Kyle Broflovski always had trouble expressing his true feelings. In fourth grade, Mr. Mackey told him that he can associate them with colors to help him describe his emotions better.

The first time Kyle felt in shades was when he was ten. When times were simpler, and he did not have to worry about as much as he does now. It was a soft, light tone of warm beige.

Kyle felt a strong hue of purple the time he won a bet against Cartman back when they were eleven.

"Alright, class!" Ms. Nelson announced. "It's time for me to return your History test papers."

Kyle was nervous, but being nervous was an understatement. He had made a bet with Cartman about who could get the best grade on the test because it was about a subject that both of them were familiar, way too familiar with - WWII.

"We have two students who had scored more than 90% and the results are close. Kyle and Eric, congratulations!"

The ginger-haired boy silently crossed his fingers. He wanted to prove Cartman wrong, he always did.

He shot a glance at his mortal enemy, the brunette did not look as scared as he was. He rested his chubby chin on his hand and stared mindlessly outside.

After getting back their tests, Kyle immediately went to Cartman.

"Ha! I got 94%, beat that you stupid Jew!" Eric taunted.

Kyle didn't say anything. Instead, he just revealed his score.

95%.

"Holy shit dude!"

"NO WAY! MISS NELSON! THIS IS UNFAIR!" Cartman threw another tantrum like a spoilt brat but instead of being annoyed like he usually did, Kyle smirked and went back to his desk.

"All grades are final." The teacher stated sternly.

Kyle felt purple like he never did before, a sense of arrogance, that he had beaten Eric Cartman again in their back-and-forth game of competing with each other. There was also another feeling, one that he couldn't pinpoint quite as clearly. Winning against Cartman made him feel something else other than pride.

Tenth grade was when he first knew what pastel peach felt like.

Kyle had been interested in a girl named Rebecca Cotswolds for about half a year.

Rebecca used to be homeschooled, sheltered from the outside world. She was sweet, smart and innocent. Her curly brown hair and shy mannerisms made Kyle want to protect her from everything bad that was going on in the world. She was basically everything that Kyle wanted in a girlfriend.

She switched to public school when they started middle school. Kyle instantly befriended her due to their shared love for knowledge and literature.

At first, he just treated her like any other girl, with respect and overall friendliness. But then he noticed that he would stare whenever she passed by his locker while he was grabbing his books for the next period, the mental image of her in a nice dress creep into his thoughts when listening to a lecture about the founding fathers, or looking at her during lunch when all his friends were distracted with mindless chatter about the video games that will be released soon.

Kyle was confused, he never felt this way about anyone before. It was when he laid alone at eleven at night thinking about Rebecca kissing his cheek, that he decided to text his super best friend Stan about his problem.

"Dude! You're in love with her!" Stan quickly replied.

Kyle was terrified. He tried avoiding Rebecca but that only made him think about her more.

It was like a deep shade of orange to be without her for Kyle. Overwhelming with emotion and full of conflict. He didn't know what to do, whether to pursue her or to let it go.

Being the only one without romantic experience, he decided to ask his friends for advice.

Stan was going steady with Wendy. They had their breaks sometimes and have seen other people, but they always got back together. Kyle felt that they were perfect for each other - Stan's peacemaker attitude complimented Wendy's assertiveness, and they are both emotionally-driven people at heart.

Kenny, although unable to settle down, had many relationships, both romantic and sexual, with both guys and girls. He came out as pansexual last year, ditched his parka and replaced it with a regular orange hoodie. Since then it seemed like almost everyone wanted to be with him. Kyle thought he was quite attractive, and he would date Kenny if Kyle ever liked boys. He didn't think he was even attracted to guys - all the staring was totally platonic.

Cartman had the least romantic experience. He dated Heidi Turner in the fourth grade, it wasn't much but it was still something. Another thing is that he came out as gay recently, and it seemed to shock everyone but Kyle. He had seen how Cartman was way too interested in Craig and Tweek's relationship, how he stared at other guys in the locker rooms, and how his nails are painted in a bright, sparkling red after the Summer. Kyle isn't a person quick to judge or stereotype, but the nail polish was a subconscious indication of his friend's sexual orientation.

"Dude, maybe you should be poetic, write her a love letter or a poem!" Stan said while scrolling through his phone.

"Just use pick-up lines." Kenny flashed a smile.

"Why are you asking me, Jew? I like dick." Eric grumbled.

In actuality, Eric felt green with envy. He envied Rebecca so badly. He wanted to be the one Kyle thinks about at night when he's about to go to bed, he wanted to be the one that Kyle laughs with instead of the one he's laughing at, he especially wanted to be the only one that Kyle sees. He hoped that those shiny, emerald eyes would look at him and him only. It wasn't the first time that he thought of Kyle's eyes. They reminded Eric of Spring, the first tree to grow leaves that season, or the silent but deadly aura of a dragon. Kyle did seem like a dragon when he was mad, trying to hold back his anger as to not lash out in public. Usually, Eric caused such outbursts, though. He was completely infatuated with Kyle, and he was going to get his attention, no matter if it was positive or not.

The green shifted into a muddy, dirty yellow, and slowly into a lighter shade, much like cream - As Eric remembered what his therapist said.

"If you ever see someone you love with someone else; Then be glad for them. If you really loved someone, you would want them to be happy."

Eric was glad for Kyle, but he secretly wished Kyle could be happier with him than he is with Rebecca.

Eric had always thought that he liked girls. He never thought about guys as anything other than his friends. That was until he was 14.

He heard that Craig and Tweek had a huge fight and that Craig was looking for a rebound or just a friend with benefits. He was really desperate too since Tweek accused him of cheating so practically no one would fill this role.

One day during lunch, he noticed Craig biting his lip and staring at him. He couldn't help but feel his cheeks heat up as he stared off nervously in the distance (to no avail because before he knew it, his eyes were directed back onto the black-haired boy who quickly mouthed 'bathroom, now' to him.)

Eric didn't know why, but he decided to go and quickly excused himself from the lunch table. No one thought anything of it, no one really paid attention, though, after learning that ignoring him was mostly the best thing to do, nor did anyone care about him in the first place. At least, that was what he thought.

Craig was leaning on the boys' bathroom wall, taking a puff on his cigarette casually.

"You shouldn't smoke that cancer stick, Tucker. Don't you know that underage smoking is illegal?"

Craig threw his cig on the floor and stepped on it. "Like you would know anything about abiding by the law, Cartman." He remarked in his usual monotoned voice.

Eric quickly locked the bathroom door and slammed his hand onto the wall, cornering the taller male. "I do know, I just do what I want." He said matter-of-factly.

"I know that too," Craig smirked and wrapped his hands around Cartman's neck. "That's what makes you kind of hot, you know?"

"You're a messed-up one, Craig." Eric laughed. "Tweek never made you feel anything like this, huh? Bet he would twitch even more when you call him hot."

"Shut up," For the first time in a long time, a hint of anger could be heard in Craig's voice. He roughly slammed his lips onto Eric's and his teeth grazed the brunette's bottom lip, demanding entrance.

Two tongues fought for dominance as Eric felt his cheeks become even redder. He slowly slid his hands onto Craig's waist and pulled him even closer to his own body.

Oh fuck. He's hard, Craig's hard, and I think I am too…

All of a sudden, the bell rang. They pulled apart from each other, leaving a strand of saliva in the process.

"This doesn't change anything, Cartman. I don't want to date you, but that was one hell of a makeout session. Never took you as the type that would be great at kissing."

"Don't worry, the feeling's mutual." Eric scratched his neck. "I guess I have to thank you though because now I realize that I like guys."

For the first time in a long time, Craig Tucker smiled. Not a bright smile, but it's something. "Glad I could help with your gay awakening."

In the first month that Kyle started dating Rebecca, he felt like he was on top of cloud nine. She was sweet, pretty and the girl that your parents would be beyond delighted to know as your partner. That's exactly the reason why Kyle decided to bring her home for dinner one night. One month may not seem a lot to most people, but Kyle felt that Rebecca was truly the one for him, high school sweethearts stepping into the church soon after graduation.

"Don't worry, my parents are going to love you." He reassured his girlfriend when she was shaking slightly at the Broflovski Residence's front door. He knew that these words of comfort were not for her only, but himself as well.

Despite being told to 'dress casual but nice', Rebecca was wearing a green dress with silvery trim and tied her hair into a bun with a golden bow on top. It wasn't as extravagant as an evening gown, but she was still slightly overdressed.

She held Kyle's hand tighter than usual when she stepped into the home.

The dinner party was successful, to say the least. Kyle's parents adored her, they were even saying that he should marry Rebecca after she left.

For some reason, he felt a shade of white when imagining a future with Rebecca as his wife - An odd sense of emptiness. He still loved her, though. That's what he thought, and that was enough for him at least.

The first time that Kyle and Rebecca fought was in junior year. Kyle noticed that she no longer looked at him like he did to her. How her eyes would wander onto other guys, like the time that she stared at Token after the boy had gotten a new haircut.

Rebecca assured Kyle when he confronted her about it. "Don't worry, babe. I'm just surprised to see his new style."

And Kyle did not worry further; he trusted his girlfriend. He foolishly accepted, not knowing what was to come. He had felt an odd hue of periwinkle, both a baby blue mixed with violet, without ever knowing - a raw desolation will soon crash down on him.

—

Said desolation arrived sooner than anyone expected (to be precise, about one month after the confrontation) as it came in the form of Kyle catching Rebecca making out with Clyde in an empty classroom during lunch.

Kyle was disappointed. Not only in Rebecca, but in himself. He hated himself for believing in her, giving her his heart only for it to be torn into a million pieces. He didn't want to believe it, but the truth was there. Only now did he start to realize the signs that foreshadowed their downfall. Every glance she snuck at other guys, every time she 'accidentally' brushed her hand against Clyde, and every flirty post she posted on social media. Kyle couldn't face the hard truth that she changed. That girl in front of him was no longer the girl he fell in love with, no longer sweet nor innocent.

He didn't tell anyone, not even Stan, he didn't want to bother them with his problems. That day forward, his world turned black. The heaviness caused by the death of his love, the despair that he felt when he saw his girl love someone else unlike her empty promises to only love Kyle, and the coldness of his heart when he realizes that he still loves her - He knows that the Rebecca now is not who he loved, but the thought of being without her pains him to even imagine, he hated himself for still being attached to her.

Kyle barely ate or slept well for a month. He would feel pains in his chest from time to time. He felt like he was going to break down and burst into tears at any moment. He felt so broken, like a part of him was missing.

One day, Cartman tried to invite all the guys over for a sleepover, just like old times.

"I have to work my shift," Kenny announced. "See you later, man."

"Sorry dude, I can't stay over, I have church tomorrow." Stan sighed.

"Sure," Kyle said in a monotone voice that could be compared to Craig's. "I have nothing better to do anyway."

To Eric's slight surprise, Kyle showed up at his front door at 5 pm. He quickly welcomed him in and Kyle instantly plopped himself on Eric's couch.

Since seventh grade, Eric and Kyle have become more civil. They weren't as close as Kyle was with Stan, and sure, they still had their arguments and went at each other's throats whenever they could. But that doesn't mean that they don't care about each other.

"Dude, look what I got!" Eric pulled out a bottle of burgundy wine. "My mom's not gonna be home either!"

Kyle's face lit up, Eric haven't seen it in a while since his breakup. He thought that maybe, just once, that he could drink his problems away. He wasn't one to make poor decisions, but he couldn't think straight with all the heartbreak that he felt paining him.

After a few rounds of drinks, Kyle told Eric everything about the breakup. He told him things that he hadn't even told Stan.

"She's a cheating whore, Jew!" Eric slurred. "You could find someone else way better!"

Kyle sighed. "No one would even want me, I couldn't give her what she wanted, and that's why she chose Clyde over me."

"That's bullshit and you know it!" Eric slammed his hand on the table, making the glasses and bottle jump.

"It's not fucking bullshit, asshole!" Kyle cried, a stream of hot tears falling down his face.

Eric didn't say anything, he just pulled Kyle close as the redhead sobbed into his burgundy hoodie, staining it with clear droplets.

"My life's a mess." He sobbed.

"No," Eric insisted. "You are good enough, at least for someone…" His voice trailed off as it gradually turned into an inaudible mutter.

"What do you mean?"

Eric wanted to tell him everything. How he had been in love with him since they were ten, how bitter it made him when Kyle asked the guys for advice on pursuing Rebecca, how mesmerizing his freckles were to Eric. He wanted to hold him in his arms and never let go, he wanted to kiss him and make his worries disappear. But he couldn't, not when Kyle isn't thinking clearly. Eric might have been an impulsive person, but he's certainly not stupid. He knew that Kyle would despise him if he ever found out that Eric kissed him while they were both drunk.

"I can't tell you, not when you're drunk."

Kyle pouted. "But Eric…" Oh fuck, that was cute, but still, the answer is no.

"Okay, fine, but I'll tell you in the morning when you've sobered up."

Kyle smiled. Before he could say or do anything else, he passed out on Eric's couch from the alcohol.

Kyle awoke in a bedroom with the sunlight shining its blinding rays in his eyes and a terrible headache. He looked around, noticing the burgundy walls and the old, watered posters of Terrance and Phillip on the walls. He could see a wizard hat tossed in the corner of the room near the desk.

He soon realized that this was Eric Cartman's room. Eric had carried and tucked him into his bed after his hangover. Time had certainly changed him - If this was five years ago, he would've probably been tied to a chair in Cartman's basement.

"Fuck, what time is it…" He groaned groggily. He directed his gaze over at the bedside table where a classy champagne-colored digital alarm was sitting, along with a mug and an envelope in front of it.

It's 11:11. Thank Moses it's Sunday.

He grabbed the mug and saw that there was an egg yolk with brownish-red liquid on it. Must be a prairie oyster, how thoughtful of him.

He quickly swallowed the drink and picked up the envelope. It was in a burgundy color with his name signed in a golden pen. Kyle was confused but opened the envelope extra carefully. He found that there was a letter inside. The handwriting was neater than most of Eric's notes. The note was written in bright red which reminded Kyle of Eric.

Dear Kyle,

I don't know how to begin with this, but I'm going to tell you everything as I promised. (If you don't remember, I told you that you were good enough for someone. But I didn't want to tell you yesterday while you were drunk.)

Let me start from the very beginning…

The first time that I realized that I was in love with you was the time that you and Stan fought when he turned ten. I had been closer to you than ever before with him out of the picture. To be honest, I have always envied him for being the first person that you talked to whenever you feel sad. But I couldn't blame him at all, I was a shitty excuse of a person.

I was the one that saved you from the San Fransico smug storm. Everything I said in front of all those people on the Megatron that time I tried to ruin you and Nichole's relationship was true. I just didn't have the courage to tell you I did it not only for her and Token but for myself as well.

When you said that you loved Rebecca, it broke me inside. I wanted to be the center of your attention, I wanted your eyes to be on me and only me. But then I remembered what my therapist said, I let you go because I truly love you.

I went to therapy because I wanted to be a better person. I didn't want to be hated by everyone, especially you, Kyle. Stan once told me that without you, my life is empty and hollow. I guess Stan was right for another reason.

For a long time, I've been lying to myself - Hiding my true feelings under a veil of hatred. Because you were a representation of everything that I hate; A ginger, from Jersey, and a Jew. But somehow, there was something gorgeous about you that attracted me. I hate everything about you, but that's what makes me love you at the same time.

I hated how I'll never be the one that you see, I hated Rebecca for treating you like shit, most importantly, I hated that you never noticed how much I cared about you.

We were always a great team, I knew that whenever we worked together, we were unstoppable. I was more similar to you than I would like to admit, and I'd like to imagine that you feel the same.

I'm sick of lying to myself, and to you. I cannot put up this facade of hatred any longer.

Kyle, I love you, and I'll love you forever and always.

Love,

Eric.

It made so much sense now.

What I felt after winning against Eric in that stupid bet in fourth grade, what I felt when he called me 'his little monster', and what made me go full Jersey after he was attacked by Snooki.

It was a bright shade of red.

So full of passion, love and desire, but at the same time, full of aggression.

"I have to tell him!" Kyle threw the familiar baby blue blanket off of himself and rushed downstairs.

Eric was in the kitchen, nervous. He knew that Kyle would be awake any minute now, and he definitely wouldn't have missed his love letter.

He felt a pair of arms around his waist, hugging him from the back. A mop of soft curls nuzzled on his shoulder.

"Kyle? What are you-"

"Shh," Kyle hushed him as he whispered in Eric's ear. "I have something that I need to tell you."

Kyle took his hands off of Eric and leaned on the fridge.

He took a deep breath. It was now or never.

"Eric, I know that we will never truly understand each other. We will never truly get along, nor will we ever truly be at peace with each other. We both have a lot of issues."

He grabbed Eric's hand in his own. "But one thing I know for certain is that life would suck without you. You make me feel a bright shade of red - I know that sounds stupid but you make me feel passion like I've never felt before. As I said, we both have a lot of issues, but I couldn't imagine going through them together without you."

"So, what I'm trying to say is," He wrapped his hands around Eric's neck. "I love you too, Eric."

They stared into each other's eyes, smiling with a sense of familiarity. They knew that they might lose each other, but they'll always end up together again, no matter what.