Disclaimer: I don't own Gintama or any of the references mentioned.

"Gin-chan, Patsuan, I'm going out!" The young 'maiden' of Yorozuya chirped as she picked and put on her boots in the genkan[N1] . She donned her usual sleeveless double high-slit qipao in her favorite shade of red, which was now hugging her growing figure. Her hair was still in her trademark odango hairstyle, only letting the strands fall out of the Zunboran Jockstraps [N2] since her hair grew too long, she couldn't fit them in a bun in the cups anymore—so no, this was not a poor attempt to rip off Sa*lor M*on at all.

"Buy strawberry milk on your way back." The so-called Yorozuya boss was lazily reading JUMP in his lazy pose as always. You'd never guess a silver-permed fish-eyed good-for-nothing like him had saved and almost destroyed an entire planet more than once.

"You aren't bringing Sadaharu with you?" Shinpachi, Yorozuya's resident glasses slash housekeeper, asked while mopping the wooden floor that Sadaharu slept on, who was now yawning and scratching his adorable furry ear.

"Nah, I already took him out this morning. And I don't have a single penny because you don't pay us our salary, damn old man!" Kagura hollered one last time before going out, purposely slamming the shoji[N3] doors and snickered at herself for her half-lie; she actually stole a few coins from Gin-chan's Justaway coin bank (though there wasn't much it was still enough to buy twenty strips of sukonbu). She leaped down to the busy streets of Kabuki-cho and ambled her way to her destination while humming jumbled melodies and twirling her weaponized umbrella.

Kagura enjoyed a bright, cloudless day like this. The sun was supposed to be her weakness as a Yato, but she could not completely hate it when it made skies bluer than blue and gentler daylights she had always yearned for. Two years of traveling through space made her accustomed to the hollow and icy darkness from being enclosed in a spaceship. While stars and cosmic dust were radiant and magnificent to look at, she still missed the humble glow of the Earth's moon, the city lights from the ground mirroring the sky, and the touch of grass that she loved to lie on during outdoor naps with Sadaharu. She basked in different suns from different planets, none nowhere near as warm as the humid summers on Earth, and witnessed different colors of skies that were incomparable to the beautiful pastel hues that painted this planet's sky.

After all the turbulence from the final battle in the terminal, she soon relished her proclaimed home after being gone for quite a period. Everything went back to its place as if time hadn't passed at all. The family that she missed so much didn't change, their friends were still the same old idiots, and rivals were still as shitty as she remembered.

Speaking of shitty rivals, ever since things settled down the sadist has been putting extra effort to pick fights with her to the point that it's obsessive. She wasn't sure if it was some kind of impatient testament of settling scores or making up the fights lost from the time they were light-years apart. Knowing the sadist, she reckoned it would be a little bit of both, and a more bit of his sadistic tendencies and inclination towards just pissing her off to death. Even G*ku and Veg*ta or Nar*to and Sas*ke didn't pick fights with each other this much! Tch, that punk just likes me too much. How annoying.

Just thinking about it made her grind her teeth and spit in disgust until she finally reached the park—the place that more or less became their battleground these past few months. It was a wonder why they were still not banned for this, but she guessed being a corrupt tax-robber with some level of authority has its perks. Fewer people came to stroll in this particular park, and it took her a while to realize that the area was labeled a danger zone because of their recklessness. Not that she minds. No, she didn't mind at all. In fact, she enjoyed the exclusivity that she so damn well deserved as the Queen of Kabuki-cho.

Yes, as the Queen, she has all the right to stake her claim on the throne and not let a turd-headed corrupt tax-robbing sadistic Chihuahua smear his filth on it. And today was the day she'd finally make that dog-faced sadist submit to her.

Her light steps halted as soon as she made direct eye contact with the man who perfectly fit the mentioned description in front of her. He was on a standstill just across her, wearing a face as blank as your test sheets, his arms crossed and hiding beneath the sleeves of his haori. [N4] It seemed he was on his day off today, seeing how he clad in his usual pair of gray and maroon-colored kimono[N5] and hakama[N6] .

Kagura smirked at a passing thought: she had beat him up every time he wore that particular pair, like her glorious victory in the Yagyuu arc and that time under the bridge. Well, she would beat him up regardless if he was in his usual tax-robber attire or stark naked like his gorilla commander, so it did not matter. But just that auspicious sign gave her a good feeling that she would end him today once and for all.

"What are you smirking at, China pig? Does seeing my face make you that happy?" Comes his snide flirty comment. Like always, she tried not to get this kind of statement from him into her head.

"I want nothing else in this world but to wipe that stinky mug off your face—oh, do you even call that a face? I only see a Chihuahua snout, uh-huh."

"Piggies like you have an uglier snout."

"Hah! So you admit you're a Chihuahua?"

"At least Chihuahuas are loved. Meanwhile, hogs are butchered in the slaughterhouse and get feasted over..." A sadistic glint in his eyes reflected her mocking ones before both drew their respective weapons. "…which is exactly what I will be doing to you!"

Katana and umbrella clashed the exact moment the last word left from his mouth. This fucking punk… watch me make you eat your words!

Sougo could easily guess what she was thinking as she charged at him, radiating with invigorated rage. Something along the lines of making him eat his words, probably coupled with some curses too. A normal person would run away from such bloodlust, and although he was not Yato but a mere human who was far inferior in terms of raw strength, he was still far from normal. Heck, a normal person would never pick a fight with the gorilla-like Yato girl, to begin with. But anyone who has known the name Okita Sougo of the Shinsengumi would never associate him with that word. Most would go for Bakufu dog, mad dog of Shinsengumi, good-looking lunatic, crazed killer, manslayer, murderer, trashy scumbag whose good looks are all he has [N7] (coined by: four-eyed Yamazaki), yet this annoying China girl calls him Chihuahua like he's some cute harmless inferior creature and he's (not) sure he hates it when every time she calls him by any nickname with her irritating voice, his ears slightly perk up in reflex and his whole body itches for a fight (or something else).

He barely noticed when she managed to knock him on the ground with a deceivingly dainty fist. From below, she certainly did not look ethereal with her skin like porcelain and eyes that were the sky and the sun only serving as a halo over her head and was it just him but everything was glowing—

"What are you getting distracted for, little shit? Blinded by my beauty, uh-huh?" She gloated as she looked down at him. He nearly missed how she mimicked his tone from his statement earlier.

"Ah, I really must be blind since I can't see the beauty that you speak of. That, or you're delusional." He lied through his teeth.

"Say that again, bastard!"

This little red China minx really got a short fuse. Doesn't she realize that her temper just makes him want to tease her endlessly?

"I really must be—"

"SHUT UP!"

He rolled over his side to avoid the incoming blow that would've mangled his skull.

"That could've killed me!"

"That's the point!"

In a second, they returned to their original stance and continued their brawl with much more hostility. He felt his already fast heart rate increase in every strike and thrust she landed on him and he'd never admit to anyone, much less to himself that he relished every second of it. After all, he was a sadist, not a masochist. But the pain had an unspeakable pleasing tickle when it came from her and her alone. And he did not even dare to figure out why.

He just doesn't think at all when it came to the China girl that he hated so much. He just knew that he wanted to piss her off every time he sees her (not because he wanted to catch her attention) and fan her flames until she explodes (not because he found her demonic puffing face adorable), leading to intense scuffles (that were certainly not for sketchy intentions of engaging in close contact with her because everything he does is a statement of their rivalry and absolutely nothing else). He thought none of this stuff, yet all of it was still there and he wouldn't let them enter any time soon.

People close to him, specifically Kondo-san and Hijikata the mayo bastard that needs to die, have thrashed out over his childish behavior with the red-headed Yato; how he should stop tussling with her because they can't handle any more complaints and property damage, how his provocations have become exceedingly flirtatious that they even get secondhand embarrassment, and how grown men in their twenties shouldn't be playing with teenage girls (this one earned a blow from his bazooka 'Die, Hijikata'). Why he can't seem to grow out of his immaturity when it comes to her was also beyond him. But one thing that he was sure of was that their incomprehensible friend-and-foe relationship was something he didn't want to change because what else would they be if they're not fighting and bantering like this?

Besides, why would he throw away the only fun in his life (other than killing Hijikata-san) when it's right in front of him? He's done living bland days while she was off in space for an excruciatingly long time. There was never a dull moment with her and he couldn't help it if he naturally gets a kick out of her displeasure, especially when he's the cause of it.

He almost cracked up when he remembered how this silly bet commenced a week ago. It started one (not-so-) peaceful afternoon.

"Oi, move over."

The rude China girl used the tip of her umbrella to poke him on the bench while he was napping. Sougo partly removes his eye mask to look at her.

"This is my park bench. If you want to sit, go burn your dirty bum somewhere else."

"You little—! This is public property! Does it have your name on it, huh?!"

He showed her a scribble of his name on one of the legs of the bench.

"This is volumism! And you call yourself a cop?! Gin-chan was right- you corrupt bastards only know how to swing your sword to get away from your misdeeds!"

"It's vandalism, stupid China. At least get the word right before lecturing someone. And I don't want to hear that from someone who destroys anything within sight with an umbrella."

She started shooting at him. He dodged the bullets easily and deadpanned, "I rest my case."

"I WON'T LET YOU HAVE IT, FUCKING SADIST!"

"Wanna bring it on, then?!"

"IF I BEAT YOU, DON'T YOU EVER DARE SHOW YOUR FACE IN THIS PARK!"

He pinched his chin, a gesture showing that he was contemplating her statement.

"Hmm, just make it on Mondays. Whoever wins gets exclusive ownership on this park bench every Monday. And bragging rights."

"Ha, lowering the stakes? Just surrender to me now if you're just going to be a cowardly brat, yes?"

"Don't get the wrong idea, piggy. It's just that making your life a living hell is much easier if I see you more often." Plus it's not fun when she's not around to blow up.

"You won't be able to say any more crap once I end your shitty miserable life!"

If there's one thing he wouldn't deny, it would be how it's always his pettiness that fuels their fights. Like that final moment when she rested her arm on his shoulder so naturally as if they're buddies—it made him feel sick. It wasn't the first time they touched without hurting each other, yet he felt like he was being punched in the stomach while the part where piggy leaned her weight on his right shoulder tingled fiercely it burned. So he moved away, throwing her off balance and earning a glare from her, to which he responded with a mocking pout. Yep, this frame suited them much better.

His reminiscing thoughts were soon forgotten when he noticed China getting paler and slower. It didn't take him a second to realize that the scorching sun was affecting her Yato constitution (yes, that character premise that almost everybody, even the staff, forgets). It was only a bit past noon, so the sun was at its highest point in the sky with no clouds obstructing its deathly rays. Before meeting her today, he didn't expect to see her there so early since she usually arrived at half-past three. It was only when he received a call that he went to meet her at this time of day. He knew she was still getting used to the exposure from the sun once again, so what the hell was this stupid girl thinking?

Ah, that was a dumb question. Of course she was not thinking at all. He sometimes forgets gorillas don't have higher-order thinking.

The sunbeams on her skin were slowing her movements. Before her departure two years ago, she'd been more or less immune to sunlight after adapting for a while, but maybe the two long less exposed years from the sun weakened that immunity (so it wasn't that the staff or the retired gorilla forgot about her Yato trait, okay. She just built up immunity!). At least it's still bearable though; she still doesn't feel like passing out and her skin wasn't drying up like most Yatos would by now. Although her attacks might be a little too weak to land a good hit…

To her relief, they somehow ended up in a tree-clad part of the park before the sunlight could do her any damage. Comfortable shades cast by the foliage shielded her from the glaring sun. It took her a minute to realize that the sadist deliberately led their fight to that place. This made her stop abruptly before she forcefully drove him against a tree trunk, planted her umbrella beside his head, and sent daggers through her blue piercing eyes.

"I don't need your consideration."

He didn't flinch at her lethal glare and instead sneered. "Oh, did you think I was being considerate? I was just leveling the ground in case you complain about it being unfair after I beat you."

She scoffed. Sure you were.

Kagura had always hated the sadist, but it was times like these that made her hate him the most. He'd protect you from an enemy because no one else is allowed to hurt you but himself, put his life on the line for you and shrug it off saying he just didn't want to be indebted, save you from falling off a cliff and call it payback, and the fact that he'd read you like an uncomplicated children's book when you don't want yourself to be seen. And then you'd be forced to admit that you just can't completely hate the damned man… except when he's being a bastard—which is ninety-nine percent of the time. Ah, the damned contradictions were making her head spin. This was exactly why she hated him.

Their fight once again resumed when he threw her off with a head-butt. After three hours of bulldozing the park, busting up public property, and attacking each other with different video game signature moves, the two passed out side by side from exhaustion.

"My Sp*nning Bird Kick [N8] won this one, yes." She forced herself to extract the words in between ragged panting, which earned a snarky retort from the sadist who was just as disheveled as she was.

"Say that while standing and I might believe you, gorilla piggy. 'Sides, my sadistic Double Fl*sh Kick [N9] [N10] was a hundred times better."

"I can still pluck your eyes with my pinky, shit head. And everyone knows Ch*n Li is the strongest!" True to her words, her pinky was on its way to his eyes while the sandy-haired samurai defended himself by attempting to break her finger. This kicked off another round of poking each other's eyes out and hitting whatever they could in close proximity. A random stranger would mistake them for an audacious couple cuddling on the ground from afar, unaware of the viciousness between their exchanges.

It seemed that they abandon all reason and maturity just to outdo each other for every little thing. That was just how they roll, and both loathed to admit that they find comfort in this bloody bubble of violence and rivalry. For all the hate they claim to have for each other, they would still support one another every step of the way. They'd watch each other's back as much as they'd watch their own from the other. And if the call Sougo received earlier that day was anything to go by, everyone else can tell about the bond they shared beneath the thick layer of enmity.

[What? You want me to distract China while you prepare for her surprise party?]

[It's only for a bit, Okita-san. Besides, don't you two already meet up every afternoon to destroy— I mean, spar in the park?]

[Tch. There's no way I'm taking part in that. But I was already planning to make mincemeat out of her later anyway. Just don't be surprised if she showed up as ground pork in her party.]

[Thanks, Okita-san! Kagura-chan just left so you might want to go now. She usually doesn't leave this early and it's sunny outside, so please take care of her. Then, bye!]

The glasses stand didn't even think twice asking him for help for something revolving around his rival and even ignored his grisly statement. It wasn't supposed to be a big deal, but it made Sougo feel itchy all over.

He expected her to be gloating with extra smugness today since it was a special day for her. If not, maybe upset because her lot was planning a surprise party and they'd have to pretend they forgot. But judging from the lack of any either emotion, he guessed that she forgot all about it herself. Well, at least it made things a lot easier.

"I feel like I've forgotten something important today, yes?" Kagura spoke while pulling his hair off his scalp. Ah, he thought too soon. Sougo retaliated by squeezing her neck with his arm in a headlock, choking the life out of her as she wrestled for air. Desperate, she strengthened her grip and yanked his hair down forcefully, almost snapping his neck in the process, which successfully earned a yelp out of him. They stopped for a minute as Kagura racked her head of the thing she needed to remember while Sougo was left to nurse his aching neck.

Somehow, it didn't feel right for him, of all people, to remind her that it was her freaking birthday today. So he let her register her own dumbness herself.

After a few seconds, she dropped a fist over her other open palm, gesturing that she finally figured it out.

"Ah! Sukonbu, yes! I forgot to buy sukonbu today. That's why I didn't feel complete today, uhuh."

He had the urge to slap his face in bewilderment, so he opted to slap hers instead.

"True, you're not complete without that stinky crap. That's like your second identity." She stopped his hand before it landed on her face and tried to bite his hand. Sougo immediately withdrew his hand before she could.

"Don't call my favorite snack stinky! The only stinky thing is your mouth, yes!"

"But you're okay with calling it crap?!"

"Your hair is crap!"

Anyone who hears them right now would think this was a conversation between five-year-olds when in fact, one of them was a grown-ass cop and the other a supposedly developing lady.

When it finally went over their minds to rest and call it quits, Sougo brought out his gum pack and took one to chew. He took a peek of the red girl lying beside him eyeing the pack, so he tossed one to her, to which she murmured a small 'thanks'. Wordlessly agreeing to a temporary truce, they both chewed in unusual silence.

"Say, how about we settle this differently? We've been going at it for a week now. At this rate, we might just forget about the deal and turn this into a daily sparring routine." Sougo broke the ice before inflating another bubble.

Surprisingly, the China girl had a bit of maturity to be considering his suggestion. She'd usually blow off on him without a second thought. "What do you suggest then?"

The bubble popped over his mouth. "Hmm… how about this: whoever blows the biggest bubblegum wins." He said as he imagined China blowing a bubble as big as her face and popping it, which would inevitably result in a hilarious sight of her whole face masked in gum.

"That's not fair! You clearly have the advantage, yes!"

"How's that so?"

"You always eat gum!"

"You don't eat gum, stupid. You chew them. Wait, don't tell me you don't know how to make a bubble?" Now that he thought about it, she hadn't blown a single bubble the whole time. She wasn't even chewing anymore.

She blushed, "I-I tried before, yes! But I only end up spitting them!"

"Pfft. Then I'm sure know you're not supposed to swallow them too, right?" He reveled at the way her eyes widened and her face contorted in horror. Damn, this piggy probably swallowed every gum she took! This is too good!

"I— I know that much, yes! But… what's going to happen if you do?"

Sadist mode: Change.

"It'll get stuck in your stomach and clog the food you eat until you're not capable of defecating anymore, and eventually, the filth from the unsecreted dung will spread in your body—"

"AHHHHH SHUT UP! I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ANYMORE! YOU DISGUSTING SADISTIC CHIHUAHUA—"

Sougo burst out laughing.

"You… don't tell me… were you pulling my leg?!"

Kagura would've smacked him to death, no doubt, but the way he was laughing so freely without any hint of sarcasm and sadism rendered her motionless. It was as if she was looking at an entirely different person; an innocent boy having a time of his life, far from his usual sardonic and nonchalant façade. She never even thought he'd be capable of displaying this much joy from something out of sadistic glee. The last time she'd seen him laugh was when he sniggered at her in her damn funeral—she's gonna get him someday for that—and the sight was almost akin to a manic devil. It's hardly believable that the angel in front of her was the same devil from before, nuh-uh! But she could never tell anyone that the passage of time came to a full stop at this moment, how mesmerizing it was, and how she could look at it forever.

"Ah, your stupidity never fails to entertain me." Sougo finally uttered through his subsiding chuckles, his hand wiping the tears almost trickling from the corner of his eyes. Time began running again, and Kagura had to hide the blush creeping her skin, so she screamed.

"I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU, YOU FUCKING SADIST!" All of a sudden, the monstrous Yato gained enough strength powered by rage and embarrassment to send him flying. He crashed on one of the posts, leaving the pole bent out of place.

"YOU'RE THE FUCKING SADIST HERE! WHO WOULD GO THIS FAR FOR A JOKE?!" It seemed he'd forgotten he was talking to the same girl who broke his leg as payback when he screamed the last sentence.

"I'M NOT A SICK BASTARD LIKE YOU, UH-HUH!"

They were about to commence the sixth round of the day when Sougo thought of a brilliant idea.

"Wait, how about we make our bet a competition over this?"

"What do you mean, punk?"

"The one thing we have in common. Sadism."

"If it's that, I think I've done plenty to outdo you. So does that mean I win, yes?" He didn't bother arguing with her about that.

"Not to each other. Let's see… how about collecting masochistic slaves? Whoever enslaved the most Ms will win the bet." Sougo mentally applauded himself for his genius idea. Now, this was one thing he's sure he'd never lose to her.

"There's no way I'm doing something freaky like that." Her lips curled up, emphasizing her disgust.

"You're just not confident you're gonna win this." He taunted with his most annoying smirk.

Kagura's eye twitched.

"Ah, I guess this win is on me since you surrender without a fight. How about it, China?"

"You shitty… fine! I'll do this challenge! By the end of the day, I'll make you bow down to me, you sick shitass sadist."

Gotcha.

"That's what I'm talking about. Then I guess we only have to agree on the time limit. How do twenty minutes sound?"

"Ha! That's enough time for me to conquer the whole Edo."

Your pride will be your downfall, China girl.

"Looking forward to it. Oh, we should also have some indication that they're loyal slaves. Good thing I bring these around," Sougo whipped out collars from the inner pockets of his kimono. Kagura looked at him as if he was dogshit lying on the sidewalk.

"You… you really are a sick bastard."

"Thanks for the compliment. Well, that's all for the rules. This is where we part, China." He grinned at her, and Kagura swore she saw the devil in that smile. "See you in twenty minutes."

She'd been had.

Now that she had a moment with herself to think, she realized that the bastard had an unfair advantage over this challenge. For all she knew, he might already have an army of masochistic bitches in his beck and call before this game even began! She wouldn't be surprised if that was the case; such questionable hobbies weren't beyond that sick bastard.

No, no, let's not give up. Even if he had the upper hand, Kagura could still turn this around if she only knew his numbers. Normally, she'd just beat any person she sees into submission, but this was a game she can't win with brute alone. If she brought 50, he might have 60. If she brought 100, there are still chances he'd bring a hundred more. Chihuahua or not, she still remembered that this shitty bastard was still second in the popularity poll, and loath was she to admit that the jerk was famous in Edo. Tch. How could the female population have such a bad taste in men?

Before she could think of something, she spotted a familiar purple head sticking out from the alleys. Strangely enough, she wasn't in the roof stalking and hovering over Gin-chan. But that wasn't important—she finally found the perfect accomplice!

"Stalker megane—Sacchan! Herpes me!"

"What the- what are you doing here, stinky brat?" The ninja woman struggled to break the teenage Yato off from clinging to her arm.

"Herpes me, Sacchan! I made a bet with sadist and you need to health me win, yes!"

"You're too young to get herpes! Wait, are you actually saying 'help me?'"

"I said health me!"

"How is your brain not getting an upgrade after all these years?" The purple-haired ninja sighed. "Fine, what do you need me to do?"

It must be her lucky day today; she didn't expect the stalker ninja who only cared about natto and Gin-chan to comply so quickly. She even prepared to bribe her with Gin-chan's disgusting armpit hair!

"You see, I made a bet with the sadist bastard earlier, yes? And we have to get as many M slaves as we can in twenty minutes. I clearly have the disadvantage here since he probably already has an army of Ms of his own, yes! So please infiltrate sadist's masochist army and inform me of their numbers!"

"Hmm... I can do that but… is that all you have to say?" Kagura rolled her eyes at the stalker's expectant eyes.

"I will get you Gin-chan's ultra-rare armpit hair." Sacchan immediately squealed and clapped in delight.

"Now we're talking! So, what's the rest of your plan?"

"The rest? Ah, I guess I'll just beat up some masochistic sickos twice the number into submission, uh-huh. We have a lot of them in this anime, yes? Like you and your fellow stalkers. Oh, I should just bring everyone I know—"

"No!" The glass-wearing ninja yelled vehemently, which startled the red-headed girl. Regaining composure, she cleared her throat and pushed back her glasses in place. "That's naïve of you. If you only do that, there's no way you can outnumber your opponents' masochists in less than twenty minutes. This is that sadistic rascal we're talking about. Tsk, tsk, you're still really a brat after all. Don't you know that there's a faster way to make a horde of Ms submit to you all at once?"

"What do you suggest, then?" Sacchan shot her another meaningful look, to which Kagura could only groan.

"Gin-chan's overgrown cuticles and fingernails." She refrained from envisioning her future self-volunteering to do her foster father's pedicure for his stinky dead nails and collecting his cuticles in addition to his armpit hair. Even though she considered Sacchan close to an older sister like every one of the members of Diamond Perfume, she could never fathom her creepy obsessive quirks.

"Perfect! Now listen, it's not that easy to make a masochist submit to you. Hitting someone randomly doesn't automatically make them attached to you even if they like it. You have to make them acknowledge that you're their mistress, and you alone. But since we're running out of time here, you must target those who are easy to get. So we have to go with the plan: sex appeal."

Kagura smirked. "That's an easy game for me, yes?" Her confident remark earned a smack on her head.

"Do you even see yourself?! Right now, you look like you rolled in dirt and been wrestling with a dirty dog!" Bullseye. "What's sexy about that, huh?! Anyway, let me finish first. By easy target, I mean the hormonal virgin otakus who are desperate for women. Flash a leg at them and they'll follow you anywhere. I bet you can get fifty of them easily in five minutes."

Kagura regarded her with admiration, seemingly amazed and convinced with her idea. "You're a genius, Sacchan!"

"Ahem. Feel free to call me step-mom if you want." Kagura's short-lived respect for her was replaced with unamused blank eyes.

"You should run along now, girlie! You said we only have less than twenty minutes! Ah, but you can't even hope to seduce a virgin gorilla if you're covered with that much filth (unless they're into that). Here, change into these." She handed her a folded red garment.

"…What is this."

"It's my lucky BDSM suit, duh."

Kagura wrinkled her nose. "No way. Who knows what dirty things you do in that thing, uh-huh."

"How rude! I just dry-cleaned this yesterday!"

"So you did do dirty things in them…"

"Ungrateful brats like you should just shut their mouth."

"Whatever. Well, at least it's in my favorite color. Guess that'll have to do, yes."

Kagura took one final look at the whole costume. She had never worn something like this before, but there was always a first for everything. Never mind that she never imagined she would be intentionally seducing losers like Shinpachi. For a second, she was reluctant to do whatever she was about to do, but then imagined the Chihuahua bastard gloating for the next couple of years about her loss, and all of a sudden, all hesitation was replaced with raging resolve. Just you wait, Chihuahua. Let's see who the real sadist here is.

Was it because of me?

After thinking about how the China girl could ever forget a special day for her, he concluded that it may be because her single-celled brain was all too occupied by him and their stupid bet that she couldn't think of anything else. For a reason he tried not to dwell on, the idea of the idiotic China girl being so preoccupied with him to the point of forgetting such an important event gave him pleasant tingles all over his body.

Sougo had to get hold of all his facial muscles to restrain a smile from appearing on his face. He knew he failed the moment one of his loyal slaves (and actual subordinate), Kamiyama, pointed out his twisted constipated face and offered himself as a lavatory, to which he told him to fuck off because he did not deserve to eat his shit and made him roll on a shit-covered muddy pigsty for punishment.

"Sou-kyun!" He turned to see who called his name like a wailing pig. To his surprise, it was the purple-headed masochist who turned him down once.

Before she could ever get near to him, his loyal masochistic sows formed a barrier between them.

"Stand down, vermin! How dare you try to lay a finger on our Sou-kyu— Master!" His loyal bitch in pink pigtails, Urara, bellowed at the purple-headed pervert.

"How mean! I just wanted to surrender myself and become one of his sows! Please consider me, Sou-kyun!" Sougo cringed at the overly familiar name-calling, yet was in a good enough mood to let it go. More than that, he was quite suspicious of why the ninja would want to become his masochist now when she'd been so loyal to Danna. But he shrugged it off and thought it wouldn't hurt having one more M in his collection.

"First command: Know your place and drop the nickname. You're nothing but filthy swine to me, got it? As punishment, you're only allowed to piglike sounds and walk in all fours like the sow that you are."

The newly recruit masochist wasted no time to drop in position and comply with his wishes. All of the M slaves took note of how their master was obsessed with pig-related plays more than usual today.

"Oink, oink! [Gladly, Sou-kyun!]"

"What's the damn point of the command if you're just going to translate it?!"

"Oink, oink oink! [Master, we want to be punished too! Please, Sou-kyun!]" Kamiyama and the rest of the masochistic bitches followed suit.

"Oi, don't take advantage of this to call me Sou-kyun- ah, I fucking said it. All of you, to the pigpen!"

Timer: 15 minutes left.

[Infiltration successful. 54 slaves and counting.]

Kagura had only finished changing herself into the BDSM garb when she received a text from Sacchan.

"What?! He has this much already?! I knew it—that fucking sadist was scamming me, uh-huh!"

She snapped before sprinting her way through the streets of Edo, navigating to the place where Shinpachi and his fellow virgin losers—the Terakado Tsuu's imperial guard—practice their fan chats. To her dismay, she only found Shinpachi's best friend who had an ugly pompadour, Taka-chin, instead of the whole club.

"Kagura-san? What are you doing here? A–And what's with that suit?" Taka-chin stuttered as he eyed her bold outfit. Kagura scoffed inwardly. Sacchan was right—these virgin otakus lose their mind over a little skin.

"Taka-tin! Where are the rest of your gang of otaku losers, uh-huh?!"

"We're not a gang of losers! We live for a noble purpose, and that is to serve Otsuu—"

"Yeah yeah, cut the crap. I need you to tell me where you wimps gather around. If you waste my time, I'll be disposing of your useless waste of human body, yes." The poor otaku gulped at her threat. Everyone knew what this monstrous girl was capable of.

"I—If you want otakus, they're in the Idol Anime Convention near the Oedo Convention Center! I was on the way there but had to search for the ticket that I lost around this area. Good thing I found—" Kagura snatched the ticket in his hand without a second thought.

"I'll let you live, yes. See ya, Taka-tin!"

Once again, Kagura zoomed through the road with a speed that made passersby mistake her for W*nderwoman also because of her suit. As soon as she arrived at the destination without much of a sweat, she clutched the bundle of collars with a manic grin on her face. Time to train some dogs.

[75 slaves.]

The novice dominatrix gritted her teeth with fury. After making a show, she had successfully conquered all the virgin otakus in the convention. She could've gotten a hundred in one go, but half of them fainted from nosebleeds or became casualties of her sadistic demonstration. She sometimes forgets how physically weak humans are since she's surrounded by strong and durable people who don't die from getting squashed by a boulder or being thrown off from a building. Well, at least they died an honorable death in the hands of the Kagura-sama who has beauty like no other, so they should be thankful instead (note: they're not dead yet).

The problem was, the sadist's slaves still far outnumbered her Ms! She only had eight minutes left to find more willing victims. She has no idea what to do next, but she can't just stand here waiting for her defeat!

"Eh, Ojou-san? Is that you?" Kagura didn't bother turning around and straight up punched the face of the person who approached her.

"Shuddup! I'm thinking!"

"Your punch is even more powerful than before… As expected… of the Queen of… Kabuki… cho…" The unfortunate man passed out as he drew his last breath. It was then that the clueless monster finally noticed him.

"Huh?" She took a closer look and soon identified him as the punching bag-man she knocked out in one punch before in episode 219. She remembered showing him around Kabuki to find customers. As a sign of respect, she draped a white handkerchief over his face and clapped her hands in prayer, "Rest in pics, uhuh."

"It's rest in peace! And I'M NOT DEAD!"

Kagura ignored him further and instead dwelled on the title he called her. Queen of Kabuki-cho. Right. How could she forget? She was so focused on conquering as many as she needed that she failed to remember all about that one district she already ruled over!

"Looks like this game is mine to win, sadist."

One minute left. A huge troop of dog-collared Ms marched in the packed streets of Edo, parading their esteemed sadist Queen who couldn't be bothered by the complaints about the traffic she caused. She was elegantly seated on a fancy sedan chair, her whip blissfully resting on her lap waiting to be used for torture. However, as sadistic as she was, Kagura was still a kind girl. She didn't want to inflict more pain than necessary—though that probably sounded hypocritical since she used pain to subjugate all these men. But now that she has this power over them, rather than torture, she had used them to fetch her forgotten sukonbu and buy her hefty snacks.

Thirty seconds left. They just entered the park when her phone vibrated.

[CODE NATTO: He recruited fifteen Ms last minute! Do you exceed his numbers?]

Kagura bent down to ask one of her slaves, Kyoushiro, whose handsome face was disfigured with an unsightly black eye from her raid in Takamagahara. Most of the men in her troop had one as if an insignia of some sort for their loyalty... or more like a testament of her abuse.

"One hundred and twenty-two, Madame."

She did the math with her fingers and blanched.

[Shit, I'm short of two slaves! And we're already here at the meeting place!]

[Stay calm. How many do you have?]

[122]

[He has 123, including me. So if I step out, you can get a draw.]

[I don't want to settle for a draw!]

[Don't worry. I still have another plan in mind that can make you win.]

"I see that you've managed to gather quite a lot, China. It seems I underestimated you." Sougo remarked as he scanned the troop of slaves she brought. The majority were clearly virgin losers, mixed with some hosts and women (wait, did this girl actually charm the customers rather than the hosts?), old Joui rebels they worked with, and homeless people. He took note of their faces one by one, not missing the obvious bruises on their faces and the trails of blood dripping from their nose. Ah, the piggy collected such losers.

It's not hard to guess what the China girl did to make them surrender to her. Clenching his jaw, he restrained himself from hitting his face for suggesting the challenge. Sure, he expected China to make things interesting just like she always does, but not like this. This was not how he wanted this to go. He predicted that the simple-minded gorilla girl would definitely bring her entire lot here and laugh at how she'd end up spoiling her forgotten birthday party with her stupidity. But what did he get? A fucking Mis*ki Sa*ki[N11] cosplay!

"Ah, the Chihuahua is yapping again. Let's get this over with, shall we?" Kagura replied airily while picking her ear with an unnecessarily glitzy ear picker with as much grace as she can muster; a deep contrast to the usual disgusting picture of her jamming a finger in her ear and nostril.

He wanted to bite back and set her off with sarcasm, but his words somehow failed him when his eyes lingered on the outrageous attire that she wore to lure the fucking losers. He didn't even want to imagine what they imagined with her on it, how they'd produce dirty fantasies with that memory of her, and how they'll use it to jerk off—

That's it. There's going to be a mass murder happening tonight.

"Well?" He snapped back from his bloody trance when he heard the sharpness of her voice once again without the aru-aru accent. Praying no one could see how disoriented he was, he cleared his throat and averted his gaze from the damned China girl (he still stubbornly refused to call her a woman).

"Let's start the headcount."

Each of their M troops started oral counting at the same time. The two maintained eye contact as the numbers being shouted climbed up, both not letting the other faze them. Sparks flew from the tension, and the air got colder every passing second. The sky tinged deep orange, signaling a sunset in a few minutes. It was about time.

"One hundred and twenty."

They refrained from blinking.

"One hundred and twenty-one."

Reds and blues mixed.

"One hundred and twenty-two."

A smirk on both faces. Victory.

No number followed.

Or not.

Sougo turned to his masochists. "Oi, what the hell? I clearly remember having one hundred twenty-three of you! Who's missing here?!"

"Oops, I see not all of your slaves are loyal to you. How sad. You gonna cry, Chihuahua?" Kagura asserted in a deriding manner, making him squint in suspicion.

"You planted a spy, didn't you." He grated, asking in a tone that barely sounded like a question. He didn't even need to guess who the spy was. That ninja wench. He would applaud the she-gorilla in front of him for outsmarting him if he wasn't so pissed.

"So what if I did?" She grinned victoriously.

He replied with a scoff, "If so then the sad one is you, China. You had a spy yet you couldn't even win. We're still stuck at a draw."

To his confusion, her grin widened even more, "Who says this is a draw?"

She started walking straight to him, heels purposely clicking resoundingly over the chilling silence. Sougo found his feet firmly rooted on the ground while the distance between them got shorter and shorter. There was something so paralyzing in the eyes of the woman who now resembled a lioness rather than a gorilla pig he always pegged her to be that even a hardcore sadist like himself couldn't seem to resist.

She stopped within a hair's breadth, and he exhaled a hitched breath he didn't even know he was holding. "What are you doing, China."

Kagura couldn't believe she was doing this. Was she pulling it off just fine? The sadist definitely looked distracted so it should be working, right? G*lda [N12] would be proud, right?

Is she really seducing the sadist right now? The same sadist that she couldn't stand? The same punk she wants to beat into a pulp? The same Chihuahua that she finds annoying?

She restrained a blush from showing, keeping her face in check to stay in character.

But why wasn't he doing anything? Did Sacchan really hit the mark with her speculation?

No way. No way this sadist is actually a masochist. Sadism is literally 99% of his whole character and he's just going to break it like that?!

[Believe me when I say this, girlie. I know a masochist when I see them. And that sadistic brat is one of us. Well, with a special case. But I confirmed it in the Love Choriss arc. That guy secretly, if not, unconsciously likes being dominated.]

[That doesn't make sense! How could he be an M when he's an S?]

[You naïve brat. There are such people called sadomasochists, you know. So that's the whole plan—awaken his inner masochist and make him your bitch. That's an instant win for you, ain't it? I think it's worth the try.]

[I'm coming after you if this doesn't work, okay?!]

[Whether it works or not depends on your performance! So go make a show there and make a simp out of that sadist, brat!]

Ah, who cares about his character anymore? Winning this shit once and for all takes priority.

"What are you doing, China." Crap. Looks like he still wasn't distracted enough.

All embarrassment washed over her and threatened to drop her dominatrix character she tried so hard to maintain, so before she could let all that shame surface, she impulsively pressed her mouth on his cheek out of panic.

Her brain shut down automatically. She couldn't register whatever she was doing anymore, or the collective gasps from the forgotten audience, or even her target's flustered face. But she managed to whisper the words in his ear with a sultry voice, "I still have one loyal slave right here."

And before Sougo knew it, he was already wearing a collar around his neck.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY, KAGURA-CHAN!" A loud cheer and popping from birthday crackers echoed through the thin walls of the snack bar. However, Kagura, the guest of honor, was still feeling too muzzy to register what was happening. Her face seemed dazed until she finally started to actually see them.

"Huh? Why is everyone here?" She looked completely lost as she asked, and everyone else in the room was almost speechless.

"Kagura-chan… don't tell me you forgot?" Shinpachi, the responsible tsukkomi, spoke for all of them.

"What do you mean, Megane? Anego? What's the occasion? Did Gin-chan win in pachinko, yes?" She heard a faint 'I wish' from the crowd that probably came from the man himself. He rightfully received a smack from Anego that made him yelp in pain, while Tama stepped forward to break the ice.

"It's your birthday today, Kagura-sama."

[N1]Genkan - the welcome pit just inside the front door that serves as a gathering place for shoes, spiders and guests. When you enter a Japanese house, you leave your shoes in the genkan and proceed into the rest of the house in slippers.

[N2]Zunboran Jockstraps - a.k.a penis sheathe, Kagura's hair ornaments

[N3]Shoji - a paper screen serving as a wall, partition, or sliding door.

[N4]Haori - is a traditional Japanese hip- or thigh-length jacket worn over a kimono.

[N5]Kimono - a traditional Japanese garment and national dress of Japan.

[N6]Hakama - loose trousers with many pleats in the front, forming part of Japanese formal dress.

[N7]Shinpachi said this in Excalibur arc

[N8]Street Fighter Chun Li's signature move

[N9]Street Fighter Guile's special attack

[N10]Gintama parodied Street Fighter showing Kagura as Chun li and Sougo as Guile

[N11]Misaki Saiki from Ghost Talker's Daydream

[N12]Classic Femme Fatale inspiration