety of woodland creatures. "These are special to me because they remind me of being outside."
Ezra carefully reached in and picked up an eagle to inspect. "It's really pretty," he said after he'd returned it to the box.
Josiah was next as he brought his box over to show Ezra. "These come from all over the world and remind me of places I've visited," he explained as Ezra looked into the box.
Ezra reached in and picked up a carved wooden star and held it up. "Where did this one come from?"
"That one," Josiah explained, "Came from Israel. It's carved from a piece of olive wood."
"Is that where this one came from, too?" Ezra asked as he returned the star to the box and picked up an ebony elephant."
"No. That one came from Africa and so did this one," Josiah explained pointing to a small woven basked."
"Wow!" Ezra said as he returned the ornaments to box. "You've been lots of places."
"I have," Josiah agreed. "You know what the best place is?" When Ezra didn't answer and just shook his head, Josiah gestured around to the room. "It's right here with the people I care about."
"I'm glad you're hear, Mr. Joes."
Next up was Buck who sat on the floor by Ezra and took the lid from his box. Inside was a collection of garishly colored ornaments. "My mom used to buy a new ornament every year...the more sparkly the better. She used to say they'd multiply the lights on the tree because they'd reflect them. These all used to be hers. I didn't have any place to put them until we all started decorating Chris's tree. It gave them a home."
Ezra picked up a shiny, glittery angel with white feather wings. "This is really pretty." He looked up at Buck and grinned. "I like sparkly stuff."
"You've got good taste," Buck said with a broad smile. "That was Mom's favorite." He looked over to where JD was standing with his box. "You're turn."
JD took Buck's place on the floor by Ezra. "Mine aren't as old as Buck's...but he's really old," he said in an exaggerated whisper getting Ezra to let out a little laugh. He took off the cover of the box. "Mom always said to remember where you come from. I come from Boston, so that's what I've got. He started pointing out different ornaments in the box, "This is the Bruins; they're the hockey team in Boston," JD began as he began to explain each ornament that represented either a sport team or landmark in Boston."
"What's this one?" Ezra asked picking up an old-fashioned looking blown glass ornament in the shape of a green train car.
JD winced a bit at the question. "That's the MBTA," he explained. "It's part of the subway in Boston." Although not from Boston, Ezra was well-acquainted with the city since he'd gone to MIT in nearby Cambridge. They'd bantered back and forth about just how reliable the MBTA was the first time Ezra saw the ornament. The innocent question was a reminder of how much his friend had lost. He looked over to Nathan. "You're turn, isn't it."
"Yeah, sure." Nathan said and switched places with JD. It hadn't escaped his notice or the others how Ezra's question had shaken JD in the smallest way. He pulled the lid off his box and showed the ornaments to Ezra. It was a collection of antique blown glass ornaments in the shape of tear drops. "These belonged to my daddy and his daddy before him. I hope I'll have a son to pass them down to someday."
Ezra reached into the box and lightly ran his hand over the ornaments where they were nestled in a bed of cotton batting. "They're really pretty. I bet they look nice on the tree."
"Sure do," Nathan agreed.
Chris moved to sit on Ezra's other side and nudged the box he was still holding. "Want to see what's in your box."
"I guess," Ezra answered with slight trepidation in his voice. He took off the cover of the box to reveal a collection or origami stars, snowflakes, and doves.
"You made those," Chris told him knowing Ezra would have no memory of it. "The first Christmas you were here in Denver.
Ezra ran his fingers lightly over the paper ornaments, careful not to wrinkle or tear them. "I don't remember," he said after a moment. He looked over a Chris, capturing his gaze. "Do you miss him?"
"Who?" Chris asked not sure what Ezra was asking.
"Him. The Ezra from before the accident. The one who knew how to be a grown up and wasn't...wasn't stupid?"
Chris pulled the box from Ezra's lap and pushed it out of the way. "Hey. You are not stupid. Do you hear me? You may not remember everything, and you may have trouble doing some things, but you are not stupid, and I don't ever want to hear you say that again. Every day you learn something new, and you know all the important things. You know how to be a good friend. That's what's important.
Ezra nodded shallowly. "But do you miss him?" he insisted.
Chris pulled in a deep breath and let it out slowly. He looked around at the others, but he could see no help coming from them. They were as affected by Ezra's question as he was. He had no idea how to answer the question. If he were honest, he ran the risk of hurting Ezra's feelings, but if he lied or tried to varnish the truth, he knew his friend would see right through him, and that would hurt him even more. As painful as it could be, the truth was the way to go. "I do," he said simply.
At the answer, Ezra looked down and began to twist his hands in his lap. "Do you wish he were here instead of me?"
Chris shifted closer to the other man and put his arm around his shoulders pulling him in close. He didn't ask that he look at him because he knew Ezra was hanging off every word he said right now. "If you're asking if I wish the accident never happened and that you'd never been hurt, then yes. I wish that never happened. I wish you'd never had to experience any of the pain or the sickness you've had since it happened. You're my friend and I don't want you to hurt. If you're asking me if I don't want you, the Ezra P. Standish who's sitting next to me, not to be here, then the answer is a no. The Before Ezra was a good friend and I'm sorry that I lost him, but I know I was given a gift as well. You. I won't forget the Before Ezra but I'm thankful for every day I have with you. You are a special person, and I wouldn't want to trade you away...and I think I can speak for the others as well."
Quickly, the other five all chimed in reassuring Ezra of his place in the group. As they did, he leaned over, resting his head on Chris's shoulder. "I belong?" he asked softly.
"You belong," Chris reassured him. "You will always belong." He reached to put the lid back on the box of origami ornaments. "We don't have to put these on the tree. Only if you want."
Ezra stopped Chris from covering the box. "I think we should. They're kinda like the ones you have so you don't forget Mrs. Sara and Adam...so you won't forget Before Ezra."
"I think that's a nice idea," Chris agreed. He looked around taking in all the men. "Let's get this tree decorated."
All seven took part in putting the generic ornaments on the tree. Then, one by one, each man added his personal ornaments with Ezra going last.
When the last ornament was hung, they all stood back from the tree admiring it. No one expected it when Ezra turned and went running off.
"What the..." Chris asked wondering if he should go after Ezra or give him some space. Before he'd come to a decision either way, Ezra came back.
He was holding a chain of construction paper links that Nettie had helped him make. "It can be for me for now," he said, holding the chain up so the others could see.
"That's a great idea," Josiah encouraged and was echoed by the others.
Ezra approached the tree and looked at it thoughtfully for a moment then hung chain. He arranged it so it circled Chris's ornaments and one of his origami snowflakes. "Is this a good spot?" he asked when he was done.
"It's perfect," Chris said as he put his arm around Ezra's shoulders and gave a little squeeze.
"You want to do the honors?" Buck asked as he handed Ezra the remote to turn the tree on and off. As was their tradition, the men had decorated the tree with the lights off, waiting until it was completed to turn it on. "You just push this button here," he explained. "It's set so it won't blink."
Ezra took the remote and pushed the button Buck had pointed out. Everyone oohed and aahed as the tree lit up. "This is the best tree ever," Ezra declared with a grin and the others all agreed with him.
M7 M7 M7 M7 M7 M7 M7
With all the decorations finished, the men gathered in the living room for some coffee and cookies that Nathan had brought from one of the local bakeries. It wasn't long after that they noticed Ezra starting to yawn and rub at his eyes as the day caught up with him. One by one, the other said their goodbyes and left until it was just Chris and Ezra.
"I think it's time for you to head to bed," Chris suggested walking back into the living room from seeing the others out.
"I guess," Ezra agreed as he got up from the couch. "I don't think I want to read tonight. Is that ok?" he asked. "I had a lot of fun, but I'm really tired," he mumbled around a yawn.
"That's ok," Chris agreed. "Why don't you go get changed and into bed and I'll be up in a few minutes to tuck you in."
"Ok," Ezra agreed then trudged to his bedroom with Harris following close at his heels.
Chris picked up the coffee mugs still on the coffee table and brought them to the kitchen then went up to tuck Ezra in. When he walked in the room, he could see that Ezra was almost asleep already. Careful not to disturb him, he smoothed out the covers, dropped a quick kiss on his forehead, then turned out the lights. "Good night, Kiddo," he whispered before leaving the room.
Going back to the living room, he turned out the lights until it was lit by just the tree, the window lights, and the fire. He walked over to the tree and stood for a moment looking at it. He reached out to touch a few of the ornaments the others had added to the tree and the baby shoes with Adam's name and the heart with Sara's. Each one represented family he'd lost and family he'd gained. Sara had always told him family was everything. It wasn't until he regained a new family that he was able to look at the ornaments once again for the family he'd lost and remember them not with sadness, but with love.
He brushed his fingers gently over the paper chain Ezra had made this year and the paper snowflakes he'd made several years ago when he'd first joined the team. Again, each represented something lost, and something found. One a memory to hold on to and cherish, and one the family with him now. Family was everything and was lucky to have the family he had.