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"I don't fear death, only boredom." (Xue Yang)
Chapter 1
It was looking at him. That fucking head was looking at him. Xue Yang couldn't see through the makeshift curtain Jin Guangyao had assembled, and he knew (he knew) Jin Guangyao had covered the eyes, but still. He couldn't shake the feeling that the old bastard was glaring at him. In fact, the feeling was so intrusive, he didn't hear a word of what Jin Guangyao was saying.
The sudden silence made Xue Yang look up from where he was cleaning under his fingernails with his second favourite knife, only to see Jin Guangyao giving him the look; the one with the forced smile, growing until Xue Yang was sure it was going to split his face in half. Maybe he should take out his favourite knife, help it along.
"You seem lost in thought, today." The false concern made Xue Yang want to throw up. That and the fact that he hadn't been sleeping lately - not much.
Xue Yang shrugged. "I heard what you said," he answered, trying to scrub the sulkiness from his voice. Even though Jin Guangyao was only a few years older than him, the man always made him feel like a naughty child. I've killed more people than you've had warm meals, he thought.
"You want me to go to some village at the back of beyond," Xue Yang continued, conscious of the fact that this man could squash him like a troublesome insect. "Because of walking corpses - trouble around a family . . . what are they called again?"
"Mo," Jin Guangyao said, his lips stretching in that horrible fake smile again, the one that never reached his eyes. "Don't you remember? Young Mo Xuanyu?"
Xue Yang cast his mind back to the time when he was still living in Jinlintai, and had a vague impression of a narrow, terrified face, with some of the pretty and fragile good looks all of Jin Guangshan's sons had. The old prick must have been a looker in his youth. He did remember, come to think of it. He remembered that Jin Guangyao had found excuses to get rid of Mo Xuanyu pretty quickly, once it became clear that with a bit of training and care, Mo Xuanyu might actually accomplish something. Xue Yang wasn't sure why he hadn't just been told to get rid of him in his own special way. But Jin Guangyao always liked to go for the most painful solution. Being kicked out of his father's ancestral hall for some vague offence, would get rid of him more decisively than having his mutilated body turn up in a pond.
"Yes, vaguely," Xue Yang answered, conscious that Jin Guangyao seemed to expect a more enthusiastic response. Maybe you shouldn't have tried to get rid of me, then, he thought, remembering how badly he'd been beaten. He'd never have survived that if- if a certain person-
No, he couldn't go in that direction, even in his most private thoughts.
"Look, I don't know what you're expecting, but I can't be away from Yi City that long-" Xue Yang started, only to be interrupted.
"I understand!" The fake sympathy just oozed from Jin Guangyao's words, and Xue Yang's hackles rose. Was he being patronised by this jumped-up piece of shit?
"I just need you to see what's going on in the village, and make sure it isn't connected to . . . our dear friend, whose body is still safe in your possession, I hope?"
The sudden change of topic was dizzying, especially as he'd spent half the previous night channelling spiritual energy to - the body. No, not that one. He felt drained, in more than one way, and resentful that his capabilities were even being questioned.
"Yes." Xue Yang was conscious that maybe more was expected from him, but that was enough, surely. Yes, the rest of Nie Mingjue's body was in Yi City, where he'd put it. No, no-one had moved it, because he'd have noticed.
"Is there something missing?" he continued, because Jin Guangyao didn't seem satisfied by Xue Yang's answer.
Jin Guangyao's smile widened even further, and Xue Yang winced, internally. But when the man opened his mouth, only one word came out.
"Baxia."
What? How could Jin Guangyao lose that blade? How had anyone walked off with that huge sabre - how had the blade even let someone take it away? Xue Yang still remembers the visceral hatred and resentment radiating from Baxia, the one time he'd been able to use it. Also, he could still taste the satisfaction of killing the old bastard with his own blade. But he couldn't say all that to Jin Guangyao, not if he wanted to leave the tower with his own head on his shoulders. Su She was lurking behind one of the shelves, he was sure of it. Why couldn't he go check on Mo village?
"And you think they're connected? Baxia and Mo village?"
Jin Guangyao walked a few steps, tapping his lower lip, instead of answering. "I'm not sure. It's all very strange. I haven't been back here in a while, so I don't even know when the blade was taken."
The air in the secret treasure room was stifling, the incense overpowering, choking him. Suddenly, Xue Yang wanted nothing more than to be out of there. He'd do this thing for Jin Guangyao, and he hoped that would be enough. It was his own fault that Jin Guangyao even knew where to find him. If he hadn't connected with the man when - when it had happened, in a vain effort to get him back, Xue Yang wouldn't be feeling this sense of obligation and apprehension.
Sure, Xue Yang still had his own version of the Yin Tiger Seal, but would that be enough to handle this man? Jin Guangyao had destroyed Nie Mingjue with a fucking song! Xue Yang decapitating the man had just been a mercy, really. Jin Guangyao could have something in the incense or even the light of the chamber, filtered through a crystal or a gemstone, and Xue Yang wouldn't know anything until he dropped dead the next day.
"Fine. Fine!" Xue Yang paused, conscious that he'd been, perhaps, too loud. He started again, moderating his tone this time. "I'll go to the village and look around - just get your pet to find me after."
He directed his words to the shadowy corner he was sure Su She was lurking in, feeling only a vague sense of satisfaction when he heard a hiss.
Jin Guangyao's smile stretched even further. "Now, now. No fighting."
Xue Yang shrugged and rolled his eyes, being careful to swagger out, aiming a poisonous smile at the corner the hissing had come from.
Now, he had to get to some village in the back of beyond, then back to Yi City without delay. He groaned. On the inside, though. This wasn't a place he could show weakness.
Xue Yang didn't like to fly his sword places. It might sound strange to people who didn't know him, but even though Jiangzai was his sword, he didn't trust it. Sometimes he even got the impression that Jiangzai would find throwing him off pretty funny - and it would be, it would be fucking hilarious - but he needed to get there, and fast. The sooner he arrived, the sooner he could look into what was probably nothing and go back to Yi City. He knew why he'd been chosen for this. Jin Guangyao wanted to him to know a couple of things: that he hadn't been forgotten, that they knew where to find him.
He allowed himself a sulky thought as he flew off: why couldn't that officious prick Su She do this? Also, why had he even gone back to Jin Guangyao? That was easy enough to answer: he'd thought Jin Guangyao could help him. And here he was, a decade later, no close to getting him back. To getting Xiao Xingchen back.
Sooner than he wanted, he spotted lights in the distance. Even though it was already late, and pitch dark elsewhere, the Manor house was lit up like for a festival. As he approached, shrieks split the air, and he landed fast, sure he had been spotted. But it wasn't about him. There was some commotion, and mingled with the shrieks of wailing women, there were inhuman-sounding groans and roars: fierce corpses were loose. On the other hand, he heard some young, excitable voices too, and as he slunk through the courtyards, being careful to keep to the shadows, he saw several spirit lure flags. So, cultivators were here already. Which sect, though?
A group of young men rushed past him where he lurked in a shadowy corner, answering his question, all in white, all wearing headbands. Gusu Lan? Huh. Interesting, he thought, until that was followed with an oh, shit. It didn't seem to be going well, and if the Juniors couldn't handle it, the seniors would be called in. If he was just unlucky, it would be a fairly new senior, who wouldn't know him on sight. If he was really unlucky, on the other hand . . .
As he thought, he snuck closer, peering inside the main hall, spotting two fierce corpses seemingly frozen, inside what he now saw was an array, painted on the ground. Another fierce corpse ran outside, and the young men of Gusu Lan followed her, while telling Young Master Mo to stay where he was.
Xue Yang turned towards the man they were addressing, careful to keep to the shadows, and froze.
That wasn't Mo Xuanyu. That didn't look like, sound like, or even move like Mo Xuanyu. It couldn't be, it was impossible – the man was dead. Everyone knew he was dead. Xue Yang was wrong, he had to be, he'd only met the man once, after all. Even as the questions in his head whirled around, almost deafening him, the man strolled towards the fierce corpses. That was it, he strolled. Mo Xuanyu had always scurried everywhere, like he was afraid to catch anyone's attention. But this man moved confidently, once there was no-one in the room.
Then he rubbed out part of the array with his foot, snapped his fingers, and the two corpses sprang into action, attacking the third corpse who was once their wife and mother. That was the proof; there was no more doubt in Xue Yang's mind. However it had happened, Wei Wuxian was back. And if Wei Wuxian was back, then surely, surely-
The muttering of two of the servants distracted him from his increasingly frantic thoughts.
"Let's just go," one of them hissed. "Grab what we can and leave."
"Fine, fine," the other answered, just as urgently. "But why are you going to the maniac's room?"
"Didn't you see how the young master," and here he turned to the side and spat, "was obsessed with finding some talismans, stuff them cultivators use? We could sell them!"
"You do that," his friend said. "I'm going to the old bitch's room, grab her jewellery. I have a cousin who knows someone will give us a good price."
Xue Yang followed the talisman-obsessed servant without being noticed, until the servant reached his destination – an old, disused storeroom – and kicked the door in. Then he slid one arm around the servant's neck and, before the man even had time to whimper, slit his throat. In the last minute he managed to turn the dead man around, preventing the blood spray from altering anything in the room. Because the room itself was coated in old blood, all forming a complex array which he'd never seen before in his life.
Xue Yang was lucky there was a bright moon that night, he thought, as he stood there in a daze. Still, it wasn't enough to illuminate the whole room, so he lit the few candles he found, trying to make sense of what he saw. There were talismans scattered everywhere, but he didn't even know if they were important. still, he gathered them all, and then turned to the array, conscious that he didn't have all night. The last thing he'd heard was those young cultivators mentioning Hanguang Jun, and he knew that if that old tight-arse came, he was finished. He had no illusions that he could win in a fight against Lan WangJi. Using the Yin Tiger Seal was pointless once Wei Wuxian was back in the picture.
Xue Yang started rummaging in the pile of rubbish heaped in one corner, and found an old fan, thrown aside, probably because it was half torn. There was a pool of old, dried-up blood outside the array, and Xue Yang quickly emptied some water on it, moving as fast as he could. Then, using the point of his guan as a stylus, he copied the massive array, being careful not to join any circles. He stared until his eyes watered, but eventually he got to a point where he couldn't see any difference between them.
The sound from outside made him jump, and the pin he was using went through his finger. The chord was so loud and strong, he could feel it vibrating through his bones. It was a guqin, but not any guqin. It was a spiritual tool, something that could literally calm the dead.
Hanguang Jun had arrived, which was Xue Yang's cue to leave. Before he left, he took out his wine flask and splashed the room, trying to cover as much as he could, not without some regret for the waste. Then, he tipped over all the candles, and left, hoping for the best. There was no time to linger, not with Hanguang Jun around. Besides, he needed to get to Yi City.
In the weeks that followed, Xue Yang studied the talismans and the array, carefully, trying to make sense of it all. He'd realised fairly quickly that there was also some scribbled writing on the back of some of the slips of paper. It was as though Mo Xuanyu had been rehearsing the array, making sure he had all the details right before he activated the spell.
One day, Xue Yang was so engrossed in thought, drawing parts of the array with his finger in the soil and dirt in front of the coffin house, that he barely noticed Su She approaching, and in the last minute avoided the hand that clapped on his shoulder.
He was glad that he'd chosen to work outside, that day - the walls and floor of the room he'd been using were covered in array designs and his own notes. He aimed a glare at Su She but didn't bother to speak.
"Clan Leader wasn't happy with your message, Xue Yang," the idiot said, using a tone which he probably thought made him sound more dignified.
Xue Yang couldn't help it - the giggles burst out of him like a stream. In all fairness, he had not been getting much sleep lately.
"Clan Leader? Whose clan leader? I thought you have your own clan! Does your sect enjoy having an ass-kisser as their Chief?"
Su She's eyes widened, his outrage evident. "Xue Yang!"
Xue Yang rolled his eyes. Shit, he'd told himself and told himself not to draw suspicion.
"Forget it - look, I thought the message was enough. Mo Xuanyu went crazy, killed his family and ran away. All that fierce corpse bullshit was just that."
Su She didn't seem convinced. "No sign of Baxia?"
Xue Yang sighed patiently, smiling in a way he knew made Su She nervous, thinking privately that he wouldn't have known even if the blade had tapped him on the shoulder; as soon as he saw Wei Wuxian, all other thoughts went away. "Of course not. I would have told him, wouldn't I?"
Su She nodded, though his eyes were narrowed. Xue Yang didn't blame him - he was too tired to try and make the lie convincing. He wondered if he still had the strength to kill Su She - shit, of course he did! He would always have the strength for that, even though he spent hours every day, feeding the body with his spiritual strength, and more hours working on the Sacrifice Summons, as Mo Xuanyu had called it.
All that saved the officious little prick from a slow and painful death was the fact that Xue Yang didn't think he was ready yet. Once he was, once he got his Daozhang back, they would be unstoppable. He was almost lost in the anticipation of that moment, before remembering that he wasn't alone. He forced himself to make his thoughts blank, giving Su She his sunniest smile.
"Was there anything else?"
Su She glared at him. "Also, the body. Clan Leader is wondering whether you have it safe."
For half a heartbeat, time slowed down, and Xue Yang almost gutted Su She right there. But then he realised which body Su She meant, forcing his stiff lips into a smile.
"Of course it is. Your Clan Leader's Dàgē is right where I left him. Would you like to see?"
Su She flushed, grimacing horribly, looking, if possible, even uglier than normal. He didn't even answer, storming off and throwing a portal talisman as he walked, vanishing into thin air.
Xue Yang let out a breath which he'd been holding and rubbed his face. He really had to stop baiting that asshole, because one day he'd return with Jin Guangyao, and Xue Yang didn't feel he could handle both of them, at least not right then. But wouldn't it be fun to try, a happy little voice in his head asked, and he answered. Yes. It would be fun. But it wouldn't help with the plan.
The plan, the plan. Xue Yang chewed on his lower lip as he walked into the workroom he'd created, collapsing on a pile of sacks he'd been sleeping on. Parts of the array and the various talismans were everywhere, in ink, though. Not in blood. He'd been in a nearby town to buy inksticks and brushes because he'd need so much blood for the array, once he finished working on it, that he couldn't waste any. Besides, he was still passing his spiritual cognition to Xiao Xingchen every day.
"Xiao Xingchen." The sound of his own voice startled him. He hadn't said that name in years, not after screaming it over and over, once he realised that his Daozhang was never going to take another breath, was never going to smile at him again.
It was all for him. All Xue Yang had to do was bring him back to life, and he'd explain - he'd explain everything. Xiao Xingchen would understand, of course he would. A voice in his head laughed, mocking the very thought, and for a moment, Xue Yang was paralysed, a burning pain in his side taking him back ten years, a voice calling him disgusting. Who had it been, though? He couldn't remember.
It didn't matter. Nothing mattered anymore, except getting Xiao Xingchen back, and they could go back to the way they were, what they'd been robbed of. He would do anything, anything at all to see Xiao Xingchen smile at him again, laugh at his jokes, join him in night-hunting.
Xue Yang was distracted by a long shadow looming over him. He hadn't heard footsteps, couldn't hear breathing, and no-one spoke. So, there was only one person this could be. Looking up, there he was, the asshole. What the fuck did he want? He remembered, maybe yesterday, maybe ten years ago, giving Song Lan the order to guard the city, to warn him of intruders.
Also, the endless tap-tap-tapping of that bitch with her stick was nagging at the edge of his hearing. She only did that when there were living people to hear her - never with Song Lan and the other fierce corpses.
There must be people in the city, and that was never good. It would have to be today, and for a second, Xue Yang hesitated. He was close, he really was, but was he ready? No, it had to be today, and he was ready. He was sure he could do this, even without sacrificing his own spirit in the process - and why should he? He had Xiao Xingchen's body right there, in no worse condition than the day he died.
But he'd never planned for other people, people who wouldn't be friendly towards him, to be in the town at the same time. Never mind, he thought, getting up. It would have to be now, and that was all there was to it. He just needed an hour or so to set everything up.
Xue Yang looked up and met Song Lan's unchanging level gaze.
"If there are intruders, distract them, I don't care. Just keep them from this house."
The walking corpse turned and left, and Xue Yang started the process. It had only taken him so long to devise because he needed to add Xiao Xingchen's spiritual cognition to the spell, which he had – sort of. But he wasn't going to think about that, wasn't going to start doubting, now when he was so close, he could taste it.
It was a pity that he needed fresh blood for the process - else he could have drained some villager or field worker in advance. Still, he wasn't sure whether it had to be his own blood, so no matter.
Xue Yang cut his wrist carefully, charming the slash to stay open. The blood needed to fill the bowl, but not gush out. He was impatient to start, though, and as soon as he had enough to coat the surface of the bowl, he started painting out the array. It didn't take long, what with his practice, and he could only hope that the changes he'd made would let it work. The last thing he had to do, before closing the circle, was get Xiao Xingchen's body in the middle. He hadn't wanted to do it before, so as not to risk any blood spatter on the body. But now he was dizzy, and Xiao Xingchen's body seemed heavier than usual.
There were black spots at the edge of his vision as he quickly sealed off the cut in his wrist, and he sat down heavily, just outside the circle. His thoughts went fuzzy. There was another step to do, he remembered that. But his arms were filled with lead, his fingers numb and clumsy. Sounds coming from the street were getting closer - the excitable chatter of young people, and that damned tapping.
That tapping. It kept getting louder, more frantic, and Xue Yang knew he was out of time. He had to close the circle. He had to close it quickly. He spared a look for the body at the centre of the array, white clothing, white blindfold, pale skin, horribly gaping cut in the neck. Xiao Xingchen would be back. He'd be alive again, and Xue Yang would explain, and Xiao Xingchen would understand.
Xue Yang reached out, shaking fingers smeared with blood, and closed the array. He allowed himself another look at Xiao Xingchen, one last look, and noticed something he hadn't before - a streak of blood on the white sleeve. His own blood. Xue Yang must have brushed against him while carrying him to the array. But it didn't matter anymore. The spell was complete.
The sky went black. The blackness was absolute. There was no light. There were only buffeting winds, blowing Xue Yang around, like a leaf in a storm. Beyond the howling and wailing of the wind, there was also a voice: not the friendly tones he'd hoped for, but angry, sorrowful.
"Leave me alone! Let me be!"
But Xue Yang persisted, he begged, he chased, he fought the wind, and finally, finally he grasped something. At first, he clenched his fists, but then he tried to be gentler, to make his fingers a cage for the small fluttering thing.
"Come back, come back, come to me," he persisted, and a wave of pure energy slammed down on them both. It was pure force and sound, but only that. There was nothing else because he couldn't see. He couldn't see anything at all.
It took hours. It took centuries. It took heartbeats. Xue Yang was never sure, afterwards, how long he lay on the ground in front of the coffin home, before he realised that he was back in the mortal world, no longer in the spirit realm where he'd put together Xiao Xingchen's spiritual cognition. The only reason he knew was because he felt the dirt under his fingers, the sharp rock digging into his shoulder blades, the feeling of the sun on his face. He couldn't see anything. though. In fact, his eyes wouldn't even open.
The sounds around him were strange, unusual. He could hear young voices, raised in angry protests, as well as another. There was a strangely familiar voice repeating the same words, over and over.
"Where am I?" and "What's happening?"
It was a very familiar voice, but Xue Yang couldn't place it. It didn't sound like Xiao Xingchen at all.
Only when he heard someone - he was pretty sure it was Wei Wuxian - snarl "Xue Yang! What have you done, you little bastard?" did he start to suspect.
Because Xue Yang couldn't see. He couldn't see anything. His eyes were sealed shut. He felt his face - there was a blindfold around it. He felt his clothes - there were floaty long sleeves he had never worn in his life. And Wei Wuxian's words didn't sound like they were aimed in his direction.
As Xue Yang started giggling uncontrollably, laughing until his face ached and his ribs hurt, he reflected that this was the best joke of all - and it was on him. He was in Xiao Xingchen's body.
薛洋
Notes
In this story, I'm combining The Untamed and Mó Dào Zǔ Shī as I please, with some things taken from the web-series, others from the novel.
Also, I'd like to make it clear that this is fan-fiction, and it's going to deviate a great deal from the show and book: if that's not to your taste, please find something else to read.
Now, as to names and titles: I've decided to use the pinyin titles when they it makes sense to leave them like that (Daozhang, Dage, Hanguang Jun). Also, Yin Hu Fu is either going to stay that way or is becoming Yin Tiger Seal.
I'm going to use full names even when the character is thinking: as far as I remember, that's how it is in the novel, and it makes sense to me to leave it like that.
Re. the premise: pretty sure it's been done before in fanfic, though not precisely like this - at least, I haven't read it!
Finally, before I forget: this is a gen fic, not a shipping fic.
