There is much debate about how much time passed between Chuck's defeat and Dean's death. Some say a couple of days, some say a few years. I believe it falls somewhere in between, more than than a few months, but not more than a year. This is what could have happened in that interlude, starting immediately after S15E19. Codas, tags, missing scenes, thoughts, and lots of angst. Spoilers!

Disclaimer - All characters, dialogue, anything recognizable, belong to WB, CW, Kripke, et. al.

A/N - This is a continuation of my story Just Us, but it isn't necessary to read that first.

A/N - All errors are my own.

The two of them driving down the road in Baby, felt like the most natural thing in the world. They were just living. No destiny, no fate, no Chuck.

Sam had been pretty quiet while Dean had been going off on his benders, wallowing in all the loss. Dean decided to use the time in the car to make Sam talk. It was only fair. Sam had made him vomit all those feelings. Now it was Sam's turn. He started lightly.

"Sooo… have you called Eileen? How's she doing?"

"Yeah..called her a couple of days ago, just to you know touch base. She's ok. A little freaked still, but fine," Sam wasn't really paying attention to Dean. If he had been, he would caught the look on Dean's face and said something more.

"And you don't want to visit her on this trip?" Dean was pretty sure Sam was avoiding the real issue.

"Hm? Why would I want to visit her?" Sam answered before thinking, but slowly turned his head around to glance at Dean as soon as he realized what he had said.

"So not interested in visiting the girl you were considering having a serious long-term relationship with not too long ago. Something you wanna tell me Sammy?"

Sam gave Dean a sheepish look, and cleared his throat, "Yeah… I… we… uh Eileen and I… think our attraction was all because of Chuck. We want to just give it space and time and see what happens. We'll still keep in touch, but nothing else right now."

"Saaam," Dean really stretched out his brother's name.

"Okay, look. Ever since after Chuck, I don't feel… or rather I do feel things but differently. Remember when I told you about Jessica after that vampire hunt a few months ago?" asked Sam.

Dean hummed encouragingly.

"Well… I don't feel like that anymore. I can think about Jessica and feel sad, because she was someone I loved and and then lost, but the grief, that… that… just made me shut down, isn't there anymore. I feel like I moved on ages ago, but just realized it now."

"Yeah? Well, I guess that's a good thing?"

"Yeah… yeah… that's a good thing, I guess," Sam seemed to be unsure. "The thing is, I used to be so angry all the time. With Dad, our lives in general. And I know you always tried to make things better, but… I was always really angry with you. You had to always make my decisions for me. And… and I … I really resented you for that."

Dean knew all this. Sam had not suffered quietly while growing up. Always talking back to John, to him. Always getting in their Dad's face.

"But now… it's like I can see that a lot of the things I blamed you, or even Dad, for, weren't things you could've done differently. You really were doing the best you could. And… god… you were so young then… how did I not see all of that until ... You know the first time I saw how things had really been, was when Nick…. " Sam took a deep breath, "when Nick had knocked me out, and Jack had to come heal me….That… that was the… uh… that was the day that… um… uh… Mom.." Sam couldn't continue. He started to clear his throat, he was getting all choked up.

"Hey.. hey… Sam, look at me man," Dean started to pull over, "It's okay… remember, Mom and Dad… they're together… happy… Cas checked."

"I know… I know that… that's not what… that's… Hey, you don't have to pull over, I'm fine."

"Nah, I wanna stretch my legs. We're not on a schedule or anything. And look… there's a service area right there," Dean said as he pulled into the parking lot of the mostly empty service area.

Dean got out of car as soon as he parked, "I'm going to get us some coffee. Want anything else?"

Sam just sat there and shook his head. He was secretly glad Dean was giving him this time to gather his thoughts. When Dean came back with coffees and packets of snacks, Sam was calmer.

"Sooo… you gonna tell me what that was all about?" asked Dean as he sipped his coffee.

Sam took his time, staring at the coffee cup before taking a sip himself, "Don't really know… It kind of hit me all at once… all the people… our family… that we lost just because Chuck wanted to be entertained."

"That pisses me off too if I start to think about it. So I try not to."

"Yeah.. Before I would have been so furious.. just waiting to lash out. Mostly at you, and now I think even that anger was all Chuck. We wasted so much of our lives… not you so much, but me especially, just being angry. Angry with the only people who truly cared for me and loved me…"

"Hey… remember… new beginnings. Gotta start letting stuff go. I get what you're saying about the anger though. There had always been this fury in me, but cold, like ice… but I just kind of took all that rage out on the monsters we hunted. One of the reasons I couldn't ever leave hunting."

"But I… I was always angry with you… Dean, but you, you never took your anger out on me… It made me really mad that it seemed like you never trusted me. Like you didn't trust me to do the right thing...to.."

"But I didn't trust you Sam," interrupted Dean softly, "still kind of don't."

"What!?" Sam almost spilled his coffee, turning so fast towards Dean. Dean still didn't trust him? Him?

"Hold on… don't interrupt. Let me just explain," Dean had a worried expression, "I never, and sometimes still don't, trust you to do what's best… for… you. You're always thinking of others or… or… 'the greater good.' Me, Cas, Jack, Mom… everyone else before you think of what is best for you."

Sam looked away. This was not what he had expected. He knew his instincts hadn't always served him well. Especially when they told him to sideline Dean, and he always assumed Dean held it against him. He had finally learned, the hard way, that they were always better together.

"But Ruby? Lu… Lucifer?" Sam still had trouble saying that name, "and… and… releasing Amara?"

"Yeah...not your greatest hits Sam… and at what cost to you? And even after all that… you still voluntarily went into the cage with Lucifer… not once…but twice…. Who was looking out for your interests?"

"You always put me first… " Sam started to get teary again.

"Well… someone had to."

They sat there drinking their coffee. Taking in the scenery behind the service area. How many stops like this had they made in their lives.

"But what about college? Wasn't that being selfish, putting my needs first?" asked Sam after a few minutes.

"Not gonna lie. I was pissed off. But not because you wanted to go, but 'cause you didn't tell me about it. I know I always seemed to take Dad's side back then, but… I don't know, if we coulda talked? We could've worked on Dad together? I mean… it never helped getting in Dad's face. You gotta have known - 'cause you're really like him - that the more you pushed, the more he dug in."

Sam had actually finally admitted to himself, though he wasn't going to admit it to Dean, ever, but he had realized that his nature was more like John's than he wanted it to be.

"So… I mean… we could've worked it out with Bobby or… or Pastor Jim… Sure… you probably couldn't have gone to Stanford, but you could've gone to college, and I could've helped." finished Dean.

"There was this one guidance counselor that actually pushed me to Stanford. He was very persuasive, and I.. I.. had craved that … someone offering me something other than hunting… and I just grabbed it." Sam said quietly. "And you know the worst part? Lucifer showed me that… that counselor? He was one of Azazel's…"

"Sam… Sammy… stop. They… Chuck… the angels… Hell… they messed up our lives so much."

"Yeah…"

"You know… I don't really ask you about your time with… uh… him… but you know you can always talk to me."

Sam turned away again. Lucifer had been a constant source of fear, anxiety, and so much pain for so many years now, even if he wasn't there anymore.

"No… those memories…. after Cas took them on, the memories were kind of… dampened, not erased. but the fear, the trauma and Lucifer himself were still there... just the cause was of it all was kind of… foggy. Now… I don't know… I still remember stuff, and… and.. finally… Lucifer isn't living in my head anymore. And the memories… they're really vague, and I don't want dig through them… look for them… especially since he is really truly gone."

"Yeah...okay, let's just… you tell me if you… whatever you need…" Dean started the car and they continued on their trip.

They had decided to go to Garth's first. They told him everything but didn't hang around too long. Being around his so normal looking (but not) family, freaked them out a little. They left after lunch to head to Sioux Falls. They looked forward to seeing Jodi and the girls next. It wasn't the most efficient itinerary, but they had time. There were no swords hanging over their heads.

They even picked up a hunt on the way to South Dakota. A vengeful spirit's bones were successfully salted and burned, and said spirit sent on its way. By the time they reached Sioux Falls, the brothers had independently come to the conclusion to leave digging graves to the next generation of hunters.

Jodi greeted them both with extended hugs and smacks to the shoulders. Why didn't they come right away? she asked. Donna on her way and she would arrive later. Claire and Kaia were working it out. Alex and Patience focused on their studies, medical and spiritual. Jodi couldn't have been prouder of all her girls.

Dean and Sam told all of them everything that had happened with Jack, Chuck, Michael, and Lucifer. How Chuck was human now. Just an ordinary human. They talked about Castiel's sacrifice, without going into anything of the how and why. About Jack being "Him." That Michael and Lucifer were finally gone. Everyone had questions and they tried to answer most of them.

Those nights the brothers fell asleep without alcohol for the first time in what felt like years. Dean had been drinking steadily since… hmm… since forever thought Sam. And although Sam was not as bad, he wasn't that much better either.

They spent the next couple of days just hanging out. The girls went off to do their things. Alex and Patience had their own schedules that they stuck to, guests or no guests. And Claire and Kaia found a hunt nearby and went off to handle it. To Dean's credit, he stopped himself from lecturing Claire and taking the hunt himself. That was maturity right, he thought, letting the younger generation do things now?

With the younger ones gone, both of the brothers opened up a little bit more about the loss of their kid and best friend. The women also knew how Sam had started to care for Eileen, and asked about it. Sam answered honestly, that they were just going to give it time and see what happens.

Jodi pinned them down about what their plans were now. Were they just going to continue living alone and hunting? Did either of them want to do more?

They couldn't really answer Jodi. It was still too soon for Dean and Sam to think of things in the long term. They were still getting used to just being able to live without having to think of world-ending apocalypses. The last time they just lived and hunted was before Sam had left for Stanford. Wow, thought Dean, that was almost twenty years ago! That actually depressed him a little. What did he have to show for himself after twenty years? But, now, there was no on-going war, just little skirmishes here and there. And there was help. There was a network. Hunters actually talked to each other and shared. The Winchesters didn't have to carry everything on their shoulders anymore.

They left the third morning, already restless to go back home. They said their goodbyes the night before, and left early the following day. They decided to meet up with other world Bobby and Charlie on the way back to Lebanon. They would give them a more abridged version of events that they could spread through hunting community.

On the way, Dean and Sam actually discussed the future. Thought of the things Jodi had brought up. What did they want to do? Dean didn't see himself not hunting, but also didn't see himself only hunting. Sam didn't really have any idea. He decided to take his cues from Dean. He didn't want to run away again. Every other time he had gone off to do his own thing, it was, in essence, running away. He finally understood that he wanted, needed really, to be around family and Dean was his family, no matter how screwed up, no matter how codependent.

They decided to take their time and really think about it. After all, there was no rush, right?

When they arrived back at the Bunker, there was someone waiting for them. The dog that Dean had found at the service area, and named Miracle was curled up in front of the door. They had no idea how the dog had found them, but guessed it might have been Jack's doing. One final interference in the Winchesters' lives. Dean sent a silent thank you, as he picked up Miracle and entered their home. They were going to be okay.

They decided they didn't want to be hands on in the hunter network built up by Garth, Bobby, and Charlie. The Winchesters would offer their expertise, do research, or just man phones. With a conscious effort, both Sam and Dean changed their ways, sending information on a lot of hunts to the network, rather than taking all of the hunts themselves.

In the next few weeks, Sam and Dean went on some run-of-the-mill hunts, not more than half a day's drive away. Anything they came across that was farther, they tried to pass on. They had Miracle to think about now. The state of the Bunker after they had come back from one hunt that had unexpectedly lasted longer than planned, was something they never wanted to see again. If they had to go on overnights, they boarded Miracle in a kennel.

Slowly they fell into a routine. Sam got up early, and went for a run. He would come back and make breakfast as Dean wandered in just as it was ready. Then they would get ready for the day and share the chores. They sometimes spoke of searching for Mrs. Butters and convincing her of moving back to the Bunker, but they both knew they didn't want a supernatural entity living with them.

They talked more freely than they ever had, no more secrets between them. They actually started to plan something that was not related to hunting. Dean told Sam of his idea of starting a bar or pub like Ellen Harvelle's Roadhouse. Not necessarily for hunters, but hunter friendly. Where people could be comfortable, have a drink, maybe some food, and play pool or other games. They could even tap one or two of the other world hunters who didn't want to hunt, to work with them. That way they wouldn't have to worry about closing everything up if they wanted to go on a hunt or just a road trip. Dean had remembered that he had thought of this as a possibility when he was younger, and Michael's fake scenario with Pamela had actually felt kind of nice.

Dean even talked of volunteering to be community first responders. Apparently, he had come across this type of program that year he spent with Lisa. They had plenty of experience in basic field medicine, and they could easily do a course and get certified. This way they could put their knowledge to use in a non-hunting way, and still help people, since they were probably too old to train to become firemen or something. Sam liked both of those ideas. They could do hunts if they wanted, go on trips just to visit people or places, finally go to the Grand Canyon. He started researching to find out what they needed to do to set those things in motion.

They had decided to use their real names for everything not related to hunting. They actually could have since Charlie, their Charlie, had wiped their records clean the same time she had set up those unlimited, un-rejectable credit cards. They hadn't had to hustle or scam any more. There was a set of those cards in their own names as well as Campbell and a couple of other aliases. Although Sam wanted things to be totally legitimate, he didn't mind using those cards.

After the Leviathans were defeated, Charlie had done something with all of Roman Enterprises companies and their accounts. She had somehow liquidated everything, invested the money, and set it up so that everything worked automatically, even made them tax exempt. Then she had dug around and found cash and property that the Men of Letters had hidden for use by future generations, and added that to the system she had set up with the Leviathan money. All the credit cards were part of that. Also, there were things still in the Bunker that they could sell to bring in enough money for down payments if needed.

Since there were fewer hunts overall, they had time to start making their plans real. They began the process for applying to the first responders programs and looking out for a location for their own roadhouse. They hoped to find some place not too far from the Bunker.

Weeks passed into months.

Every morning, as Dean woke up and rubbed his eyes, Miracle ran in and jumped on his bed, wagging his tail excitedly like this was the first time he'd seen Dean in days, instead of the daily ritual it had become. Dean grabbed him, hugging the hairy dog close, loving him back. Miracle's a Godsend, no wait, he's a Jacksend, thought Dean. Not something he would admit to, but Dean relished this particular daily ritual. Miracle filled his need for affection, a need he could never really articulate, even to himself. When was the last time anyone was happy to see me wake up everyday, thought Dean. His mind could only conjure up some vague memories of toddler Sam and a few of Ben on Saturday mornings.

During his daily morning runs, Sam worked through all the plans they had put in motion. They had finished the certification course for community first responders, and had all the minimum requirements to join. Now they just had to finish and submit their applications. They still hadn't found the perfect real estate for their roadhouse, but there was no rush.

Since their plans were mostly all Dean's ideas, Dean kept asking what Sam wanted to do now- Did he want to go back to school? (He wasn't that old.) Did he want a job in academia? Did he want to move out of the Bunker? Did he want to live on his own? (Better be nearby, bitch.). Sam didn't have any answers because he didn't have any ideas. Dean had always accepted the world of hunting because that was all he knew, but even though Dean never really shared with Sam, it wasn't like Dean hadn't had any dreams of his own. Sam remembered what the shapeshifter from years ago had said. It had seen that Dean had wanted more out of life, but it hadn't elaborated. Dean had dreamed of being a fireman when he was little, always wanting to help people. Dean had apparently even thought of opening a bar after retirement, because Michael had to have gotten that scenario from somewhere in Dean's mind.

Every time in his life when Sam was on his own, he had not ended up happy.

Going to Stanford was actually just running away from hunting. He wasn't even sure anymore of why he had chosen to study law. Sure he had believed he had met the love of his life, but she had ended up a pawn in the game between Heaven and Hell.

After Gabriel had killed Dean on that Wednesday, Sam had turned into a cold hunting machine looking for the Trickster that had killed his brother.

Before Dean had died at the end of his deal, he had told Sam to not use his powers and to go live. Sam had done neither. He had pursued his powers, hooked up with Ruby, gotten addicted to demon blood, and gone on a quest for revenge.

The time Dean went to Purgatory, Sam had really thought Dean had died and made it to Heaven. That whole year, Sam had done basically nothing, he was just surviving. After Dean came back from Purgatory, Sam had looked into going back to college. But that was again a way to run away from the guilt and mess with Kevin and Crowley.

Even though he hated to admit how much he was like their father, it was his similarity to Mary that depressed him more. Sam wanted to hide who he was and have a "normal" life with an unsuspecting and clueless partner, like Mary had done with John. Neither Jessica nor Amelia had known anything about who Sam really was, just the persona he wished to present. That's why he had been so hopeful for Eileen because she knew everything about him, and they still could have had a future. Who knows, maybe they still can.

Sam didn't want to run away anymore. But, he did want more than hunting, he just didn't know what. The one thing he did know, was that whatever he figured out, Dean was going to be part of his life, codependency be damned! Just accepting his indecision was freeing, Sam felt lighter.

After so many years, things started to look up for the Winchesters.