Warnings: no beta, OOCness, English is not my first language, inconsistent tenses, i am very bad at prepositions, alcohol, sexual situations, curse words
Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended.
A/N: One of the major inspirations for this fic was "Always Be My Baby," David Cook version.
I've actually finished this fic last November 2nd. This was supposed to be my last (aeon) fic for 2021, scheduled to be posted on December. But I took on some prompts, so I thought I could post this a month early and motivate myself to finish those prompts so I could post something new next month
Every time Leon stared at the butterfly-engraved compact case in his hand, Helena's words always echoed in his head:
For the next time you see her.
That was back in July. It was December now, and Leon still hasn't heard from Ada.
He heard footsteps approaching so he quickly pocketed the compact case, but it was too late; Helena had seen him, and she was looking at him with curious eyes.
"Do you always stare at that compact case when you're alone?" she asked as she fell in step beside him, who had just exited the bathroom.
"Do you always ambush interview everyone leaving the bathroom?" he replied as he walked towards their workstations.
"Hey, I just happened to pass by." She shrugged. "It was you who was staring longingly at that—"
Leon stopped in his tracks and gave Helena an incredulous stare. "I wasn't staring at anything 'longingly.'"
She placed a hand on her hip. "Then why are you so defensive?"
"I'm not—It's not—I'm just—" Leon sighed and leaned back against the wall. He and Helena were effectively blocking the hallway, but there was no one else with them at the moment.
"You're worried about her," she said. It wasn't a question; it was an observation, just like when she had said She's more than just a friend, isn't she? You have feelings for her.
Leon wondered if the reason why no one had suspected that he had been sleeping with an enemy spy for nine years was because no one ever really saw him and said enemy spy together. And then there was Helena, who, at that point, had known him for only about two days, and had seen only a few moments between Leon and Ada, but was still capable of making an irrefutable observation.
No wonder Chris had hesitated in telling him that Ada was "dead." No wonder Chris had looked at him as if Leon was a widower during the joint DSO and BSAA meetings. No wonder that he had offered him his condolences. During Chris's sole interaction with both Leon and Ada in the same space, Leon all but went berserk to make sure that Chris wouldn't harm Ada.
Was Leon that transparent? Were his feelings for Ada that obvious?
"I constantly worry about her," he told Helena. "I don't know where she is, what she's doing, or if she's safe."
"Are you worried if she'll return or not?"
He shook his head. "I worry about a lot of things about her, but never that one."
"Why not?"
"I have no reason to be. She'll come back. She always does. It's just that it's taking a little longer than usual this time. What?"
Helena was smirking. "Remember when I asked you if she was more than just a friend?"
He crossed his arms. "What about it?"
"You were obvious, you know."
His brows furrowed. "How come?"
She rolled her eyes. "I'm not blind, Leon. There's a reason why I'm a government agent."
They heard voices and footsteps approaching, so they quickly resumed their walk back to their workstations.
Helena clapped him on his shoulder.
"If what you say is true," she said, "then she'll come back. So stop looking so glum all the time."
"Yeah, she'll come back," he replied. "I know she will."
He didn't just believe that she would come back; he knew it, just like how he knew that the sun always rose in the morning, and that the moon always rose at night. Their lives at this point were too intertwined to be untangled, and not even the sharpest of blades could cut the thread connecting them.
And it was a thread that Leon had willingly tied to himself. Sometimes, it looked like shackles. Sometimes, it looked like a noose. But most of the time, it was a red ribbon tied around his little finger, connecting him to that part of him that was always somewhere unseen—the part of him he couldn't let go.
The television showed the news in a low volume, but Leon's eyes and attention weren't on the TV. He was staring at the compact case instead, feeling the grooves of its engraving with his fingers. He drank his first glass of Scotch that night, wondering when the hell would he see Ada again.
His drinking had increased with every week he hasn't seen her. He knew it wasn't healthy, but how else was he going to cope? His job wasn't enough. Going to the gym wasn't enough. Visiting the shooting range wasn't enough. Sparring with his co-workers wasn't enough. He wanted to see Ada, and he knew that he would only feel at peace when he heard her voice whisper Good morning, handsome into his ear again.
Or maybe he just wanted to hear her whisper I want to suck you.
Ada's duality fascinated him. Sometimes she told him sweet nothings, and sometimes she told him the filthiest things he has ever heard.
He was frustrated—both emotionally and sexually. He hasn't seen in Ada in five months. Sue him.
He took another sip of his Scotch. He could either fantasise about the wet heat of Ada's mouth and wank in his bathroom, or go for a walk outside in the cold December night, to clear his mind.
Either way, he would still be miserable afterwards, and having a wank would just make him feel more pathetic, so opted for the walk.
He turned the TV off and returned the bottle of Scotch in his liquor cabinet. He washed the glass and then shrugged his coat on, hoping that the chilly night air would make him forget his worries.
He made sure that the compact case was in his pocket before wearing his boots and heading out the door.
Leon didn't have a clear plan of where to go. He just let his feet lead him to wherever, and he found himself at the train station. He looked around, deciding on what to do next.
He could continue walking to an unknown destination, or go back home, or take the train and pick a random station. Or maybe he could go into a café and take a quick rest, and then think about his next move.
He decided to go the café, but something caught his attention.
First, he saw a faint dusting of red. It was like a fog obscuring his vision, until all he could see was the all-consuming red on Ada's lips.
Their eyes met, but she didn't give any indication that she recognised him. She turned to the station, and Leon would be a fool not to follow her.
A sudden rush of the crowd separated them, and Leon could no longer see the black of her hair and coat. There were dozens of other women with short black hair and dark coat, and Leon's eyes darted everywhere for the sight of Ada's familiar form.
He finally saw her at the ticket booth. He hurried after her, but there were other people lining up to buy tickets too, not to mention that he didn't know which station was she going to alight at.
She had purchased her ticket and then walked past him, not even looking at him, but Leon clearly heard what she had surreptitiously said: Pentagon.
Leon frowned. Was Ada doing something work-related at the Pentagon? The freaking Pentagon?
When his turn came, he purchased a ticket to his destination and headed to the designated platform, looking everywhere for Ada. He saw her just in time as the train doors opened, but he couldn't get close to her, not with this crowd separating them.
A wave of people pushed him inside the train. He said Excuse me and Sorry as he navigated his way through the crowd, aiming to get closer to where Ada was standing; the train was full and there were no seats left, not even a handrail, so Ada was just standing there without holding on to anything for support.
The train began moving, but Leon was stuck. Ada was still there, but he couldn't move in this crowd. At least she wasn't being thrown off her feet even if she wasn't holding on to a handrail; the crowd was actually supporting her, keeping her balance.
The number passengers decreased in the next station. It was not enough to be able to sit, but it was enough to be able to move. Ada wasn't in her previous position; she was now standing against the train wall, holding on to a metal pole.
A new wave of people entered, and the surge shoved Leon closer to Ada—closer than he would have wanted.
He to stand beside her, not in front of her.
Thanks to the new wave of passengers crowding the train, there was almost no space between them, so Leon pressed a gloved hand against the wall, using the length of his arm to keep him steady, and to also put a distance between them.
But it was a very short distance. Even with the dozens of people on this train carriage alone, Leon could still smell Ada's perfume. She was dressed appropriately for winter, yet somehow, he was still tempted to taste every inch of her skin.
This was why he didn't want to stand directly in front of her. Seeing her again up close like this for the first time in five months was an attack to his senses. There was suddenly too much of her, and with Ada looking into his eyes, it got hard to think of anything else but her.
Standing before him was the woman he had been in love with for the last nine years. In the beginning, there used to be a voice inside him saying that this was all wrong. Even though she had always helped him, she was still working for the enemy, and she, by all accounts, should have already been reported and incarcerated. That voice had told him that this was wrong, wrong, wrong, but a sleepy whisper of his name from Ada's lips was all it took to silence that voice.
Now, that voice was permanently gone. It had left when the infatuation and physical attraction he felt for Ada transformed into something much deeper, something more intimate, and something beyond physical. Admitting to himself that had had fallen in love with her was the final step in vanquishing that voice.
He may have initially felt a little bit of moral dilemma in sleeping with the enemy, but Ada was neither an enemy nor an ally, at least not to him. His government may not see it that way, but Leon would make sure that his government wouldn't see even Ada's shadow, because she was legally dead. Chris Redfield had seen it—Ada Wong, the leader of the terrorist organisation Neo-Umbrella, fell to her death.
Clearly that wasn't the case, because Ada was currently staring into his eyes. There were so many things he wanted to ask, but how Ada survived wasn't the most pressing matter; he was surprised when he realised that the question he wanted to ask her the most was What's next for us?
Ha. Us. As if there was such a thing. They had an indelible bond, yes, but it was also nebulous. "Complicated" was a more apt way to describe it.
In a few years, he would be forty years old. He doubted that he would be settling down any time soon, but it would be really nice to know where he and Ada stood in each other's lives. He would stop wandering around like the undead, waiting for her ghost to haunt him and bring him back to life.
He wanted to say something to her. He opened his mouth to speak, but the train stopped at the next station and people started filtering out. He didn't want to be stand face to face with Ada anymore—he wanted her too much—so he wordlessly grabbed her by the wrist and found a handrail to hold on to.
But new passengers came in quickly, and soon, all the handrails were gone. Ada couldn't grab on to anything, so Leon did what felt the most natural to him—he wrapped his free arm around her waist, making sure she didn't get jostled. Ada inched closer to him and placed her arms around him, effectively giving him a sideways hug. She rested her cheek on his shoulder, and he heard her fondly mumble, "Always the gentleman, Mr Kennedy."
They were being bold, engaging in a public display of affection like this. But no one paid attention to them. To the rest of these passengers, they were just two faceless individuals caught in the rush hour, doing what they can to not stumble while standing on a moving train.
He caught their reflection in the train window. Anyone who would look at them would think that they were a couple.
Leon wished they actually were.
Ada was staring at their reflection too, and their eyes met through the glass.
"You'd look good in a beanie," she said, voice low but still audible. "I've never seen you wear one."
"That your way of saying you want to see me wearing a beanie?" he replied. He couldn't believe that five months and one million questions later, they were having a conversation about a freaking beanie of all things.
"We can get matching ones, but I'll wear the red one and you wear the blue one."
He looked askance at her reflection. "What are you trying to do here, Ada?"
"I'm trying to get you to wear a beanie."
He sighed. Whatever it was he wanted to know, public transport wasn't the best place to hear it.
It was funny how an hour ago, he was thinking of indecent things about Ada, and now, she had him trapped in her arms while she talked about a freaking beanie. Maybe this had been her plan along, but plan for what? To make him wear a beanie? What for? Was there some kind of plot or conspiracy that he had failed to notice?
Leon thought that it was he who fell into Ada's trap, but as she tightened her hold on him and practically nuzzled into his neck, he couldn't help but think that maybe it was she who fell into his. The trap of a future with Leon—maybe it was enticing to her. Maybe she didn't see it as a trap at all.
It was out of character for Ada to fall into a trap. She let herself be trapped because she wanted to. He was like a man fishing with a straight hook without a bait, hanging his rod three feet above the water. He would hardly get any fish that way, but the fish he would catch would have done so willingly. The fish had willingly swum to him. The fish had willingly let itself be baited. She had frequently, repeatedly, and voluntarily taken the bait because…Why indeed? Because she longed to be with him?
Leon found it hard to believe.
Whatever the reason, that fish was now disentangling herself from him and standing up straighter. The train slowly halted while the intercom announced that they were now at the Pentagon Station. People started filing out, Ada included.
He felt her gloved hand grab his, leading him out of the train, the platform, the station, and into the cold Virginia night air.
He felt like the fish was leading him into its pond—into its territory. What if Leon wanted to bring the fish to his pond? What if he wanted to leave their respective ponds and live in a new one?
He could bring the fish to his pond, but it wouldn't stay. It would always find a way to get out and swim to where it needed to be.
"The Pentagon? Really?" he said as he stared at the imposing structure. He had been inside the Pentagon before, and as the headquarters of the United States Department of Defense, saying that security was very tight would be an understatement. "You're working undercover here out of all places?"
"What?" She smiled cryptically. "It's not my first time."
God, this woman. "How have you they not caught you yet?"
"I'm good at what I do."
"Yeah, and they're good at their jobs too."
"I'm just better."
He bit his lip and shifted on his feet. That was— "That's hot."
She smirked and raised an eyebrow. "Crime turns you on now, Agent Kennedy?"
He shook his head. This was not what they were supposed to be talking about.
He steered her by her elbow, guiding her towards a space where there weren't a lot of people. Rush hour was just beginning to end but there was still a sizeable crowd around, so Leon made sure that they spoke in hushed tones.
"Are you not going to talk about Lansh—" He looked around, making sure that no one was eavesdropping on them. "About five months ago? You have a lot to tell me." He gritted his teeth. "I had to lie to Chris—to the BSAA, the DSO, and whole US government—about why I seem to know you. I had to lie and pretend that I didn't know you were still alive. Helena and I both did."
"I didn't ask you to do that." Her expression darkened. "I never asked you to do that."
"You think I'll let them get their hands on you?" He scowled. "Over my dead body." He snorted. "Maybe not even then. Maybe whatever virus they're developing these days would allow me to retain my consciousness. I'll still protect you from them, even if I turn into a B.O.W. You know I would. Like how you keep protecting me." He reached into his pocket and took her compact case out, placing it on her hand.
She put it back in his hands, closing his fingers over it. "Keep it for the meantime; I'll get it back the next time I see you. And then I'll tell you everything."
"And when would that be?"
"Just a little bit longer, Leon." She placed a hand on his cheek, feeling the cool leather of her glove on his skin, then quickly drew her hand back. Who knew who could be watching them. "I'll be done here soon."
"What were you doing in in DC?"
"I currently live there. It's part of my cover."
He frowned. "And you never thought of contacting me? Even just once?" He scoffed. "Five months, Ada. Five months. And you're living, what, five or ten minutes away from me?"
"Twenty, actually."
His frown deepened, so Ada brushed the corner of his mouth with a thumb.
"When you saw me earlier," she said, "that was an accident. You weren't meant to be there during that time. I don't know what you were doing there."
"You know my schedule, where I'm supposed to be or not…" He shook his head. Even when he didn't mean to, their paths still crossed. "Meanwhile, I don't even know where the fuck you are."
"Just trust me on this, okay?" He didn't know if it was because of the low light, but Ada looked like she was pleading. "I'll tell you everything you want next time. I promise you that."
"Can you at least answer one thing right now?"
"Shoot."
He put the compact case back in his pocket. He breathed deeply, and when he exhaled, a tiny fog escaped from his mouth before dissipating quickly. He swallowed, tried to calm his beating heart, and then asked, "What's next for us?"
Will the fisherman become a fish and join the fish in her pond? Will the fish take human form and join the fisherman on the land? Or will they retain their forms, compromising what they could just so they could be together?
Her expression softened, and a small smile formed on her lips. She finally answered, "Something that you could only dream of."
She dug around her pocket and produced a—God, it was fucking beanie.
"Really?" he said incredulously, looking at the navy-blue beanie she was smoothing in her hands. "So what, you were setting up my expectations earlier?"
She brushed the hair away from his face then placed the beanie over his head, covering his ears. When she retracted her hand, she let her fingers briefly graze his stubble. "I knitted that myself."
"You knit now?"
"It's part of my cover." She stared at his face before nodding in satisfaction. "I was right. You look good in a beanie." She took another beanie out of her pocket—a red one this time. "Matching beanies, like I told you."
"How are they matching?" He took the beanie off his head and turned it over in his hands, examining it. "They're of different colours and look like millions of other beanies—"
Inside the cuff of the beanie were the letters LSK knitted in red yarn—the same red that Ada's beanie was made out of. She showed him the inside of her beanie's cuff, where AW was knitted into it using the navy-blue of Leon's beanie.
He shoved the beanie into Ada's hands. "Put it back on me."
"What? Put it back yourself."
"Just…Just put it back on me." He hoped the dark of the night hid his blush.
She chuckled, but still did as he had requested. She smoothed his hair and put the beanie back on him, daring her hand to linger a little longer on his face, then fleetingly brushed his lips with a gloved thumb before wearing her own beanie.
"What a baby," she said, looking at him fondly.
He turned his head away, not wanting to meet her eyes.
She placed her hands in her pockets and took a step away from him. "I have to go now."
His head quickly snapped back into her direction. "Already?"
"You're not supposed to be here, Leon."
"Then why did you tell me to come here?"
"You know I have a soft spot for you." She canted her head to the side, smiling at him indulgently. "And I've missed you. You live twenty minutes away from me and I couldn't even come and say hi."
With the way she latched on to him earlier on the train like an octopus, and the way she purposefully talked about something mundane like a beanie, all the while snuggling into him while standing on a train, Leon thought that maybe she really did miss him. They usually did that when they were alone—talk about nonsensical stuff while cuddling. Maybe she wanted to be reminded of their days lazing around in Leon's apartment.
She even knitted this beanie for him. Clearly she thought of him during their time apart.
"I'm gonna wait for you to come and say hi," he said. Their time together tonight was coming to a close, and as much as he didn't want to be parted from her again, they had to. They weren't in the privacy of Leon's flat where they could do whatever they wanted; they were in front of the Pentagon, where the watchful eyes of government employees could spy on them anytime.
Ada told him that what was next for them was something he could only dream of. And what did he dream of other than a future with her?
He didn't want to join her, and he didn't want her to join him. He wanted to create a space that was just for the two of them, without anyone having to sacrifice anything.
"I'll see you real soon, darling," she said. She gave him a little wave before turning around and walking away from him, shoving her hands in her pockets in the process.
Maybe she did that because her hands, despite being gloved, were cold. Or maybe because she wanted to stop herself from reaching out to him.
Wishful thinking, Leon.
He wanted to grab her hand and make her stay for a little while longer, but his love was the hand that sought to touch, only to withdraw at the last second. There would be time for questions and answers later—a time where he could let his hand stay on her skin for as long as he could—but tonight was not that time.
Their circumstances have put their bond to the test time and time again, but what was fake couldn't be real, and what was real couldn't be fake. And what they had was real; they just didn't have a name for it.
It now was time to make something concrete out of their complicated relationship.
Leon watched Ada leave. And he let her, because she would come back. She always did.
And when that time came, he would make sure that she wouldn't want to leave him ever again.
A/N: 🎵 You'll always be a part of me / I'm part of you indefinitely / Girl don't you know you can't escape me / Ooh darling 'cause you'll always be my baby 🎵
The other main inspirations for this fic were the dance numbers "Double" and "Reflection," both performed by choreographer and jazz (among other genres) dancer Huang Xiao, and B-boy (breaker/breakdancer) Qiao Zhi. My endnotes for this fic is a lot longer and have a lot of links, so please just read them on my cross-post to AO3 here: works/35028469 [sharp] work_endnotes